soos_mite_ah

The Joy Journal

309 posts in this topic

Videos That Make Me Laugh

The "Mr Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of it's features" killed me lol 

I had a Barbie phase when I was around 4-7 and I remember watching a lot of the movies. I don't remember the plots to the movies but recently I got recommended a bunch of Barbie out of context videos. It unlocked a bunch of memories lmao. Honestly, wtf was I watching

This Prager U kids video reminded me of some of the propaganda books that Rush Limbaugh made for kids that basically glossed over the human rights abuses of colonialism and romanticized the 1700s and 1800s. My uncle was a fan of Rush Limbaugh and his whole radio show and he tried to get me into it but he gave me one of the propaganda books when I was 13ish so I guess it was too late for me to be indoctrinated. That book was really weird from what I remembered. 

I remember stumbling onto Spirit Science's channel back in 2012 or so when I was just getting into things like chakras and meditation. They had this whole conspiracy theory of what human history actually is and that shit was wild. I remember finding it entertaining back then but also thinking it was insane. I just found out that Vaush made a video on it and I noticed some of the right wing ideology that sometimes seeps into spirituality/ what some spiritual people believe and it was nice to see Vaush acknowledge that. Also it was fucking hilarious to watch him lose his shit on how insane this was lol. 

These videos aren't anything new but they always crack me up. The comments under the Bratz video kills me. The Alex Jones remix was how I first found out about him lol. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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Where Do I Want to Live When I Grow Up

From a very young age I had an intuitive knowing that I didn't want to live in Texas my whole life. What are the odds that the place where I was born is the one that fits me and who I am fully? I also had this feeling about living in the U.S. as a whole especially when it came to patriotism. I didn't get the point of being proud of where I'm from because that's just where my soul happened to be dropped at by chance. It's not a conscious choice that I made so I don't see the point of claiming where I'm from as if it was my doing and a reflection of me. That's not to say that I don't have an appreciation of where I'm from and where I grew up. I'm simply not attached to it. 

And as a result, I always wondered where I belonged in the world literally as cliché as it sounds. I went to New York City a couple times, once when I was 8 and another time when I was 18. At both times, it felt more like home than where I grew up in. I found myself feeling this way in general with large cities. That is one of the clues I had as to where I wanted to live. It reflected a part of me at that time. But over the years I found that this part of me changed, that a large city is nice but it isn't necessary. I think the reason why I was drawn to cities were due to diversity, progressive values, and busyness. I still do value a sense of diversity and progressive values but I don't really care much for busyness or a fast paced life style. I'm not much of a house person, I very much prefer apartments and small living spaces (tiny houses are also cool).  I find videos like these very satisfying: 

There is something about how a small space forces you to get creative and live a more minimalist and intentional lifestyle that speaks to me. I know I might sound crazy but part of me doesn't mind spending a lot of money on a tiny space. I get that I'm probably not getting my money's worth but if it lets me be more creative, resonates with me, and is near the places I like to hang out at, that's more than enough. 

Another thing that made me think of where I might want to live instead of assuming where I grew up being the default place is how my dad came to the U.S. and how this country fit him better on a personal level than Bangladesh ever did. My mom is the exact opposite. She doesn't like the U.S. as much and really prefers to go back to India. Consequently, I wondered what that place for me would be. 

As weird as it might sound, after finding Spiral Dynamics, all of this made more sense. My dad resonated with living in Texas and the U.S. in general because he is a mix between blue, a lot of orange, and a little bit of green. My mom resonates with India because she is VERY blue with some orange. I was attracted to bigger cities because for many years growing up I was at orange/green. And now that I'm in more green/yellow (I'm using yellow quite generously don't come for me lol), my idea of where I want to live is also evolving. Before finding SD, as a teenager I had this goal in mind to save up money, take time off to travel to a bunch of places, and eventually find a place to settle down at. Don't get me wrong, I still want to travel for the sake of experience but as for finding a place to settle down, I have narrowed down my sights more after finding SD. Personally, I feel that New Zealand fits me the best. 

This video sums things up pretty well and backs it up with data: 

Here are some important charts from the video: 

countries.jpg

I went ahead and circled both New Zealand and the US so that they are easier to find in the chart below: 

countries.jpgI noticed that a lot of the better developed countries tend to be more green. I don't think we will get a yellow country for another couple hundred years so that's out of the question. I guess the best I can do is going for the greenest country possible. I would go with Sweden, Denmark and Norway, instead of New Zealand but as much as I hate to say, I'm going to be 100% honest with myself and say that it's unlikely that I will learn additional languages. Also, those countries are way too far north and even though I like the cold, my seasonal depression says No <3. 

I've also watched a bunch of videos on New Zealand because I've been looking into how to get there. I don't know much about New Zealand from experience but I have looked into a few things here and there. If there is anyone from New Zealand reading this and thinks I'm being fed with bs, I'm sorry if I sound delusional lol, please kindly correct me and give me a more realistic picture :P

Pros: 

The Amazing Outdoors (Landscape and Wildlife) + Conservation Efforts: I've been getting into more outdoorsy things lately. I'm here for it. 

Lower Population- small community vibes, less traffic:  I'm here for that. I know I mentioned that I like bigger cities but I'm also good with rural areas tbh. This also goes along with the outdoors, but one of my favorite places in the U.S. to drive by is Arkansas. I really like forests and small towns. They're really beautiful as long as you don't stop driving and as long as you ignore the Confederate flags lol. 

Easier to find a job because of lower population: Not sure how true this is but BET!

Easy to start a business (registration)- it's common culture to start a business: I don't think this is applicable for me at this moment but I guess it's nice to know. Not sure on how it measures up to the U.S. 

Healthcare: SIGN ME TF UP!!!!

Laid back, slow paced life style (can also be a con): I mean, I'm here for it. 

Work life balance: This is something that is super important to me. Pretty much every source I've seen tells me that New Zealand has a good work life balance and prioritizes it because they understand that letting your employees have a life important for businesses to run effectively and that working them to the bone doesn't help anyone. And I really appreciate the basic understanding.  

Fairly diverse (as far as nationalities go): I had to add that in parenthesis because lets be real as far as racial diversity goes, New Zealand isn't about to beat the U.S. But yeah I'm here for the diversity. 

Safe/ low crime rate: I searched up the crime rate and apparently it's similar to that of the U.S. but as far as violent crime is considered, it is lower. 

Easy to travel given you have a car (road trips are easy to do): Honestly bet! I love road trips. 

Cons: 

Expensive (little competition, most things are imported): Actually something I'm worried about

Housing shortage and high rental prices: Actually something I'm worried about

Far away from other countries so if you want to travel it's going to be expensive and time consuming: This seems like a legit con but at the same time, (this is going to sound awful) I think I can use this as an excuse to not visit my toxic family super regularly. 

Weather changes a lot: I swear whenever I travel somewhere, there is always that one person that says something along the lines of iF yOU don'T lIKe thE weATHEr JuSt WaIT 5 mInUTes. So as a result, I don't really take this seriously. Yeah the weather is more unpredictable and is getting more extreme. It's not limited to one place. It's climate change. We're all in this together *cue the highschool musical sound track* 

You need a car: While I do prefer public transport for environmental reasons and so that I can walk anywhere without worrying about a car, driving everywhere is something that I'm used to because I lived in Texas my whole life. 

City life is kind of basic (not so many shopping places, night life etc.): And that's perfectly all right with me. I'm more so into cities for their diversity and their progressive attitudes rather than for getting lit or going shopping.  

Consumer laws aren't that good and neither is customer service: This seems more like an inconvenience rather than an actual problem. But then again, I'm not a Karen so I think I should be ok lol. 

Internet coverage isn't the best mainly in rural areas: I mean, I don't see myself living in a super rural area if when I do make the move (hey, I gotta stay manifesting lol) 

Heating and insulation in houses aren't the best: I searched up the climate here and it seems tamer than Dallas. I've also lived in places where heating and insulation isn't the best and that has similar winters to New Zealand so I don't think this would be that much of an adjustment to be honest. 

Earthquakes: I guess part of me isn't afraid of earthquakes that much mainly out of the ignorance of not experiencing them. But at the same time, New Zealand also apparently has the infrastructure to deal with this so that's good. 


Overall, I think my main selling points is the work culture, the better labor laws, and health care. The quality of life compared to the U.S. seems so much better. My friends and I used to joke how New Zealand is like one of the goody two shoes countries that has their shit together and minds their own business along with the Nordic countries. Meanwhile, the U.S. is like the loud hot cheeto girl in high school who has an inflated ego and goes around telling people how "real" they are when really they do nothing but get into other people's business and start fights at 8am in the morning while being a complete utter mess herself. And consequently, people are afraid of her and try to stay on her good side. And speaking of which, this is petty and idealistic, but I don't want my tax dollars funding the U.S. military and it's war crimes when really that money could be spent making other areas of life better for all of us

 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up? Part 1: Fetishizing and Monetizing Your Interests

I feel like I haven't been writing as much ever since I found out that this is my ideal medium for my life purpose. I had to push myself to write the last couple full length posts and push through the resistance. I started asking myself why this resistance is there in the first place? I think when I put writing into this context of this ~~**grand life purpose**~~ or ~~**hero's journey**~~ part of me felt overwhelmed by it. I know with the whole hero's journey metaphor that there is a part where the hero gets a call to action but they don't want to take it even if it is exciting and fulfilling because they want to be in their cushy, comfortable lives. I think I resonate with this a little bit but I think a more important concept to consider is this thing called "detachment from outcome." 

Both the concepts of the hero's journey and detachment from outcome are discussed in the life purpose course. The hero's journey is the emotional and mythological framework behind the life purpose course. The hero is some naive person  living in the ordinary world in a simple life and then something unusual presents itself to them. Then, the journey presents itself to them and they get a call to adventure. While it is exciting and interesting, it's also scary for the person because they don't want to leave the comfort of their mundane life. Then the call presents again usually because something dramatic happens. The hero gets cornered and with much resistance the hero gets on the journey to find the holy grail (or in this case achieve some type of long term goal). The hero faces a variety of obstacles and has to go into uncharted territory. Along the road they find a mentor that helps them but eventually they have to figure things out on their own. Eventually, the hero goes through the challenges and achieves their goal. But by now the challenges and the journey turned them into a different person and the meaning of their original goal changes. Then they bring back their holy grail and achievements back to their community and then becomes a mentor to help another hero in the future. 

Detachment from outcome is when you do have a calling in life but you don't take it too seriously because in the end nothing means anything and it all leads to the same place which is death. Your purpose isn't about where you end up rather it is about the journey, about how you grow, about how you enjoy yourself on the way there. Sometimes the problem with life purpose is that we take it too seriously and start acting in cringey ways or we treat people badly because we have a stick up our ass. You flow through life rather than imposing yourself on it. There is little to no resistance involved. The only thing that is guaranteed is doing your work and enjoying your work. The rest are just the icing on the cake. You shouldn't expect perks or rely on it. And detachment helps because when you are tense, anxious, neurotic, and competitive, you aren't producing your best work than if you were relaxed and enjoying the process. 

I think the concept that resonates with a person more is completely relative. For me personally, I found that detaching from the outcome is more important than having a grand compelling vision (even though I have one of those to a certain extent). Because I think the problem with only thinking about the hero's journey and following your bliss instead of balancing it out with detachment from outcome is that you can fall into the trap of fetishizing your interests rather than cultivating your passion. I find that a lot of creative people and type A, super ambitious people tend to fall into this trap more. 

First off with creative people, it's very easy for them to get into the flow of whatever creative outlet that they choose. Even though I didn't go into studying art in college, I know people who did and I found that they walk in with this sense of passion but then school sucks it out of them because then there is this pressure of deadlines and this sense of obligation. When there is that sense of obligation, you become attached to the outcome and it isn't something you intrinsically want to do rather it is something you *have to do*. I have some experience with this when I took studio art in high school. I enjoy drawing but when I was being graded on it, it took me out of that flow state. And my teacher was basically talking to us about when you have clients you have to be more perfectionistic in your class and produce exactly what they said (the fact that she was a harsh and rigid grader didn't help my sense of creativity if I'm going to be honest). And that's when I realized that maybe a creative field might not be for me. I don't think I'm super comfortable with monetizing my creative outlets. And if I am to do something creative, I really need to have another job that will take care of my expenses. Because first of all, I'm not about that starving artist life. Second and more importantly, I feel that when you put so much pressure on your craft to where it's your main source of livelihood (or worse an unstable source), that your survival instincts interfere with your ability to be creative because you're more worried about having a roof over your head rather than focusing on doing your best work. That's when you get attached to outcome. While monetizing your hobbies and interest can be a nice plus, I don't think focusing on the monetization aspect is the healthiest way of going about it. I don't think that life purpose is all about career or your job and thinking about life purpose in that way can lead to unhealthy consequences. (I'm going to do a whole post talking about the type A, super ambitious people and capitalism in the next post since this is getting rather long). 

Another problem that creatives sometimes run into is fetishizing their interests. I believe that there is a difference between having interests and having a passion. It's like comparing initial attraction to a stable long term relationship. At first with your interests you have this honeymoon phase where you are super enthusiastic and excited about what you're going to do. After that honeymoon phase is up, that's the real test of how long term this interest, whether it be for a creative venture or a partner, would last. I think with people who fetishize their interests or fetishize this idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like, that they want the honeymoon phase to last forever and have that constant high, that the romanticize the process instead of seeing it for what it is and appreciate it even when it gets mundane and boring. Because if you are really passionate about an interest, romantic or otherwise, you won't need that constant titillations and you're ok when things get a little slow because there is an intrinsic motivation there apart from chasing excitement. Because from what I know about long term relationships (granted this knowledge comes from friends and things I've read so doing @ me lol) is that after a while of being with that person, it becomes kind of meh and routine but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Sure you need to look out for stagnation and signs of not trying anymore but there is something beautiful about being able to appreciate that stillness, being content, and just, well, being with your partner. I think it's the same with life purpose when it comes to detaching from outcome and being content and intrinsically motivated.

I think there is something that is more sustainable in finding a passion that you are interested in and that lights up the spark in you but you see that passion as a tool to sharpen and as a craft to slowly master rather than romanticizing the craft. It's the difference between a firework that is exciting, loud, and unpredictable and that goes off in like 3 seconds and a slow burning fire that actually keeps you warm through the winter. I also think that the difference between interests and passions is the consistency you are able to cultivate, again like the slow burning fire. I was interested in writing but I didn't realize how passionate I was about it until I spent like a year on this journal, writing these pseudo blogposts on this forum, and cultivating my interest into something consistent. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting this. I started this journal out of fun and basically me shitposting my thoughts and I didn't think much of it. I believe that being detached from outcome and not taking this journal seriously was the reason why I was able to be consistent because I didn't feel like I had to force myself to do anything. 

I mean my first post was: 

On 7/19/2020 at 10:56 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm making this journal to pour out the joy that I feel in my life and document how I'm working towards higher levels of joy. Let's see how this works out :). 

I also really liked this post from a thread I made about a week back when I was questioning the medium to my life purpose. I thought about it quite often if I'm going to be honest. It really resonated with me. 

On 6/2/2021 at 1:38 PM, Yarco said:

Someone with writing as their ideal medium weighing in here.

Yes, it's really your ideal medium.

Don't think of the writing as your life purpose itself. It's just a tool that allows you to most effectively communicate and actualize your life purpose.

Your life purpose is what you write about

An analogy... Your life purpose might be building birdhouses. Using a hammer is your ideal medium to accomplish it. That doesn't make the hammer itself your life purpose. It's just a tool. Who the fuck is excited about hammers? Don't focus too hard on the tool, don't start making hammers. Just use it.

Disclaimer: There are people who fetishize writing itself and make that their life purpose. See people with entire Youtube channels devoted to the writing process. Just like there are probably people whose life purpose is constructing the perfect hammer. But that doesn't sound like it's you. So don't get distracted by writing as a purpose instead of a tool. That would be the equivalent of spending hundreds of hours trying to figure out what the ideal hammer to buy is.

This is also a video that I find articulates my points above quite well: 

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up? Part 2: Why I Stopped Searching for a Purpose and a Dream Career 

Ok first things first, I didn't give up on searching for my purpose or creating my dream career, I just found a lot of videos that talked about this and even though on the surface it contradicts what I'm trying to do, after watching these videos I found they actually align with my desire to find my purpose. 

In the previous post I talked about how creative people tend to get attached to outcome and I also mentioned that type A, super ambitious people can fall into that trap as well. In this post, I'll be exploring the later through a lot of videos that I found on my YouTube recommendations. I'm going to write out the main points and show my reflections on them. If you are searching for your life purpose, I think it's really valuable to watch these videos because again, even though it might seem like it's contracting your search for a purpose by the title, I think it reveals a lot of the traps that one might encounter when searching for a purpose. These are simply my key takeaways. 

Quote

4:43-5:24: "I personally think that the idea that each of us are here for some specific purpose and that the price of finding that purpose would be like achieving the highest form of fulfillment would be to minimize the human experience. We're not like razors where our sole purpose is to remove hair. We're not machines or things and so I simply think that humans are far too complex for that idea. And I also think that it is limiting in the way it might make us get tunnel vision."

 I really like this because I feel that often when we talk about life purpose, we get this stage orange, success/career oriented view of purpose where our purpose revolves around what we do and produce. And while work has an element of that when it comes to purpose, I think it's good to have many different purposes in different areas of your life that align with what you value and resonate with. It also goes along with putting all of your eggs in one basket and having one thing rule your life which doesn't give you a rich multifaceted experience of life in my opinion, nor does it honor your complexity as a person or your human experience. I know the life purpose course has a whole section of figuring out your values and I honestly think that it's the most important part of the course because your values are what guides you towards your purpose or purposes. 

Quote

5:24-5:57: I think it can cause a lot of anxiety. For a lot of us, feeling like we haven't "found it" whatever that means or that we can't quite pinpoint what it is for us, can make us feel like failures or really lost. And I also think that it can be seen as this impossible task where any purpose we have in mind isn't big enough or isn't special enough compared to others. And what even is a "good enough" purpose to have in life?"

This resonated with me because a while back I was thinking about how you don't have to be special or exceptional to be deserving of love. This section also resonated with me because as I've been getting older, I have been feeling that anxiety of *oh shit I need to figure out what I'm doing in my life because or else I'm going to waste my life or worse die because I can't support myself.* I think coming from that place of anxiety and coming from a place of wanting this special or grandiose vision goes back to the whole attachment to outcome concept and that level of neuroticism from taking this whole finding your purpose thing so seriously can be counterproductive. And that's difficult to do when you keep being told that without this purpose that your life is going to be unfulfilling, a waste, or a failure. Finding your purpose is a purpose and it is my purpose for the time being and as much as my ambitious, type A side of my personality wants to come out and find my purpose as soon as possible, it can be a challenge to detach from that and focus on the journey instead of the destination of finding that purpose. 

Quote

6:00-7:45: "I started asking myself, what is the purpose of finding my life purpose? Is it supposed to be this magic spell for long lasting happiness? Is it that once that we have found we that purpose, only then will we be truly fulfilled? I don't think that is always necessarily true. How about until then? Do we just settle for unfulfillment until we find our purpose which may or may not exist? So if it's not life purpose that will bring us all of those things that we talked about, the things that most humans want and need what's going to bring it then. This is my current philosophy on this. By living a life that aligns with the things I value and believe in and doing so everyday. Instead of living my life thinking that there is one big thing that I'm supposed to discover called "purpose" which is supposedly will make everything feel right. For instance, I value learning and developing my character, so I feel like I'm living purposefully when I write, and read, and have interesting conversations with people. 

Again, this goes back to the whole values thing and taking the time to enjoy the process of finding your purpose and having your values be the compass on your journey. I think this is where our culture often goes wrong when it comes to life purpose because of it's focus on career. Because there is an emphasis on picking a career rather than the process in which you pick a career, what you actually value, and whether or not it's coming from a healthy place. Especially when Lana talks about how she feels like she's living purposefully when she is writing, reading, having conversations with people, experiencing new things, and being led by a sense of curiosity, that really resonated with me. I think whenever we ask a child what they want to be when they grow up or when we conflate life purpose with career, we miss out on the smaller things that gives us a sense of purpose. And then goes back to the whole thing about creating a rich, multifaceted life instead of putting all of your eggs in one basket. 

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Quote

1:45-2:45: "We all do not need to live super profound lives with this huge meaning to them that it's ok to just be average in life and just enjoy what you enjoy and just ~exist~ sometimes. Just be. Imagine 7.6 billion people on this earth all with that crushing pressure to find some sort of meaning or to be super important to everyone in the world or just people outside of their bubble. It's just not possible. And there is all this pressure from society saying we have to productive all the time. We have to be constantly be making money on everything that we enjoy. If you aren't making money from a hobby or whatever, what is the point of doing that? And society instills shame into us if we aren't making money which is so toxic." 

This goes along with the detaching from outcome piece because even if you do have a super profound life, you're still going to fade into oblivion with the test of time. It isn't the best strategy to want to make yourself significant through your life purpose. I think what's important about finding that flow state on whatever you're mastering is that that flow state puts you into that state of being. And that state of being feels natural instead of stressful because you aren't in that place of constant resistance. This also goes along with how you should unhook from money when it comes to searching for your life purpose.  Over all, a large chunk of this video is about just letting yourself exist and be so that you can take in life and the human experience. She also talks about how there is so much relativity in our experience and how life looks to every person. As a result, that there is no way to do life wrong (this is around the 5 minute mark). I just really liked that point. It goes along with the notion of how your purpose is something that you construct rather than some absolute truth. 

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6:18-8:10: "Purpose and dream job tend to go hand in hand at least in our culture. That is ultimately what society teaches us that if you can find a career that gives you a purpose, or feels like it gives you a purpose in life and that encompasses your passions too and make money from it, that is living the life. And I don't think that is necessarily is true for everyone. Sometimes a job is just a job. It's to pay the bills. It's just to get food on the table. It's just a job and it's ok to work "just jobs" that you aren't super passionate about for the rest of your life and find that fulfillment elsewhere. Sometimes it happens where people have passions that they aren't passionate enough to financially gain from it and we need to start normalizing this and normalizing people not having dream jobs. Some people do not have one thing that they love to do and that they are really good at to financially gain from it. As long as you're not super miserable in whatever you're doing, it's ok to work jobs that aren't a dream job for you. Personally, I think we as a society and as a culture we identify too much with our work, our career, and our jobs. Granted we do it for a majority of our life unfortunately, we spend a lot of time doing our jobs. But it's not our entire identity and it shouldn't be a significant part of your identity in my opinion, yet it's one of the first questions people get asked like "oh what do you do?" like its one of the most interesting thing about people what this isn't usually the case. We are asked as children "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  What do you want to "be"? Not what you want to DO. No it's what you want to BE. It's like an identity and usually the answers to these questions are typically career choices, like that's the expected answer and acceptable answer from children. "

I have mixed opinions on this section. I think that it's important to have a sense of separation from your career and that it doesn't rule your life or your sense of self. There is so much more to life and who you are than what you do to support yourself. It's ok to have passions and purposes on the side that give you a sense of fulfillment but aren't the thing supporting you. I talked about in my previous post on my feelings around monetizing my passions. Again, this thing goes back to the whole unhooking from money concept. My main critique about this section is that if you're going to be spending a significant amount of your life working, it's important to have something that you care about and that you feel contributes to the world. But I do think that isolating your life purpose to your career is rather limiting to say the least. 

I also really resonated with the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question as a kid. I remember one time when I was like 13 I was asked this question and I responded with something along the lines of "I want to be fulfilled, stable, and happy and I don't think there is any one way of achieving that." And the person asking me this question gave me the blankest expression as if I entered in data into a computer and it responded with ERROR NOT APPLICABLE as if this person, for a lack of a better way of describing it, started glitching. Then they asked me the question again and specified career choices and I said "listen, I don't know. I'm 13" to which this person responded with "you need to have some idea so you pick AP courses accordingly in high school so that you can apply to colleges and know what you're going to major in. The clock is ticking, you need to decide on a path."  And then I sat there having an existential crisis. Basically the only thing that I came up with was this scene from Daria: 

Then this video goes into a more nihilistic direction of how our existence is a blip in time and that it really isn't that meaningful, significant, or purposeful. And the way that Sarah Hankinson talks about it is not in a depressing way rather on how the fact that we were allowed to exist in this short amount of time at all is a beautiful and remarkable thing. And our purpose is to simply experience life. That's it.  This desire to have a purpose sometimes stems from the fear of death or wanting to have some type of legacy but you don't have to be important to hundreds or thousands of people to be valid. And I just really liked and resonated with that outlook. 

(there are a couple other videos I want to discuss but I'm tired lol. I'll write those posts down tomorrow) 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up? Part 2.2: Why I Stopped Searching for a Purpose and a Dream Career 

1:18-2:22: The Pressure from Childhood

Ok so she has timestamps on this video which makes journaling on this much easier for me lol 

Katherine talks about how growing up around San Francisco in a work centric culture that she never really questioned hustle culture and some of the unhealthy aspects of it. She mentions that there was a pressure to go to an elite 4 year university growing up and then get a prestigious brand name job and basically have your life planned out by the time you're 13 instead of letting yourself grow, explore your interests, let yourself be creative, and make memories with friends. Instead, there is this pressure of figuring out your life 5-10 years down the line which isn't healthy for children at that age. 

While I didn't grow up in the Bay Area, I did grow up in a circle of strict, and often elitist Asian parents so I do kind of get that pressure to go to an elite 4 year university and have your life planned out. I remember that at 17 my uncle asked me what I was majoring in and what the prospects of that major will be 15 years from now, how things will grow and what career path I'm going to take. And I was just sitting there like *listen my guy, I'm 17, I can't remember what life was like 15 years ago yet you expect me to figure out where I'm going to be in 15 years and how life will turn out and honestly wtf.* 

2:23-3:53: How College Pushes You Towards Industry

Here she talks about how her business major was basically like majoring in jobs and doesn't have the same academic rigor as a lot of liberal arts majors and how you aren't exposed to theory, different ways of looking at the world, and critical thinking as much as other majors. She mentions on how the practical aspects of a business degree is important but it's also important to have a balanced and ethical world view so that you have a better idea on how to do business. 

I agree with her 100%. I am majoring in management and international relations with a minor in human rights. I am getting a business degree and I'm also pursuing something that has a lot of the humanities and social sciences as well. I'm exposed to both groups of people, business majors and liberal arts majors and while educationally I get the best of both worlds, the practical knowledge of a business degree and the critical thinking skills of a liberal arts degrees, I do see these two worlds collide in conflicting ways at times. Business as a field of study is blowing up more and more in universities and I think a lot of it has to do with the way that learning is commodified as a way of getting a degree to get a job instead of learning for the sake of learning and educating yourself. Especially in the U.S. where colleges are like businesses that put people into debt, there is this notion of *you need to get a degree that is worth the money and that will pay off the debt* instead of pursuing something you're actually interested in and that makes you feel educated about the world. And with a lot of people who majored in business, I did get a vibe of being more achievement oriented rather than looking out for the broader system and empathizing with others. And even if I don't use my international relations degree of my human rights minor, I do believe that choosing to study these subjects did give me a more well rounded education. 

3:53-11:36

In this basically she talks about how once she got dropped into the corporate world she started being skeptical about what it is she was doing with her life and if corporate America is for her. Then she started talking about working to live vs living to work and how having your career as a big part of your identity can be detrimental in your sense of happiness, fulfillment, and mental health and how a lot of the happiest countries in the world have less work/labor centric cultures compared to the U.S. Then she discusses the dangers of glorifying work.

While I haven't worked a corporate job, I did find myself questioning a lot of this especially lately as I've been trying to figure out my purpose, my priorities, and how I want to live my life. Despite what this video says, I do have a dream career that I'm piecing together but I am aware that this is a piece to my fulfillment and it isn't everything. I do want to align myself with my life purpose but I also believe that there is so much more to life purpose than a career and the skills you're cultivating. I do also have a desire to go out and explore different places and their attitude towards work and career because I do believe that other places on the planet (*cough,  cough* New Zealand) has a more balanced and healthier view on this. I liked her example of the Netherlands and how when you ask people what they do they list out their hobbies and their roles in other people's lives before talking about what they do for a living because their interests and roles in the community is a better reflection of them. I found that really wholesome. 

11:36- end 

This section talks about how to cope with this situation which includes but isn't limited to setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, contemplating what would you do if all of your needs are fulfilled to actualize, and looking at the people you admire and take note what you actually admire about them. 

I don't really much to say on this but valid points and action items were made. I like the question "if capitalism wasn't a thing and all of your needs and wants were fulfilled, what would you do with your time?" I feel like this is a stage green version of the 10 million dollar question which is along the lines of "if you had 10 million dollars, what would you do with your time after you exhausted your needs and wants?" It's basically the same question but phrased in different ways. I mention this because the 10 million dollar question was one of the things that the life purpose course talked about. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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Jobs That I Have Considered at Some Point or Another

So as I've been thinking about this whole life purpose thing, I have also been reflecting on different career paths I would like to take and how they align with the things discussed in the life purpose course. This is that reflection. The pros are why I considered said career and the cons are why I have doubts and worries. Also, if anyone has any suggestions based on my posts or any input about my thinking process (you know, if there is any self deception, limiting beliefs, not knowing the reality of certain careers, etc.) let me know lol. 

Human Resources

Pros: I want to make the work place a better environment to help people improve the quality of their lives. I want to push democracy in the work place, proper pay and benefits, and ensure that people's rights are protected. I care about human rights and I want to implement solutions on a systemic level by also combining it with my business degree. 

Cons: Heard a lot of horror stories on how HR doesn't actually help anyone and basically does things to cover up issues in the work place so that the company doesn't get sued. Apparently HR can be really sketchy and goes against my values. Also, eww corporate America. 

Consulting

Pros: I wanted to help companies work more efficiently and more consciously so that they treat their workers right since that also boosts their productivity as well. As with HR, I care about human rights and I want to implement solutions on a systemic level by also combining it with my business degree. I also really like giving people advice on how to do things. 

Cons: The work life balance is trash. I tried to look into it more and the whole culture around consulting especially in the big four consulting firms goes against a lot of my values. Plus even after being pushed in this direction, I struggled to even get myself to research anything about this so I think that's a sign that this doesn't resonate with me AT ALL. Also, eww corporate America. 

Blogging / Writing

Pros: It's so easy for me to get into a flow state when I write these journal entries to where I can see myself doing something this for a living. I have a good amount of discipline in this craft and am able to be pretty consistent with it. I love how I can delve into whatever topics I find interesting and go from there. I also like the idea of being self employed. 

Cons: Not sure how much money I can make this way so there is a part of me that sees this only as a hobby rather than a career. Also, I'm wary of the notion of monetizing my passions. I don't want to lose my motivation around writing since it is something that I like to do. Also, I have this fear of someone finding things out about me and then having that jeopardize my future.  Finally, I'm not sure if this is coming from a healthy place. Part of the reason why I like writing in my journal is because there is this exhibitionistic part of me that enjoys oversharing. 

YouTube

Pros: I like talking about things I'm passionate about as well as the idea of being self employed. I also wanted to talk about relevant issues socially and culturally so that people can learn and expand their awareness. 

Cons: I tried this out and realized that I hate shooting videos, I hate talking on camera, I don't even care about social media, and I hate editing videos. Basically, the only thing that I enjoyed about this process was writing the videos. I also realized that I was doing it from an unhealthy place. Part of me really wanted to get famous because of unresolved issues lol.

Therapist/Life Coach

Pros: I love dealing with people and understanding them. I've had an interest in psychology and human behavior in general since I was really little and it's something that I've been building up for a while. I also give really good advice and I'm good at reading people. I also think my interest in spirituality can thrive here more than in other careers other than maybe blogging. Also, if I do life coaching, I could be  self employed. 

Cons: There is a part of me that is afraid that I'm interested in becoming a therapist or life coach for an unhealthy reason. Me figuring people out and giving people advice has a lot of do with a trauma response that I have and I don't think it's wise for my career to double down on that. Also, as far as being a therapist goes, I'm not into getting a PhD because money. 

Becoming a Professor/ Researcher

Pros: This really embraces my value for learning and lets me fuck around and find out.  I also really enjoy writing academic papers and reading about nerdy shit. If I get to concentrate in a subject that I really like in the social sciences, I can see myself really enjoying the whole process of researching. 

Cons: I don't think I can have an impact on the world solely on theorizing. My impact statement is understanding AND improving the human condition. Working in a university would take care of the understanding part, but as far as improving goes, I can only see myself doing so much. I also think this might come from an unhealthy place because I've been in school my whole life so there is a sense of familiarity/ safety with academia instead of going into "the real world." 

 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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My Choices Under Capitalism 

I know that this can be a very limiting way of looking at my future but sometimes it feels like these are my options. 

1. A boring monotonous career that barely pays enough and is mostly bullshit: You don't create much value or contribute much and then you come home exhausted from the day and are too tired/depressed to do anything else in your life. You have to also act like your job is important  because or else if your employers find out you have a bs position, you can be fired and cut entirely.

Basically, you end up like this clip from Spongebob: 

This clip gave me an existential crisis as a kid. I don't feel like I need to explain much more as to why this type of life bothers me. I only have one life and if 50% of my waking hours is spent like this and the other 50% is affected by how much work emotionally worn me out, I don't know how much I will last. 

2. Careers at Large Competitive Corporations: These jobs pay good money but have a terrible work life balance where you end up working 60-80 hours a week and you're always on call and if you try to put up boundaries you'll be fired. You will get burnt out quickly and you will always be on edge because you don't take care of your physical or emotional needs. Also, the people there are super competitive and cut throat.  Think working in investment banking, consulting, or tech start ups. 

And the thing that sucks about this types of jobs is that I feel like I'm being pushed in this direction without many alternatives by family, school, etc. I constantly have to sit through horror stories or basically propaganda glamorizing certain jobs. I get why this happens because a lot of the people in my field of study is aiming for one of these types of jobs therefore those are the jobs getting talked about but for me personally, since I'm kind of an odd ball in this regard, I feel like I'm being pushed into a direction without alternatives while every ounce of my body and intuition is saying NO. 

3. The Ethical/Meaningful but Underappreciated Careers: A job that is ethical, helps people, and creates actual value in the world but is completely undervalued and you get paid peanuts. You may or may not have a work life balance but that doesn't matter because either way, you'll still be stressed because you aren't even sure if you can keep yourself alive and pay off any debt you got from school. Think being a teacher, social worker, or anything that utilizes a social science degree. And there is only so much that you can do to create an impact because you are confined by a bureaucracy that doesn't value you enough to give you the resources to do your job properly (think how the government doesn't fund schools enough and how teachers are super underpaid and have to do basically everything on their own)

 4. Becoming an Entrepreneur/ Self Employed: You will probably have to work as much as option #2 but it isn't going to be forever. You may or may not create actual value and your work may or may not be useful for humanity, that's dependent on you. Everything from your weekends, health insurance costs, or any other benefits you might get on a traditional job is on you. That can give you flexibility but it also can be taxing because you can't rely on anyone. Also, the chances of becoming successfully self employed and having that be a full time gig instead of some type of side hustle is pretty slim so the odds aren't really in your favor. This option is also really risky.


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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So right after I posted the previous post, it showed that my journal got 18888 views. And I was like *oh cool a synchronicity! I wonder what 8888 means.*I went ahead and googled it and this is what google told me: 

Quote

 

What does the sign 8888 mean?

As long as you are living a life of balance and harmony, angel number 8888 has many positive meanings. It is typically a sign of good fortune, auspicious opportunities and abundance . It can also mean a sudden windfall, money or financial security. Often, angel number 8888 means financial abundance

 

Is this a sign from the universe trying to tell me something? You know what I don't know but this did give me some happy feelings so I'm going to take it and run with it. I don't take manifestation and these things too seriously but I try to have fun with it.:P

I guess that's why manifestation works for me because I'm not attached to certain things but I'm still positive :ph34r:

Hmm.... things to think about :D


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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