Girlfriend pulling back FAST

[aurum]

4 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

according to my experience and research chasing after her is very unattractive and that would make the situation worse. Plus if that’s the only way i’m not really interested, so it has to work any other way besides neediness and chasing.

But if you're afraid that chasing her will drive her away and therefore you don't do anything, aren't you still needy? Aren't you still trying to manipulate the outcome?

[Thestarguitarist14]

Just now, aurum said:

But neediness isn't solved by pretending to not be needy. That whole paradigm only works when you're actually not needy. In his case, his neediness is manifesting as trying to not be needy. So it's still needy from my perspective, just hidden a bit better.

True.  But if he expresses this neediness to her, he is just going to push her away.  Possibly into the arms of another man.  In this case, hiding his neediness is necessary if he desires to keep her.

 

At the end of the day, the O.P is going to have to find the root of his neediness and resolve it.  It is more then likely something from childhood.

[aurum]

1 minute ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

True.  But if he expresses this neediness to her, he is just going to push her away.  Possibly into the arms of another man.  In this case, hiding his neediness is necessary if he desires to keep her.

I would disagree. Your energy does not lie. Can't hide what's inside

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

At the end of the day, the O.P is going to have to find the root of his neediness and resolve it.  It is more then likely something from childhood.

Yes.

[RendHeaven]

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

True.  But if he expresses this neediness to her, he is just going to push her away.  Possibly into the arms of another man.  In this case, hiding his neediness is necessary if he desires to keep her.

No, he is still fucked if he does this

Source: Tons of irl experience

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

At the end of the day, the O.P is going to have to find the root of his neediness and resolve it.  It is more then likely something from childhood.

^this  

[Thestarguitarist14]

Just now, aurum said:

I would disagree. Your energy does not lie. Can't hide what's inside

He isn’t in the same city as her right now.  If he is only texting her he can hide it all day long.

[Alfonsoo]

@RendHeaven totally agree. I know that to fix the neediness I need to keep self actualizing. But regarding my girlfriend, should I try save the relationship and if so, how? 

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

No, he is still fucked if he does this

Source: Tons of irl experience

If he can’t see her, she is not going to be able to feel his neediness if he has good “text game”.  That is the good thing about texting.  

[Alfonsoo]

5 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

 O.P is going to have to find the root of his neediness and resolve it.  It is more then likely something from childhood.

Father disappeared on my family (but i was too little to remember) and my mother is very toxic and neurotic (she was middle child, never taken into account and probably taking that out on me). I honestly don’t feel any baggage from this but your not supposed to be conscious of this things. So it may be that. Any ideas?

[Alfonsoo]

7 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

No, he is still fucked if he does this

Source: Tons of irl experience

^this  

I am aware that if i don’t fix the source of neediness (not hide it) it will eventually creep out, and it just makes things toxic. I am interested in real change.

[Thestarguitarist14]

1 minute ago, Alfonsoo said:

Father disappeared on my family (but i was too little to remember) and my mother is very toxic and neurotic (she was middle child, never taken into account and probably taking that out on me). I honestly don’t feel any baggage from this but your not supposed to be conscious of this things. So it may be that. Any ideas?

Ah, so abandonment issues.

 

You consciously may not feel any bad, but your inner child does.  Your girlfriend ghosting you is triggering your abandonment issues, causing your inner child to throw a fit.

Guided meditations for your sacral and heart chakras will help a ton.  Here is a simple five minute meditation for your inner child.  Close your eyes, take three deep breaths and imagine yourself as a child right after your father abandoned you.  Pick up your child self and say “I’m sorry, you are loved, you are loved, you will never be abandoned.”  Repeat this until the five minutes is up.  Do this for two weeks straight.  I did this after being ghosted and it had amazing results 

[Alfonsoo]

@Thestarguitarist14 Amazing! I’ll give it a go. 

[intotheblack]

First you need to lighten her mood with a funny text or even just call her.  First you have to get her laughing. Then, be honest.  No more games.. 

Edited October 24, 2020 by intotheblack

[Alfonsoo]

@intotheblack

6 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

First you need to lighten her mood with a funny text or even just call her.  First you have to get her laughing. Then, be honest.  No more games.. 

Honest? Tell her what?

[intotheblack]

@Alfonsoo 

Lighten her mood.. she’s your girlfriend that’s your responsibility to know how to make her smile/laugh.  Then if you feel like you wanna apologise for your behaviour, you can.

communication is key

[RendHeaven]

54 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

If he can’t see her, she is not going to be able to feel his neediness if he has good “text game”.  That is the good thing about texting.  

You're probably right, but I am coming at this from the perspective of longevity~

57 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

@RendHeaven totally agree. I know that to fix the neediness I need to keep self actualizing. But regarding my girlfriend, should I try save the relationship and if so, how? 

Do your damned best to keep it going  Just don't be surprised when it all crumbles... from my experience when I become needy, the relationship is doomed to fail in a matter of time (no matter how I try to hide it or change myself).

Doesn't hurt to be honest though: "Hey, have I been making you feel [uncomfortable/overwhelmed] recently? I've been feeling ignored, how do you feel?"

Don't expect rainbows and sunshine. She might give you 2 word responses like: "I'm fine" 

If that happens, DO NOT respond with shit like, "See you're doing it again"

Phrasing things in a way that blames her (no matter how true it seems to you) is actually a part of your neediness, and she will realize that you're full of shit.

Instead, say something like: "Yeah, you're fine as hell~  I'd love to hear more tho, I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk"

To get her to pay lots of attention to you again, you will have to prove to her over and over that you're not an insecure bitch. This means dealing with her games without playing any of your own games.

Edited October 24, 2020 by RendHeaven

[intotheblack]

@RendHeaven

6 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

This means dealing with her games without playing any of your own games

Good advice. 
 

hey @Alfonsoo read the book ‘the way of the superior man’

I’m female and both me and my boyfriend have read it, it’s good, I learned some new ways of looking at things 

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, Alfonsoo said:

I am aware that if i don’t fix the source of neediness (not hide it) it will eventually creep out, and it just makes things toxic. I am interested in real change.

Here's why real change is way harder than merely doing self-improvement exercises:

Real abundance is when you know deeply that you've got the power to drop her ass in a heartbeat.

If you're already needy, you might work on yourself to the point that you tell yourself that "I have the power to walk away," but you'll never actually do it.

You're too attached to the sex and validation.

You'll constantly try to save the relationship primarily, with "walking away" being a distant, neglected option even if you convince yourself that you've unlocked that option.

Edited October 25, 2020 by RendHeaven

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

But if he expresses this neediness to her, he is just going to push her away.

No, it would be his strength of being ok with being vulnerable. Showing vulnerability shows as you are secure in yourself.

[Thestarguitarist14]

Just now, Loving Radiance said:

No, it would be his strength of being ok with being vulnerable. Showing vulnerability shows as you are secure in yourself.

BAHAHAHAHA.  
 

I believe you are giving Western women far too much credit.  Also discounting just how much women hate neediness from men.

[Alfonsoo]

@Thestarguitarist14 well in that case I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with that woman. I don’t want to maintain  a fake front just to please her. I’m willing to bend my self a little bit but being able to be vulnerable is too important.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Alfonsoo