The Female Gaze

[soos_mite_ah]

Future Romantic and/or Sexual Experiences I Want to Have 

Threesome: I think I want to experience both kinds of threesomes just once. I don't think I would be really into it because while it looks good on screen, I feel like it would feel busy and chaotic irl. But, I do want to see how I would react in that situation. I feel like that's the one thing that I consistently gravitate towards on the occasion I am watching porn. But I have a theory that I feel like this gravitation because regular straight porn is boring for most women since it doesn't depict things that women actually get off on. At least in a ffm she gets head and more than .25 seconds of kissing. And as far as mmf, there is another dick to fill void of actual female pleasure. I feel like as far as reactions go, just in general I'm curious about nonmonogamy because I feel like I could fall into that camp. Speaking of which...

Polyamory: I don't see why monogamy has to be the default and I think it can be a healthy and beautiful thing to have multiple romantic relationships at once because it gets rid of the notion that only one person has to be perfect for you. Also, I've never been a particularly jealous person when it came to love and back when I identified as ace, I didn't see any problems with the hypothetical possibility of my nonasexual boyfriend hooking up with others so long as it was casual and I am aware of it because I knew I wouldn't be able to satisfy all of his needs. And even though I don't identify as completely ace anymoreEv, I am curious as to how a polyamorous dynamic would play out. 

Be with an older guy: (and by older I mean like 8-12 years) I think in the past this had more to do with some of the issues I had and my upbringing, along with the associations I had with older men. I think I had this association with maturity, gentleness, assertiveness, stability and protectiveness when it came to older men  which was in contrast with the little frat fuck boys I would see on the regular in school. Also, the dilfs that worked at my university didn't help lol. But, now that I have found a man near my age that is mature, gentle, assertive, stable, and protective, I don't think I romanticize being with an older guy anymore because those specific desires are being met. Also, my frontal lobe has been cooking which is making me think *lets be real, even if they are older, they still ain't shit.* But, I still find a lot of older people to be beautiful and it's much more of a looks thing. I don't think I would want a relationship with an older guy but I wouldn't mind casually dating one to have the experience and get that out of my system.

Wax Play: I talked about this in other posts 

Being Tied Up: Idk it just seems interesting. Idk if I would like it and there isn't a particular thing driving me towards it other than plain curiousity. 

Going to a nude beach: I feel like I talked about this in a previous post, but generally speaking, I'm pretty comfortable with nudity and I think it would be an educational experience. Because it would be an educational experience personally, I thought I'd include it here but I was hesitant because my desire to go to a nude beach isn't directly romantic or sexual but I do think I would learn about myself in that aspect. 

Engage in some form of casual sex: I feel like I can be up for it. I don't think I would be comfortable with a one night stand or something with someone I don't know very well because of safety concerns but I can see myself in a fwb situation, provided that the other person can actually be a friend and treat me like a person instead of a fleshlight. I think I can deal with a lack of commitment but I wouldn't be able to deal with the lack of respect and drama that situations like these can come with which is why I am hesitant. But if he is sane and respectful, why not. Also, I think it could be good when it comes to getting to know myself sexually by being exposed to what different people are like.

Eventually settle down with a partner(s): I can see myself eventually wanting to settle down with someone, or if the polyamorous route works out, some people. I just think it would be nice. 

Edited December 31, 2022 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

I have taken the BDSM test many times over the years but I thought I'd take it again because I have more data/personal experience to go off of. I never had super crazy results on this test but I never tested 100% for vanilla lol. I feel like this is pretty accurate given what I know about myself so far.  I didn't include the rest of it because it would be too long for no reason since everything else was in the single digits. 

[soos_mite_ah]

What I Like About My Current Relationship

1. We can be silly with each other and we have a lighthearted relationship.

• I often feel like my inner child is being cared for and is enjoying this relationship. We can be fully ourselves and embrace the childlike parts of ourselves and just be silly when we flirt with each other. 

2. We have a solid foundation outside of sex. 

• Due to various circumstances, unfortunately I don't have the means to have sex or do many sexual things with this person. But this has forced us to focus on other aread of our relationship. I feel like we have a very strong foundation of friendship, communication, knowledge of each other, and generally love every bit of each other because we were forced to slow down and pay attention to that stuff first. 

3. We have similar communication styles due to both of us having ADHD. 

• I think going forward I would want a man who is also neurodivergent in some kind of way because I notice that it's easier to communicate with them, we relate to each other more on shared experiences, and we can stim and be weird with each other in a comfortable setting. 

4. We have created a safe place for each other where we are nonjudgemental and can talk about most things. 

• We have shared parts of our day together, the different issues we dealt with as far as trauma goes, kinks, people we have liked and dated in the past, and more. We also shared all of this in a reasonable pace as we got to know each other. I am very comfortable with opening up to this person and I know he feels the same with me. And even when it comes to things that we are insecure about, while we know we can't fix this in the other person, we know that we support one another and as a result, we both feel very loved and comfortable because we know the other person isn't looking at us the way we see ourselves. 
• We are also very consistent with one another and are very proactive in keeping up with the relationship. We never played hot or cold, we never acted in passive aggressive ways when something was bothering us, and we both do a good job at communicating our needs. 
• This also translates into the bedroom because we don't have any shame around each other which helps us be open in communicating what we like and don't like as well as knowing if we're doing a good job. 

5. We can talk for hours without realizing it. 

• Time flies so fast when I'm with this person. I can enjoy talking to him or sitting in silence with him. I just really enjoy his presance. 

6. We look forward to seeing each other and spending time with one another but we very much still have our own lives. 

• We meet up once a week usually, twice a week if we are lucky. It's something I know that I can look forward to because it's so reliable and a part of our schedule. But it isn't so often to where I feel stifled or that other areas of my life are getting neglected. We talk on the daily basis through text and share little parts of our day. 

7. We both have similar values. 

• I feel like I'm on the same page as him on most things and I think it adds a degree of relatability to our relationship even if we have very different life experiences. It also makes me feel safe around him because I know that we have similar degrees of integrity. 

8. We're both committed to working on this relationship and showing up as a better partner and we check in on each other on a regular basis. 

• We check in regarding things that we both could do better in the relationship, we check in with one another on how the other person is feeling on a daily basis, and we reflect and communicate how we feel as the relationship progresses. And none of these things feel like big, daunting conversations (it's not like either of us pulls the "we need to talk" phrase and keeps the other person in suspense for a couple days). We just bring these things up and work them into a conversation and as a result, it feels casual, not in the sense that it isn't serious, but in the sense that it is not intimidating to either of us.
• As a result, we talk about things before they get heated or turn into an arguement (we haven't had an arguement yet and we've been together for almost a year). If I had any comments or concerns about him or the relationship, we can clear the air really quickly and resolve the issue for the most part.  Everytime I felt like I was picking up on a red or yellow flag, we had a 10-15 min conversation about it and it was resolved so quickly to where we felt like we were both on the same page and we found a solution. 
• This also translates into the bedroom where we both want to please each other, we both check in to see how the other person is doing and what they're comfortable with, and we continously communicate. 

9. We respect each other's boundaries and we let each other fall in love in our own pace. 

• One of the biggest green flags I saw with him was that when he said I love you for the first time and I told him that I really care about him but I don't feel like I'm at the point where I feel comfortable saying it, he was very understanding and nonjudgemental. He was secure in the relationship and he let me fall in love at my own pace. 

Edited April 6, 2023 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Just thought this video was interesting  

[soos_mite_ah]