Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Then you maybe think about going a little 1950s yourself

Men my age, early 20s etc, are completely checking out of relationships.

If you have standards, want a conscious, loving man etc you have to provide something of value in return. 

Its going to very competitive for woman to find partners. Men today are children, and there's going to be a huge mismatch 

[Roy]

29 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Men my age, early 20s etc, are completely checking out of relationships.

Look man I've been there, but it gets better! Don't check out of what can be such a great part of life.

Apart of why relationships and dating my seem so unappealing for your group is because you're encouraged to only exposing yourself to young, immature, vapid, and entitled girls. They are at an age where they haven't been truly humbled by life. They probably haven't had to work or take much responsibility yet. They are absolutely consumed by social media and shallow bullshit, and don't know what's important in life. They are used to being pampered because of their looks and their youth. And they haven't learned yet that they aren't quite the princesses they've been duped into thinking they are and that the world (and men) doesn't owe them shit.

Consider going outside your age range! Personally I only date women roughly my age (28) or higher. They are so much better. Women who are 27-35 are so much more viable for solid, great relationships.

- They have better appreciation for finances and independence (transcended entitlement)

- They are more self-sufficient with basic life skills and don't need someone to "mansplain" to them like they are retarded

- They know who they are and have worked through a lot of the crazy and confusion emotions of their young adult life

- They have a better idea of exactly what they want and won't fuck your heart around with stupid games (as often)

- They are WAY better in bed and more sexually confident/assertive (no starfishing)

Of course this means you'll have to up your game and to and have high emotional maturity or you won't be able to attract them, but if you're into self-actualization and personal development you probably have more emotional development than 90% of men even if you are in your early 20's.

Stop giving into our garbage culture and being tantalized into stupidity by young beautiful girls. 

Stop dating girls and look for women.

 

 

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Roy

[soos_mite_ah]

43 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah Then you maybe think about going a little 1950s yourself

Men my age, early 20s etc, are completely checking out of relationships.

If you have standards, want a conscious, loving man etc you have to provide something of value in return. 

Its going to very competitive for woman to find partners. Men today are children, and there's going to be a huge mismatch 

I highly doubt that conscious, loving men are going to be like children. 

I can tell you this already, I'm not into guys who are like you. And it's a huge misconception that all men are like this. It's ok if your preference is a woman who prioritizes kids more but that isn't what all men look for nor does it mean that a woman who doesn't align with your preference is destined to fail in her dating life. 

Additionally, if me just existing and doing what I love to do is going to be intimidating a guy, that is not the type of guy that I would be interested in. I find that some men do get intimidated by me and honestly, I find it to be a blessing. If a guy approaches me, asks me what I'm studying and then gets all wide eyed and nervous around me because of my answer to where he moves a way from me, I see it as the process of elimination. I have a lot of value that I can provide in a relationship because of my ideas, my experiences, the way I've grown myself, my outlook etc. which are partly a product of what I do and I think it would be rather foolish for someone to look at ALL of that and be like "yeah this means that she isn't feminine enough for me, I'll pass." 

I'm not going to water myself down for that. I'd rather mind my own business, do what I want to do, and then eventually have that energy attract someone who resonates on a similar level. Even though I want a relationship, I don't consider situations like the one I mentioned before a loss or unsuccessful because it wasn't something that was a match to begin with. You can't lose something that wasn't meant to be. 

I also don't mind men who aren't as high achieving as I am or in the future makes as money as I do so long as he can still support himself and doesn't feel the need to bring me down in order to stroke his ego. He needs to be confident and hold his ground in that way. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

1 minute ago, Roy said:

Apart of why relationships and dating my seem so unappealing for your group is because you're only exposing yourself to young, immature, vapid, and entitled girls. They are at an age where they haven't really been humbled by life, they probably haven't had to work or take much responsibility, they are absolutely consumed by social media and shallow bullshit and don't know what's important in life, they are used to being pampered because of their looks and their youth. And they haven't learned yet that they aren't really princesses and world (and men) don't owe them shit like Disney fairy tales tell them.

Well damn isn't that a generalization. 

There are a lot of high value women at that age who have a sense of character, ambitions, a work ethic, etc. Sure it's not in complete fruition yet and she is probably still figuring things out but that doesn't mean that she is "consumed by social media and shallow bullshit and don't know what's important in life." But if you have this narrative and look for women accordingly, you'll find people who are actually like. I mainly point this out because people, especially men, see a woman's interests (especially if they are traditionally feminine) as frivolous, immature, or like they do it to attract men. And just because a woman has those interests doesn't mean that she is lacking in depth.   

Also, I mean I get why you wouldn't want to date someone in their early 20s given your age and how that can present a huge power dynamic given that each party would be in different life circumstances. But that doesn't mean that she's behind or that there is something wrong with her because she lacks life experiences. 

[Roy]

2 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Well damn isn't that a generalization.

Look I'm not saying all young women are like that, not even close. That's clearly not the case. It shouldn't even have to be said.

I was being deliberately hyperbolic with my language to get a point across to @Raptorsin7 to break him out of the spell of a certain kind of girl that our toxic western culture advertises to young men, and what other young men perpetuate to each other with their immaturity and short sightedness.

There is a certain paradigm that's being peddled (that is ABSOLUTELY shallow) and is the direct source of the hopelessness and apathy that he was expressing, as well as many other countless young men. If I had to pinpoint it on something and bet money I would put it on certain technology and media but unfortunately we can't uninvent anything once it exists.

[soos_mite_ah]

23 minutes ago, Roy said:

Look I'm not saying all young women are like that, not even close. That's clearly not the case. It shouldn't even have to be said.

I was being deliberately hyperbolic with my language to get a point across to @Raptorsin7 to break him out of the spell of a certain kind of girl that our toxic western culture advertises to young men, and what other young men perpetuate to each other with their immaturity and short sightedness.

That's all fine and good but it could lead to more limiting beliefs and other issues around dating like assuming that all women are vapid and here to grab your money. I'm not saying that this is what you were trying to say or that was your intention but it can be interpreted as such since there is already a huge narrative that is built around just that. 

It reminds me of when other women tell me that "all men your age want to do is get in your pants and ruin your life because they are immature at this age and haven't worked through their emotional issues yet so they dump it all on you. Men are trash, focus on yourself." What I'm observing now is that as I get older, men don't necessarily get better so dating won't get easier as you grow up. There is always going to be more conscious guys and less conscious guys and it's about learning to navigate that instead of waiting for some magical age when people will finally mature. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Roy said:

Look man I've been there, but it gets better! Don't check out of what can be such a great part of life.

Apart of why relationships and dating my seem so unappealing for your group is because you're encouraged to only exposing yourself to young, immature, vapid, and entitled girls. They are at an age where they haven't been truly humbled by life. They probably haven't had to work or take much responsibility yet. They are absolutely consumed by social media and shallow bullshit, and don't know what's important in life. They are used to being pampered because of their looks and their youth. And they haven't learned yet that they aren't quite the princesses they've been duped into thinking they are and that the world (and men) doesn't owe them shit.

Consider going outside your age range! Personally I only date women roughly my age (28) or higher. They are so much better. Women who are 27-35 are so much more viable for solid, great relationships.

- They have better appreciation for finances and independence (transcended entitlement)

- They are more self-sufficient with basic life skills and don't need someone to "mansplain" to them like they are retarded

- They know who they are and have worked through a lot of the crazy and confusion emotions of their young adult life

- They have a better idea of exactly what they want and won't fuck your heart around with stupid games (as often)

- They are WAY better in bed and more sexually confident/assertive (no starfishing)

Of course this means you'll have to up your game and to and have high emotional maturity or you won't be able to attract them, but if you're into self-actualization and personal development you probably have more emotional development than 90% of men even if you are in your early 20's.

Stop giving into our garbage culture and being tantalized into stupidity by young beautiful girls. 

Stop dating girls and look for women.

 

 

 

This was  great advice 

 

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Raptorsin7]

@Roy I appreciate the advice but that wasn't really my point.

And I'm not interested in dating woman in the their mid 20s tbh. When I start seriously dating I'd much rather prefer someone in the 22-25 range. 

But I understand what you're getting at 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I highly doubt that conscious, loving men are going to be like children. 

I can tell you this already, I'm not into guys who are like you. And it's a huge misconception that all men are like this. It's ok if your preference is a woman who prioritizes kids more but that isn't what all men look for nor does it mean that a woman who doesn't align with your preference is destined to fail in her dating life. 

Additionally, if me just existing and doing what I love to do is going to be intimidating a guy, that is not the type of guy that I would be interested in. I find that some men do get intimidated by me and honestly, I find it to be a blessing. If a guy approaches me, asks me what I'm studying and then gets all wide eyed and nervous around me because of my answer to where he moves a way from me, I see it as the process of elimination. I have a lot of value that I can provide in a relationship because of my ideas, my experiences, the way I've grown myself, my outlook etc. which are partly a product of what I do and I think it would be rather foolish for someone to look at ALL of that and be like "yeah this means that she isn't feminine enough for me, I'll pass." 

I'm not going to water myself down for that. I'd rather mind my own business, do what I want to do, and then eventually have that energy attract someone who resonates on a similar level. Even though I want a relationship, I don't consider situations like the one I mentioned before a loss or unsuccessful because it wasn't something that was a match to begin with. You can't lose something that wasn't meant to be. 

I also don't mind men who aren't as high achieving as I am or in the future makes as money as I do so long as he can still support himself and doesn't feel the need to bring me down in order to stroke his ego. He needs to be confident and hold his ground in that way. 

Would you be content dying alone? 

Also what do you want in a partner. Also, the type of men you would date.. what do you think they want in a partner 

Basically every guy here is saying more or less the same thing related to the topic, I admit I have very high standards and it remains to be seen if I can meet someone to fits the bill, but it sounds like you think the majority opinion here is off and you're going to go out and find a man nothing like us but hes going to be conscious etc etc 

I never said conscious men are like children, you didn't understand what I said. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Preety_India]

8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Men don't value a woman's a career when picking a partner. So, yes, she should choose a partner that is largely independent of her career because dating is a market and males and females are valued based on completely different criteria

Dating is such a thing that it's not necessarily all about social trends. There are niche areas as well. It's not a one way street. For example, I might not be interested in attracting all men, in that case I can easily stick with my own preferences and wait for someone who is interested in me for exactly who I am. For example I might be interested in space study, it could be that majority of men aren't interested in that, however there's always a niche group that has similar interests and since its too difficult to find many people to date within that niche group, they are more likely to adjust with my other preferences and choices because they are more interested in me so my preferences really  do not matter to them. In that case, I don't have to worry about what majority of men perceive as attractive because I have found someone who is only interested in me based on shared interests. This point is never stressed enough that dating is neither too general nor too exclusive to box it into a tight framework where possibilities can never exist, dating is like a card game, where you can draw any card out of the several possibilities out there and still find a match. After all, you only need one match to find a fulfilling life. So what a majority wants or prefers is not the biggest worry all the time. 

 

[wwhy]

14 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Basically every guy here is saying more or less the same thing related to the topic, I admit I have very high standards and it remains to be seen if I can meet someone to fits the bill, but it sounds like you think the majority opinion here is off and you're going to go out and find a man nothing like us but hes going to be conscious etc etc 

Speak for yourself. Your comments are all over the place and kind of self contradictory. What high standards exactly are these you have? Please give me a list of the top five things you want from your ideal partner?

[soos_mite_ah]

54 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Would you be content dying alone? 

Yes. There are plenty of other aspects of my life that gives me fulfillment. A guy isn't an end all be all. I want a relationship but I don't need one. 

54 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Also what do you want in a partner.

I have journaled about this in the past so that's why this is so detailed lol. I wrote down this list when I was 16 I think to be clear about my standards because I didn't want to waste my time with guys who don't value me or who aren't healthy. 

1. Respect 

• He has to respect himself by not being a pushover. He has boundaries and is able to communicate them in a healthy way. 
• He has to respect other people regardless of race, sexuality, gender, and differences of opinion. We need to have similar political opinions and values.
• He has to be mildly mannered and keep his cool most of the time. I don’t play with anger issues. But when he is angry, he is able to express that in a healthy way. 
• He has to respect his surroundings as in he is not a slob nor is he someone who destroys things out of anger. 
• He has to respect me, my values, and my cultural identity and be open minded when it comes to dealing with my life. 
• He respects people enough to break up with them and be upfront about any issues in the relationship and not cheat. 

2. Genuine

• He has to have his own identity, ambitions, and hobbies. I need him to have a life so he is not clingy
• He has to have passion in his life in the sense he does things because he actually cares not because of any physical pleasure nor for an ego boost. 
• He is honest in action and in word. He has his own strong sense of morality that he can back up without having to rely on other people to tell him what to do. A strong sense of integrity is a must. 
• He has a humble and quirky side to him. He and I have to be able to be weird and comfortable together. 
• He has to have a sense of humor that is similar to mine and isn't rude or immature. I am including this in the list mainly because some people have a sense of humor that tends to annoy the hell out of me.
• He is not materialistic or shallow

3. Informed / Open minded

• He is well educated and has informed opinions. He knows what is going on in the world. It doesn't mean that he has a fancy degree but rather he is committed to self education. 
• When he encounters something unknown to him, he tries to understand it. He’s open minded. He is up for any new experiences, whether it be travelling to new places, tasting new foods, trying new hobbies, etc.
• He knows what he is doing in life and is not prone to making impulse decisions financially, personally, nor professionally. 

4. Supportive 

• He is supportive when it comes to my decisions and dreams in life. He tries to push me toward my goals and helps me become a better person. 
• He is empathetic and emotionally / mentally there for me.

5. Stable

• He has his life together, is ambitious, and has major life plans. I am the type of person who can listen to most people’s hopes and dreams all day and not get bored, so basically, ambition is a must.
• Financially, he is smart with his money and does not spend on unnecessary things. I don’t care about whether or not he makes more than me, but he still needs to have some sort of sustainable income or plan to do so, because in order to manage money well, you still need to have money in the first place. My man is not going to be a bum that leeches off of me. We also have to be comfortable with talking about money. This isn’t a superficial thing (hell I don’t even mind being a sugar mama) but it’s more based on stability and practicality so we aren’t on the streets. This is also important since many relationships end because of money issues. (This is more of something I would consider in a long term situation)
• He is not a serial monogamist. He doesn’t need to jump to a new relationship as soon as one ends because he is comfortable and stable when it comes to being on his own. I don’t want someone who will end up being co-dependent on me and expect me to complete him because he is in a constant need of validation through having a girlfriend. We need to be able to be two separate people with separate lives who don’t necessarily need one another but much rather want to be around one another. I don't like clinginess because I do tend to be pretty independent and clingy guys are pretty suffocating. 
• He can’t be on drugs. Now, the occasional alcohol or weed is fine, but it can’t to a point where he is addicted or he binges when he gets the chance. That said, I’m obviously not going to tolerate hard drugs, but I’m also not going to tolerate vaping or smoking on the regular mainly because I find smoking an absolutely disgusting habit that straight up repulses me.
• He is comfortable with vulnerability: He can express himself and his feelings towards me. He can communicate what he is going through responsibly and constructively. Vulnerability is important because that is the way the relationship can grow in the first place. I don’t want to date someone who is emotionally constipated and can be open with me. If he can’t be open with me, it is going to make it harder for me to be open with him.

6. Self-Aware

• He is self-aware. He needs to be emotionally open to himself and me so that we can actually get to know each other well. He needs to know himself enough to where he can recognize his own short comings as well as take steps to be better. I feel that self-awareness is key to keeping a relationship healthy because it helps you more efficiently communicate with your partner since you know where you stand and how to articulate your needs, concerns, etc.
• He has to be dedicated to working on himself, being a good person, and seek growth regularly. I consider myself as someone who has worked on herself immensely and personally, I feel like I need someone who has put in that type of work in himself as well. 
• His communication skills are excellent. I don’t want to deal with someone who is passive aggressive, a liar, or deceptive. If something is bothering him or something needs talking about, he isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and express his point of view of the situation. He isn’t going to expect me to read his mind and pick up on overly subtle signs as though he is a kid. Lastly, He isn’t going to bottle everything up in our relationship.

In addition to all of this I also have a short list of preferences. But the stuff I mentioned above are requirements. If a guy meets everything above but doesn't meet my preferences, I'm willing to go out with him. If a guy meets some of my preferences or hell all of my preferences but he doesn't meet one of the requirements, I'm not willing to go out with him.  

54 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

what do you think they want in a partner 

I think people tend to want to date those who are on their level. I'm sure the guy I'm looking for who has the above qualities are looking for a girl similar to that as well. I try to embody what I look for in a partner. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Wow that's a big list haha.

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Yes. There are plenty of other aspects of my life that gives me fulfillment. A guy isn't an end all be all. I want a relationship but I don't need one. 

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Yeah I feel the same way. It does change when you come to relationships from a place of want vs need. 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I think people tend to want to date those who are on their level. I'm sure the guy I'm looking for who has the above qualities are looking for a girl similar to that as well. I try to embody what I look for in a partner. 

In my opinion, and from the opinion of a number of men that have commented here, men and woman value different things when it comes to valuing a partner. I am skeptical you will find a man who will value you the same way you are valuing him, but it's possible.

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, wwhy said:

Your comments are all over the place and kind of self contradictory

What did you find contradictory, I have a pretty clear picture in my mind I can resolve any inconsistencies you find.

2 hours ago, wwhy said:

What high standards exactly are these you have? Please give me a list of the top five things you want from your ideal partner?

I'd say top 5 not necessarily in that order. Beautiful, Happy, Intelligent, Wealthy, well developed feminine side.

[soos_mite_ah]

36 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah Wow that's a big list haha.

In my opinion, and from the opinion of a number of men that have commented here, men and woman value different things when it comes to valuing a partner. I am skeptical you will find a man who will value you the same way you are valuing him, but it's possible.

I mean it's like what, 6 things. I just went into detail to elaborate on what it means so that I'll know the traits when I see them. 

I'm pretty sure the man I like will value things like respect, genuineness, openmindedness, being supportive, a sense of stability, direction in life, and self awareness as qualities I have since those are important things to have for a good relationship. 

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Do you value looks?

Do you expect your partner to value looks or would that be low on the list?

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 I have my preferences but I have liked guys outside of my preferences because they fulfilled the other stuff I mentioned. 

Sure there are some traits I like more than others but I can appreciate and find beauty in features that are outside of what I'm typically drawn towards. To me, if I really like someone who isnt physically my type, I catch myself eventually romanticizing what they look like lol. 

As far as do I expect him to value looks, I think to a certain extent its inevitable and I dont mind it. I think it becomes a problem when a guy says that is the main thing they look for or they dont understand how subjective beauty can be and they expect everyone to have a similar type as he does. It strikes me as superficial. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Would you be content dying alone? 

Also what do you want in a partner. Also, the type of men you would date.. what do you think they want in a partner 

Basically every guy here is saying more or less the same thing related to the topic, I admit I have very high standards and it remains to be seen if I can meet someone to fits the bill, but it sounds like you think the majority opinion here is off and you're going to go out and find a man nothing like us but hes going to be conscious etc etc 

I never said conscious men are like children, you didn't understand what I said. 

Now, I have 10 years of experience on you. Keep that in mind. I’ll be 32 in a couple days.

And I’ve spent 15 years of my life in committed relationships. One of those relationships my longest ones were 4 years and 9 years.

That’s 15 years of relationship experience... compared to you having never been in a committed relationship before. So you might be wise to have a listen.

So, I think this is what will happen. You’ll have all these specific standards and abstract ideas about women and relationships and how the world works that aren’t based in reality. 

And because you’re so hung up on these ideas in your head, you won’t be able to interface with the reality as it is. And you’ll fail to make an intimate connection with any woman at all. And as such, you likely won’t end up with the family you desire. Too much strategy, projection, and mind stuff... not enough heart.

Also, you keep asserting that this is a universal preference that men don’t want successful women. But it isn’t. Passionate men typically want a passionate partner who is compatible with him.

And being a very driven woman I can tell you that I’ve never had any issues finding a man who shares my values and who’s invested in me.

Now, do other stage blue men exist? Yes. Are they the majority? No.

So, there is no shortage of compatible men. Don’t fear monger with the “Do you wanna die alone?” thing. As long as a woman is attuned to her intuition and heart and is open, she won’t have trouble attracting a partner.

[Raptorsin7]

@Emerald I don't recognize your authority in providing wisdom. But to each their own.

 

 

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Emerald I don't recognize your authority in providing wisdom. But to each their own.

But you’d be wise to question your own authority in providing relationship advice to women because...

1. You’ve never had a serious relationship 
2. You’re in your early 20s
3. You’re not a woman and thus aren’t aware of the ACTUAL issues women face in trying to find a partner 
4. All of your ideas about relationship  and the relationship issues that women face are abstract and non-experiential

But I’m sure my 10 extra years of life experience and 15 years of relationship experience and 9.5 years of motherhood wouldn’t provide any valuable insights into dating, marriage, and family. 

Best to keep ahold of your fairy tale... I mean, it seems to have been working out so far. Right?

Edited April 25, 2021 by Emerald