So this has been bothering me for a while now, but I don't want to be average looking anymore. I want to be attractive. Really attractive. Like, women turn their heads like in the movies, or towards my attractive friends. Unfortunately, I know that's never going to happen.
Call me vain if you want, call my shallow if you want, say that there's a lot of people way worse off than you, nothing helps. No therapist was able to get me to be content for being average. I think I have improved in the sense I don't react nearly as negatively for being called average but I know in the back of my head, it still bothers me. I stuff this "averageness" in the back of my head, trying to numb it by keeping myself distracted, which is why I was playing a game during my therapy session today to try to numb this thing bothering me instead of facing it face on.
Instead of pure denial and rage, I instead play the avoidance game/numbing the pain by distracting myself. I remember a few weeks ago I paid someone to provide me aesthetics advice, and he agreed I was average with slightly above average potential if I do everything in my power to improve my physical attractiveness, which was a bit upsetting because I really wanted to be as attractive as possible, especially with my friends. I see all my friends date women they are attracted to, being shown interest from women that they like, even going as far as having them initiate, smile at them. I have never experienced this myself, and from this I learned how much looks affects your standing in society, which makes me HAVING to get to that top 10%. So even thought I know it, when I get told I'll never be near this, even if I put more effort than 99% of men, it's upsetting.
How do I cope and suck it up? I've tried other tactics, like making friends, going outside, being thankful, but I just can't shake this thought. Maybe I can try being homeless for a few days, and seeing the perspective of how good I have it? Would this be a reasonable idea?
