I Want To Become A Different Person - Help Me Out

[SQAAD]

@Leo Gura

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

I would say that this won't really happen. You will not become a completely new person. The core of you will stay the same. But you will become a more evolved, more mature version of you.

The truth is that after 15+ years of personal development and spiritual work the core of me has not changed. I'm still me in very deep ways. But also I've grown up a lot. It's rather paradoxical. An important part of this work is deeply accepting who you are, not trying to totally change yourself. The human mind is not flexible enough to totally change itself. Especially once you reach about age 30, much of who you are is set for life. But you can do a lot of refinement of yourself and polish off the jagged edges.

I don't know.. This all seems pretty negative & hopeless to me. What do you mean the core of me won't change?

Can you give some examples so i understand?

If you mean my Kindness or Love of Learning or Curiosity , then yeah i agree with that.

The brain is always changing. You just need more attention and effort to change it as you grow older. I continously change and learn new stuff. I consider my mind very very flexible.

As i said previously, if someone is a smoker or a drinker and then stops & lives a completely different lifestyle that's a changed man.

Or another example is with people who suffer from OCD. They literally have to change their brain over time doing while doing ERP and they become different people. They no longer react to fear and uncertainty the same way. That's a whole 180 degrees reversal to their orientation towards fear. I speak from direct experience here.

Examples of a changed person below. This guy was a hardcore criminal and drug addict. Now he is sober & a counselor helping drug addicts to recover.

This guy was a harcore gang member full of hate. Now he goes to church every weekend and has loving relationships around him.

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by SQAAD

[Kksd74628]

@SQAAD

When you chat with Leo he is talking in very different level than you about changing oneself. He is trying to make a point about changing the whole system you're using to think things from. I am 22 yo and I already see how that probably never will change for me, but its's just more nuance on top of what already exists. Of course in the level you are speaking you can be changed man in a month and next time in a next month if you do things correctly and that should be your aim.

[SQAAD]

@Kksd74628

On 8/8/2023 at 0:22 PM, Kksd74628 said:

@SQAAD

When you chat with Leo he is talking in very different level than you about changing oneself. He is trying to make a point about changing the whole system you're using to think things from. I am 22 yo and I already see how that probably never will change for me, but its's just more nuance on top of what already exists. Of course in the level you are speaking you can be changed man in a month and next time in a next month if you do things correctly and that should be your aim.

Hmm.. Interesting..

Why the whole system cannot be changed? Is this negative?

I can understand that things like your innate love of learning or curiosity not even changing,  & that's a pretty good thing.

[Kksd74628]

@SQAAD

I guess before I continue answering to you, you could explain in detail why necessarily the WHOLE system needs to be changed and what that practically would mean to you.

[digitalkaine]

On 8/7/2023 at 11:32 PM, Leo Gura said:

I would say that this won't really happen. You will not become a completely new person. The core of you will stay the same. But you will become a more evolved, more mature version of you.

The truth is that after 15+ years of personal development and spiritual work the core of me has not changed. I'm still me in very deep ways. But also I've grown up a lot. It's rather paradoxical. An important part of this work is deeply accepting who you are, not trying to totally change yourself. The human mind is not flexible enough to totally change itself. Especially once you reach about age 30, much of who you are is set for life. But you can do a lot of refinement of yourself and polish off the jagged edges.

this really kind of bothered me at first when i first read it. But after the past week or so it kind of stuck in my head and the more and more I kind of just acccepted it the better I feel in some ways. 

I feel less neurotic about all these changes I was trying to make and the way I was trying to improve and it seems like it kind of freed up alot of space in my mind to actually focus on things that are more important. 

[itsadistraction]

Think of yourself as a machine that reacts to it's environment. Change your environment to change yourself. 

Change your style, city, friends, job, lifestyle, living conditions etc. 

[itsadistraction]

18 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

What if becoming another person would require you to stop trying to become another person because that is just part of the agenda of the current person? ?

This

[Leo Gura]

On 9/13/2023 at 10:29 PM, digitalkaine said:

this really kind of bothered me at first when i first read it. But after the past week or so it kind of stuck in my head and the more and more I kind of just acccepted it the better I feel in some ways. 

I feel less neurotic about all these changes I was trying to make and the way I was trying to improve and it seems like it kind of freed up alot of space in my mind to actually focus on things that are more important. 

I've recently reached a point where I don't even try to improve anymore. It's paradoxical. All that trying is a sort of shtick. But it's good when you're young and starting out. Don't misapply this late-stage advice.

Edited September 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Francis777]

On 08/08/2023 at 7:32 AM, Leo Gura said:

The human mind is not flexible enough to totally change itself. Especially once you reach about age 30, much of who you are is set for life

don't confuse this for the mind not being flexible, you can change huge amounts of yourself/beliefs that will equate to a massively improved life, it's just that the core of your personality and what your most preferred authentic expression is will not change much, if at all. It's that expression that you fall into when your by yourself, and you feel at home, that's what wont change much.

Edit: Joe dispenza talks about accessing your potential, I love his content, but what he talks about in regard to potential, is about the places that you can reach and what you can achieve, this will not change the personality that decides what you want to achieve and where you want to go, this is the distinction.

I forgot who mentioned dispenza but wanted to comment on him, he's got some amazing practical stuff that will transform your human life. his teaching wouldn't fit in to what were after here but they are valuable none the less, his practical exercises are great, he was a neuro scientist before he taught this stuff, so he's no average dummy. IMO

Edited September 15, 2023 by Francis777

[SeaMonster]

The current cliche is "the best version of yourself possible."

This is true - you have a certain personality type innately, and the best you can do is become the best version of that type possible.

I don't agree with Leo about fundamental change not being possible after 30.  One can be e.g. a drug addict or a porn addict until whatever age after 30, and then quit/recover and that would cause massive change in personality.

It's all relative to what you consider massive change.  An introvert may not ever become an extrovert e.g. but he could eliminate the typical weaknesses introverts usually have at a young age.  

Fundamental change is basically (1) eliminate bad habits/patterns (2) adopt good habits/patterns.