Resistance to Love

[Gianna]

I gave a man a compliment and his entire body tensed up. It's like he wanted the interaction while simultaneously running away from it. Why are we so closed off to receiving each other's love?

It's easy to give. People feel good about giving, it's why they do it. Because when we give, it makes us believe we are good. But when it comes to receiving, this goodness goes out the window. We cannot believe we are good when receiving, so we close ourselves. Suddenly, people do not want to believe they are good. They do not and will not think to themselves, "I am good. So I let myself receive this. I let myself receive this because I am good and I want to feel myself as good." Instead, they can only imagine themselves feeling and being good when they are giving to someone else. Why is this? 

It is because we are living in a world built on conditional love. The world that says, "I can only feel good when I give and I know I deserve it. If I do nothing, I cannot know I deserve anything. And so I cannot receive anything without knowing I deserve it." The world that sounds like, "if I receive and I do not give back, I am worthless. I am only worth what I can give. I don't deserve to receive while doing nothing, being nothing." 

We need to open ourselves up to unconditional love from one another. We need to feel our bodies. We need to let the feeling in our bodies manifest without resistance. We need to love deeply and let love fall deeply. 

[Hulia]

Did you watch a movie "Normal people"? I will never undertsand it. Never. I mean the male character in it.

[Kamo]

18 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I gave a man a compliment and his entire body tensed up. It's like he wanted the interaction while simultaneously running away from it. Why are we so closed off to receiving each other's love?

It's easy to give. People feel good about giving, it's why they do it. Because when we give, it makes us believe we are good. But when it comes to receiving, this goodness goes out the window. We cannot believe we are good when receiving, so we close ourselves. Suddenly, people do not want to believe they are good. They do not and will not think to themselves, "I am good. So I let myself receive this. I let myself receive this because I am good and I want to feel myself as good." Instead, they can only imagine themselves feeling and being good when they are giving to someone else. Why is this? 

It is because we are living in a world built on conditional love. The world that says, "I can only feel good when I give and I know I deserve it. If I do nothing, I cannot know I deserve anything. And so I cannot receive anything without knowing I deserve it." The world that sounds like, "if I receive and I do not give back, I am worthless. I am only worth what I can give. I don't deserve to receive while doing nothing, being nothing." 

We need to open ourselves up to unconditional love from one another. We need to feel our bodies. We need to let the feeling in our bodies manifest without resistance. We need to love deeply and let love fall deeply. 

Actually its more likely because he got stuck in his own mind. He most likely thought you were interested in him, as guys will normally assume this when complimented by a woman, so he became self conscious and unsure of the proper response. He most likely felt the need to want to make sure he said the right things which created the inner resistance. 

[Gianna]

@Hulia Not a movie but a Hulu series! Is that the one you are referring to? 

 

30 minutes ago, Kamo said:

he got stuck in his own mind.... he most likely felt the need to want to make sure he said the right things which created the inner resistance.

Yes. Regardless of the how, he still did not open his heart up to receive my love. He got trapped in his head, instead of feeling the love he could have received in his body. 

Edited August 1, 2021 by Gianna

[Kamo]

6 minutes ago, Gianna said:

@Hulia Not a movie but a Hulu series! Is that the one you are referring to? 

 

Yes. Regardless of the how, he still did not open his heart up to receive my love. He got trapped into his head, instead of feeling the love he could have received in his body. 

At that time he could only operate from the current level of consciousness he was at. The option to open up was not available to his train of thoughts. When he grows himself more those options will come online for him. From you current level of consciousness that option is obvious to you, and for him it just wasnt the cards he had on hand lol.

Edited August 1, 2021 by Kamo

[Hulia]

20 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Not a movie but a Hulu series! Is that the one you are referring to? 

Movie.. series.. what is the difference? I will never understand

 

[Gianna]

We want the very thing we are the most afraid of– Love, Union, Death. These words are synonymous and are the reason why we are so fucking confused in this life. 

We want to love but we won't let ourselves die– so how can we love?
We want union but are afraid to lose our separation– so how can we unite? 

We are like moths who go toward the light because it is all we desire. But when reaching it we pull away because we sense death when we are close. Well, what we intuit is true. We will die when we let ourselves Love. When we reach the light it burns us to heaven. 

To love is to lose yourself. It is why people love watching t.v., love playing a sport, a game, or conversating. It's why people love going to sleep. All of your worries, stress, anxieties, fears, limitations– they are gone. They are out the window because you are out of the window. You are gone with the wind; one with the wind. Our self is dead. Suddenly we are everything. 

To love is to become something bigger. Have you heard of synergy? Synergy is what you are, not either of the two making it up. Are you brave enough to let yourself become this nothingness? 

Bravery is not a choice it's a commitment. You are either committed or not, there is no in-between. Have you noticed that the best players, athletes, fighters, snowboarders, business leaders, even porn stars, are the ones that fully commit? A person that shreds down a mountain at incredible speeds, a person that rides across a wave, walks across a tightrope, flys between a mountain range in a wingsuit. These people are free because they are brave. They are brave because they let themselves go and fully commit to the unknown. To death. To Love. 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Gianna

[Dumuzzi]

Many men feel threatened by attractive women. Some are outright terrified. Can't really see into the mind of this one, but he was probably taken aback by your gesture and thought you must be up to no good, perhaps you even have a hidden agenda.

In general, if an attractive woman comes up to a man and gives him a compliment, alarm bells start ringing straight away and you immediately assume that she wants something from you, perhaps even something nefarious. IRL when that happens, most of the time it will be a prostitute, pickpocket, scam artist or some other shady figure.

[RickyFitts]

Not for the first time, Gianna, you've hit on something very important. Funnily enough, I started a thread on another forum a few years back with the exact title of this one (it was about my own struggles with receiving love, feeling unworthy, etc.) - it's probably the single issue I've struggled with the most.

On 8/1/2021 at 10:44 PM, Gianna said:

I gave a man a compliment and his entire body tensed up. It's like he wanted the interaction while simultaneously running away from it. Why are we so closed off to receiving each other's love?

This is something I noticed in myself when I was starting to awaken about nine years back, I realised that I ached for connection at the same time that I was utterly terrified of it. It's just as you say, I sensed that it would be the death of me in some way and I was just too scared to let myself die, I feared annihilation; I think I'm reaching a point now where it's just too exhausting and demoralising to keep resisting, it's just no way live.

On 8/1/2021 at 11:35 PM, Gianna said:

Yes. Regardless of the how, he still did not open his heart up to receive my love. He got trapped in his head, instead of feeling the love he could have received in his body. 

How did that make you feel, out of interest? Upset, rejected, frustrated, or did you just accept that he simply wasn't able to receive love?

[Gianna]

On 8/6/2021 at 5:05 PM, RickyFitts said:

How did that make you feel, out of interest?

It made me feel empathetic, love, connection (through relating), and sorrow. 

[Marcel]

@Gianna

You are absolutely right, speaking from my own experience, i can barely remember the last time somebody made me a compliment.

Something that is also pretty important is touch, just a simple tap on the shoulder, elbow or upper back area can make a big difference.

Or just simple encouragement, like "I believe in you" or "You can do it" ´can change a persons life to the  good forever.

 

[Gianna]

@Marcel Exactly. Just shows how deprived we all are of validation, love, touch, support, etc. 

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

It made me feel empathetic, love, connection (through relating), and sorrow. 

That's beautiful 

3 hours ago, Marcel said:

 

Something that is also pretty important is touch, just a simple tap on the shoulder, elbow or upper back area can make a big difference.

So true. Something I've noticed about myself during my spiritual journey is that it just feels natural to touch people in that loving, tender sort of way when I'm more open and unguarded (though it doesn't always feel appropriate with certain people for one reason or another). I think it's natural in the absence of fear - I remember Adyashanti making the point that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's fear, I think that's so true.

Edited August 9, 2021 by RickyFitts

[RickyFitts]

@Gianna I got to thinking about this thread before, I was just wondering if you've had any more insights on the subject in the intervening few weeks since you posted it?

[Gianna]

@RickyFitts Not in the intervening weeks, but you did just give me an idea! I will write something up and post it to this thread  

[RickyFitts]

@Gianna I look forward to that!