How do I come to terms of being average looking?

[chris_chu_7]

So this has been bothering me for a while now, but I don't want to be average looking anymore. I want to be attractive. Really attractive. Like, women turn their heads like in the movies, or towards my attractive friends. Unfortunately, I know that's never going to happen.

Call me vain if you want, call my shallow if you want, say that there's a lot of people way worse off than you, nothing helps. No therapist was able to get me to be content for being average. I think I have improved in the sense I don't react nearly as negatively for being called average but I know in the back of my head, it still bothers me. I stuff this "averageness" in the back of my head, trying to numb it by keeping myself distracted, which is why I was playing a game during my therapy session today to try to numb this thing bothering me instead of facing it face on.

Instead of pure denial and rage, I instead play the avoidance game/numbing the pain by distracting myself. I remember a few weeks ago I paid someone to provide me aesthetics advice, and he agreed I was average with slightly above average potential if I do everything in my power to improve my physical attractiveness, which was a bit upsetting because I really wanted to be as attractive as possible, especially with my friends. I see all my friends date women they are attracted to, being shown interest from women that they like, even going as far as having them initiate, smile at them. I have never experienced this myself, and from this I learned how much looks affects your standing in society, which makes me HAVING to get to that top 10%. So even thought I know it, when I get told I'll never be near this, even if I put more effort than 99% of men, it's upsetting. 

How do I cope and suck it up? I've tried other tactics, like making friends, going outside, being thankful, but I just can't shake this thought. Maybe I can try being homeless for a few days, and seeing the perspective of how good I have it? Would this be a reasonable idea? 

[integral]

Women only care about your vibe and how you make them feel. Radiate positive energy, fun energy, playfulness, confidence, be interesting, emotional and social intelligence, self love.

Edited October 29, 2022 by integral

[Leo Gura]

On 10/28/2022 at 11:51 AM, chris_chu_7 said:

Like, women turn their heads like in the movies, or towards my attractive friends.

That's not going to happen and it's silly to desire such a thing. Women don't work that way. No woman is ever gonna run up to you and ask you out for a date.

Stop living in fantasies. Your goal should simply be to find a great girlfriend, which you can certainly do as an average looking guy.

Get your head out of your butt and start thinking clearly about the future you want to create. Let go of childish fantasies and think seriously about what actually matters.

Edited October 30, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Chives99]

How do you know women don't find you handsome me and my mates have very different tastes in women , im sure you've turned a few heads, but your defeatest attitude is certainly a turn off. Pretend all women find u attractive , doesn't matter if it's not true but it will give u the positivity 

[Breakingthewall]

appearance is irrelevant. the important thing is what you have inside, your passion, your courage, your intelligence, your integrity, your love for life. but if the only thing you have inside is your concern about how others see you... well, in that case it can be said that yes, you are an average guy

[Hardkill]

On 10/28/2022 at 11:51 AM, chris_chu_7 said:

So this has been bothering me for a while now, but I don't want to be average looking anymore. I want to be attractive. Really attractive. Like, women turn their heads like in the movies, or towards my attractive friends. Unfortunately, I know that's never going to happen.

I can tell you as someone who has always been well above average looking that I only had girls in middle school, high school, and somewhat in college compliments my looks and some of them were into me to the point of even asking me out and then asking me to be their boyfriend. However, the girls who asked me out and wanted me to be their boyfriend were ones I was not attracted to because to me they were barely average looking. After my college years, I stopped getting compliments on my looks from random girls and I actually never lost my virginity until I was 27 turning 28. Some of reasons include having been always socially behind due to having Asperger's, never really tried asking out the girls that I was attracted to because I was way too shy, overthinking like crazy on how to socialize with other, had very unrealistic expectations with dating and sex, played video games too much, got heavily involved in a lot of sports and fitness activities, watched too much porn, spend too much time also surfing the web for other stuff, didn't have any good dating coaches or PUA experts available to help me develop my social and seduction skills, etc.