Am I too spoiled?

[Ampresus]

I wanted to talk about being independent today. I'm in my early 20s and am currently studying at a university out of town. I work at my dad's company. It's nothing fancy, but I am well off because of that. I only work a couple hours a week and make the same amount as some of my fellow students do working 20-30 hrs a week. My study also doesn't take that much time out of my day, so I am left with quite some free time. I have a girlfriend and even she works 4x a week during the evenings as a waitress. My best friend studies to become and works as a chef. It feels like everybody else is getting their bread up besides me.

I currently live with my parents, but have been making efforts of moving out. For a while my dad was planning to buy me a house, but I decided that I'll rent a place with the money I make at his company. I will still have to use his financial backing as a way of giving landlords reassurance that I can pay my rent. In a way I'm still using him you know. There's also a good chance I'll still find no place to stay, in which case my dad offered me to buy a larger house in the town I'm currently staying in. Again, I feel like I'm leeching off of him.

Now my girlfriend wants to live with me and is willing to rent a place with me. She said she's also fine (rather excited) if he could buy us a place. Be it out of my hometown or not. She said she's even willing to pay at least some money per month to me as to not feel like she's leeching off of me completely. Now I want to live with her for certain. And right now, unless the landlords respond (I've sent about 25 applications for different houses to rent), it's looking like he's going to buy me my house in my hometown. If he were to do that, I do want to use my full paycheck to pay as much of the monthly expenses as I can.

Which leads to me wanting to have some form of independence. I have been thinking of getting a 2nd job, but I have a feeling that I'll have much less time to spend with my girlfriend. Unless I find something which has evening shifts. I have never worked for anybody else besides my dad, so this would be my first "real" job. On the one hand it seems like getting any kind of job and getting my hands dirty for once will do very well for me, on the other hand I feel like I've become so comfortable now that any kind of change will mess up my life. I spend basically every free minute of my day with her and we even work out together. To disturb what we have now seems on the one hand unnecessary, since I could just ask my dad to pay for the expenses, but on the other hand good for me.

Before you ask: I already have the LP course and so far don't know for certain what I want to do with my life. I have been thinking a lot about starting my own restaurant, something my girlfriend is also interested in, but I feel like right now I can't do much about that. I feel like I can't study and start a business at the same time. A business should have your full 100% attention no? I do have the money to invest (no I'm not asking my dad for even more money) but I will be honest that I have not researched this nearly as much as I should have. I am willing to burn my lifesavings for it, but am not confident I can make profit on the first day.

Sorry for the long read, but I hope you understand my situation now. Should I just find a regular job until I'm done studying? Should I start my business and try balancing it with school? Should I even take any money from my dad at all? If I find a place to rent, just quit my job at his company and go completely independent? I'm so lost, I hope you guys can help me out.

[Snader]

It's interesting what abundance of options and possibilities do to a human mind and how that contrasts with action stemming from having only few options.

Anyway, if I were you I would use all my free time diving into self-help to really work on myself so that I could find my true passion in life. You've heard it before but having sense of direction really is crucial and without that a man is most likely to be doomed.

Edited December 13, 2023 by Snader

[Dauntment]

Read the whole thing and thought about it (hopefully you can equally respect my response):

Foremost: "I already have the LP course and so far don't know for certain what I want to do with my life" Figure this sh*t out ASAP while you still have the cushion. Your Purpose/Vision will ground and serve as motivation for ALL your other actions; get the big picture right!

From there, you could start to have general parameters to aim for:

- Values (as taught from Leo in his LPC)

- Wealth, do you want it? How much money would your dream lifestyle cost?

- Time, how do you want to spend the rest of your 20s? What do you want your life to be like by 30/35?

- Education/Skills, starting a (major) business while in college is conflicting; if you could succeed in a major business, then college is hardly necessary and maybe a hinderance. Why start a restaurant business (when they are a bit notoriously tough with low profit margins, etc.)?

 

Good news, you're doing good. You're working, you have support from your family, you have a working girlfriend (who you intend to become closer with by living together), you're in school, etc. Thats why I want to hammer the point of embracing your luxuries/opportunity to clarify your life vision and take the steps (which MOST people cannot feasibly do) to put your authentic life together.

[Sabth]

9 hours ago, Ampresus said:

I wanted to talk about being independent today. I'm in my early 20s and am currently studying at a university out of town. I work at my dad's company. It's nothing fancy, but I am well off because of that. I only work a couple hours a week and make the same amount as some of my fellow students do working 20-30 hrs a week. My study also doesn't take that much time out of my day, so I am left with quite some free time. I have a girlfriend and even she works 4x a week during the evenings as a waitress. My best friend studies to become and works as a chef. It feels like everybody else is getting their bread up besides me.

I currently live with my parents, but have been making efforts of moving out. For a while my dad was planning to buy me a house, but I decided that I'll rent a place with the money I make at his company. I will still have to use his financial backing as a way of giving landlords reassurance that I can pay my rent. In a way I'm still using him you know. There's also a good chance I'll still find no place to stay, in which case my dad offered me to buy a larger house in the town I'm currently staying in. Again, I feel like I'm leeching off of him.

Now my girlfriend wants to live with me and is willing to rent a place with me. She said she's also fine (rather excited) if he could buy us a place. Be it out of my hometown or not. She said she's even willing to pay at least some money per month to me as to not feel like she's leeching off of me completely. Now I want to live with her for certain. And right now, unless the landlords respond (I've sent about 25 applications for different houses to rent), it's looking like he's going to buy me my house in my hometown. If he were to do that, I do want to use my full paycheck to pay as much of the monthly expenses as I can.

Which leads to me wanting to have some form of independence. I have been thinking of getting a 2nd job, but I have a feeling that I'll have much less time to spend with my girlfriend. Unless I find something which has evening shifts. I have never worked for anybody else besides my dad, so this would be my first "real" job. On the one hand it seems like getting any kind of job and getting my hands dirty for once will do very well for me, on the other hand I feel like I've become so comfortable now that any kind of change will mess up my life. I spend basically every free minute of my day with her and we even work out together. To disturb what we have now seems on the one hand unnecessary, since I could just ask my dad to pay for the expenses, but on the other hand good for me.

Before you ask: I already have the LP course and so far don't know for certain what I want to do with my life. I have been thinking a lot about starting my own restaurant, something my girlfriend is also interested in, but I feel like right now I can't do much about that. I feel like I can't study and start a business at the same time. A business should have your full 100% attention no? I do have the money to invest (no I'm not asking my dad for even more money) but I will be honest that I have not researched this nearly as much as I should have. I am willing to burn my lifesavings for it, but am not confident I can make profit on the first day.

Sorry for the long read, but I hope you understand my situation now. Should I just find a regular job until I'm done studying? Should I start my business and try balancing it with school? Should I even take any money from my dad at all? If I find a place to rent, just quit my job at his company and go completely independent? I'm so lost, I hope you guys can help me out.

You must be an only child. 

[ted73104]

All the suggestions above are great, but I have a different perspective. I think that passions are pursuable only after you've achieved some level of financial success because most passions don't necessarily allow you to live abundantly. Also would you even be able to find your passion now with limited life and work experience? So I wouldn't try to find my passion right now but rather narrow down the objective that I want to achieve.

You're in a great spot, you could focus on your relationship with your girlfriend and other people in your social life while completing school and continuing to work for your dad. You could even let your dad buy you a house. However nothing comes free, your capability of being independent would be restricted if you choose this option. But I would choose this path if I were you, why not enjoy life when you can? I mean I've worked for 15 years and most of my colleagues grinded hard at first only to try to land a position in the company where they could have a more comfortable work schedule. Their goal was also to work fewer hours and earn a higher wage, and most of them sort of ended up with this type of result, maybe just not making as much as they expected.

Option B would be to move out, work for someone else like your peers. In theory this would be a better option, as it would allow you to grow faster in all areas, but you could also pursue this option later. Or if you're able to muster the motivation, accept a relatively more challenging role in your dad's business and take on the pressure. You could just inherit the business later on or create a similar business.

[Yimpa]

20 hours ago, Ampresus said:

Again, I feel like I'm leeching off of him.

Zoom out and realize that living in a society inherently means that you rely on others one way or another, no matter how “independent” you become.

There are degrees to which you depend on others. 

Contemplate why you are rejecting support from those who genuinely care about you.

[Ampresus]

On 13/12/2023 at 10:20 PM, Dauntment said:

Why start a restaurant business (when they are a bit notoriously tough with low profit margins, etc.)?

@Dauntment Thanks for your message. Just to clarify somethings: this is because I have had an idea for a while now about a certain type of food chain which I've (so far) never seen before in my home country. It's a really cool idea and many of the people close to me told me that they've never heard something like it before. I'm interested in it because it will allow my entrepreneurship and cooking side of me to flourish. 

[Ampresus]

19 hours ago, Sabth said:

You must be an only child. 

@Sabth No, but I am the youngest of three.

[Ampresus]

@ted73104 Thanks for your message. You put this decision in a rather different perspective which opened my mind quite a bit. I never thought of it that way. Especially what you said about your colleagues.