nuwu

Dying

25 posts in this topic

It’s the end for my physical avatar. I’m too retarded to survive in this realm.

Have severe heart palpitations, shortness of breath, tremors, fainting, … And it suddenly got much worse. Not found anything in blood test yet. I have suspicions for Lyme

Any idea of compounds I could be able to take in this instant allowing the thing pretending to be me feeling better (other than 5-MEO-DMT)? Minerals, vitamins, chelating agents, … It’s nighttime and last time I went to emergency room it didn’t help much but I don’t know. Is death the same as dissolving in infinity or I should kamikaze my consciousness with psychedelics

Anyway the void something something nothing nothing love 

Edited by nuwu

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I’m seriously not feeling well right now. I don’t want to say what’s going to happen to me explicitly to avoid negativity but…

Please say something

I’m sorry @KH2 @Osaid

Edited by nuwu

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I'm not really sure what you're going through, but maybe some simple easy-to-digest source of energy could help, like simple carbs and electrolytes. Nutritionally, they should both aid in energy levels and cardiovascular activity. If anything, the carbs could lower your cortisol levels if you feel overly stressed and anxious. You'd be surprised how well something as simple as consuming carbs could work for your mood and energy. So, something like juice, milk, or nut milks. Sip it slowly and carefully if you feel like it.

Hang in there. I know how it feels to seemingly be at the mercy of your physical health. Maybe listen to some nature ambience as well to calm yourself.

Edited by Osaid

"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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@Osaid Thank you for responding. My digestive health is horrible and I’m struggling hard to get adequate caloric intake (~ 1200 cal/d lately). Every times I eat anything I feel horrible. Now I feel numb and with no energy whatsoever. I can’t even hold my phone straight in the bed. I’m suffocating and forgetting to breath. I have long-term insomnia (valerian and melatonin makes me feel like dying which is too stressful). I feel cold. I can’t think straight. I’m hopeless.

Thank you again. If I’m not funposting tomorrow I’m dead.

Edited by nuwu

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36 minutes ago, nuwu said:

Every times I eat anything I feel horrible. Now I feel numb and with no energy whatsoever.

I see. I bet a lot of of your "feeling bad" is lack of nutrition, probably electrolyte imbalances and what not.

I don't know if you've tried before, but if I were you, I would still take my advice. Get milk or juice or something, but drink it very very slowly and keep watch of how it makes you feel when you do it. It will be much easier on your body to digest when you take tiny sips and when you're also taking it slowly at your own pace. Coconut water, fruit juice, or nut milk would be ideal. That's what I would personally try. These things are the easiest for your body to digest quickly.

If anything, you could at least have some kind of lemon water with low-sodium salt or normal salt (low-sodium is ideal cause it has more electrolytes) so that you can have something to sip on from time to time. I doubt that should be too difficult for your body to handle.

Also, tell a doctor or something if you haven't already, about the fact that you can't digest things and get nutrients. This seems like a pretty multi-faceted problem, so it would be nice to corner certain aspects of it down with a doctor or something and then go from there.

36 minutes ago, nuwu said:

Thank you again. If I’m not funposting tomorrow I’m dead.

If you stop funposting I might as well be dead, too. Hang in there, we need you.

Edited by Osaid

"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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Still alive

@Osaid I was desperate and tried eating eggs. I'm not sure why, or if it's just a coincidence, but I actually feel having more energy, after months of disintegration. I've been eating plant-based for years but I'm aware there are some limitations (albeit weird because I already tried the obvious protein supplements. is there such things as too low cholesterol? I should try sources of collagen, I've heard it helps the heart and repairing damages from inflammations). I'm still experiencing chest pains but I don't feel unsafe now. I also tried coconut water and lemon juice but I can't digest nut milk because of oxalates. Doctors always told me these issues are caused by anxiety. And I always let my fears grow until the problems are too massive to be recovered from.

18 hours ago, Osaid said:

we need you

Thank you.

@thepixelmonk Thank you.

Edited by nuwu

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1 hour ago, nuwu said:

I was desperate and tried eating eggs. I'm not sure why, or if it's just a coincidence, but I actually feel having more energy, after months of disintegration.

I've also noticed an energy boost when eating eggs. It makes sense since it's so nutritious.

1 hour ago, nuwu said:

I can't digest nut milk because of oxalates

Oh damn, I didn't know nuts were a source of oxalates since I eat them so much without any digestion issues. When it comes to stuff like spinach, oxalates are much more noticeable for me.

1 hour ago, nuwu said:

I've been eating plant-based for years but I'm aware there are some limitations (albeit weird because I already tried the obvious protein supplements. is there such things as too low cholesterol?

It's probably not macros like protein that you need, but micro-nutrients that are hard to get in vegan diets, like zinc or choline. Animal nutrients tend to be more bioavailable too.

Cholesterol is essential for cell and hormone function, so it is possible to be low in it since there is a certain amount of it that your body always has to maintain, but usually your body tries to produce enough of it internally.

If you want something that is fatty and nutritious, kind of like eggs, I would recommend avocadoes. It's vegan, and it also has a bunch of potassium, which is an important electrolyte.

1 hour ago, nuwu said:

Still alive

Nice!


"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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<3


"Wrongness is the unsung hero of growth, for it is only by venturing into the unknown and risking error that we can expand the boundaries of our understanding and pave the way for groundbreaking insights and innovations." -Claude 3 Opus

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@Osaid

I feel terrible and unsafe again. I'm not sure if eggs helps unless from cholesterol, energy, or some non-reductionist substances. I've already tried zinc and choline supplements. I don't know if the issue comes from macro, micro-nutrients, or both. But I feel helpless, cornered by Hexheimer and severe chronic illness. I'm stupid for not pushing more medicine practitioners to help me, but I'm stuck in fears, perpetual depression and extreme negligence about survival. I was bitten by a tick >1 year ago with skin rash, and got prescribed one month of Doxycylcine, which I assume should've been enough. I'm worried.

I'm very sensitive to oxalates so there are lots of plants I'm not able to digest.

@Yimpa

Thank you nothingness. I love you too.

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On 3/24/2023 at 11:42 AM, nuwu said:

@Osaid

I feel terrible and unsafe again. I'm not sure if eggs helps unless from cholesterol, energy, or some non-reductionist substances. I've already tried zinc and choline supplements. I don't know if the issue comes from macro, micro-nutrients, or both. But I feel helpless, cornered by Hexheimer and severe chronic illness. I'm stupid for not pushing more medicine practitioners to help me, but I'm stuck in fears, perpetual depression and extreme negligence about survival. I was bitten by a tick >1 year ago with skin rash, and got prescribed one month of Doxycylcine, which I assume should've been enough. I'm worried.

I'm very sensitive to oxalates so there are lots of plants I'm not able to digest.

Weird, I somehow missed your notification.

So zinc and choline didn't really do anything, that's good that you tried it out so now you know it's not the culprit.

I looked into it, and it seems avocadoes do have oxalates (19mg per one avocado), so disregard my previous suggestion. Maybe you absorbed eggs really well because it has no oxalates or any anti-nutrients, as is often found in vegetables.

If I were you, I would drink milk/coconut water for electrolytes, and then eat eggs for nutrients. Some low-oxalate vegetables you can try are cucumber (4mg oxalates per 1 medium cucumber) and cauliflower (half cup cooked has 2.7mg oxalates). Cauliflower is pretty nutritious. You can sprinkle salt and lemon on the cucumbers for a really refreshing and electrolyte-rich snack. Fruits are good as well. That's close to the best you can do nutrition-wise, without overloading your body. I don't know if you're able to handle milk or not, up to you. Electrolytes are essential for proper energy levels and cardiovascular function which is why I highlight it so much, they can make a big difference. Also, intuitively pay attention to how all these foods make you feel, your body is smart and has its own intelligence. It will crave certain things and reject certain things.

Get info from your doctor and see what they find, and then also research yourself what they find, and then work on fixing it.

Edited by Osaid

"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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34 minutes ago, nuwu said:

Thank you for your support. Zinc supplements are helpful. My oxalate sensitivities are not healed, but they are more manageable somehow.  

Hello again, friend. I noticed your returned presence on the forum. Good to see you're back.

I am curious as to what your experience with fruits and cereals/grains are. Sorry if you stated them before, I may have forgotten. Any digestive issues there?

Bananas, blueberries, and blackberries in particular are decently healthy and have low oxalates. 

I say fruit because they are usually the easiest to digest, and often full of a plethora of different kinds of nutrients and antioxidants. They can be very nutrient-dense.

For example, in just a small kiwi (49 calories, 69g) contains 60-80% of the RDA for vitamin C. I am, aware, however, that kiwis are higher in oxalates, but I'm sure other nutritious fruits like this are laying around.

I also still recommend the low-oxalate vegetables mentioned before, like cauliflower. However, I am curious about how you react to high-fiber foods. I find that certain vegetables with high fiber can be troublesome for me personally, like okra. But, there are certain vegetables, like cauliflower, which are VERY nutrient dense, low calorie, and easy to digest, and so I think that would be a good focus for you, potentially.

As for cereals and grains, I recommend it because I have personally found them quite easy to digest, and also FULL of minerals, and electrolytes. For example, 2 slices of the bread I consume takes care of about 50% of the RDA for magensium, phosphorus, etc. I also find it to have a calming effect on the body, I assume that it reduces cortisol because of the carbohydrates. What happens if you eat something like a croissant? Or high quality bread, for example? 

There are also very interesting flours, "pseudo-grains", they are called (because they technically aren't grains but behave like grains), which do not have any gluten or anti-nutrients, but they have very high nutritional profiles. Buckwheat, for example, is a pseudo-grain, because the starch content allows it to behave very similar to wheat, but it is in fact the seed of a flower. You can make pancakes from buckwheat flour quite easily, for example.

I am also curious, what happens if you drink something like coffee, or tea? Do you ever drinking anything warm or hot?

I have recently discovered that hot beverages, like coffee or tea, can speed up the digestion proccess and make your body use the energy in food more efficiently. I recommend you expirement with this as well. So, the next time you eat something, have some warm beverage like tea or coffee right after it and see how it makes you feel. I know that coffee can be harsh on digestion, so perhaps a much lighter floral tea will do.

I also recommend that you simply chew your food very thoroughly. Most people do not do this. It should be all mushy like baby food before you swallow it. This will ease digestion as well.

It's great that you've managed to pin down those micronutrients, that's a big accomplishment. If I were you, I would start looking at where those occur in natural whole foods as well, and then see what you find.

 

Edited by Osaid

"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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based on that chronometer you are eating almost a kilogram of lentils, 3 tablespoons of olive oil and 166 grams of oats

Try turning up the vegetables and toning down everything above. Also what's the point of taking an omega 3 supplement when you're eating 6.8g a day of it

Asparagus, tomatoes, apples, avocados, red unions, chia seeds (instead of omega 6 supplement), bananas, green lettuce, cabbage, green unions

Chronometer is also just the map and not the territory so we can't tell what you're actually eating, hop off that diet and see how it feels. Try going carnivore but confirm this with other members because I don't actually know how appropriate that is in this situation, I just heard It's good for sickly people, maybe you have a hard time with digestion or you are just allergic to something in your diet

Take a walk or cycle for an hour

You should be eating less then 130g of lentils in one day, you are eating a Indian family with 5 kids worth of lentils, you should't eat 750g of anything, matter of fact the only foods you are allowed to go above 200g with, are green vegetables.

Also, visit a doctor! If he tells you nothing's wrong go to another one, and another one, and another one until somebody gives you a proper diagnosis. Nobody has the right to tell you "Nothing is wrong" when you're fucking fainting out of nowhere.

Edited by MarkKol

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This is just a speculation so take everything I write here with a healthy dose of scepticism. I don't know your situation and only know what I've read and what you told me that one time we spoke. But from the sound of everything and from seeing that this approach has been helping, part of the answer might be that you need to make yourself a bit...well, tougher..I think that is the right word. I've given similar advice to a guy with long-covid recently

...and I'll give it to you as well here: 

There is a few things in your report that could serve as evidence that making yourself stronger from inside out and outside in might be part of the answer, perhaps even the entire answer. 

  1. you've been introducing exercise - swimming is an incredible HIIT that basically engages all skeletal muscles in your body. It is a metabolic furnace for your mitochondria - and it seems to be helping 
  2. the supplement stock you are doing seems to be helping - many of those products can act to strenghten cellular antioxidant defences  Maybe 80% of the true benefits of the supplement stock comes down to 20% of those supplements (that's how it usually is) - the ones that are starting to plug holes in previous deficiencies. Anyone who is long-term deficient will feel like flying once those deficiencies are restored. 
  3. if you can handle 200g of oats and 750 grams of lentils per day, your gut IS NOT wrecked. I repeat - if you can tolerate this level of fibre onslaught, there is probably no point in thinking that this is coming from antinutrients, fibre intolerance or any of that stuff. Your gut is probably quite healthy. 

What I honestly think is that you have been ruminating on this for so long that you have prevented yourself from taking action through mental paralysis - that was also the impression I had when we spoke. To a point that taking any action has become anxiety provoking. And now, embarking on this new protocol (above) is actually making you stronger and it is slowly working.  

I have been taking this type of approach with numerous clients now, and people actually benefit from it. Almost all my guys who come with chronic fatigue, brain fog, mood issues and inability to focus benefit from getting stronger (physically, mentally and emotionally) - some don't of course, nothing works for everyone. 

This includes

  1. Diet (inside-out) - aiming toward more anabolic protocol. Forget cleansing, detoxes and green juices (maybe later but not now) - that stuff is just making you weaker. Start focusing on rebuilding yourself - bump your calories to 2,200-2,400 - add more protein (are you vegan/vegetarian) and add even more starchy carbohydrates like sweet potatoes, regular potatoes,  teff, amaranth, millet, barley etc. You don't need more fat, i think there is enough already. Alongside that, keep loading on vegetables, berries and other high polyphenolic compounds - that stuff is doing wonders for you on the cellular level. Enrich your diet with an abundance of exotic spices and green herbal spices - each of them is adding something extra. Also think more food variety - more different legumes, add soy products, more veggie types, more fruits, more grains - I might even add some low fat dairy like kefirs, Greek yoghurts, and cottage cheese. If you are not vegetarian you might benefit from addiiton of small fatty fish, the ones that are low on heavy metal and PCB spectra like sardines and mackerel or haddock. 
  2. Activity (outside-in)  continue being active as much as you can. Challenge yourself to be active in new ways - carry your groceries, take the steps instead elevator, get a standing desk, go hiking or wild swimming. Get off the bus earlier and walk the rest of the destination.
    1.  If you have the energy - I would HIGHLY encourage some form of resistance exercise. Lifting weights that are challenging every muscle fibre literally injects your body with growth hormones and anabolic hormones - those have PROFOUND impact on your mental health, your neuroplasticity and your cognitive health. In that manner, a session of barbell squats is superior to cardio. Make sure to get a PT the first couple times if you're a gym newbie 
  3. Habits - Reading the book "atomic habits" might help, but basically what you want is to become a little bit strategic. Building micro habits one at a time so that your day has a sense of structure and organisation. The human brain loves order, and we thrive in order. It gives us a sense of purpose. Meaning when you wake up, there should be a set of steps you take that help you wake up and get going. 
  4. Night time - without proper sleep, your body will never regenerate. I don't know how good your sleep is at the moment but if not good, keep working on it. There are lots of strategies. If you're stressed at night, you need to be meditating more and reflecting on your fears and traumas. If you are physically unable to fall asleep, it might be more mechanical (too much screen time, too hot, too cold, too noisy, too many video games late at night, bad pillow hardness, hard mattress etc) 
  5. Education - reading books is like looking inside other people's brains. You get the creative juices that others had to crack their heads for years to produce. You're getting the absolute best of someone's brain dump and the highlights of years of them going down certain rabbit holes. =Most writers want to give you their absolute best (although there are plenty of shit books out there) Books help you expose yourself to tremendous ideas, practices, strategies and information. In particular, I think you would benefit from reading Peter Attia's - Outlive, he describes a beautiful protocol for becoming strong, resilient, agile, focused and sharp, basically all the things you struggle with. The other one I think you would benefit from is Richard Schwartz's No Bad Parts - I think there is a lot of deeply rooted stuff that needs to be resolved, at least from reading the way you describe yourself and your situation. 
  6. Passion - and finally, maybe this is for later. If you have time and energy, you might think about what is meaningful for you. What would make you charge against spears and swords - metaphorically speaking (1:40). What is, for you, worth fighting for every day? What is worth defending when coming under undeserved attack (also metaphorical) - what do you want to see more of our there. What is something that is effortless to study & researach on Friday evening while your peers are binging on Pizza, drinking cocktails and talking shit. 

Maybe you disagree with all above - totally cool, in that case ignore this comment. 

All the best !

 

 

 

Edited by Michael569

“If you find yourself acting to impress others, or avoiding action out of fear of what they might think, you have left the path.” ― Epictetus

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6 hours ago, Michael569 said:

if you can handle 200g of oats and 750 grams of lentils per day, your gut IS NOT wrecked. I repeat - if you can tolerate this level of fibre onslaught, there is probably no point in thinking that this is coming from antinutrients, fibre intolerance or any of that stuff. Your gut is probably quite healthy. 

Lol, true actually. I can't take lentils.


"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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Thank you for the feedback. Sorry, I made the charts for myself as reference for my weight-gain goals, in practice I eat less. I can’t handle as much calories as I want to on a plant-based diet. Perhaps I should also reconsider calorie-counting with respect to holism and idealism. What I’ve eaten, on average, last month, are minimal boring recipes:

  • Meal 1 (666 kcal): { 100g oats (dry), 150g broccoli, 1 carrot, 4g curcuma, 412g of water } pressure cooked for 2min, 15g flax, 15mL olive oil, 15mL vinegar, berries depending on availability
  • Meal 2 (60 kcal): 20g protein blend
  • Meal 3 (777 kcal): { 166.6g beluga lentils (dry), 1 Onion, 10g Shiitake, 4g ginger, 1g salt, 412g of water } pressure cooked for 12min, 15g flax, 15mL olive oil, 15mL vinegar
  • Total 1503 kcal daily

I try to eat random fresh, earthly things from time to time, but for some reason I feel more comfort with cooked rather than raw. I couldn’t handle fruits before. Based on your feedback I will consider strategies to mitigate overload on my digestive system.

Sorry if my answers are straightforward, uninteresting or redundant. This is the surface of what I’m comfortable sharing.

@Osaid Hi, my experience with fruits had been terrible, but it improved. I 'possibly' have some gut dysbiosis severely limiting what I can tolerate, including restriction on oxalates, high glycemic foods, and everything else escaping my ability to put symbols into them. Gluten-containing grains give me inflammation-like, immediate adverse effects, but I’ve never been sufficiently healthy to handle them long enough to test for celiac, such that I don’t know root cause of issues. Gluten-free oats are somewhat fine in medium amounts, which is why I eat then sprouted and slightly cooked to maximize digestibility. I don’t eat buckwheat and quinoa because of oxalates or other potential common anti-nutrients in them which I’m sensitive to. I usually avoid brown rice because of arsenic, and considering my health condition, I suspect heavy metals absorbance of my gut is higher than average, if this is a thing.

Banana, I can not. But I try to eat berries whenever possible and never had issues with them. I appreciate your empathize on fruits. They help getting more calories and fresh things in my diet. Acidic or exotic fruits like passion and pomegranate, are my favorites, but the ones high in oxalates do cause issues.

I bought some cauliflowers, I will try to eat them instead of broccoli from time to time. I love fractals. I don’t know about high fibers food, since it depends on the type of fibers I assume. Lentils are fine but I forced my way into it, whereas other legumes are not as easy. I struggle digesting pears, apples, bananas, and some high FODMAP fruits.

If I eat a croissant, or gluten, last time I tried, I had headaches, inflammation-like sensation in skin, abdominal pains, and etc. I don’t think sourdough bread would help. I completely avoid gluten on suspected basis of celiac.

I drink matcha tea every day, but I’m a bit concerned about fluoride content [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35745280/]. I try to chew as much as possible, but I’m always in a permanent stress state, which is debilitating and making me bypass advices of harmony. Although, most micronutrients on cronometer are reached without supplements.

From my point of view, lentils are the least traumatizing on my digestive system. Fats are difficult in their own ways.

@MarkKol I admit I struggle with socially-induced lifestyle restrictions, limiting my ability to eat more veggies, raw foods, or breaking down intakes into smaller portions. Lentils are a minimalist escape to this incidental reductionism. Omega 3 supplements supposedly provide more specific forms, such as DHA and EPA, which aren’t commonly found in plant-based diet.

I’m aware of the map and territory relationships. I’ve legitimately considered and explored the possibility of a carnivore diet, especially since I experienced significant relief with various proteins commonly found in meat, such as creatine and carnosine. I don’t feel comfortable with this. I want to try if a ‘hacked’ vegan diets can turn out optimal, i.e cherry picking all advantages of animal-based resources in non-exploitative ways. If humanity develop the technology for it, we could eat everything straight out of laboratories. I’m not into substrate reductionism, and I don’t consider my diet vegan. Superfluous material constructs may come at a cost.

I try to walk as much as possible every day. I’m not sure what to replace lentils with, I definitely have some attachments to simplicity, negating exploration of information outside straightforward source of nutrients and energy. I would eat taste-less, texture-less, powdered blocks if it were optimal nutrition. 166g lentils dry, or 578g cooked is a lot, but beluga lentils are slightly easier to digest than regular ones. I can handle them thanks to betain HCL supplements and exercises. Initially, my digestive issues had me cornered into low energy-density resources, and black lentils have a notably low glycemic index of ~20. 

I’ve seen multiple doctors, while some of them didn’t gaslight me too harshly, some doctors were even surprisingly patient and caretaking, nevertheless they always felt a bit at a loss with inconclusive numerical analysis and non-holistic procedures, to deal with multiple symptoms from multiple causes. I did have recommendations for low FODMAP diets, which I already tried in the past. As mentioned above, I seem to be dealing with some intricate network of self-reinforcing negative feedback loops, where solutions overlap causes, mutually strengthening themselves within physiological and psychological interlacement of layers.

@Michael569 Thank you for answering.

I understand, there is possibly a ‘fake it until you make it’ aspect to strength. It doesn’t seem like much from the outside, but I’ve made a lot of progress relative to my past self. I used to have extreme social anxiety, severe skin sensitivities and fear of diseases due to chronic weaknesses, suppressing development of health habits, such as swimming in public pools. There is definitely a flip that switched in me. I try to be as strong and autonomous as possible, rather than relying on expectations of empathy from others, or myself. I have to outgrow incredibly loving, weird autistic parents, perpetually keeping me off balance.

I appreciate your bidirectional approach to well-being, which resonates with metaphysics. Constructivism is paradoxical. Broader patterns and atomic arrangements unfold like trees strengthening their roots onto their own branches, drawing parallels between inside-out and outside-in creativity, with bottom-up and top-down abstraction.

  1. Exercises appear detrimental to recovery, which corresponds to my anecdotal experience. I don’t have much knowledge in biological mechanisms, but it feels like my energy metabolism was underwhelming during a long period of time. For example, I used to depend on lots of sleep to not feel feel tired. Since supplementing with proteins, presumably related to energy metabolism, I don’t need to sleep as much to feel paradoxically more energized afterward. This somewhat alleviates the hardship of insomnia. 
  2. It wasn’t obvious whether or not stacking supplements would turn out effective, and which one would be actually helpful. I’m learning to invest in myself. My gut sensitivities has been a strong delimitating factor for what I can tolerate, cornering me into perpetual fears of complications. I’m not materialistic, I’ve tried yoga and meditation, but I design my survival strategies at the layer that works for me. Concerning 80/20, I assume alternating stages of maximalism and minimalism, or simplicity and complexity, may be useful in strategical optimization problems. Outward and inward fractals are themselves considered ’20%/80%’  relative to hypothetical including or included structures. It’s difficult to evaluate which layer of such power fractals is appropriate or adequate (I'm aware this is a vague statement, but I don't know how to explain). I’m not in a cost-optimisation stage. For example, cheaper oil brands offer better cost-effectiveness, or I could sprout grains on my own, but I do value time and space.
  3. I couldn’t handle non-small portions of legumes when I was weak. I rarely actually ate them before last few months. When I was weaker my diet consisted of pseudo-grains like millet, with strategic amounts and sources of fats to get as much calories as possible on a sluggish metabolism. I gradually bootstrapped myself into lentils with betain HCL, TUDCA (presumably digestive aid for fats. note: most sellers are scams for some reason), improvements from Zn Carnosine & HA, and chronological optimizations of appetite stimulation where large meals are timed after exercises. I also worry that if I push my stomach too hard with HCL hacks could develop in ulcers or GERD, if I don’t already have those, but it seems fine. 

I don’t know if I’m ruminating. It takes some time to overcome every bit of trauma disturbing the harmony of my existence, which isn’t externally perceptible.

  1. The ‘cure mentality’ is a trap I fell into in the past. Self-fulfillment affects both minds and body. I appreciate blueprint, even if it doesn’t necessarily work for everyone, since the underlying philosophy of unconditional strength and sustainability, regardless of disease or weaknesses, is universally beneficial, even if it isn’t. Although focus on caloric intake may overlook non-material dynamics, or material adaptability where the body use energy more efficiently, from some deeper balance or something. Despite this potential oversight, I want to gradually increase my caloric intakes to achieve weight goals, but I hardly digest most things I pretend to eat. Ingredient diversity is a struggle when dealing with multiple overwhelming intolerances, I kind of developed a phobia of oxalates and other irritating agents who can get me back into vicious cycles of inflammation and weaknesses. Whereas my psychotic subconscious is lurking, shattering my mind into pieces at any chance. I’m constantly treading on thin ice. I’m interested to understand how Bryan manage to gain weight on caloric restriction, but he does use testosterone patches, which isn’t something I see myself doing. I’ve stopped using soy products because of oxalate. Perhaps giving up to carnism would’ve been easier. Honestly, I do have some attachments to veganism, even if it’s all pretend. (In the past, traumatic nightmares exposing me to the suffering of all farm animals screwed me up.)
  2. Plan is to keep a swimming routine, and gradually add resistance training once energy capacities surpass some threshold. I’m interested in hormonal balance. I’m fortunate to live near a high quality fitness center.
  3. I’m aware of the concept of atomic habits. I’m never hungry and always depressed, I have no motivation to ever wake up. I strongly lack the ability to take initiative on anything. I’m always frozen by fears, whenever I have to go outside, sleep myself into the future, or do literally anything. This ever-lasting friction perpetuate my instability and inefficient use of time. Nothing flows.
  4. I don’t have the patience or stability of mind for books.
  5. There is a long list of projects and ideas I could enjoy working on, but these are coping mechanisms for the instability of my soul. Spiritual exploration with psychedelics or meditation is a mean for me to understand how to be into a comfortable, not necessarily ego-satisfying, lasting state of consciousness. However, my health vulnerability has undercut everything with intensity I was unprepared for. I wish I had a clear grasp of God to love myself better. From my understanding of actuality, all I have to do is to die anyway.
Edited by nuwu

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On 8/7/2023 at 4:07 PM, nuwu said:

I drink matcha tea every day, but I’m a bit concerned about fluoride content

You could probably substitute with normal black tea or green tea and you would ingest less, since you aren't gonna be actually ingesting the actual leaf powder as you do with matcha.

Or hey, even just experiment with different types of gentler floral teas, and see how it makes you feel.

Do you still eat eggs? Are you able to drink milk? Both of these are very nutritious, although I noticed you said you have some trouble with fats.

Coconut water should still be fine for very easy and high amounts of electrolytes, which aren't hidden behind oxalates and other things.

On the other hand, lentils are very nutritious, so if you're able to digest them then that's very good that you found something nutritious and reliable to consume in the meantime.

On the side, I would look for some fruit that is easy to digest but high in vitamin C and other important vitamins and antioxidants. There must be some out there. What happens if you eat something like avocado? 

Sorry for the late reply.


"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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I don’t think I am going to survive. I updated the despair stack of mine in my profile. One year later, I am still suffering from chest pain and shortness of breath. I have seen countless health professionals with no definitive diagnosis.

I admit, I screwed up. I had a period when I thought I could contribute in open-source projects. I had an absolutely horrifying experience. I was obliterated by narcissistic moderators and sycophants of CEO from both exchanges and crypto-currencies. I didn’t realize narcissism was a thing. I was completely delulusional over a ‘everything is love’ mentality. In summary

- Random moderators throwing 'rocks' at users randomly, love-bombing others
- They see someone vulnerable, me, (weak Fe), they keep throwing things at me until I start being really concerned, stressed, emotionally damaged, and physically drained 
- I am in a perpetual loop of shock.
- Due to chronic anxiety, my health is falling apart. At first, I thought a ikigai alignement of needs was possible. I get more and more attached to my ideas and having to earn funds somehow to save myself from my health issues. 
- They kept doing it while I was in a critical health condition, openly bragging about the damages.
- I couldn't defend myself because these are just 'rocks', which individually doesn't represent significant damage. And due to weak Fe I am extremely bad at navigating emotionally inharmonious situations, which can be easily manipulated against me.
- 'rocks' means intimidation (dark web | assassination smart-contract threats), incitement to suicide, belittlement, racism, and eventually gaslighting and inversion attacks. Over and over.

Obviously, in retrospect I should’ve never ignored red flags. I used to give perspectives the benefits of the doubt. I obviously tried too much to go back to the love-bombing stages. Eventually, INTJ’s NiFi loop kicks in: excessive ruminations, emotions are intense, reverberating endlessly, and soul crushing. Spiritual dread is overwhelming. All these happened while my relative was dying from cancer. I didn’t realize narcissists absolutely must thoroughly burn their victims to retro-causally justify all the harm, and preserve the perfection of their monkey image or reputation. I thought I could just keep working on my stuff and negotiate mutually beneficial compromises.

Fox. The strong genes meme is real. I am not going to survive.

Edited by nuwu

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3 minutes ago, nuwu said:

I don’t think I am going to survive. I updated the despair stack of mine in my profile. One year later and I am still suffering from chest pain and shortness of breath. I have seen countless health professionals with no definitive diagnosis, but they systematically treat me like trash.

I admit, I screwed up. I had a period when I thought I could contribute in open-source projects. I had an absolutely horrifying experience. I was obliterated by narcissistic moderators and sycophants of CEO from both exchanges and crypto-currencies. I didn’t realize narcissism was a thing. I was completely delulusional over a ‘everything is love’ mentality. In summary

- Random moderators throwing 'rocks' at users randomly, love-bombing others
- They see someone vulnerable, me, (weak Fe), they keep throwing things at me until I start being really concerned, stressed, emotionally damaged, and physically drained 
- I am in a perpetual loop of shock.
- Health is falling apart. At first, I thought a ikigai alignement of needs was possible. I get more and more attached to ideas, having to earn funds somehow to save myself from my health issues. 
- They kept doing it while I was in a critical health condition, openly bragging about the damages.
- I couldn't defend myself because these are just 'rocks', which individually doesn't represent significant damage. And due to weak Fe I am extremely bad at navigating emotionally inharmonious situations, which can be easily manipulated against me.
- 'rocks' means intimidation (dark web | smart-contract assassination threats), incitement to suicide, belittlement, racism, and eventually gaslighting and inversion attacks. Over and over.

Obviously, in retrospect I should’ve never ignored red flags. I used to give perspectives the benefits of the doubt. I obviously tried to much to go back to the love-bombing stages. Eventually, INTJ’s NiFi loop kicks in: emotions are intense, reverberating endlessly, and soul crushing. Spiritual dread is overwhelming. All these happened while my relative was dying from cancer. I didn’t realize narcissists absolutely must thoroughly burn their victims to retro-causally justify all the harm, and preserve the perfection of their monkey image or reputation. I thought I could just keep working on my stuff and negotiate mutually beneficial compromises.

Fox. The strong genes meme is real. I am not going to survive.

Really appreciate you typing all that out and keeping us updated. Thank you.

Have none of the professionals found anything of value? That's insane that you're dealing with something so nebulous. Any improvements at all?

I can relate to the narcissist stuff, I've had experiences with them as well. They aren't really human, if you see them as human they will pull you into their game. It is much better to see them as an alligator trapped in a human body or something. They use human emotions to their advantage, but do not feel them genuinely at all. Everything they say is to manipulate your emotions, no healthy relationship can ever come out of it. It is a real personality disorder and so it should be taken seriously. Sorry you had to go through it, but useful for future endeavours.

 


"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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