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roopepa

What is a home?

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About six years ago, when I was 17, my family and I moved out from my childhood home. At the time, I didn't really think much of it. I was kind of excited about it, it was fun to experience new things.

After the move, I started experiencing depression. Some years later, anxiety, some physical illness, eventually even alcohol and cannabis abuse, and all this culminated as my rock bottom, a kind of psychotic episode.

All these mental and physical problems I believe are in some way connected. I think something started it all, and it was probably me losing my childhood home.

I was unconscious of this for a long time. I think I pushed it away, tried to forget it. But today it became very clear to me how much I miss that house. It's hard to explain how I feel about it. I'm quite sensitive to intuition, emotions and "energy". That house is really important to me, emotionally and energetically speaking. It's the only place I feel like home.

I see dreams about it. Very vivid and sometimes lucid dreams. I feel very emotional every time I'm there in my dreams. And I feel weird about the current owners who bought the house from us. I don't feel angry for them, but I feel kind of resentful. In one dream, I even murdered the current resident because he came there while I was throwing a party. :D:ph34r:

I can't picture any other place in the world that would make me feel as home and as centered, secure and peaceful as that place. If I had the money, I would quite literally pay double for it. And there is physically speaking nothing special about that house! It's just a simple, three-bedroom house, nothing crazy. But somehow everything just flows right there. Everything feels right.

It's like I can't feel home anywhere else. I feel ungrounded and disconnected. I don't have a home! And I think it made me quite literally sick, mentally and physically.

What do you guys think "a home" or "a house" is, fundamentally, energetically/emotionally speaking? What happened to me?


Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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One thing that came to mind is that, I would definitely be really careful in identifying the physical actual location of that home as the root problem, or cause of this issue you're having. To look deeper within and see the source is within you, I think as long as that is clear you'll definitely find the answer you're looking for at some point


just be here, if you can do it this moment you can do it the next moment

this is the now, now is all that is real, the truth is now, not your concept or experience, just this

is there suffering in this ? work to be done young jedi. me

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It just may be some kind of trauma that you feel ungrounded outside of that home, I mean I feel like you already made a lot of conceptual sense of this. And maybe it's time to find ways to work with it on a felt level sensation, how can you work to get to the pain of being pulled away from the place that made you safe and all that, perhaps a part of your inner child remains their in your mind and you can communicate to it via journaling or something. Therapy is useful for inner child work, way better than doing it yourself. Also breathwork has worked well for me


just be here, if you can do it this moment you can do it the next moment

this is the now, now is all that is real, the truth is now, not your concept or experience, just this

is there suffering in this ? work to be done young jedi. me

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Mother, father,

and a good night sleep

Edited by Twenty
You should go back before you lose those feelings. It's already calling you.

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Essentially what is going on is thoughts saying you aren't ok where you are. It's possible those thought patterns got started and just kept getting stronger. 

Where I grew up was in the middle of the woods. I slept SO peacefully. I also spent a ton of time in the woods, everyday. There was almost no history of anything being built and anyone having lived there before, it was just woods. When we my husband and I bought an old house in an old neighborhood, I realized that I was very sensitive to "past" energies. Started waking up in the night with the delirium sense that there were people around me, with me. I didn't like having neighbors, it felt wrong for a very long time. I even completely regretted buying the house for years, even though at the time we looked at it I was overtaken with some kind of wonder and feeling of potential that wasn't logical. Sometimes walking around the neighborhood, I'd feel like I stepped into a fairytale. Weirdly synchronistic things happened, I felt things I couldn't explain. To fully explain all of what transpired, I'd have to write a book, but the point is sometimes you have to transition into a place and it takes time. The weird sense of presences in the  night stopped at some point recently. Many years later, it feels like home in a way I never could have imagined. And I know if I left here, the same thing could happen somewhere else. I'm not limited to or stuck staying anywhere, but there are endless things to discover. 

While I can relate a lot, I think you might be associating a simpler time with home. Being a young adult is very challenging time for a lot of people. But now you get to take aspects from home and create something that you envision, something that's even better than what you're missing. But you can't as long as you're missing it. 

Everywhere is home. Sometimes when I go on a long trip I realize that my idea of home is relative. What is a long drive and is far from home on a daytrip seems like "a big welcome home" on the return drive home from a very long road trip. 

There are a number of things you can do to make where to live now home. Rituals, sage, tuning forks, decorating, routines, etc. I'd look into any that call to you. Mostly these are actions that aid in the letting go of thoughts that say "I ought to be somewhere else." FOMO and homesickness are actually the same thing. Mediation gets us to see that thought creates that feeling of being unsettled. I think the deeper desire here is "I want to feel at home everywhere". Sometimes before we examine and are aware of the deeper desire it's translated to us as a more particular material desire. 

 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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For me a house/home is where I come tired and get some rest, peace, comfort and quiet. 

Unfortunately the concept of home never existed. I remember as a child when I was only 4 and there was a lot of noise in my home. My mother used to yell at me. There was no home for me. 

I ran away from home many many times only to be discovered by relatives and returned back to my broken home. 

My death wish was to have a beautiful peaceful home and my whole life is an endeavor towards that. Everyday baby steps. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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On 11/27/2021 at 4:19 PM, roopepa said:

And I think it made me quite literally sick, mentally and physically.

You’re feeling your home there, the only one you’re ever in. Best to listen imo. Love might be saying, make yourself a home. But you might be going to distractions, which have gained momentum, or so it sounds. That house is this love. 

Another approach might be, create the life you actually want to experience. Then, I suspect you would find it enjoyable to peruse the old hood, appreciating where you came from, desiring only for the home’s new inhabitants to experience their dreams as well. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

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3 hours ago, Nahm said:

You’re feeling your home there, the only one you’re ever in. Best to listen imo. Love might be saying, make yourself a home. But you might be going to distractions, which have gained momentum, or so it sounds. That house is this love. 

Another approach might be, create the life you actually want to experience. Then, I suspect you would find it enjoyable to peruse the old hood, appreciating where you came from, desiring only for the home’s new inhabitants to experience their dreams as well. 

Hey I want my penthouse in Boston. 

Don't ask me guys.... women. I will never understand. 

 

Edited by Zeroguy

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A home is belonging. Belonging is a feeling state that is so inherent to our being that when you lose it I believe it can be one of the most debilitating traumas. I would do inner journey work into when you lost your feeling of belonging. And maybe see if it was around the time that you had left that house. You can do visualization to reintegrate aspects of you that were lost or left in that house. Regardless, you do not need to physically go back or be back in that house to reconnect with the feeling place of belonging. Belonging is so inherent to our being that it is not something that can actually ever leave you or be lost or taken away. It is literally equivalent to trying to take the paper out of paper– no matter if you shred it up into tiny pieces, each piece still holds the inherent 'paper' within it– just as you inherently hold yourself within you. It can never not be with you. 

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