Help! Getting Destroyed By Inner Deamon

[electroBeam]

For about 2 months now, embarresingly, ive developed a fear for the dark. Ive also developed an intense constant sense of fear/anxiety. Though Ive had general anxiety all my life, and this sort of anxiety is nothing like that, its more of a sort of fear for my life, hypothetically speaking, it would be similar to someone who is afraid of being assasinated. 

This fear, im fairly certain, has developed from my daily meditation. The fear got so strong, that I stopped meditating for an entire week, and distracted myself into my career, and social life, which effectively reduced the anxiety. Though i decided to start meditating again, and unsuprisingly the fear has come back.

I don't know what to do, I want to keep meditating of course, but the deep contemplation of existence has gotten to the point, where its starting to feel very scary(the world is very unknown), and its making me feel very lonely. 

This is obviously one symptom of the dark sides of meditation, but i cant shake this fear, and this fear is super terrifying. 

 

Any suggestions lol?

tl;dr: have developed a deep, constant existential fear due to meditation. How to resolve it?

[Gabriel Antonio]

I have had a similar experience. I have been doing a lot of comfort zone challenges, which means I am constantly challenging my fear. I have gone so far with stepping outside of my comfort zone that I feel I need a break.

My intuition is to keep meditating no matter what. I feel this fear and anxiety phase I am going through is a phase necessary for a deep purification. The point is to know when confront the fear head-on and when to choose not to fight the dragon.

I feel like confronting fear is like going into a black hole. It is so magnetic yet it is so scary, because it feels as if there will be nothing left, it feels as if there's no way out.

 

[Tancrede Pouyat]

I'm currently spiritually purifying my 17th year of existence. Back then, I was depressed, I played video games until really really late at night, and I ate a lot of shit foods. And, of course, everybody around me resisted everything I did.

I can relate to you. Let me tell you one thing: IT'S AWESOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I essentially did when I realized it was happening was flipping the suffering on its head, and enjoying it.

I know it sounds hard to do, but, honestly, it's not. It's just NOT! This shift just happened for me, I just had to let go.

I remember specifically when it happened: I was out on a walk, with the sun shining directly towards my face, and I just realized that I was in the middle of this spiritual purification, and that everything happening was perfectly normal, so I just let go, and TA-DAAAA!

[cetus]

@electroBeamDo you think it could be something hidden that is trying to surface from your subconscious? I'm not saying it is but it could be a possibility.

[Prabhaker]

26 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

this fear is super terrifying

Allow fear. Only one thing is to be understood: when you allow fear and you tremble, watch it, enjoy it, and in that watching you will transcend it. You will see the body is trembling, you will see the mind is trembling but you will come to feel a point within you, a deep centre which remains unaffected. The storm passes by but somewhere deep within you is a centre that is untouched: the centre of the cyclone.

Allow fear, don’t fight it. Watch what is happening. Go on watching. As your watching eye becomes more penetrating and intense, the body will be trembling, the mind will be trembling, but deep within you will be consciousness, which simply is a witness, which only watches. It remains untouched, like a lotus flower in water. Only when you attain that will you attain fearlessness.

But that fearlessness is not being unafraid. That fearlessness is not bravery. That fearlessness is a realisation that you are two — a part of you that will die and a part of you that is eternal. That part which is going to die is going to remain always afraid. And the part that is not going to die, which is immortal — for it there is no point in being afraid. Then a deep harmony exists.

You can use fear for meditation. Use all that you have for meditation so that you go beyond.                             

[Aware]

@electroBeam Just be ready to sit in the middle of it.

 

Accepting, is just bombard yourself straight into it. Ready to get it consciously more fearful then it already is to lose fear over fear.

 

Everything that attains awareness, is doomed to transform. Now fear can only transform in love. "Stop your little whining, get into it!"

Edited January 8, 2017 by Aware

[Martin123]

@electroBeam Sup My dude! =D
Surrender. Surrender to your experience. It is not random. Nothing that ever happens to you is random. It is the beautiful expression of life, as you are. Life will guide itself through you. You cannot control it. You will not control it. But life cannot lay on you anything you wouldn't handle. Give it up. Life has its own ideas of what it wants to do with you.
You will not do anything in this process, unless you wanna stop the process. Life will flower by itself, you only need to allow it. Allow life, allow release, allow experience, allow the present moment.
Your inner demons are life, just like bliss. It will get balanced out, as soon as you allow, the magic will happen.

[philosogi]

@electroBeam maybe this is obvious, but the world/universe will still continue to do the same things now as it did before you started enlightenment work. So none of the external factors will actually change for you; it's just your perspective. Why then is there more fear now than before? 

I also agree with others who suggested to ground yourself with physical activity. I've experienced getting too cerebral with these concepts/inquiries/meditations, etc., and paying more attention to core feelings within the body helped.