About small talk

[PurpleTree]

I often have this egoic urge to say something funny when i meet somebody

it comes from a people pleasing energy and wanting to make others feel comfortable, cut through the pressure of awkward silence, control the environment etc

for example today the weather was horrible, so i already knew if i see someone i know i’ll say something like “enjoying the good weather i see” which i did and the guy laughed

then later i saw a guy whom i know and his gf leaving a steak house, and i said “having a little steak eh was it good”? And he was like “yea having a little steak it was nice”

then one guy with a thinner jacket than mine i told him he should get a thicker fluffier jacket.

the urge so say something is quite strong, maybe i should just remain silent. But won’t then the people throw rocks at me?

[PurpleTree]

Then later Saw this couple in public transport i know. And she asked me what i did in the city. At first i had the irge to say some stuff but then i just said “nothing i was just in the city, you?” And she said she got some tattoos and stuff

so here i fought against the urge to say something entertaining and it was nice and i was proud

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

the urge so say something is quite strong, maybe i should just remain silent.

No, don't be silent. Become highly expressively. This is how you develop charisma. Stop holding back your speech and stop running everything through a logic filter. Be more spontaneous. Sometimes you will say stupid things but it doesn't matter. Develop the skill to think out loud.

Edited December 1, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

No, don't be silence. Become highly expressively. This is how you develop charisma. Stop holding back your speech and stop running everything through a logic filter. Be more spontaneous. Sometimes you will say stupid things but it doesn't matter. Develop the skill to think out loud.

I wonder if I ran into you in Las Vegas somewhere and approached you like "Hey Leo, it's Princess Arabia, if you would be charismatic or silenced. What do you think. 

[PurpleTree]

8 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I wonder if I ran into you in Las Vegas somewhere and approached you like "Hey Leo, it's Princess Arabia, if you would be charismatic or silenced. What do you think. 

he’d probably run from fear of stalking and murder

[Princess Arabia]

25 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

he’d probably run from fear of stalking and murder

Huh?

[meta_male]

@PurpleTree You're making a correlation between people pleasing and wanting to make others feel comfortable. They don't necessarily have to be connected. I'd say you're a natural, just a little insecure about your skills.

 

[Space]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, don't be silent. Become highly expressively. This is how you develop charisma. Stop holding back your speech and stop running everything through a logic filter. Be more spontaneous. Sometimes you will say stupid things but it doesn't matter. Develop the skill to think out loud.

Some deep part of my being needed to read that. 

[gettoefl]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, don't be silent. Become highly expressively. This is how you develop charisma. Stop holding back your speech and stop running everything through a logic filter. Be more spontaneous. Sometimes you will say stupid things but it doesn't matter. Develop the skill to think out loud.

so true ... when i speak without thoughts ... i am amazed what comes out and especially that it makes sense ... everyone should practice this ... stop checking in with mind so much, just flow and risk and smile at the god in you who is coming out of its shell

[meta_male]

@gettoefl Reminds me of this:

for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

Luke 12:12

[PurpleTree]

15 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Huh?

Not because it‘s you, just generally

12 hours ago, meta_male said:

@PurpleTree You're making a correlation between people pleasing and wanting to make others feel comfortable. They don't necessarily have to be connected. I'd say you're a natural, just a little insecure about your skills.

 

well it often seems to come from a place of trying to get somebody to like me, rather a place of lack than abundance and free sharing

[PurpleTree]

^ maybe it‘s „just a thought“ 

or maybe i‘m starting to see a few mechanisms of the egoic structure and people pleasing more clearly it doesn‘t really matter that much anyway i guess 

[gettoefl]

12 hours ago, meta_male said:

@gettoefl Reminds me of this:

for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

Luke 12:12

i know right, i should have paid more attention as a child, might read it again for my sins