I am in literal hell

[Sugarcoat]

That’s probably the best analogy I’ve come up with so far about why it’s hellish to be in this process of dissolving 

 

Imagine that you are a fire - you are suffering because you are burning yourself. But you can’t make the choice to stop burning yourself , because you literally are the fire

 

the self is kind of this “activity” and it’s trying to keep itself alive. When it starts to dissolve it will fight even harder than before to keep itself alive - and that is hellish. It’s like strings pulling in all your being - but you are those strings so it’s choiceless 

 

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

I could take an experience of a simple headache and turn it into a completely different experience/state. 

When having a headache: "I feel my kundalini awakening, it's real and it's my baseline, I feel it, it is prior to my brain, my body resists the experience, I can't do anything about it.

But what does it mean? My third chakra is being awoken. It feels like my sense of self is concentrated on the back of my head and might dissolve in one and a half weeks. The sensation is caused by my intense meditation session that I did yesterday, and because I ran naked on the street on a cold winter evening. My self is expanding into infinity, and I know it's real because it's there, I feel it, even though there's pain. My body loves the energy that's being rushing to my brain, and it seems to sustain it. Feels good."

And I might well experience that as real. Thanks to the cosmology that I hold, I turned a headache into a wonderful kundalini awakening. Now I'm this higher being, able to expand my self thanks to that remarkable realization. And it was just a headache to begin with.

Ofc that is possible. What can I say more than what I’ve already said? 

[seriousman24]

Keep trying the physical stuff, find some way to make the exercises hurt less, try fasting or dry fasting if it gets bad, try changing diet temporarily, try carnivore or keto because carnivore can tank the energy but do stop doing anything that hurts, basically the sense of self is as much about what feels good as it is about removing what feels bad and what feels bad "is" bad, the form of the bad doesn't matter, whether we make it up or it comes from the outside, so resist and do so intelligently finding ways to intentionally create friction and resistance in ways that hurt less and less because either way you are dealing with levels of energy your whole body can't handle yet.

 

[UnbornTao]

6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Ofc that is possible. What can I say more than what I’ve already said? 

I'm suggesting that you might be doing something similar to that.

Edited December 9, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, An young being said:

When did you start experiencing the thing you are talking about?

it has been a process since I was a child.

when I was a child. My experience of myself was that I was very far back in my skull and the outside world seemed extremely distant.

then it was like this dense mind took a hold of me 

then slowly but surely all these layers of my mind dissolved and with each release it was like I moved “forward” and it’s like the distance between you and outside world lessen

 

leading up to maybe a few weeks ago when it was like I was almost completely headless,( still is in this moment but very vague sense of me) like there’s almost nobody looking out the eyes. And then it’s like this pulling like it’s trying to hold itself and pull itself back. And it doesn’t feel like a choice. Then the exercise thing started

so its a result of a lifelong process of change in this vessel.

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, UnbornTao said:

I suggest you're doing something like that. Stop doing it. Or not.

I’m equally if not more in disbelief about this than you. It’s not me who is crazy or weird, this vessel I was born into is just something else. And it has been like that my entire life. 

[Sugarcoat]

10 minutes ago, seriousman24 said:

Keep trying the physical stuff, find some way to make the exercises hurt less, try fasting or dry fasting if it gets bad, try changing diet temporarily, try carnivore or keto because carnivore can tank the energy but do stop doing anything that hurts, basically the sense of self is as much about what feels good as it is about removing what feels bad and what feels bad "is" bad, the form of the bad doesn't matter, whether we make it up or it comes from the outside, so resist and do so intelligently finding ways to intentionally create friction and resistance in ways that hurt less and less because either way you are dealing with levels of energy your whole body can't handle yet.

 

This is not about health related it’s about self and self only,

[UnbornTao]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’m equally if not more in disbelief about this than you. It’s not me who is crazy or weird, this vessel I was born into is just something else. And it has been like that my entire life. 

Haha, what I'm saying is that the way you relate to something can cause unnecessary suffering.

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Haha, what I'm saying is that the way you relate to something can cause unnecessary suffering.

From the most genuine place I am talking about the self which there is not really a relationship to because you are yourself. The kind of suffering when it weakens is different than you fearing something outside yourself 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Yimpa]

Time to bring out the olives…

 

[numbersinarow]

On 12/7/2023 at 11:45 AM, Sugarcoat said:

I don’t know what you’re talking about but this is not that. But nothing from outside has affect on it so doesn’t matter what you name it

 

like I’m at work right now and can kind of feel myself sinking impossible to describe 

This is a very shallow idea of your condition. If you don't have psychosis but are still "headless," it's extremely likely your mind's wish is to skip to the godhead, but you can't. But if you can live with it, then this turns into something which isn't a negative condition.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, numbersinarow said:

This is a very shallow idea of your condition. If you don't have psychosis but are still "headless," it's extremely likely your mind's wish is to skip to the godhead, but you can't. But if you can live with it, then this turns into something which isn't a negative condition.

I could write more but I’ve written so much but it doesn’t really apply to this in my experience 

[Yimpa]

Which configuration of an infinite size & shape chameleon is the correct configuration?

[Bazooka Jesus]

What if there is nothing that you can do about it? What if there is nothing that anyone can tell you that will make you feel better about it? What if this is a process that simply needs to play itself out, and all you can do is let it pass? Could you be okay with (temporarily) not being okay?

Nothing is ever permanent. Impermanence is the only constant in the universe.

[UnbornTao]

15 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

From the most genuine place I am talking about the self which there is not really a relationship to because you are yourself.

You might not be your self, but ok. 

15 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

The kind of suffering when it weakens is different than you fearing something outside yourself 

Hey, enjoy your process.

[Yimpa]

We are all pointing at the same source, each in our own unique ways.

Same, but different!

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

What if there is nothing that you can do about it? What if there is nothing that anyone can tell you that will make you feel better about it? What if this is a process that simply needs to play itself out, and all you can do is let it pass? Could you be okay with (temporarily) not being okay?

Nothing is ever permanent. Impermanence is the only constant in the universe.

Nothing I can do about the process of dissolving? The thing is, describing this cycle the last weeks, when my sense of self weakens my sense of autonomy goes down, so it’s like something in me drives me to physical resistance automatically to try to maintain and build me up. How crazy as it sounds. It’s a very twisted cycle. then some sense of self is produced from exercise like right now it’s like I am this very vague baseline resting on itself but I don’t know how long it will hold itself up , and then back again in the cycle. Like it’s a very odd thing. 
 

What I’m describing about these last weeks as twisted as it sounds is just my description but it’s like this loop of attempt at self maintenance . The choice to let or not let something pass requires a self with autonomy, as I said as it weakens its like I don’t have that autonomy do decide to do this or that because I’m barely there
 

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

It sounds crazy but i just sense how this vague self sooner or later will start to weaken again and then it’s like something deeper in this vessel takes over . And it’s not a matter of letting or not letting because I’m barely there to do anything at all

 

 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

This is not about health related it’s about self and self only,

Just a quick note: Everything in the Universe is in relation to everything else. Directly or indirectly. The self cannot exist on it's own, it needs to exist in relation to something else. There is no separation. 

[Davino]

8 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You have a point there but what happens inevitably is that cycle I talked about on being driven to physical resistance to try to maintain myself. It’s kind of like automatic reflex. Could I just stay and not do it? There is barely self there to do that

What is the core problem? Don't beat arround the bush, go straight ahead. WHAT IS IT?