Overcoming resistance to approaching

[Noahsteelers34]

I attend one of the world's biggest college campuses with thousands of gorgeous women all around me. I want to talk to them so badly but there is so much resistance to it. I create so many excuses and stories for not talking to them, to the point where it stresses me out all the time because I know I want to but I just hesitate so much. 

The reason it drives me crazy is because I know I have natural talents when it comes to approaching. When I visited LA I slept with one of the first girls I talked to the same night after talking to her in the mall, and this was as a complete beginner. I've done multiple approaching workshops, and tons of other social freedom exercises on my own. it seems like I've done anything but actually talk to beautiful women.

[mr_engineer]

@Noahsteelers34 I'll tell you about my first cold-approach on the campus of a university that I attended. 

I was very busy that day. I had 15 minutes to spare. I see this really cute girl with beautiful hair. I want to approach her, but it's scaring the living daylights out of me, cuz I've never done it before. I make a split-second decision, I approach her and here's my line 'I just had 15 minutes to spare so I felt like talking to you right now. How are you doing?!' She had to run somewhere too, so she went her way. But, before parting, she gave a really bright, genuine smile and said 'Thank you'. I'm pretty sure that made her day. And, this was the end of my approach-anxiety. 

This is the most natural approach of my life. I truly felt like I was offering her my presence at that time, because my state was one of being driven, in the moment. I've tried doing pick-up in the traditional sense in the future, where I went to a shopping-street and approached girls. Came across really stupid, got blown out pretty badly. 

[NoSelfSelf]

You actually dont want to talk to them you just dont even know it...at one point you decided to talk to woman but years before that you have all the experiences and reason to not do it, cant be erased with just one decision...

Your mind is trying to help you not to speak to women by "self sabotaging" you...

Simple solution just do it

[UnbornTao]

7 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Simple solution just do it

Was going to say that.

[NoSelfSelf]

@UnbornTao Its so simple it cant possibly work !

[PenguinPablo]

9 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@UnbornTao Its so simple it cant possibly work !

Whattt???

Are you saying he's gay

[NoSelfSelf]

@PenguinPablo This happend to you atm 

???

?

 

[Noahsteelers34]

@NoSelfSelf

 

my mind is protecting me from the emotions and sensations that I have experienced previously, like awkwardness and embarrassment. So in a sense, I care more about that than I do about talking to her so in that sense I don't want to talk to her otherwise I would have.

[Noahsteelers34]

After you said the solution is "just do it" I saw a cute girl sitting next to me in the library, and just leaned over and started talking to her. It was a bit awkward and didn't go anywhere but just shows how much easier things are when we don't think and just act.

Edited February 17, 2023 by Noahsteelers34

[PenguinPablo]

@Noahsteelers34 your mind is tricking you. It's all a story to keep you trapped. Smoke some weed or something and really start to notice how your mind works.

I was stuck for years with this dipping my feet in the water nonsense. 

You can't fall for those mind tricks. 

Additionally. You will only be in University one time in your life. This is your only shot. There is a good deal of urgency. You will literally never have access to such a prime environment again in your life. With young beautiful girls.

 

[aurum]

7 minutes ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

After you said the solution is "just do it" I saw a cute girl sitting next to me in the library, and just leaned over and started talking to her. It was a bit awkward and didn't go anywhere but just shows how much easier things are when we don't think and just act.

Yes, a lot of times you just get in your own head about things. Even the idea that “I must overcome all my resistance to approaching” can be a sneaky form of avoidance. You are spending all your time attempting to overcome your resistance instead of actually doing the uncomfortable thing.

Really you want to work both angles. Yes, do inner work and introspection to work on your resistance. But don’t let that become an excuse either. At some point, good enough is good enough. You don’t need perfect inner game.

Another thing to consider though is that you are at college. I really don’t consider that a great environment for strong approaching. College is a social circle environment. You can use approaching as a tool in your toolbox if you want, but even then I would use it to focus more on building a large network of friends and relationships.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Noahsteelers34 Nice one! Second step is now replaying in your mind in what way you want to talk to her, what did you do good and what you didnt then change it for yourself..again just doing it...

Beware where is your focus was it on her looks and how cute it is or your action on what you have to do and just doing it...

Game is basically like opening the door, you dont have emotional reaction opening the door you just doing it...

Same with girls you just speak the way you want to speak and doing it just like opening door...

You know how to open door ,how much pressure to apply, what angle to push thats being gamed up...

Now you need that with girls...

Edited February 17, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Noahsteelers34]

@aurum I would tend to agree, except for the fact that I already have a pretty good social circle and I'm not getting laid. My main goal is to get better at talking to women so my only option is to stop avoiding talking to new women.

@PenguinPablo so how did you overcome this dipping your feet in the water approach? I feel like I'm so so close yet so so far from being the confident guy I want to be.

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

 

Game is basically like opening the door, you dont have emotional reaction opening the door you just doing it...

this is an incredible analogy, I went out and met a bunch of new people on campus the other day and this is exactly what it felt like. I was just in this state where there was no separation between my intention and my action. My problem is I can get into this state, but then always run back to my comfortable shell and just dread being social. And then I shame myself for being introverted and not talking to pretty girls and literally end up thinking about it all day in this internal battle with myself cuz part of me wants to and part of me doesn't want to.

[Noahsteelers34]

@PenguinPablo Thanks man 

[Chives99]

whats the worst thats going to happen? maybe what you really fear is having a mediocre interaction and being disillusioned by it. I'm afraid thats going to be the case for most people with it not going anywhere, which is why leo stresses having to make 1000s of approaches to be god like and even then no guarantees, I think the trick is, is to forget about the future and just focus on interacting right now, imagine the future doesnt exist