Boring

[epickei]

I quit video games, stopped paying attention to trendy pop culture, and scrolling through memes. All I've been doing is dancing, play bongos, meditating, making videos, streaming, and consuming self-actualization content. I feel this makes me kind of boring because I got nothing to talk about that most people can relate to. Should I get back into video games or watch some anime, to give me something to relate to others? I do like games and shows and stuff, I've just been putting a heavy emphasis on maxing out my potential the past year. How do yall feel about this?

[tatsumaru]

19 minutes ago, epickei said:

I quit video games, stopped paying attention to trendy pop culture, and scrolling through memes. All I've been doing is dancing, play bongos, meditating, making videos, streaming, and consuming self-actualization content. I feel this makes me kind of boring because I got nothing to talk about that most people can relate to. Should I get back into video games or watch some anime, to give me something to relate to others? I do like games and shows and stuff, I've just been putting a heavy emphasis on maxing out my potential the past year. How do yall feel about this?

If you want to gossip gossip, if you want to watch anime watch anime, if you want to actualize actualize. You have to decide what you want and do it. Ask yourself why are you asking this question in the first place. Are you suffering the lack of small talk in your life or are you afraid that you will be all alone in your own universe?

[BlackMaze]

Finding the right balance is key. You just do more of what is most important to you at every moment. You don't need to sacrifice pleasures. There is no right or wrong only consequences. 

[Snader]

I relate strongly. I've been there with pretty much the same attachments (and to some extent I still am) and it took some time of this quick up and down roller coaster to really see what's going on and to get to a point, where I can say I'm doing progress and developing, while at the same time being happy with my way of living.

This is a deep topic that I could talk for hours with lots of nuance as it touches so many facets of life, but to give a short general advice, I would say your problem revolves around UNDERSTANDING and BALANCE, like BlackMaze said.

Balance in this matter is also really complicated thing, because you are pushing yourself from the center of gravity, so the ego is scouting for reasons to slack off, and hearing balance as it's usually represented, usually takes one to the extreme of old habits once again. I learned this by abusing the notion over and over again personally and also seeing it happening to others too. That's one way to go, but I think that bringing more nuance into it, can make the learning curve shorter.

So basically what's going on, is that from perspective of Spiral Dynamics you are pushing yourself from stage Orange towards stage Green. Also, if you are consciously doing quality personal-development, changes are, that you are pushing towards some stage Yellow as well. That means big chance. That means worth 5-15 years of development. But the problem is that if we always just keep pushing and pushing, without putting consciousness into it, we will do that till the day we die. One thing we need to do is that we need to drop the idea of being a person who's at stage x. We need to suck up the information and and then use that information to UNDERSTAND what's really going on. With that understanding we can enjoy the fruits of all present stages at play without being totally integrated those states through those 5-15 years of work.

The balance is not needed only between work and recreation (while that's important too), but it's important to implement balance in both per se. The action you take in your life that you consider progress towards the next stage shouldn't be all about the norms of the next stages, while the recreational time you take shouldn't be all about the old toxic habits. This was a game changer for me, because that way I didn't only manage myself to -- without guilt and resentment -- enjoy some important aspects in my life that were kinda part of the ''old me'', but I also started enjoying ''the work'' more.

Cutting old unproductive habits cold turkey / giving them free movement, are both relatively problematic ways to go. I think that with careful contemplation, self-reflection and of course study of development, it is possible to tweak your life dynamics a little, to make the process of progressing while enjoying life easier. Once you've found your ways to go, soon you will just one day notice yourself changed to a whole another person.

 

The ways to do that really depends from person to person, but to give some context, I share some points from my life:

I don't socialize on my free time as much as I used to, but I still feel it's important for me to do so from time to time, so I do it. Most of my socialization is with people on lower stages of development. I try to enjoy some aspects while I ignore others. I've learned which forms of socialization I should just simply avoid. In example, sometimes I do some sports with some friends and maybe some strangers. I can enjoy the activity and ignore all the other bullshit. Let's say it's a team sport, then I will scan those people and analyze them. Then I make a choice whether I want to join the sauna night after the tournament. Sometimes those people are too toxic and they like to talk about stupid topics and have conversations I don't want to join, but sometimes it's the case that you can really have some good chat with those guys or just genuinely have fun or whatever it is you feel you need at the time, for having balance. 

I used to play video games when I was younger. I loved them. I loved especially competitive fps games, but gaming is something that I just recently found out I need to quit completely. I tried so many times to do gaming in a responsible and reasonable manner, but I learned that it's extremely difficult for me. For me it's the aspect of competitiveness. I always tried to play just to have fun, but couldn't have fun unless I was the best and to be the best takes too much investment. So I found it easier to quit 100%. Although I can have a match of NHL or FIFA with a friend once in a while for socialization, but I don't really enjoy that particular activity per se. I found out that watching a movie or some TV-show once in a while is something I can do and enjoy without consuming it too much.

As an important aspect of progress, reading is something I've had to work on. I first had an assumption that I should be able to read everywhere at any time, but I realized that I can't do that. I can't focus on a book if I'm not in a certain state of mind. Sometimes I even need to take a weekend trip out of town to be able to concentrate enough. Again, it's all about realizing what's the case, then doing what's needed to be done to make it more pleasant and doable for yourself, without any guilt, because you understand.

 

So the point is to find the balance. Enjoy some old habits, but be careful and observe yourself. See what works for you, how much you can lean back so that you don't fall down. Life really feels like a grind and struggle if you don't bring responsible balance into your development.

This isn't perfectly structured advice, but I hope you get something out of this. Feel free to ask anything, if you feel so.

[Preety_India]

You can't solve this issue by going back to video games. It's counterproductive. Try to take a break from those addictions. 

And don't think that if you did it moderately, it's going to solve your issue because anything that the mind is hooked on to is generally very addictive and hard to resist and control. 

Get used to your new spiritual lifestyle and seek comfort in it. You can slowly include the Stage Orange gratification stuff very minimally after cultivating enough self awareness. 

Remember self control. 

[Nos7algiK]

If you wish to play games, play games. I wouldn't do it under the guise of being relatable, but rather those being personally enjoyable. Too many people in the spiritual community set these guidelines or restrictions of who we are to be. This is, in my view, very counter-productive and can only get you so far. It's good for establishing a base, but once one realizes the nature of reality is much like a dream. What is better/worse for us on an overall spiritual level fades away. I'd personally say the issue isn't doing these things, but rather believing you need to do anything. To believe you need to meditate to chase awakening will then put your "now", which is everlasting, in the idea of forever chasing instead of just being. To be what you seek is to release the idea you need to be anything at all to find it. You are already there and always have been and over the years you have been doing nothing more than removing the perceived barriers of being "it" rather than fulling yourself with "it" from the outside. So if you wish to play games and watch anime, go for it. It's not a trap or should I say it's only a trap if you see it as a trap. But, it's mentally unhealthy to demonize aspects of reality. I understand seeing reality different once we awaken where what we once enjoyed can be offputting. But, once you get over the hill completely things generally go back to normal. Not because we go back in progress, but because reality is much more simple than the mind wishes to make it out to be. At least from the ego/human perspective. Here is a quote by Alan Watts: 

"Before I had studied Zen for thirty years, I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.

When I arrived at a more intimate knowledge, I came to the point where I saw that mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters.

But now that I have got its very substance I am at rest. For it's just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters." ~Alan Watts (The Way of Zen)

[mivafofa]

As you grow, mature and change, so will your circles of friends. If you cannot relate to your what your friends are doing, maybe you're just in the wrong circle.  There are many people who are into dancing, bongos, making videos, streaming, and self-actualization. You could probably relate to them.

[RendHeaven]

On 6/8/2021 at 0:31 PM, epickei said:

I quit video games, stopped paying attention to trendy pop culture, and scrolling through memes. All I've been doing is dancing, play bongos, meditating, making videos, streaming, and consuming self-actualization content. I feel this makes me kind of boring because I got nothing to talk about that most people can relate to. Should I get back into video games or watch some anime, to give me something to relate to others? I do like games and shows and stuff, I've just been putting a heavy emphasis on maxing out my potential the past year. How do yall feel about this?

As an individual, there's absolutely nothing wrong with diving deeper into "yourself' and foregoing the stupidity of mainstream shit.

However, since you're additionally a content creator, there's definitely gonna be conflict there, as you're expected to deliver "value" to your audience.

The good news is, your "value" proposition is up for you to decide. I'm personally thinking of becoming a content creator myself - every day I'm brainstorming ways to make this seemingly "boring" lifestyle you talk about appealing on video.