Disclaimer: I don't want to hear from the pick up artist, podcast bro crowd and if things get even a little out of hand to where this coversation starts devolving, I will ask the mods to close this up or I will delete this thread all together. I'm looking for the opinion of people who are on the older than myself (30+) who feel like they have successfully settled down in their life to where they feel fulfilled.  I have been with my current boyfriend for 3.5 years. We met when we were 22 and now we're 25/26. We have a healthy and supportive relationship, there is no question about it. We have been regularly talking about our future together and what that can look like. I don't have a ring on my finger yet and I'm not making announcements to friends and family but my boyfriend and I like to joke that we are "down low engaged" since we are actively working to build a life together and see if we are compatible in that way but we just haven't made it official. We both still have things to figure out in our lives from sorting somethings out careerwise, where we want to live and settle down, and if I want to have a kid one day (he's pretty certain that it's a no). There is no question that he is a good boyfriend and this is a good relationship. The question is whether or not we are compatible life partners and if we want compatible life goals.  I'm feeling really stagnant with my life because I haven't been able to make the move cross country and transition out of my current job. The main reason why is due to politics. I want to work in foreign service and utilize my international relations degree however the job market is really bad right now to where the people I know in my field who have worked in this field either got laid off months ago and are still struggling to find work or they have a job that used to be relatively stable but now they are on constant edge due to the shenanigans in the Trump administration and they are being severely underpaid. I on the other hand have a stable corporate job that I'm excelling in when it comes to promotions as well as monetarily. I also have family members (and I myself) am keeping a watchful eye on how this is going to play out. If shit hits the fan and I need to gtfo of the U.S., this job is my ticket to do so. It's as simple as signing a few papers and getting a transfer. While I may not like having to be in this job longer than I expected, it doesn't make sense for me to make a move careerwise and I would be foolish to throw away a job that pays well, has good work life balance, has opportunities, and could be a ticket out if shit hits the fan. Nevertheless, I have made a plan to make the most of this job and the oppotunities that come with it so that I can actualize my goals.  In addition to not being in my desired career, I'm also not sure where I want to settle down at. I have lived in the Dallas metroplex all my life and I have always wanted to know if I'm cut out to live in a walkable city as opposed to the concrete suburbia I have known my whole life. Something like that can impact my whole lifestyle and as a result, it can impact whether my partner and I are compatible. He is unsure about where he wants to settle down but he is open to trying new things even if they make him nervous. And it's like, because I wasn't able to switch careers, I haven't been able to move out of the Dallas area to explore what that life style would be like. And because I don't know what settling down looks like in terms of broader desired lifestyles, I don't know if my current boyfriend is someone who would be wise to marry.  Then there is the question about having a kid. I'm like 70% sure that it's a no for me. But my issue is, I don't know if this is a *no, not now* versus a *no, not ever.* I definitely know that I don't want kids in my 20s but I'm not sure about my 30s and beyond. My boyfriend being fairly certain that he doesn't want to have kids isn't something that turns me off from him. If anything, it's nice knowing that at least one of us has a solid position on this. This is still something I'm trying to figure out within myself and I don't want to marry someone while I'm so unsure about such a big decision in my life. I don't want to marry this guy now when we're 26 and then have to divorce him at 30 because I realized that I wanted to have a child after all.  How is he reacting to all of this? He and I are having very constructive and honest conversations about how we feel about a number of different life scenarios. We're pretty good at problem solving and we always say that one of our strengths in the relationship is that it's never been us against each other rather it's been us against the problem. He is also incredibly supportive and understanding in all of this where he doesn't want to rush me in figuring my life out and he feels like he is supported and loved to where he knows that I'm not trying to stall or do anything to avoid commitment. He has been very gentle with my throughout all of this, much more gentle than I have been to myself.  But my thing is that I'm scared that I might be wasting this guy's time. I'm scared of the possibility of us getting to year 6 and realizing this relationship is not working and we have to go our separate ways to where I've scarred someone for life. I'm also scared of potentially rushing into a situation that is not right for me and that erupting in flames. I'm afraid I am this chaotic person that doesn't know what she wants out of her life and that I'm wrapping someone I love into my chaos and that they might be collateral damage in me figuring myself out. I'm afraid of the possibility that maybe one or both of us might be compromising major life goals for the sake of being together subconsciously. I don't want this man to sacrifice core parts of him to make a life work with me and I don't want to do that for him either.  And now that I'm about to turn 26, I'm also sensing the social pressure around me. Maybe it's beause I live in the south but I feel like a lot of people my age are married and have a kid (or 3) or they are sure about what they want out of life and are pursuing that. And while I'm not in a rush to reach these milestones, I am concerned for myself in that I don't even know what I want yet and here people are full on making permanent life decisions. And sure, I don't know what's going on in other people's lives, how they have come to the conclusions they have come to, and if they are acting from a healthy and authentic place. But I am sensing an air of judgement when I tell people that I have been with my boyfriend for 3+ years. When I would tell people I've been with him for about 2 years, everyone thought it was cute and sweet. Now it's like *oh...... that's nice* and they seem concerned about why we have been together so long and there is no ring. I know there are people out there that believe that if you are dating someone for more than 2 years and you don't know if you want to marry them or they haven't proposed, then you need to break up. I'm definitely not about to rush into marriage because I'm not about to make a major life decision out of peer pressure. Even if my timeline doesn't make sense for other people, that doesn't mean that it doesn't make sense for us. Nevertheless, I would be lying if I said that the peer pressure doesn't get to me sometimes.