Are relationships just a way to fulfill survival needs or is there something more?

[bazera]

Hey,

I noticed in myself that when I'm thinking about having an intimate relationship, the only reason why I want to pursue those are just fulfilling my survival needs. By survival needs of course I don't mean physical survival, but all the range of needs that we have and that we're trying to fulfill from external sources.

But is it all there is? It's kinda sad, I am trying to think of reasons why would I pursue intimate relatioships if I had all the needs met. 

It seems like a secret agreement between two people, that I'll help you satisfy your needs and you'll help me satisfy mine. And we subconsciously seek intimate partners that we think are best suitable for satisfying our needs.

What do you think, is there more to this whole dynamic? Like something outside survival.

And what would an intimate relationship look like if survival needs are met and two people are trying to construct something together?  What can be constructed? 

I guess the core of my question is what is conscious relationships and how to have those. 

Edited May 14, 2021 by bazera

[Etherial Cat]

A romantic relationship is only as conscious as the two individual which it is made off. 

It is unrealistic to expect for all survival mechanism to be dropped. Especially If you are still operating from a survival perspective yourself.

You'd need two enlightened beings for that I guess. Or maybe just one.  I dont know. It's unchartered territory for me.

A conscious relation is what occurs when consciouness work enter a typical unaware dynamic and expend it towards more consciouness. So it can exist in different level.

Having a conscious partner significantly improve the quality of it, and also is a great tool in order to grow both individuals

 

[bazera]

@Etherial Cat Yes, I agree.

A relationship that is geared towards growing both individuals would be a conscious one. 

What do you think, what does it look like in practice? How can couples create a conscious relationship? Obviously, they need to be doing something to enhance their awareness of themselves at first, but what are the things that they can do together collectively?

I think communication is a huge thing in that regard.

[mandyjw]

7 hours ago, bazera said:

And what would an intimate relationship look like if survival needs are met and two people are trying to construct something together?  What can be constructed? 

Survival is just an apparent function of creation, so going direct to the source means tapping into creative energy. Creativity, coincidently, is attractive power and love itself, it is already fulfilled unto itself, unconditional. It's getting into an emotional state of fulfillment, fun, curiosity and appreciation or a relationship with oneself that then shapes and makes necessary space for all other relationships. From that place of fulfillment relationships are a creation, they are adding to what's already going well just for fun. They are a creative expression of love.

The way people often go about relationships is from a place of insecurity and need. They become just like the people hoarding toilet paper at the start of the pandemic. Rather than focusing on what they have and creating an inspired life, they focus on lack and fears of being without. It's trying to find the security that's missing in themselves in another. 

Rather than being about survival or transcendence of survival, it's really one's own survival or transcendence of their own thoughts and attitude. It's amazing how much effort we will put into the survival and maintenance of a crappy feeling attitude. That's the only thing trying to survive and always failing, really, cause it can't hold a candle to the creative light that you really are. 

[ertopolice]

I agree

Been always waiting to find a conscious fulfilling person to both grow in our relationship and transcend. Never searched for the external things other girls use to..but it's true that as i am getting older i feel i'd never find it and i wonder whether my survival is at risk. Perhaps u gotta get practical and prioritize other stuff. Don't know. 

 

[Etherial Cat]

4 hours ago, bazera said:

@Etherial Cat Yes, I agree.

A relationship that is geared towards growing both individuals would be a conscious one. 

What do you think, what does it look like in practice? How can couples create a conscious relationship? Obviously, they need to be doing something to enhance their awareness of themselves at first, but what are the things that they can do together collectively?

I think communication is a huge thing in that regard.

What do you think, what does it look like in practice? How can couples create a conscious relationship?

I would say that there are as many type of conscious relationships as there are people starting to do conscious work/are established in it. So it can be very different from one relation to the other.

But in essence, both partners would be working on themself individually and/or on the relationship. Or maybe two people who have been doing consciousness work get hooked on one another and come together.

As the relationship unfolds, they create intimacy by remaining attuned to one another. Both listen to the other's need and give whatever it can give without losing its integrity. This also prevent the emergence of parallel reality through emotional and intellectual rifts. 

I would say that there could be some sort of spiral dynamic of relationship. A conscious relationship which is centered at Green is not the same as a conscious relationship centered at stage Turquoise. You don't get the same challenges. Maybe at Turquoise, or with an enlightened being, there is a sensation of full oneness as all the barriers between the two individuals crumbles. As well as the notion of relationship.

Obviously, they need to be doing something to enhance their awareness of themselves at first, but what are the things that they can do together collectively?

By working on their consciousness separately, and on working on the relationship as well together. Using various resources of their choices (maybe non dual teachings, books, seminars, retreats...) and of course through meditation, introspection etc.

I'd say, trying to understand the nature of relationships, and having a great knowledge of Self and self surely helps. As well a knowing what are the caveats.

I think communication is a huge thing in that regard.

Indeed, without the intimacy created by communication both partners will drift apart. Communication is the tool towards oneness.

[blankisomeone]

more

[bazera]

@Etherial Cat Thanks for sharing your thoughts ?

But the sad part is that there aren't many people willing to do that in a relationship. Hell, I myself know how hard it is to be conscious, observe myself, and not get entangled with all that shit that ego comes up within a relationship.

And it also limits the number of potential partners who will be aligned with your values, more or less. 

But sometimes (or even most of the time at this point), even I'm not aligned with my values, so... 

I guess one of the most important lessons from this line of thinking is: to stop being so judgmental

[Parththakkar12]

On 14/5/2021 at 3:28 PM, bazera said:

Hey,

I noticed in myself that when I'm thinking about having an intimate relationship, the only reason why I want to pursue those are just fulfilling my survival needs. By survival needs of course I don't mean physical survival, but all the range of needs that we have and that we're trying to fulfill from external sources.

But is it all there is? It's kinda sad, I am trying to think of reasons why would I pursue intimate relatioships if I had all the needs met. 

It seems like a secret agreement between two people, that I'll help you satisfy your needs and you'll help me satisfy mine. And we subconsciously seek intimate partners that we think are best suitable for satisfying our needs.

What do you think, is there more to this whole dynamic? Like something outside survival.

And what would an intimate relationship look like if survival needs are met and two people are trying to construct something together?  What can be constructed? 

I guess the core of my question is what is conscious relationships and how to have those. 

I'm going to answer your original question - Are relationships just a way to fulfill survival needs or is there something more? The answer is - No, there is something more.

I'm going to show you how to find out what that 'something more' is - Ask yourself, if relationships were only about survival-needs, why would that make you feel sad? You're saying it does make you feel sad, right? Why is that? Go deeper into that. You'll discover a whole new range of possibilities for relationships!

[Adrian325]

Change your identity and you'll change your reality. Who's bangin J-lo? I Am! hahaha