How To Choose A Girlfriend

[aurum]

I recently got into a fantastic relationship with a girl after being single for a long time.  So I felt inspired to write this post and share with you my strategy for how I made this happen. Here are my rules for successfully choosing a girlfriend

Step 1: Handle yourself first

This cannot be understated, I see so many guys try to get into a relationship when they've yet to develop themselves at all as a man. They've got it all backwards. This doesn't mean that you need to become some ideal, fantasy of yourself. That's ego defense. But you should have a good amount of self-mastery. Learn how attraction works and how to spark it if you don't know how. Get on some sort of larger life purpose than dating. All this will set you up for an INTERDEPENDENT relationship as Steven Covey would say,

Step 2: Meet lots of women

I'm not saying you need to do pickup in a classic PUA sense. But you do need to put yourself in some sort of situation where you're meeting lots of different women and you'll able to date them. After all, that's what CHOICE means. You're CHOOSING HER from one of many. Otherwise, what are the odds that a women just chosen at random is going to be right for you? Essentially 0%.

Step 3: Determine what kind of girl you want

Now that you're meeting lots of women, you should start getting a clearer idea of what kind of woman you want. Certain traits will stick out for you. I can't tell you what those traits are, but I can give you some of the things I looked for in a woman personality-wise.

First, she's comfortable with her sexuality. I have a high sex drive, so I'm just not going to get along with Sally the virgin from next door. She needs to want to fuck

Second, she's into personal growth of some kind. I'm not saying she needs to as hardcore about it as me, but she should have goals she's working towards.

Third, she's smart. Again, I don't need her to be able to debate the latest ideas relating to string theory. But overall she has awareness. Or maybe you could just call it "common sense".

Fourth, she is respectful of my time. This is huge because I work all the god damn time at this point in my life. If she can't accept that to at least a certain degree, it's not going to happen.

Fifth, she is social. I love people and so a woman who has no friends or doesn't like to socialize is an issue for me.

These are some ideas to get you started. Feel free to steal them if you like them.

Step 4: Get to know her

If you've done the first three steps right, you should be at a point where although you have a very good idea of what kind of girlfriend you want, you have no NEED for one anymore. You're enjoying being on your purpose, dating different girls and being single in general. That's when you'll eventually meet her.

Once you've met her, sex should probably come pretty quickly. You'll start to get to know her and realize you like her a lot. Keep getting to know her. Make sure the sexual chemistry is there. See if she's hitting the qualities you were looking for from Rule 3.

I hate to take about relationships in terms of "power dynamics" because that's dysfunctional, but there is a reality that if you've done this all correctly, she will probably be far more interested in a relationship with you than you are with her at this point. It's not a "tactic" I'm suggesting you implement in order to manipulate her, it's just what is going to happen. She senses that you're a guy who not only has drive and is going somewhere in life, but you also aren't needy. When that happens, her inevitable response will be to chase because it's just an extremely rare thing for a girl to find that combination.

Step 5: Let go of your single identity

Once you have an idea that this might be a woman you want to get into a relationship with, you're going to have to deal with letting go of your identity of being "single". You'll probably even resist getting in a relationship and will do a lot of debating back and forth if this is something you want to do.

I can't answer that for you, but your clue should be that you're starting to want to see her more than any other girls and imagining the two of you doing "relationship activities".

Assuming it is, you're going to have to realize that your old beliefs about the benefits of being single are no longer serving you. They're holding you back now. Let it go. You'll never be perfect and neither will she. This requires self-acceptance.

*Warning: this only works if you did the previous four steps correctly! Don't rationalize getting into a shitty, premature relationship simply because some girl likes you*

Step 6: Stay on your purpose

You've let your girl know that you want to make things official between you and her. Because you did the previous steps right, she will be very open to this. In fact she should be extremely happy. Congratulations!

However, your job is not over. As a man, that purpose that you found in step 1 should still be top priority in your life. You'll want to spend a lot of time together as a new couple, and you should, but don't lose sight of that purpose. That drive is extremely important to keep your relationship happy and healthy. But if you've done the previous steps, it shouldn't be that hard to stay on track.

The quality of girl you will be able to attract with this method will be directly proportional to the work you put into the first three steps. I'm sorry, but you're not getting Beyonce because you read a self-development book. Take those first three steps extremely seriously.

And that's it. That's the full guide on getting a girlfriend THE RIGHT WAY. I don't care about what mainstream culture says about dating, mainstream relationships tend to be absolute trash. If you want to actually look at your girl and think "wow, she's amazing" and have her think the same thing about you, this is how you do it. Feel free to ask me any questions.

 

 

 

 

 

[Tron]

I think it's also important to put emphasis on patience. You will more often that not date women who aren't exactly what you're looking for. And thats ok. It's apart of the process.  Enjoy the women you date for what it is even if it doesn't work out long term. 

[Natasha]

@aurum These also seem to echo what you're saying: 

 

[aurum]

Edited for spelling

Edited September 23, 2016 by aurum

[aurum]

26 minutes ago, Natasha said:

@aurum These also seem to echo what you're saying: 

 

Oh man, this guy. I love him as a human being, but I just can't get into his videos. We have such different personalities.

But yes there are similarities. And that's because whatever is true, people tend to come to the same conclusions. So props to him.

[cirkussmile]

Thank you for sharing!

I'm clear on all steps but step 2. I'm taking action at least 1 day a week and plan for more in a near future. I have plenty of time to experiment but still novice how it all works because I didn't have to figure it unitil lately. 

Do someone have any books or other resources that can be inspiring?

 

[cirkussmile]

I want to add that I'm searching for books that describes the deep nature of man and woman. I would feel dirty if I used manipulation techniques.

 

 

[aurum]

On 9/24/2016 at 4:02 AM, cirkussmile said:

Thank you for sharing!

I'm clear on all steps but step 2. I'm taking action at least 1 day a week and plan for more in a near future. I have plenty of time to experiment but still novice how it all works because I didn't have to figure it unitil lately. 

Do someone have any books or other resources that can be inspiring?

 

What exactly are you unclear about?

[cirkussmile]

28 minutes ago, aurum said:

What exactly are you unclear about?

Very good question. Where to go but I have think I have my ideas. But clubs doesn't seems to be the place. Don't know why I assume that

[reez]

@cirkussmile Deep nature of women/man? I suppose "The Red Queen" - Matt Ridley in that case. Otherwise, for becoming a more attractive male I would read "The Way of The Superior Man" - David Deida and "Models" - Mark Manson. If you wanna spend more money on perhaps a video course I would tell you to get "Invincible" - David Tian.

Well, to meet women you should go to usual places you like pretty much. Bookstores, coffee shops, yoga classes, shopping mall are some places you might enjoy and where you can meet girls.

I personally am religious and therefore I often meet girls at church. But if you're not religious it's not something I would recommend for meeting girls

[aurum]

2 hours ago, cirkussmile said:

Very good question. Where to go but I have think I have my ideas. But clubs doesn't seems to be the place. Don't know why I assume that

Clubs, bars, shopping malls, restaurants, street corners, whatever. It's going to depend on your personality and unique situation.

For many guys, they want a place where they have some anonymity because they are going to face a lot of rejections. Plus, I don't consider meeting one woman a week at your job "a lot". So clubs and bars are great because you're going to meet a lot of people but none of them are going to remember you unless you make the effort. This is more of the "hardcore" route, which is mostly what I did. Benefits also include massive social experience and having a ton of fun. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED, especially if you're a shy person. Trial by fire.

However, that may be something you're genuinely not interested in. Don't rationalize not doing it out of fear, but if you HONESTLY feel like your time would be spent better elsewhere, go for it. You don't have to listen to me.

As far as books, @reez pretty much nailed the classics. You can go MUCH deeper than that though if you wish.

[Tancrede Pouyat]

@aurum do you think online dating is a good option? 

[davidpuralocura]

i know a really hot girl that wants to go out with me(shes fun but i dont like that she smokes)

but i met another one that is not soo hot but we have more in common

im not doing step 2 i am lasy and just wait for women to come to me(bad thing)

but for these 2 things what would you say

[Psychonaut]

@davidpuralocura Sex with someone who is not sexy is not sex I want to have.

[aurum]

17 hours ago, davidpuralocura said:

i know a really hot girl that wants to go out with me(shes fun but i dont like that she smokes)

but i met another one that is not soo hot but we have more in common

im not doing step 2 i am lasy and just wait for women to come to me(bad thing)

but for these 2 things what would you say

I'd say do step 2 and then decide.