How to get sexual and emotional needs met while single

[Schizophonia]

10 minutes ago, something_else said:

Depends. You don't know how strong the male drive for sex is, nor what a lack of sex can make a man feel, and neither of us (I'm guessing) know how the average prostitute suffers.

Suffering is very a hard thing to quantify. Imagine an unattractive guy with zero confidence who is 30, a virgin, and has never been loved by anyone; I could easily see that person suffering just as much as an average prostitute, maybe more.

To back that up; there is a statistic that virgin men in their late teens and 20s are an exceptionally high suicide risk, on the order of 4x more likely than women or non-virgin men.

To be clear I think prostitution is generally bad in most cases and I would never use one, although there are likely women who get into it and enjoy it. Think sugar daddy type relationships. There are no men who enjoy being a 30 year old unloved virgin.

My point is that comparing suffering of two groups like this can be hard, since no one has experienced both situations.

You speak as if you are essentially trying to divert a subject as a means of projecting and making explicit your self-destructive fantasies.

It's not like prostitutes are going to reassure your ego, what's underlying it doesn't have much to do with it.

Are you incel? I wish you a lot of fun soon 

[Karmadhi]

20 hours ago, somegirl said:

it's that finding guys I would actually wanna be/sleep with happens not so often.  

Lower your standards. You do not need to find the perfect guy to be happy, it is about what you build together that matters.

14 hours ago, somegirl said:

Handsome guy, who is adventurous, plays an instument and is ambitious and open-minded ?

Way too picky. Also where is kindness here or is that irrelevant to you? c

Why handsome? Why not decent looking? Most guys are not handsome but many are decent looking. Also how ambitious and adventures are you talking about? 

Edited June 12, 2023 by Karmadhi

[nhoktinvt]

guys stop arguing tks

[something_else]

14 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You speak as if you are essentially trying to divert a subject as a means of projecting and making explicit your self-destructive fantasies.

It's not like prostitutes are going to reassure your ego, what's underlying it doesn't have much to do with it.

Are you incel? I wish you a lot of fun soon 

I don't think you actually read what I wrote, I'm not supporting prostitution and I said I wouldn't ever use one. 

My point was that comparing the suffering of two highly troubled groups where no single person has ever belonged to both is very very difficult. I have no idea where you are getting self-destructive fantasies from in my post. If anything it sounds more like you have issues that you are projecting here because you wildly misinterpreted what I wrote.

And no I'm not an incel 

Edited June 12, 2023 by something_else

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Way too picky.

People can be as picky as they want

[Sugarcoat]

34 minutes ago, something_else said:

Depends. You don't know how strong the male drive for sex is, nor what a lack of sex can make a man feel, and neither of us (I'm guessing) know how the average prostitute suffers.

Suffering is very a hard thing to quantify. Imagine an unattractive guy with zero confidence who is 30, a virgin, and has never been loved by anyone; I could easily see that person suffering just as much as an average prostitute, maybe more.

To back that up; there is a statistic that virgin men in their late teens and 20s are an exceptionally high suicide risk, on the order of 4x more likely than women or non-virgin men.

To be clear I think prostitution is generally bad in most cases and I would never use one, although there are likely women who get into it and enjoy it. Think sugar daddy type relationships. There are no men who enjoy being a 30 year old unloved virgin.

My point is that comparing suffering of two groups like this can be hard, since no one has experienced both situations.

I actually thought about exactly this when I wrote my post , how suffering can be equally as deep no matter the context of it. But I didn’t bother to edit as I still got my overall point across I think. 

Im speaking to the average sex buyer and about the average prostitute. Sure there are perhaps exceptions with these luxury escorts but the average doesn’t look like that

I guess in a way I’m trying to highlight how actually both the buyer and the prostitute aren’t benefitting from it. I bet you most men who buy sex don’t actually want to be the man who does it, they don’t want to have this sense of self as this man who buys sex, it’s quite humiliating to their own self image. At most maybe it could be a temporary relief from deep pain but nothing more than that . Sure if you on the brink of suicide and buying some sex helps a little I understand but I don’t believe the average sex buyer is coming from that place so this suffering argument doesn’t hold there….

 
 

how can I know how the average prostitute suffers? Well firstly simply being a female gives me some understanding of female psychology I would say, also my own research into this topic that has somehow fascinated me from a young age (held a speech about it in 9th grade lol) . Reading inside stories from former prostitutes watching documantaries etc

 

also another thing. I think what this all sort of boils down to is that I have this inherent ability to internalize my own suffering in some way, and then perhaps I’m holding other people to such a standard but perhaps not everyone has this ability to internalize their suffering so they do experience that their suffering is inherent to an external situation (for example lack of sex) . But maybe I’m trying to point out how you actually are doing yourself also a disservice because yourself don’t want to have that sense of self as a sex buyer 

okay I will stop here ? it’s exhausting to try to concoct all these perfect answers I’ll let them be messy asf. But also I’m not really defensive about this I’m just trying to share what I sense about stuff 

Edited June 12, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[somegirl]

25 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

This is pathetic, honestly. 

If you have a bf or a f buddy, then sure have sex and enjoy it.

But I dooon't ? 

27 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

But if not, have some respect for yourself and don't say you 'need' sex.

I would be lying to myself then ?

27 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

There are people that go a lifetime withouth sex, and they don't 'need it'.

Sex its something you can do, but you don't need it. 

Sure! Though I'm not sure are they living top quality lives or are happy about it.

Maybe people who are asexual are perfectly happy that they are not having sex, but I imagine people with high sex drives wouldn't be too happy living life without sex. 

 

[Karmadhi]

8 minutes ago, something_else said:

People can be as picky as they want

Sure but then dont complain here when your pickiness causes you suffering.

You are creating your own problem.

 

[somegirl]

18 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Lower your standards. You do not need to find the perfect guy to be happy, it is about what you build together that matters.

I'm not gonna lower my standards because I know I am asking for things that are possible. Plus I offer a lot too so it wouldn't be fair to myself.

From my experience, lowering my standards just lead me to have bad experiences with people that I didn't enjoy. 

[somegirl]

20 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Way too picky. Also where is kindness here or is that irrelevant to you? c

Why handsome? Why not decent looking? Most guys are not handsome but many are decent looking. Also how ambitious and adventures are you talking about? 

Kindness is a bare minimum, I don't even mention that. Writing kindness is as basic as writing "doesn't beat up women". Of course I want kindness and respect. 

Handsome is because I figured I offer good physiche as well, and I wouldn't wanna be with someone who has "beer belly" ? It also has to do with my reputation. 

Of course someone with decent looking face is okay. I was talking more about muscles and abs when I said handsome. 

Well ambitious as in, has goals, is passionate about something and is reaching for that goal. Does something every day to get to that goal. Adventurous as in, likes to travel cause I like to travel too. 

[Schizophonia]

Il y a 16 minutes, Something_else a dit :

Je ne pense pas que vous ayez réellement lu ce que j'ai écrit, je ne soutiens pas la prostitution et j'ai dit que je n'en utiliserais jamais. 

Mon point était que comparer la souffrance de deux groupes très troublés où aucune personne n'a jamais appartenu aux deux est très très difficile. Je n'ai aucune idée d'où vous tirez des fantasmes autodestructeurs dans mon message. Si quoi que ce soit, cela ressemble plus à des problèmes que vous projetez ici parce que vous avez très mal interprété ce que j'ai écrit.

Et non je ne suis pas un incel 

You talked about how some people can suffer being unhappy etc without having sex.
And several times to show how dramatic it is.

Looks suspicious.

It doesn't matter.

[somegirl]

7 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Sure but then dont complain here when your pickiness causes you suffering.

You are creating your own problem.

I actually agree with this. 

But I would rather suffer because of this, than to suffer because I lowered my standards and let someone in that I didn't want to let in. 

[Karmadhi]

@somegirl

Just now, somegirl said:

Kindness is a bare minimum, I don't even mention that. Writing kindness is as basic as writing "doesn't beat up women". Of course I want kindness and respect

Many guys are quite selfish so it is a standard worth having. You would not like it if he cheats on you, would you? 

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

It also has to do with my reputation. 

Lol

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Of course someone with decent looking face is okay. I was talking more about muscles and abs when I said handsome.

Muscles and abs you can build but face wise maybe 10 percent of guys are properly "handsome". So therefore asking for a handsome face is quite picky. If it is just muscles with a decent face then it is more realistic since you have way more built guys than handsome guys.

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Well ambitious as in, has goals, is passionate about something and is reaching for that goal. Does something every day to get to that goal. Adventurous as in, likes to travel cause I like to travel too.

Makes sense and sounds good  

[Chives99]

@somegirl I'd recommend getting out and being social multiple times a week, are there social invents like meetups or city socialisers nearby to you, great places for meeting guys, or you could participate in a hobby or interest group or some class, great way to meet people. You could go out drinking with your girlfriends and meet guys that way. Personally I'm attracted to women that are very sweet and smiley and give very affectionate looks when they're attracted to me, when i get that eye contact from a girl that gives me the confidence to go up and strike a conversation with her, I don't know your personality type but definately having open body language and being positive will encourage guys to talk to you in social settings. If a womans body language is closed that just makes me think shes not interested in talking to anyone. You could go to shows or music venues and meet guys that have similar tastes to you, ask for their number go for a drink 1 on 1 see if you hit it off. If you are feeling really bold you could go up and talk to a guy yourself that will work really well.

[Karmadhi]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

But I would rather suffer because of this, than to suffer because I lowered my standards and let someone in that I didn't want to let in. 

So someone having 16 inch arms versus 14 inch would decrease the happiness of what you can build together?

I am all for guys being in good shape (I am myself) but your back/arm size dictating how happy you are with someone is just absurd.

Imagine a guy not dating a girl because her boobs are small. Ridiculous.

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You talked about how some people can suffer being unhappy etc without having sex.
And several times to show how dramatic it is.

Looks suspicious.

It doesn't matter.

I don't know how it looks suspicious really, it's just true. There are many men who suffer greatly because they are starved of sex. I know plenty and I'm sure you do too.

Edited June 12, 2023 by something_else

[something_else]

12 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Sure but then dont complain here when your pickiness causes you suffering.

You are creating your own problem.

 

I agree. But it's better to suffer for a little bit for being picky than to end up with someone you're not really attracted to.

It's a balancing act I suppose. From a guy's perspective, women being picky can make us feel insecure and unworthy. So we often have a desire to criticise women for being too picky. But from a woman's POV, being picky is likely pretty healthy.

[somegirl]

3 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

So someone having 16 inch arms versus 14 inch would decrease the happiness of what you can build together?

Come on, I don't go that much into detail ? 

Tbh just having an authentic energy around him is enough for me to fall for him. Even if he is not THAT handsome (with muscles and such). Like I got surprised when I found one guy who is totally not my type, attractive, just because he was so authentic and goofy. 

[Karmadhi]

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

I agree. But it's better to suffer for a little bit for being picky than to end up with someone you're not really attracted to.

It's a balancing act I suppose. From a guy's perspective, women being picky can make us feel insecure and unworthy. So we often have a desire to criticise women for being too picky. But from a woman's POV, being picky is likely pretty healthy

It is about girls being picky about not important stuff rather than judging stuff that is actually relevant (wisdom, consciousness, love, kindness, integrity, independence etc). However girls ignore these mostly (with exceptions).

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Come on, I don't go that much into detail ? 

Well you mentioned abs, I mentioned big arms  

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Tbh just having an authentic energy around him is enough for me to fall for him. Even if he is not THAT handsome (with muscles and such). Like I got surprised when I found one guy who is totally not my type, attractive, just because he was so authentic and goofy

This is more realistic  

[somegirl]

16 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

I'd recommend getting out and being social multiple times a week, are there social invents like meetups or city socialisers nearby to you, great places for meeting guys, or you could participate in a hobby or interest group or some class, great way to meet people. You could go out drinking with your girlfriends and meet guys that way. Personally I'm attracted to women that are very sweet and smiley and give very affectionate looks when they're attracted to me, when i get that eye contact from a girl that gives me the confidence to go up and strike a conversation with her, I don't know your personality type but definately having open body language and being positive will encourage guys to talk to you in social settings. If a womans body language is closed that just makes me think shes not interested in talking to anyone. You could go to shows or music venues and meet guys that have similar tastes to you, ask for their number go for a drink 1 on 1 see if you hit it off. If you are feeling really bold you could go up and talk to a guy yourself that will work really well.

So far I didn't meet anyone special when I went out. Cause I go out in places where people usually drink lol. 

But I might join some social clubs, I will see. 

Thanks ?