Health problems and video game addiction

[JoshuaBell]

I had like an almost schizophrenic break about 2 years ago and was convinced something was wrong with my body and that I needed to fix it and now my body doesn’t work properly mechanically because I contorted it like a pretzel and it kinda got stuck. It’s extremely painful to live with and I’m not able to sit or stand or really do anything comfortably. Exercise is nearly impossible except walking. This has left me with a serious feeling of hopelessness and I’ve experienced periods of suicidal depression. I wake up and seem to have no purpose at all. I’ve got 3 tabs of acid in my drawer but I’m not sure when I want to take them. And my mind rationalizes like “oh the trips gonna end and you’ll just go back to your normal egoic state anyways.” Which I feel is usually the case. I watched one of Leo’s video on meditation and it really motivated me to start. I’ve tried transcendental meditation and other techniques in the past but got no appreciable results and got frustrated and quit. I don’t really do anything all day except play World of Warcraft on my computer. I feel very resistant toward getting a job and quitting WoW and doing something for myself. I feel the addiction to the game stems from the fact that it’s stimulating and dopamine rewards and gives me something to do. I feel as though my attention span is that of a goldfish. There seems to be an internal struggle of me wanting to improve my life and simultaneously a fear of losing the comfort of my depressing life situation or not wanting to give up WoW because I invested so much time into the game and it’s really the only skill I have. It’s hard to deal with the physical pain that I feel and it’s hard to not give in to the urge to escape the feeling. I am going to meditate for 20 min a day everyday from now on but I worry that if I continue to play video games all the meditating will be of no use and will basically go to waste. 
It feels like there’s a void inside me that can’t ever be filled, yet I try it fill it with superficial shit anyways. Maybe I need therapy

I feel like the game meets my needs in some pseudo way like the need to socialize and the need for progression and the need for healthy competition (I only like to pvp in the game) and feel very overwhelmed at the responsibility of steering my life in the right direction. I’m 22 years old and I haven’t really done anything since I got out of high school. I feel very inferior to everyone because of this condition with my body. I feel like I should go become a monk or something, because if I don’t use my computer I’ll end up becoming addicted to watching tv or YouTube videos. The internet went out for like 10 minutes today and I realized how attached to the internet I’ve been all my life. I’ve done acid and shrooms before and have had fun experiences and honestly I don’t really care to socialize or do any of that I just want to be in a blissed out state or feel actual clarity. I need help, where should I start in rebuilding my life?

Edited April 1, 2022 by JoshuaBell

[Raze]

Start a meditation practice. For a free online meditation training try unified mindfulness or the brightmind app.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0A6Rw7KnvA

you can also try “break through pain” and “break through difficult emotions” by Shinzen Young to help live with your life situation 

meditation can also be used to quit an addiction by handling urges

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

[Ima Freeman]

@JoshuaBell Your problem could be heavy metal poisoning. Not uncommon these days. Your individual problems point to it.

Leo has a video on it and there are many resources here too.

 If it is, then nothing will help much other than detoxing.

[OceanRiver]

@JoshuaBell best wishes much strength courage love fortitude and everything you need for your fight ????????

[Grateful Dead]

Set small goals that will help you achieve something in the real world. Start with deleting WoW and fix your body to make you feel comfortable again. You are still young figure out what you want to do with your live and work towards it step by step. If you are always in a blissful state then what? Use psychedelics and actually contemplate your live, meditation and therapy are also good.

Maybe start with the yoga program this guy did:

[Rokazulu]

Yes, a new direction is indeed possible. I was also hit with many schizophrenic breaks with reality, as well, born with a brachial plexus injury of my right arm (so it looks slightly distorted and weaker than my left). Like you, I indulged exclusively in video games for a good portion of my life and only developed a single skill within editing fancy looking PvP videos.

I definitely did not attempt to do anything else until I was about 27 years old. There I began to actually have a desire to engage in other projects. Since I was so apt in video games, I figured i would start making them. And so I created "Path of Vidya" where I basically logged some of my extreme existential crises to the world, while sneakily infiltrating some spiritual wisdom into the mix for anyone to enjoy in a video game format.

I suppose why I am telling you all of this, is so you know that you can pick up a skill at any point in your life and start the journey of creating. Does not matter if you become good or not, it is more about exploring your self outside the virtual realm. All you have to do is find something that seems as though it would be interesting to learn, and then do it for whatever shred of time your energy will allow.

Edited April 8, 2022 by Rokazulu

[Preety_India]

Start with small exercises. Also visit a doctor about your physical condition..