Dealing with my sexual urges

[Preety_India]

 embarassing but instead of asking my girlfriends who would rather give me an odd look, I prefer to say it here. 

Thanks for taking the time for a detailed explanation full of useful tips on dealing with pms pain.

But the sexual urge has become a real problem. Last time I tried to masturbate to take care of it. But it seems the more I masturbate, the worse it gets, I get more urges, it turns into a vicious cycle. And then I get immediate pain after masturbating. Like menstrual pain right in my tummy. The sexual urges leave me with hot flashes and a feverish feeling. It forces me to masturbate and leaves me feeling a bit annoyed and stressed out. 

After masturbation, I feel like it would be over. But the urge re-emerges the next day the same way the previous day and I start getting sexual thoughts. It interferes with my work, there is no focus and I feel agitated like I need to have sex really bad. Back when I had a boyfriend, I had sex so it took care of it. But I decided not to have sex early on in a relationship and wait till the guy is really good because  in the past having sex with my ex made me feel a lot of regret like I gave my body to a pathetic guy, it left me with a lot of guilt and shame and feelings of unworthiness. I felt like I shouldn't have had sex so early and easily. 

So this time I decided to hold off sex until I feel completely safe around my next boyfriend and until I feel like he is willing to commit and show respect to my body. Till then I will only communicate with them , get to know them for a while and then engage in sex if I feel he is really deserving of my time. 

But till then, even if I have a good partner, it's not like I'm going to have sex all the time. If he is not in the mood then I have to find my own ways and that is masturbating of course.

But masturbating is not easy. If I overdo it, it causes pain from contractions and then agitations.

I'm reaching full orgasms and sometimes multiple orgasms and it is no great favor. It stresses me out. It is relaxing in the moment, Because of endorphins and then I get good sleep the day I masturbate. 

Yet the nightmare of intense urges begins the next day again.

I have been feeling anxiety because of this. I'm dreading my next period.

I also drink soy milk. Before drinking soy milk this never happened. After drinking soy milk, I have begun to experience some changes like breast softness and feeling weird sexually, like a bit stronger sexually than usual. I also saw that the more sugars I eat, these urges intensify that month 

 When I eat less sugars, that month it's a bit low. But taking away sugar completely feels like a nightmare of body weaknesses.

I have gotten such strong urges this month that I have been looking at random men and feeling sexual just looking at them which has caused me to Shame myself for feeling so sexual around men and wanting them so bad.

I have begun to feel feelings of intense shame whenever I feel sexual. 

I have never slept around, except strictly in context of solid relationships and I just don't want my moral integrity to be compromised in any way.

These days the new trend for me is that whenever I see male chest hair I get turned on really quickly and I feel very ashamed about it because it could be any random male whose shirt is slightly unbuttoned and that turns me on and then I begin to guilt myself later for feeling horny about it. 

This is first thing these sexual urges have done so far. Now I don't know how much more horny it's going to make me, I don't want to reach a stage where I simply look at a man and get horny. That would be super awkward and kinda shameful 

I don't know how to go around this whole female sexuality thing that has suddenly made me have intense arousals. Never happened before. I took a break from relationships and it seems that I have been going through some kind of mental sexual withdrawals where not getting sex has charged the body with intense chemicals. I never felt before that female sexuality was this intense. And now I see the ugly side of it. A jacking up of female hormones and increase in female horniness is a pathetic nightmare. 

I never felt so extra horny before. So I never realized the nightmare waiting for me. And now with these intense urges, my sexuality is turning very wild and crazy. Like I want a man in bed really bad. But this leaves me with guilt because I just don't want it mentally yet my body keeps orgasming and wanting it.

 

[Preety_India]

I will keep a record of how I feel sexually every week.

 

[Preety_India]

Ok @Michael569 gave me few tips on how to deal with some of my symptoms.

I will try to record my improvement in symptoms here.

I think rather than trying to control and take over this natural biological process, I would advise you to let go of control and ride that wave. 

 

First of all, I think you can consider yourself being a bit fortunate. The decline of progesterone and oestrogen during the final bit of luteal phase usually makes many women experience depression, cramps, bloating, anger, sadness, acne or just lots of negative symptoms. I think having a spike in libido is actually quite pleasant. 

 

This is a good time to take a step back, retrospect, practice some gratitude that your body is healthy, fertile and is about to engage in another way of in-house cleaning. Having a healthy menstrual cycle is not always guaranteed and in my opinion is something to be grateful for considering how incredibly important some of these hormones are for your overall health. 

 

Consume some nice herbal teas, stay away from coffee during this period, eat mostly warming food and some good quality chocolate can be comforting as well. Get a hot water flask and a good book to help you push over this period. 100-300 milligrams of magnesium citrate or glycinate can help if there is pain. 

 

If the sexual urge starts to interfere with your rational mind....well there are ways to deal with that

 

[Preety_India]

Another good suggestion from @Michael569..

 

there are many women who do something called "menstrual coaching or period coaching". Basically, these ladies specialise in the management of PMS, they explain how the cycle works and how to adjust one's lifestyle. Many can be found on Instagram and maybe you could connect with someone like that. 

If you can find it, you may try experimenting with Agnus Castus extract as well ass something like red clover. Either that or finding a local herbalist to have a chat with, herbs can work really well on hormonal balance. 

But other than that, journaling may offer some help in exploring these urges and feelings

 

Edited June 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I didn't know the word menstrual coaching existed, thanks.

 

[Preety_India]

So this week my sexual urges were really bad.

I didn't tell my current date about it because I haven't even met him yet let alone imagine having sex with him.

And I won't have sex with him.

I had promised myself not to 

So it's going to be  a bit of work around to manage my sexual desires which have turned very creepy this year.

 

Mother Goddess hasn't been merciful to me. She  has probably decided to punish me with some intense female horniness.

And now being a female feels like a punishment

Girl put on your chastity lock.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Let's see if any component in my diet is causing this and I'll  keep a track on it 

 

[diamondpenguin]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

So this week my sexual urges were really bad.

I didn't tell my current date about it because I haven't even met him yet let alone imagine having sex with him.

And I won't have sex with him.

I had promised myself not to 

So it's going to be  a bit of work around to manage my sexual desires which have turned very creepy this year.

 

Mother Goddess hasn't been merciful to me. She  has probably decided to punish me with some intense female horniness.

And now being a female feels like a punishment

Girl put on your chastity lock.

 

 

 

Why would you do that to yourself?  You all are heavy stage blue over there huh?

Edited June 28, 2021 by diamondpenguin

[Applegarden8]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Let's see if any component in my diet is causing this and I'll  keep a track on it 

 

Coffee, chocholate, refined sugars and heavy meals in general makes me prone to jacking off, first two being the main ones. And alcochol of course, but I don't drink.

Ohh and onion, garlic, asetofida and other nervous stimulants also.

Edited June 28, 2021 by Applegarden8

[Preety_India]

@Applegarden8 thanks 

 

[Preety_India]

@diamondpenguin  it's not so much stage Blue (I could be lying, maybe it's a percentage is stage Blue when it comes to matters of sex and maybe I don't like to admit that I could be a bit sexually repressed  ) but it has more to do with me feeling regret over having sex with assholes in the past and feeling dirty about it. 

Now I just want to keep myself  a bit restricted and only have sex when I'm 100% 100% sure. Want to keep my chastity for a special guy.

 

[diamondpenguin]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@diamondpenguin  it's not so much stage Blue (I could be lying, maybe it's a percentage is stage Blue when it comes to matters of sex and maybe I don't like to admit that I could be a bit sexually repressed  ) but it has more to do with me feeling regret over having sex with assholes in the past and feeling dirty about it. 

Now I just want to keep myself  a bit restricted and only have sex when I'm 100% 100% sure. Want to keep my chastity for a special guy.

 

Ok. Very interesting 

[Preety_India]

 

Sometimes emotinal attachment can be a huge problem especially in a relationship where not much is known about the other person.

So holding off sex is a good idea.

For me sex is not biological.

For me sex is the greatest spiritual act. 

So when i have sex I'm deeply Emotional and deeply emotinally bonded to the other person I'm having sex with.

So having sex is a gateway to getting attached quickly.

It's very difficult to back out/off once you get attached in the relationship. Then there are all sorts of justifications for the other person's behaviours.

I know all this because I have been there.

I don't want another abusive relationship where it's difficult to back out simply because of emotional and sexual attachment.

Holding off/back sex will give plenty opportunity to gauge the depth of my relationship and see where it's going before I plan to fully commit.

I never had commitment phobia in relationships, time to develop some 

 

 

[Preety_India]

A few hours back I made a neat post on how our hormones decide so much for us.

 

49 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because they are loaded with testosterone. 

When the brain is loaded with that, it gets water logged and then it's ready for every female.

This is the design of nature that no amount of objective thinking can change.

When the horniness reaches 7th heaven, nobody can stop a raging Bull or a lioness in heat.

This is how powerful sex is. It destroys all brains and boundaries.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have to say that the male hormone testosterone is one damn hormone.

If a man is very masculine and full of it, he automatically releases those pheromones whereby he appears very attractive to a hormonal female 

And that's what happens to me 

(Now I'm not talking about biker gang shit here )

When I see masculine men(not body building type lol, they are fake and ostentatious, I get put off by that ) but the masculine men who are caring, authoritarian, protective and appear to be in charge of themselves appear extremely extremely extremely attractive even if they don't have masculine bodies , that's fine with me.

But my horniness reaches a peak when I see a punky guy being extremely self confident .

It's a signal that he is well aware of who he is 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't watch porn at all I swear.

 

And still the horniness is always very strong.

 

Could also be because I repressed myself sexually when I was 15. I acted like a nun in those days.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes sexual repression can bite you back with extra horniness.

 

It kinda backfires or I'll call it the boomerang effect 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Sometimes I end up crying thinking about how my sexual instincts can rule my mind and cause me to get exploited in relationships.

It's a harsh reality of being human that we have little control over our desires.

I wish I had received fulfilling love early on in my life 

I wouldn't have felt like a wanderer.

It's tough.......

 

A understanding non judgemental guy would have been such a great help.

 

But the patriarchy teaches men to shame women who are open about their sexuality 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

During those moments I get very sad and emotional.

 

I wish a man had understood me.

 

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Preety_India

[Hulia]

27 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Could also be because I repressed myself sexually when I was 15. I acted like a nun in those days.

15??? I didn´t even think in this direction, when I was 15, I though I would never be able to fall in love. Because all the girls around me were constantly falling in love since their 12 or so. But me, I wasn´t interested in anyone at all.

Till a boy touched me... and then I knew - I would! I would fall in love! Many times! This is a secret! I was 17.