Advice regarding my recent approach

[sda]

12 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'll tell you what you did wrong. Don't ask a girl you just met to show you pictures of her family and inside her home. Why do you need to see all that. If I just met a guy and he asked me that, I would run the other way too. Guys even ask me to send regular (not nude), pics to their phones and I even deny that if I don't know them. 

You might not understand how girls have to be over-protective of themselves because of safety reasons, not saying you will harm her or her family but she doesn't know that; and i bet her family were the ones who told her to cut ties with you. 

She might not have been that interested in you but most girls won't even let you walk them home if they're not at least a little bit interested, so maybe it's because she was uncomfortable with you asking for those pictures. I'm saying this so next time you be a little more cautious in what you ask girls for if they don't know you and didn't suggest it first.

These guys will blow that off as nothing, but as a female I'm telling you it was very inappropriate; and, not saying you have to be on p's and q's every time you're with a female; and believe it or not, asking for a kiss or a hug would have been better received than to ask for pictures of inside her home and family. The former is a regular occurrence and all she had to do was say yes or no, but the picture thing is not, and drew suspicion, that's why.

Are girls very protective of their family? I have notice in my interactions with girls that whenever I ask a girl, especially Chinese girls because I live in China about their family then they get triggered and stop talking to me. Also, the next time when they see me, they run away.

[sda]

@Consept How to make a girl feel safe and comfortable around me?

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

 Be light and fun and don't make big asks of her. So that part of your game you can improve.

How can I improve this part of my game?

 

 

[sda]

32 minutes ago, Girzo said:

@sda My man, tell us first how did you get the idea to text her that? Maybe that would explain a few things and allow to give an advice.

I was just looking for ways to engage her. After asking her all sort of questions, like what is her major and how old is she...I ran out of asking questions. So, I asked this question with the idea that it would engage her but I was wrong.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, sda said:

@Consept How to make a girl feel safe and comfortable around me?

How can I improve this part of my game?

Be in a playful state not a serious state. Don't try to court the girl. Just have fun with her.

You don't need to make her feel safe. Just don't freak her out with weird behavior.

Edited February 29 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, sda said:

Are girls very protective of their family? I have notice in my interactions with girls that whenever I ask a girl, especially Chinese girls because I live in China about their family then they get triggered and stop talking to me. Also, the next time when they see me, they run away.

Lol. Not so soon, buddy. Slow it down. It's nothing to do with protective of family more protecting of oneself. Not sure about Chinese culture, but somethings are just Universal. Nothing wrong with asking about the fam but there's a time and a place for everything and a first date just ain't one of them. 

[Buck Edwards]

I think you are coming across as pressuring to her. Shouldn't ask family pics right away. You didn't even date. That's intrusive. 

[sda]

8 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Lol. Not so soon, buddy. Slow it down. It's nothing to do with protective of family more protecting of oneself. Not sure about Chinese culture, but somethings are just Universal. Nothing wrong with asking about the fam but there's a time and a place for everything and a first date just ain't one of them. 

For Your Information, it was not even a first date. It was my first approach and my first time talking to her.

[Girzo]

12 minutes ago, sda said:

I was just looking for ways to engage her. After asking her all sort of questions, like what is her major and how old is she...I ran out of asking questions. So, I asked this question with the idea that it would engage her but I was wrong.

Completely change the type of questions you ask. Stuff like "Do you like pierogi?" and not her bank account info.

You ran out of questions the moment you started asking what her major is.

You need to learn how to be a conversationalist and learn some social games. Like why would you ever ask someone's major? Guess and make it fun. "You look like someone who loves flowers and working outside, so I guess you study... Computer Science! No?" Whatever stupid shit you come up with.

You are forbidden to ask a question you have asked in the past the next time you talk to a girl. FORBIDDEN! You are even forbidden to ask what's her name. Get more creative with what you ask, that's a challange for you.

Edited February 29 by Girzo

[Leo Gura]

@sda Imagine if I came up to you on the street as you were going about your day and started asking you for pics of your family and house, and your address. You would be wierded out.

Edited February 29 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, sda said:

I was just looking for ways to engage her. After asking her all sort of questions, like what is her major and how old is she...I ran out of asking questions. So, I asked this question with the idea that it would engage her but I was wrong.

 

 

Don't be like a "questionnairee" on a date or even meeting for the first time. It will sound like an interview. Questions yes, but let them flow and allow for her to open herself up to you without using too many questions. How do you do this? Well, talk about yourself a little bit (not too much for coming off too self-centered), then say "how about you", after you told her you like sushi, say how about you. Make it light and at with ease. I love to dance, do you, I like salsa, it makes me feel alive. Maybe we'll go sometime if you'd like that, then pause to let her answer.

Learn how to mimic her body language somewhat without it being obvious. If she smiles, smile back, if she crosses her legs, stand in the direction it is crossed to face her. I mean, don't make it seem as if you're interviewing her for a future relationship candidate. Crack some decent jokes but let it flow and just talk about life in general and not too much about yourself or her. That's how you engage without being too awkward and repelling. 

 

 

 

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, Girzo said:

You are even forbidden to ask what's her name.

Silly.

[Princess Arabia]

8 minutes ago, sda said:

For Your Information, it was not even a first date. It was my first approach and my first time talking to her.

That's even worse. Some people don't even get to the family discussion until after the engagement and proposal. 

[sda]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@sda Imagine if I came up to you on the street as you were going about your day and started asking you for pics of your family and house, and your address. You would be wierded out.

What kind of questions do you think I should ask and what kind of action step do you think I should take instead of this?

@Princess Arabia What does a girl signal when she always run away from me the next time she sees me?

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, sda said:

What does a girl signal when she always run away from me the next time she sees me?

Exactly what you see. That's not signaling; that's direct communication. No need to decipher anything there. Content is irrelevant. Just move on. In the meantime, do as you're doing now, find out how you're repelling girls and learn from it without judgement of yourself and the situation. It will depend on the type of girl that's why it's important to just keep it simple but engaging just like you're doing here. Do you see how it's just flowing; let it flow there too, respond, not react. Be curios without being too attached to how it's going. You're not doing that here. 

Edited February 29 by Princess Arabia

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is what studying certain things can do, we try to apply it to situations that we think is so and take it out of context because of lack of discernment. If a guy asks me for pictures of my family and inside my home that I just met and i refuse and block him, that doesn't equate to me having an avoidant attachment style, it means i'm exercising my God given right to choose who I allow into my space and reject what I'm not comfortable with.

Now, here's the real question - why are you uncomfortable with it? Does it have anything to do with him?! Nope. It's because you are operating from a space of fear in relationships. A fear of your boundaries getting violated because 'he knows too much information'. That's textbook avoidant attachment-style. 

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Do you think all those happy couples out there ever since the dawn of time and up till now knew anything about attachment style, much less to evaluate a potential date before hand? This is a prime example of how knowing too much can hurt instead of help us. Too much logic. Too much evaluating. This isn't even using logic anymore it's downright obsession. Might as well find out what their break-up style is while you're at it.

Look, if your goal is to break up with whoever comes to you and end up alone, that's on you. You can work on your break-up style all you want. But, those of us who want to end up in happy relationships, we're going to work on our attachment-styles. 

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Hehe.. Too much logic and studying and trying to "figure" things out in order to control outcomes. Reality has a way of kicking us in the ass because of it's spontaneous nature and also polarity.

This is a typical justification for illogical behavior. Just make an enemy of logic itself. 

Edited February 29 by mr_engineer

[mr_engineer]

@sda If you're still worried about 'making her uncomfortable' or some BS like that, I've made a thread about 'creepiness' explaining what it really means. 

So, if you want to waste your time figuring out what it is that's making her uncomfortable, figure out what 'uncommunicated intent' they're projecting onto you when you do something that you know to be harmless. Figuring this out will not get you any closer to finding someone who loves you, it'll just help you make sense of what's making them act in weird/strange/crazy ways (aka, why they're running from you). 

In general, you shouldn't be wasting your time with women who are operating from a space of fear with you. Because fear is the opposite of love. 

Edited February 29 by mr_engineer

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

Now, here's the real question - why are you uncomfortable with it? Does it have anything to do with him?! Nope. It's because you are operating from a space of fear in relationships. A fear of your boundaries getting violated because 'he knows too much information'. That's textbook avoidant attachment-style. 

Look, if your goal is to break up with whoever comes to you and end up alone, that's on you. You can work on your break-up style all you want. But, those of us who want to end up in happy relationships, we're going to work on our attachment-styles. 

This is a typical justification for illogical behavior. Just make an enemy of logic itself. 

Ok. I read your responses and respect your perspectives on how you look at things. Continue on your journey, much love to you.

[Buck Edwards]

5 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

Now, here's the real question - why are you uncomfortable with it? Does it have anything to do with him?! Nope. It's because you are operating from a space of fear in relationships. A fear of your boundaries getting violated because 'he knows too much information'. That's textbook avoidant attachment-style. 

Look, if your goal is to break up with whoever comes to you and end up alone, that's on you. You can work on your break-up style all you want. But, those of us who want to end up in happy relationships, we're going to work on our attachment-styles. 

This is a typical justification for illogical behavior. Just make an enemy of logic itself. 

 

4 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@sda If you're still worried about 'making her uncomfortable' or some BS like that, I've made a thread about 'creepiness' explaining what it really means. 

So, if you want to waste your time figuring out what it is that's making her uncomfortable, figure out what 'uncommunicated intent' they're projecting onto you when you do something that you know to be harmless. Figuring this out will not get you any closer to finding someone who loves you, it'll just help you make sense of what's making them act in weird/strange/crazy ways (aka, why they're running from you). 

In general, you shouldn't be wasting your time with women who are operating from a space of fear with you. Because fear is the opposite of love. 

This is very bad advice and will seriously cause people to get into trouble during approaches. Can't afford to be socially inappropriate and then expect to get a gf. Just wrong advice. 

 

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

 

This is very bad advice and will seriously cause people to get into trouble during approaches. Can't afford to be socially inappropriate and then expect to get a gf. Just wrong advice. 

 

Alright. Now, who makes the rules of what's 'socially appropriate' vs 'socially inappropriate'? 

Are these rule-makers loving individuals, who wish the best for us, who want us to have good relationships?! Nope. These people are fearful individuals, who operate from a space of fear in relationships, who want to hold us back. 

Always notice that there is no textbook definition of 'social appropriateness' but there is always a contextual definition of 'social inappropriateness'. It's always 'don't do this, it'll make her feel X' or 'don't do that, it'll make her feel Y'. First of all, how do you know that? Are you able to read minds? Just because this is how it worked with one person, does it have to work the same with someone else?

Secondly, these dumb standards of 'social appropriateness' vary from culture to culture. In some cultures, female sexuality is shamed to the degree that you can't ask women whether they want to have sex to their face. Whereas, in some other cultures, women are a lot more open with their sexuality. Ultimately, these bullshit standards go back to what the dominant religion of your culture believes. And, if you take on a more spiritual approach, a lot of it can be bypassed. 

[Princess Arabia]

39 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Alright. Now, who makes the rules of what's 'socially appropriate' vs 'socially inappropriate'? 

Are these rule-makers loving individuals, who wish the best for us, who want us to have good relationships?! Nope. These people are fearful individuals, who operate from a space of fear in relationships, who want to hold us back. 

Always notice that there is no textbook definition of 'social appropriateness' but there is always a contextual definition of 'social inappropriateness'. It's always 'don't do this, it'll make her feel X' or 'don't do that, it'll make her feel Y'. First of all, how do you know that? Are you able to read minds? Just because this is how it worked with one person, does it have to work the same with someone else?

Secondly, these dumb standards of 'social appropriateness' vary from culture to culture. In some cultures, female sexuality is shamed to the degree that you can't ask women whether they want to have sex to their face. Whereas, in some other cultures, women are a lot more open with their sexuality. Ultimately, these bullshit standards go back to what the dominant religion of your culture believes. And, if you take on a more spiritual approach, a lot of it can be bypassed. 

I like you can you pm me a picture of yourself, your family and inside your home and especially your bedroom. Please. I'd love to see them.