A hidden strength - beat loneliness

[SwiftQuill]

I recently came across a hidden strength within me. I have tapped into it a few times in my life, but it never lasted long, not longer than a few seconds. But I need to provide some context first.

For most of my life I suffered from crippling loneliness and depression due to my lack of friendships. Recently I was diagnosed with asperger's, things started making a lot more sense. In the past I would beat myself so hard for being a "social loser" and I would be a people pleaser (being a people pleaser doesn't work at all btw, on one will like you if you act like one). So after so much suffering, a lot of suffering and periods of low self esteem, for the first time I forgave myself. I no longer see myself as a social loser, I see myself as just a human being, neurodivergent. I discovered that I am not AT ALL playing the same game as everyone around me. For me, the fact that I have a stable job and I get along with people relatively well, I should consider it a success. But anyway enough of that.

I watched Leo's video "The Root Solution To People Pleasing & Loneliness", I've watched it a couple of times. The first time I watched it, it didn't hit me hard, it made sense in theory but in practice I thought it was difficult, impractical. How wrong I was. I've been doing a lot of mindfulness lately, I've been questioning my suffering and my frustrations with people, and I became aware that they have no power over me. That sentence Leo said "Take back the sovereignty" is so true. We are so foolish in life, we spend so much time deluded, looking for external validations, we look for compliments, we look for people to "love" us. It's all a delusion. All of it. It's not just my opinion, at this point I consider it a fact.

I can't say I never feel lonely now. Of course I do, but nowadays I don't suffer nearly as much. I don't throw pity parties, I don't waste much time and energy being frustrated. I look at social situations with more awareness. I wish I could put it into words. I feel quite powerful when I look into my delusions and say "No, I don't need this. I don't need this person to like me. F*ck this person, f*ck validations. I do what I want, this is my life dammit!"

If you struggle with loneliness and people pleasing. Don't "try" to overcome it. Don't resist it. I recommend just observe it. Observe your own reactions, observe your inner desires. Eventually you will reach an epiphany and transcend your problem. Here is a warning though, this power is stronger than you imagine. Sometimes, nowadays, I contemplate becoming a hermit. Because I genuinely feel I don't need other people, at all. So once you find this hidden strength, don't go crazy with it, don't let it make you deluded into believing that you HAVE to become a hermit to be happy. I am trying to be happy living in society, I am still working on my social skills, I still plan on meeting new people. But now I feel a lot more in control over my emotions.

You look for love in other people, but you already contain a lot of love within yourself. I know it sounds cheesy and BS, but it's true.

[Cathal]

nice <3 yeah, i think the journey of really understanding yourself truly you can just accepted yourself and truly just BE yourself, be your wounds, be what you are, express yourself as you are- naturally you attract the people who are right for you, although loneliness is a very difficult journey

you could reframe it as an emotion trying to communicate you need to find the right people for you and it wants the best for you

[Spence94]

@SwiftQuill It doesn't sound like cheesy bullshit bro. Sounds legit. 

@catcat69123

On 01/03/2022 at 1:27 AM, catcat69123 said:

BE yourself, be your wounds, be what you are

Now that's transformation.

[Ryan_047]

I'm very, very lonely. Not gonna get into details. 

As I've read this I felt worse because I had thoughts of "human connection and intimacy won't help me even if I get it huh". That translated into more desperation. 

I'm not going to take what you say as dogma and try to back track the process, but I'm curios of how you do this:

On 2/28/2022 at 5:32 PM, SwiftQuill said:

just observe it

The problem is that I get overwhelmed and end up paralyzed wishing for more emotional support, which I know I'm not gonna get. Then that translates into inaction and living in zombie-land. 

[Spence94]

@Ryan_047 Usually there is alot more going on inside of us that manifests in the form of loneliness. Observing it it is one part of the equation. Doing the deeper inner work and overall Self transformation are the other parts of the equation.

It won't happen in one insight. 

[Gianna]

Wow, thank you for sharing. 

[Breakingthewall]

a reflection on loneliness: when you socialize, do you seek to impress? Are you looking to provoke a reaction in the other? assert yourself? If so, you are a beggar. It is very possible that loneliness surrounds you, or that you surround yourself with other beggars in need of approval, and you feel more alone than alone.

if what you are looking for is to give, open up, share, flow... people will look for you. and contacts with people, even brief, will erase your loneliness.