The Reason for the Gender War

[Emerald]

I wanted to share an insight that I got about why there is a gender between (mostly heterosexual) men and women.... thought it impacts everyone in actuality in some form or another. This is a generalization that only describes the broad stroked understandings of this dynamic.

The insight is that (generally) men's core collective wound in shame... and women's core collective wound is powerlessness.

It first begins with society expecting men to be Masculine... and to get rid of their Femininity and anything perceived as weak or limited. This is impossible since (on an archetypal and energetic level) everything of the Earth that is made of matter is Feminine by its nature. We are all a part of Mother Nature.

And this fundamental expectation to be Masculine as an Earthy limited material being, creates a feeling of shame towards their Feminine side (which then gets pushed into the Shadow... which creates Anima issues in Jungian terms).

So, the man feels shame for having a Feminine side and not being Masculine enough (the Masculine is infinite and Godlike energetically and archetypally).

And this desire to embody only the Masculine and push away the Feminine produces feelings of obsession towards women... which represent the parts of himself that he's pushed away that he desperately wants to reintegrate with. This is why so many men tend to be obsessed with women and sex beyond what's "normal".

But his Feminine side is then projected out onto women (as a whole group and as an idea) as the powerful rejecter as it mirrors his own rejection and mistrust of his Feminine side. And he begins to feel powerless in the eyes of women... and he feels more and more powerless to women the more that he pushes away his Feminine side.

So, it creates something you can see a lot in the Red Pill, MGTOW, and Incel guys where there is simultaneously an obsession with women coupled with an intense dislike and mistrust of women and all things Feminine that totally rules their lives. And even though these are extreme cases, most men (and women too) have some level of resistance to the Feminine.

And the common thread that's woven through these Manosphere groups is shame and feelings of invalidity for not being "man enough"... which then puts women in the role of judge of who is or is not "man enough"... which translates to "worthy enough"

These groups exist as a means of men getting together with other men who are dealing with the same shame/vulnerability. But instead of addressing the wound like a true support group would, it becomes a place where men can aggravate their shame wounds together.

And in these groups, women become a scapegoat figure that the men in the groups collectively demonize and project hatred at... in hopes of defeating the source of their shame once and for all. But women are not the source of their shame, so it becomes like any other hate group that names a scapegoat and tongues and aggravates their wounds by shadow boxing with the image of "the hated ones."

And they collectively run through the archetypal shame story with other men... while imagining a scenario where they "snatch back the power" from women.

And I'm using scare quotes because men's perceived feeling of shame and unworthiness in the eyes of women creates the illusion that women are much more powerful than they actually are.

So, many men end up feeling totally at the mercy of women... like women are shame-free Goddesses up on a pedestal judging whether a given man is worthy or unworthy of love and existence. 

This then creates the feeling of being the vulnerable man fighting against the powerful callous domineering women. And they seek to then pull women down from their perceived position of power.

And in most of human history, women have been on the receiving end of this pull down from the pedestal. And for millennia there have been a variety of laws and folkways and social patterns to ensure that women don't connect to their own power... and to ensure that no one (men or women) connects to the Feminine power.

And this has produced a collective trauma of powerlessness in women in relation to men... where the only perceived (and often actual) route to power is to fit into the narrow ideal image of the beautiful woman on the pedestal that men are most apt to project onto. But with one difference... a declawed version of the pedestaled woman who will not aggravate the male shame wound.

This then creates wounds and fears in women around being made powerless by men... which in turn makes them envious of men's greater levels of social and physical power and in turn unaware of male vulnerability and callous to the wound of male shame... which then produces confirmation bias of this archetypal male shame story in the eyes of men as women then can come across as callous (partially as a means of protection).

Then, that leads out into more male shame... which leads to more men trying to drag women down from the perceived position of power over men (that women don't actually have). 

Which then leads to more callousness in women towards male vulnerability and the male shame wound as she views him as powerful and not vulnerable because of the power he objectively wields over her. 

Then this callousness to male vulnerability leads to more male shame... which leads to more attempts to rob women of their power... which leads to more callousness to male vulnerability and leads to more male shame... which leads to more oppression towards women... which leads to more callousness to male vulnerability and more male shame... which leads to more oppression towards women... etc.

It's important to recognize these wounds in ourselves and to not proliferate them and to exercise compassion towards these vulnerabilities in ourselves and others.

Otherwise... men will keep envying women because they perceive women to be more worthy and lovable than they are... and women will keep envying men because they recognize that men are more powerful (in a variety of ways) than they are and will not be cognizant of the shame many men are dealing with, which starts the whole cycle over again.

But the origin point of this whole dynamic is men feeling pressured to be Masculine and rid themselves of that which is Feminine... archetypally, energetically, and culturally. 

[Bazooka Jesus]

This is a stellar & incredibly insightful breakdown.

Great post!

[Consept]

@Emerald

This a good post and very necessary in terms of whats going on in general and on this forum. 

What I'd also add though and this is mainly anecdotal, but I think a lot of this anger men have toward women stems from household issues, so the scenario of the dad not being around and mum having to raise the child herself usually turns out problematic. If the father has left the mother will maybe justifiably, have resentment toward the father, she'll then teach the boy to be 'good' which is not masculine at all good and bad traits, this can lead to anger from the toward women child when them being nice doesn't lead to any success with women. Also keep in mind single parent households have been rising in number for the last few decades, so the sheer number of boys without good male role models in their life has become significant. 

On the other side if a boy just has a bad relationship with his mother, in which he didn't get love, that can also lead to a hatred of women because it triggers those feelings of rejection. 

Society definitely does have a hand in the repression of the feminine but I feel if there were more healthy role models around it wouldnt bevas extreme, the problem now is that if there are more unhealthy males they will also raise more unhealthy males. 

 

[Nemra]

@Emerald Perfect!

I mean, who doesn't want or love a powerful goddess?

I think one of the most important things is that children, especially boys, aren't given space to get in touch with themselves.

@Consept

Having two parents around doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be raised "right" . It can even be worse.

Often, fathers, more than mothers, are overly focused on their boys not being or acting "gay" or girly, which can be traumatic.

[Consept]

33 minutes ago, Understander said:

Having two parents around doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be raised "right" . It can even be worse.

Often, fathers, more than mothers, are overly focused on their boys not being or acting "gay" or girly, which can be traumatic.

Of course, I'm not saying that it's perfect by default if there are 2 parents or that its terrible by default if there's one. What im saying is that for those guys that do have hatred toward women a lot of them are from single mother households, it is definitely a factor imo. For these guys it's easy to get swept up by red pill content because they don't actually know what healthy masculinity looks like 

[Nemra]

@Consept

It can be that.

But why not also single fathers?

I get that at least the father has experience being masculine or he identifies as such (maybe he is more feminine and he is repressing that 👀), but I don't think most of them know how to teach or embody a more healthy or inclusive form of it.

Edited March 5 by Understander

[LordFall]

Amazing insights, I like the way you framed it. Do you have a particular video that touches on this topic further? 

[Consept]

13 minutes ago, Understander said:

@Consept

It can be that.

But why not also single fathers?

I get that at least the father has experience being masculine, but I don't think most of them know how to teach or embody a more healthy or inclusive form of it.

It can be single fathers of course, but usually it will be mother as the single parent, single parent fathers are a lot more rare. But in general a single parent household is going to be more detrimental to the child. Heres a quote from a report on the subject - 

"Impact on Cognitive Development and Academic Performance. Various studies have found reduction in academic performance, motivation, and creativity among those growing up in single-parent households. Children were likelier to drop out, have poorer grades, and get jobs outside of school."

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/09731342231179017#:~:text=22%2C 30-,Impact on Cognitive Development and Academic Performance,get jobs outside of school.

As I said single parent households have increased dramatically over the last 50 or so years which has lead to a detrimental affect on children. My theory is that not having men on the household has severely affected a lot of boys. I also speak from first hand experience dealing with teenage boys as a youth worker and 9 times out of 10 that ones that had emotional problems and a fragile, hyper masculinity were those that had bad home situations including not having a positive male figure in their lives, which is what we employed to provide. 

[Nemra]

@Consept

Thanks for sharing. I agree with you, but in my culture, fathers (not all of them) either dismiss or overreact to their children's behavior for not meeting their expectations. They are terrible at being masculine (abusive, misogynistic, etc.), even though they are expected and want to be the providers. Also, the sh*t that women go through is unbelievable. They are worthy of great respect.

Edited March 5 by Understander

[Raze]

The problem with theories like this that ascribe one or a few main traits to men or women is you can almost always make an equally good argument for the opposite.

For example, here is an argument that women’s main wound is shame and men’s main wound is powerlessness:

Enduring cultures throughout time shamed women from various forms of expression especially sexually to have societal control, now women can resent men as they project the feeling of shame coming from them, or they attack their own shamed aspects of themselves 

Men throughout history were treated like their only value was in how much “power” they have, because if you couldn’t protect and provide you are useless and wouldn’t attract women or be given status in society. So men who feel lacking in power lash out at society and women to try to regain some power to feel worthwhile.

[Princess Arabia]

29 minutes ago, Raze said:

The problem with theories like this that ascribe one or a few main traits to men or women is you can almost always make an equally good argument for the opposite.

For example, here is an argument that women’s main wound is shame and men’s main wound is powerlessness:

Enduring cultures throughout time shamed women from various forms of expression especially sexually to have societal control, now women can resent men as they project the feeling of shame coming from them, or they attack their own shamed aspects of themselves 

Men throughout history were treated like their only value was in how much “power” they have, because if you couldn’t protect and provide you are useless and wouldn’t attract women or be given status in society. So men who feel lacking in power lash out at society and women to try to regain some power to feel worthwhile.

She went below this surface. You're speaking from a societal pov, she speaks from an existential pov.

[Princess Arabia]

@Understander @ConseptGreat points, but those are on surface levels. The effects. The after effects. She's explaining why those things arise in the first place, and like she said, which leads to more this and which leads to more that in her 3rd to last paragraph. The cycle that lead up to all you both are discussing. 

Most generations usually experience effects of the previous generations that preceded the current one. When we see certain trends in society, it's because it was being birthed from generations before and now has been born and manifested for the current one to physically experience. 

Anything we're doing now within our generation to see changes with, won't be visible for generations to come. This, of course, depends on variables and some will be revealed earlier than some. Each generation creates history not the present, linearly. IOW, what we're experiencing now is what was being formed generations ago, and generations to come will experience what we're birthing now. I predict things getting better in the future as there has been more Awareness on issues spread through the birthing of social media and what we're currently experiencing is the SHIFT towards that betterment.

[Princess Arabia]

Great post. I bookmarked for reference and understanding because I think this is the root cause of all the issues the sexes are experiencing in respect to the power struggles and confusion between the sexes. This post is like the answer to the one i created as to why this is happening and the need to get to the root issues and to try and understand the sexes instead of demonizing them when it comes to relationships. 

You dug deep; and in regards to the masculine and feminine side of things, if we understood these polarities more on an existential level we could at best understand why we have our own issues with the opposite sex and to better understand our own behaviors. Thank you for this.