GF cant see the observer.

[integral]

So im trying to make progress with my gf who is mostly stuck believing she is the ego and acts out reactionarily to all ego related stimuli. 

The thing is she is very much into spirituality but when I bring up some topics for her on the surface it does not seem practical she will just turn her brain off and dismiss it.

For example when she is in a bad mood she paints the entire world as negative and starts finding faults in everyone and everything thing. "I hate the dog" lol but when in a good mood "Oh she is cute".

Ok so this is behavior that has not yet had the realization of how emotions create belief and its behavior that happens when your to married to the character, to close to the ego and cant see the play of how thoughts arise and disappear. Basically you got to zoom out 1 level to resolve this, its.. not that hard... lol

When your in that low level ego identity state all beliefs are true when they pop up and they are fully identified with and need to be actioned on. There is no awareness that it will pass, that you had very different beliefs just a few hours ago. That the mature thing to do is just to change your state with healthy practice (meditation, exercise).

When I explain to her how you can create distance between the subject and the object, the observer and the ego, awareness and the ego she mostly says "well then I wont get anything done", so then I explain NO you'll get it all done faster, easier and with less effort because there will be less resistance! But she doesn't believe it. 

---

The most basic part of spirituality is that when your in a bad mood that you can maintain the meta frame and see how your entering in and out of states. The state wont change but at the least be aware that its a state and youve been in and out of 10000000000 times by now during your life time so why are you taking it SOOOO seriously. 

How did you forget completely that your state changing over and over again? 

Not sure if there is a solution. lol I also know that everything is the ego if we keep zooming up, im saying at her level she needs to zoom out 1 level to get that basic play of life awareness

Edited August 7, 2023 by integral

[integral]

24 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

if it's about your need to make her understand, then that's your problem and not hers. i don't think applying more pressure will help her in any significant way.

Oh no lol Everything i say is a real time coping mechanism for her that sooths her mind and makes her feel better when stressed. It just doesn't stick long term lol We are not in any conflict and i dont need her to change and there is no stress during our communication, im the therapist.

Im asking if there are ways to teach this better? 

Edited August 7, 2023 by integral

[Leo Gura]

@integral Look, girls are girls. Rather than trying to retrain your GF it will be better for your relationship if you accept her as she is. Girls can be very emotional regardless of how spiritual they are.

Of course you can teach her some of these concepts but she has to be ripe for it and it will take her a long time to train herself even if she wants to, which it doesn't sound like she does. Expecting a girl to just deconstruct her emotions like some Buddhist is a tall order.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuM7ZS7nodk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9yeIKMy12Y

[integral]

This is not "im frustrated about other people not being awake how do i change them" and "I hate cant handle undeveloped people" 

This is a "how do I nurture this flower willing to learn" 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

it will take her a long time to train herself even if she wants to, which it doesn't sound like she does

That is part of it but she does want to learn its just the critical transition point is not clicking.

It sounds impractical to her. 

I think she needs Tony Robins lol Emotional mastery stuff

Edited August 8, 2023 by integral

[Leo Gura]

@integral From a feminine POV your techniques may not work for her.

It sounds like she is interested in it intellectually but not enough to actually practice it. And what you are teaching does not work without lots of serious practice.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Ajax]

@integral I recently responded to a post about intimacy here is what I said:

"The word means, to make known. Or innermost. 

This means that you have so much admiration that you admire the positives and negatives with infinite intensity. This means that you love the negatives of a person just as much as the positives. Even more... 

Ideally, with highest levels you can love a person being a complete bitch and breaking your most valuable possessions (like and x-box/PlayStation, mobile device) with the same amount of passion and love as getting a blowjob. 

Obviously, there are levels to intimacy. "

Like most things in the physical universe, there are + and - in everything. There are + in your GF and there are - parts of her personality.  Actually, it appears from what you said... you are doing a bit of fault-finding yourself.

Try this instead:

When she brings up something like " I hate the dog"... say wow! Amazing! Beautiful! That is an excellent expression. Wonderful! I l admire your opinion so much!

The idea is not to add data, or correct, or change the behavior, or positive reinforcement but to genuinely express admiration. Creating +. We all get a little overwhelmed and start focusing on the minus. We all suffer from being effect, no matter how developed we try to be. 

Actually, I believe practicing gratitude is not workable in the long run... because you focus on the things you want... and try to take away the things you don't want by intensifying the good things. That is often from a place of effect and trying to resist the bad.  Rather, a better spiritual practice is to freely practice admiration. Free, uninhibited admiration good and bad. No journal... just actively creating admiration. 

Practice on your dog... watch how she reacts; she will be almost mesmerized by your expression of love. I volunteer at an animal shelter, and I have taught and rehabilitated many animals with that one ability... pure admiration and consistent communication. It's the ability I am referring to... not relating your gf to a dog... lol

Edited August 8, 2023 by Ajax

[integral]

8 hours ago, Ajax said:

When she brings up something like " I hate the dog"... say wow! Amazing! Beautiful! That is an excellent expression. Wonderful! I l admire your opinion so much!

When she hates the dog I make a joke that the dog is jealous of her superior vagina, she wish's she can experience perfection. 

Saying "I admire your opinion" sounds like it would work, but saying "Amazing! Beautiful expression" aloud will probably not work lmao, Ill feel it and experience it internally but in communication with her ill give her what she needs to hear in that moment. 

8 hours ago, Ajax said:

Rather, a better spiritual practice is to freely practice admiration. Free, uninhibited admiration good and bad. No journal... just actively creating admiration. 

Im going to add admiration + and - to our play and see what happends, good experiment!

Edited August 8, 2023 by integral

[mr_engineer]

@integral Does she support you in your Life-Purpose? Or, does she say 'all of this lofty purpose stuff will not get anything done, just work a regular job'? 

It's fine to disagree on a couple of ideas about 'God' (which is an imaginary concept for most people anyways). The rubber meets the road when this translates to a lack of inspiration at work and therefore a lack of success. If you want to break up with her, this is how you justify it. And this is how you ensure that she learns the right lesson from it. 

[StarStruck]

You can’t just tell her. Your best bet is to meditate with her and let her get a taste. 

[PenguinPablo]

Your best bet is to move to North Carolina