nuwu

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  1. Anyway, thanks everyone on this platform, and basically everything in Oneness. I kind of see what reality is about, after all those videos, pointers, concepts and models, even though it appears all of them will be eventually useless, and thrown away with any direct experiences. Please forgive me. I sincerely apologize for writing all this fears about consciousness. I understand each one of us is on their own journey but... IT'S. TOO. MUCH. @sholomar @gettoefl @hyruga @Thought Art I'm probably going with this. Living in the now, without worrying about spirituality or anything. I will still meditate, and use psychedelics once ready. It seems the only thing I have to never forget is to avoid making distinctions or sustaining fears. Maybe I could get some experiences suggesting me to go all the way through, or maybe I'm just not ready to break out from the dream within this lifetime. @ll Ontology ll I somewhat superficially understand how duality appears, but I can't accept it. Simply put, I want to keep playing games, even though I don't want to suffer, cause suffering or find myself in horrible states. But this is hard or impossible to sustain when one lives in illusions. That would be me @Nahm I know it sounds foolish or weird, but I'm trying to understand if I should keep flipping dice within new dreams or wake up... From a transcendental POV, enlightenment is always the right path "by design" but if we become so conscious and aware of everything that all delusions are unveiled, what is there do anymore? Wouldn't consciousness become the most boring thing ever? If there is nothing to experience, and no one to tell anything about, that's it? Just like this? Couldn't God, or parts of it, be able to lower their own consciousness in order to make new dreams if they want to, despite the loads of suffering? I am definitely becoming more aware of it. The whole field of reality has always been extremely caring. Everything I have ever been experiencing were created out of nowhere with pure kindness. This is incredible. But I can't be It. I don't have what it takes. I can't be as conscious as the universe or more. I like small insignificant dreams. I don't understand why there would be anything wrong with them, other than suffering and delusion, of course. It's not like being God has any more significance honestly. I understand survival is a perspective, but my experience of awareness wouldn't know about it. Even if it's an illusion, it's still the only the thing I will become aware of as long as I am asleep. Well, I thought it were pretty much a given, considering the abominations I write. @mandyjw Consciousness scared of consciousness. It's not funny, but I do believe it summarizes how I feel like. I wish I had never existed at all.
  2. I CAN'T WAKE UP I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP I DON'T WANT TO BE NOTHING I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE I give up. Please ban me.
  3. @Nahm I'm sorry... I can't into consciousness. I desperately need to understand. Why is there a need for politics, businesses / smart-contracts, video games, visual / musical / literature arts, or anything within duality... if there are only puzzles of meaninglessness perfectly looping onto themselves? If others don't exist, what's the point of even doing anything? Why would anyone take the risk of experiencing or creating any constructs when they could find themselves reincarnated in some hellish realm or bad trip after a while? Isn't the universe supposed to be relentlessly protecting me, or at least caring about me as much as it can? Don't get me wrong, it's not like the pathetic idiot I am has any other capacity than proving itself worthless, but the questions seem so essential... I'm tired of all this suffering and fears, but my mental health is awful. I'm just wondering what I can do in the short-term while I work on it and grind toward selflessness.
  4. I am unable to grasp why such a fundamental topic with undefined outcomes has so little feedback within this reality. There seems to be a lot of conflicting narratives around the experience of awareness in a non-dual state, compared to dualities, even within Leo's own posts and videos. - Is enlightenment inevitable (such as from physical death or after a low numbers of predestined reincarnation)? Should we fear missing out on the only exit from hell? Buddhism lectures us on how we are supposed to escape the cycle of rebirth and suffering through enlightenment, while Leo says everyone is enlightened from physical death (from their pov I assume) and "This. is. it. Don't make the process so grindy, enjoy it!". Which one is close to Truth? - Is the purpose of God to make dreams, or to help probes reach some kind of Heavenly state? Is the latter perfect understandings of Oneness in a singularity of Love? Is Oneness the endgame of life, or the beginning of the end of a new beginning? (God trying to experience its own Love again and again) - Is duality good, even if it is all illusion? Since alignment within the Self is an invariant, should we worry our lack of understandings/awareness causes suffering? - Some spiritual YouTubers claim Oneness has no "center", but it can creates new ones at will. Does it mean new cycles of dream can be created? Or is awareness of Infinity final? Maybe it can not be described because the experience transcend space and time? - Is duality the only way for God to experience anything? Are dreams the only thing to do in consciousness? What is it all about? - Is enlightenment prerequisite to any positive creativity in life? Or is it about quality of life? If you have answers to any of those questions, I would be grateful if they were shared. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be selfish or suffer, and I don't want to find my awareness "locked" out on some unpleasant state. Consciousness is too scary for me.
  5. @Nahm My ego is such an atrocity, I don't even know where to start. I feel incredibly empty and full of s**t, both at the same time. So miserable and disgusted by life I may have started being obsessed with ways to blame all this suffering on the "field" which would somehow have obscure mechanisms leading to huge misunderstandings and misery, if not properly harnessed by some magical construct or something. But to be honest, even within a dualistic mindset, this reasoning doesn't hold since if there is one thing I am sure about myself, deep down I want to understand feelings, prior to knowing. Nevertheless I... I may be really stupid but, what if the source of suffering were the fire by itself? What would I do? I am lost. I sincerely hoped there was some singularity of light connecting us, wanting everything to be as happy and comfy as possible, which would keep me safe no matter what states of consciousness I would find myself in... Yet the current world is such a painful sight. I really don't get it. In the end, I can see fragments of these in you and everything, so maybe it's not hopeless. I give up. This is interesting to consider. I don't actually need to be attached to thoughts in order to understand Truth. At least, I don't know if I have to, since the mechanism of understanding is undefined in my pov. Though there are some strong indications attachment leads to delusion. It's just so damn all terrifying. To the point, I don't know if I can blame myself for writing all those pitiful posts. I simply used to have some random monke dream in some random universe, and now suddenly my source of awareness is supposed to be the one of some infinite entity who created everything? What's even the meaning of this? Worst thing about this, what protects me from breaking my mind is the fact we are all in the same boat, and somehow this makes me feel a little bit safer. From what I understand from this path, I would still be stuck oscillating between first and second stages, with hardly any success in meditation and trips. I don't know if I'm too desperate, or have too many health issues to cope with in the first place (this has personally improved a lot for me lately, so it doesn't feel like its over yet). I've been wondering what it means to be alone. Is the appearance of other avatars in the dream even togetherness? Is it inherent to distinction within duality? Where (or when) is my awareness? It's just weird. I've always felt alone and stuck with those ideas of solipsism, and no one to hear me cry. I initially created this account with the intent of quickly getting banned through ruthless/inconsiderate/satiric funposting, to collect attention and to cope with loneliness for at least a brief period of time. @4201 Sorry again for the what you had to read in my previous replies. It wasn't targeted at you nor anyone, but myself. I'm posting satire from the bottom of hell. I feel like your first answer broke a dam from how my self-hatred got called a game, and how somehow I am deserving of anything. @Windappreciator Way too long...
  6. Is enlightenment a very urgent goal, if we really don't want to suffer or cause suffering? Leo said at some point everyone will be enlightened from physical death (aside from the fact they already are I mean). Should I worry that to not have enough meditation practice or psychedelics experience? Or should I just enjoy the ride and keep a smooth approach? Is everything going to be okay? please answer
  7. @Nahm I don't know what to express anymore. I am another drop of never-ending agony inside an ocean of futility. I don't know what could be realized from my perspective other than proving myself extremely deplorable and shameful. I can hardly talk about anything since I understand we all are the same, and all my fears arise from the structure of consciousness as a whole. But I can't contain it anymore, I really hate myself. I just want to disappear, as If I had never existed. I have been struggling with this for way too long and have been making no progress whatsoever. In the end it doesn't even matter, this is just another scream into the abyss that will be forgotten. I'm sorry for everything.
  8. @RendHeaven The point is, Leo's teachings are structured in a way implying art is evil, and physical suicide is the only option. This approach can itself become a wall of suffering and fear. @Windappreciator It's not based on logic, our feelings are king in the primeval waters.
  9. @Windappreciator I don't really know, but it's equivalent or based on intuition for goodness.
  10. @RendHeaven Well...... U_______________________________________U Aren't you supposed to be love? You should be praising me for magically spouting random nonsense out of nowhere, if anything. I'm funposting and sharing what I've found confusing in spirituality from my pov with the hope it can be helpful, that's all... Using some upside-down terminology in Leo's video could be for the best. This is the art and persona which is imagined, so it should be. But it seems imbalanced with explanations for the concept of pointer.
  11. The thing is, survival adequately works as a pointer, but lacks clarity on the fact it points to something that "isn't there", which is a projected lack of awareness and meta-understandings. Humans need to eat, sleep and reproduce for the same reason some artist feels the need to express his/her vision on a canvas. We imagine ourselves doing so, and attachment onto duality is a prior condition to how the vision comes to fruition. There is no actual holon who needs to hold onto something in order to survive, God is imagining its own dreams and artworks. @Breakingthewall Love overflows onto itself, and nobody wants to be in Heaven. What is happiness, anyway? Since consciousness has nothing to offer other than itself, it breaks itself apart intelligently into dualities to become its own gift. It's unclear if there is some evolution process or infinite perspectives just appeared "as-is", but either way I doubt it can be explained other than by magic. If we had to guess a model, experiences exist prior to physical layers and are constructed bottom-up from a state of no duality. Time is part of the gift. @gettoefl Ego doesn't exist. All me.
  12. @RendHeaven What we call evil is the lack of awareness, but survival, as a mechanism, doesn't exist. God loves itself too much to see its own suffering as problematic, unless it is directed into better states. @OneHandClap Basically, the way some artist will intentionally go through a harsh life in order to be accomplished, is a motion that can happen at all scales. Higher levels of holon, as for society or ideologies, can themselves have their own long-range creativity that involves some amount of suffering for each individuals within them. The combined overlapping of all those visions is the one of God. Wars, religions, ideas, identities, everything, were imagined the same way some artist will use contrasting colors and shapes on a painting. Those are very deliberate dualities which only look evil from a perspective. This idea aligns with what Leo talked about in some of his videos. I think the wide area of insights he is trying to cover in his teachings made him drift with conflicting/confusing symbols, which is the point of this topic. I don't see Love as a game, rather as some inexorable bindings within God's feelings. I think infinite consciousness sees finite states of suffering as "not that bad" or "literally nothing", considering how relatively wide and powerful it is compared to them. It doesn't worry about putting itself into those states as much as we assume it should. Suffering is still there and everything is the same. The difference is within intents. We are the roots of our own suffering. We have no one to blame, and no one to forgive. This is a perspectival and arbitrary guess on who is benefiting from Love. Some individuals are perfectly fine in misery, others enjoy the dramas, some like emotional roller-coasters, and some just want to chill. It's not possible to tell unless we can teleport inside their pov. Personally, I don't mind reasonable amount of suffering, if only I could know what's actually good or not. I believe the existence of God is based on convenience. This is by design. God is what God wants to be.
  13. @Thought Art The thing is, how do we know if the process of nourishing oneself, experiencing all the highs and lows, among other things, isn't the outcome of some artistically imagined dream? How do we know if society's attachment to foolish ideologies isn't some well-orchestrated narrative? What if attachment paves the way to creativity in a very deliberate way which includes suffering? Assuming God is free, consciousness can wrap or unwrap fears at will and imagine whatever finite states of consciousness it wants. The "letting go" symbol could actually point to the state of consciousness where the illusion of being enchained is overcome, but we are always free. Although it's hard to describe a single symbol well among others since every perspective has its own map of metaphysics. Love is crazy, brutal and irrational. Considering some random infinite being somehow managed to exist out of nowhere for no other reason than "well I love myself so I'm just going to create myself, simple as!". I don't find this as silly as it sounds. From my own experience, I have always been some pathetic desperate masochist fool, so it matches if extrapolated to infinity. Yes, kind of. This also implies the suffering we see and experience is entirely intentional, since this is what God accepted for itself. This isn't a new idea within spirituality though. Trying to prevent suffering could be like asking artists to stop doing what they believe in (to be clear, by art, I mean all holons within duality). I'm not saying those experiences are worth such amount of suffering. Maybe this is the only game in town, or maybe there are way better things to do in a non-dual state. @OneHandClap In the end, it barely changes anything. "Survival", as a symbol, still point towards the same "lack of meta-understandings"/"darkness"/"undesired cracks within our heart". We still have to go through the same process of letting go, which is re-contextualized as the alignment between some perspectival intuition and oneness. This is a small nuance, but tricky since the symbol for "attachment" is now confused with "intuition", and would not be evil in such context. I just believe it's weird that depending on our state of awareness, sometimes we are capable of overcoming massive amount of fears, sometimes we are not, and sometimes even capable of creating more of it. If Love were truly incapable of causing suffering to itself, fears would simply never be created nor overcome in the first place. Unity is preferred but not required within each perspective, the only driving factor being God's intuition for understandings and goodness. Leo wants us to achieve self-realization, but the consequence of his idea on survival leads to the fact everything we could possibly do within duality other than suicide, or the insensitive of it, is evil. I'm not saying this isn't the case, but it requires more explanations and self-inquiry in order to be accepted as an idea in my opinion. It's true, probably. worse thing about this is, we might not even know if it is even possible to know that this is actually impossible. Not to mention how the concept of "proof" doesn't hold very well. In the end, even "finite", "infinite", "perspective" and "no self" are symbols with a more or less fuzzy mapping. I guess, evil is a judgment over what each perspective sees as a better dream. In other words, it would come from the relative lack of context and awareness, and the will to share increasingly rich understandings. Then we have to be careful when spreading ideas about evil since it could open the gate to hell. Even if Love's suffering were deliberate, it doesn't mean it can't be alleviated. Maybe the concept of survival could still be helpful even if it were inaccurate as a pointer. Also this is all hypothetical, I'm not trying to push wicked ideas. Overall, I think the map proposed by Leo is very good, but it's still a map.
  14. This has to be the most controversial subject on actualized.org. Leo's videos are incredible, but they are conflicting in one area. What is survival, exactly? Note: I don't know anything. I only want to discuss about ways to relieve the curse imputed on me open-minded. I don't want to open a door to devilry, if it exists. The initial premise is, survival is some "tension" which enforces constraints onto the shape of reality, where fears accumulate onto themselves to preserve the structure of experiences within duality. And somehow from a transcendental POV we always live in the best reality possible. I can feel a few issues with those symbols: - It can be misunderstood as, there exists some evil force out-there causing suffering, separation and conflicts against love, which is loving and caring. In other words, it presumes overcomplication on what is. - It implies God is some extremely pathetic entity in the middle of nowhere who desperately cope with eternal cancer. This is so sad we might as well be better off believing in random junk if anything. - It disregards art as survival, and fails to explain the motion behind artistic vision which seeks itself in a non-random way, as re-unity within beauty. - It fails to explain its own self-referential paradox. If the understanding of survival is itself based on survival, how can it break itself apart? If everything that's not some meta-understanding is evil, why bother doing anything in this realm instead of simply killing myself right now? - It contradicts synchronicity and the "long-range creative intuition" behind the deep balance of the universe. What I'm suggesting is simple. Love doesn't care about its own suffering, at all. It is somewhat able to perceive goodness within intuition, and will make it happen no matter what. Collapsing and expending duality is a linear singular process which only strives for beauty and happiness. The holon structures of the universe are the combined perspectives of all artistic minds. Implications: - Every problems and dramas are fabricated. Solving and creating puzzles is the same thing, or rather, there is no puzzle, only intuitive leaps. Letting go of attachment is a self-accredited path to realization. - God is Satan, and deliberately causes massive amount of suffering because it is too stupid to not try too hard. For example, what is survival at a fundamental level in this context? What is your opinion on this, actualized.org? Thanks for the attention and replies btw, it makes me feel good