150 (???) mcg of LSD: The Terrible Beauty Of Love

[Bazooka Jesus]

Hey folks, guess what... Bazooka dropped some LSD yesterday. And hooooly shit, this one really caught me off guard.

Since I currently enjoy the privilege of living at the sunny shores of the Mediterranean Sea, I scheduled another acid trip on a lonely beach cove about 20 km outside of the city in about two weeks from now (trust me guys, you haven't lived until you swam in the sea during a moonlit summer night while tripping on acid!); and so I decided to once again visit my special friend and trusted LSD connoisseur in order to get a fresh batch of his premium quality merchandise. Well, he told me that he did not have any liquid acid at the moment but that he could get me some ready-made tabs that, in his estimation, should be slightly stronger than what he usually sells me... to which of course I didn't say no. So once I got home, I opted for a little test drive and decided to try just one of the tabs in order to see how strong they are; my previous trip had been on 650 mcg, so I told myself that one meager lousy tab would certainly not knock my socks off - right?

OH. MY. GOD. While this was by no means the most physically intense trip that I ever had, it was definitely one of the most psychologically profound ones.

As soon as the acid kicked in, I was sucked into a tempestuous maelstrom of Love. Beautiful, radiant, burning, healing, heart-wrenching, mysterious, terrible and unfathomable LOVE. - Well, firstly, I vividly relived the (perceived) feeling of lack of love that I experienced as a child; this was the first trip that very clearly showed me my big fat childhood wound in all of its raw force and how the resulting trauma had distorted my entire perception of the world during all of the following decades of my life. (Needless to say, I cried like a fucking baby... all of the stored up grief that I had been carrying around like a bag of bricks for years and years came bursting forth like water out of a fire hose). After that, I was shown the ambiguous & Janus-faced nature of Love in a mesmerizing torrent of visions: At times, I saw it as a beautiful, radiant goddess with eyes full of nurturing kindness and compassion (in fact, the face of a female friend of mine from Latin America kept reappearing... even though I am not sexually attracted to this girl at all, I have to say that her warm look and smile have always seemed like the absolute symbol of motherly graciousness to me); at other times, it appeared in the monstrous form of a terrifying snake queen, staring into my very soul with cold, cunning and piercing eyes, hissing and ready to snap and bite off my head at any second. (Interestingly, there were moments when I had the sensation of turning into a wiggling serpent-like reptile myself and at one point even got overwhelmed by the very palpable suspicion of being a snake that is currently sleeping in its nest and having this weird dream of being a human, lol.) --- In short: It was revealed to me that even the most horrifying monstrosities and, consequently, all pain and suffering are an expression and embodiment of divine Love, even when they seem like the exact opposite to us.

Today I went to the park to meditate; and I experienced some pretty amazing after effects that went well beyond the usual blissful post-LSD stupor. While I was sitting there, I had a strong sense of Love (in all of its seemingly conflicting and contradictory forms) being the very fabric of reality and, at one point, felt like trembling on the verge of spontaneous spiritual awakening, feeling in my bones what my mind poetically coined "the burning love of god". DAMN.

Pheeeewwwwww. To be continued!

[Leo Gura]

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Leo Gura To be fair, I'm not sure if listening to your videos doesn't colour these trips (or at least my interpretation of them) in a strong way... but if they are, then I am not complaining about the result. 

[Bazooka Jesus]

Btw, another amazing insight that I had during my after-trip meditation in the park was that trying to silence your thoughts and desires is in fact utter silliness.

Newsflash: Your thoughts and desires are the very expression of divine Love! Do you want to silence God's Love in order to reach eternal bliss? LOL! That's like "fucking for virginity", to quote one of George Carlin's immortal quips. - What you should be doing instead is to embrace all of your tumulutuous desires and recognize them for what they are: The universes undying Love Song to itself, ever winding, warbling, modulating and resouding for all of Eternity.

(The question if it makes sense to identify with your thoughts or act on your desires is a completely different matter, of course.)

Edited July 16, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[Demeter]

@Bazooka Jesus , a really lovely account of your experience. Thanks.

Please continue to post your insights. I tend to trust psych insights - these usually offer a counter and intelligent view.

[StarStruck]

Amazing trip report. On an empty stomach it hits harder. 

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Demeter @StarStruck Thanks guys, I'll try to keep 'em coming!

Whoah, three days since the trip and I am still surfing the wave of Love... pretty amazing. For now, I think I will just do my best to integrate this experience as thoroughy as possible (and perhaps even go deeper); I plan to cultivate this new perspective over the following weeks and to try to recognize the manifestations of Love in its myriad of forms whenever I walk around outside or observe / interact with other people - and especially when I observe / interact with myself! Man, it would be really cool if I could sustain this state at least for a little while - even though I can very well imagine myself reading my own insights in one week from now and say "Christ, what absolute steaming pile of BS is this?" LMAO.

Yeah, I guess we'll see.

 

[Bazooka Jesus]

On 16.7.2020 at 4:42 PM, StarStruck said:

Amazing trip report. On an empty stomach it hits harder. 

Man, the funny thing is that I didn't even have an empty stomach! You see, I smoked quite a bit of weed before and during the trip - which may have contributed to the "trippiness" of the trip -, and whenever I smoke weed, I get the munchies BIG TIME; I'll eat anything in reach that isn't nailed to the goddamn table, lol. So no, no empty stomach in this case.

I guess that I am just in a good place right now as far as my mental state is concerned (which I have been for the last couple of weeks); combine that with the fact that my previous trip was two months ago, and it doesn't seem too far fetched to say that it might just have been a case of very fortunate timing!

[Bazooka Jesus]

Alright peeps, here are some more golden words of wisdom, lol:

It is actually impossible for you to distract yourself from the truth of your Being. Since Being/Truth/God/Reality/It/whatever you want to call it is all there is, there cannot ever be any distraction from it! What we call "distraction" should more precisely be called tunnel vision; the problem with being caught up in your mental stories and egoic desires is not that "they are not true" but rather that you are limiting yourself to consciously perceiving only one infinitesimally small sliver of Reality instead of recognizing the whole thing - it is like wearing blinders or looking through a very narrow tube and only seeing a little fraction of what's in front of you, kind of like in that famous "gun barrel sequence" intro at the start of every James Bond movie (and you know how that one ends ). So instead of trying to get rid of your ego perspective, you should expand it to the point where you get a decent overview of the whole scene; otherwise you will miss out on 99,99999999 percent of all that life has to offer--- and that would be a damn shame, don't you think?

Edited July 18, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[Bazooka Jesus]

PS: It just dawned on me that I might or might not have stolen that James Bond intro analogy from one of the sermons of a certain Youtube guru who goes by the name of Leo Gura (who I am heavily parroting anyway on this thread)... not really sure about that. But then again, he and I are really one and the same dude anyway, so who gives a hoot, right?

Edited July 18, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[Marten]

@Bazooka Jesus  Just wow! Thank you for the inspiration! Love the gun barrel simile, never heard it before. We had a similar simile in coach training where they said that lower levels of consciousness corresponds to heavy blinders on, and as we move up towards higher consciousness the blinders open more and more...

I find it amazing how so many of us here on the forum (temple of Love) are waking up to that everything is Love and that we are all One. I never heard this emphasized this much anywhere else, and so many actually realizing it. It's so marvelous and beautiful. I also love how there's this superhuman level of openness and wisdom and how it all comes back to Love. It floors me every time. Feeling so damn grateful to be part of it all.

 

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Marten Thank you so much, brother.

Like I said, it may just be a case of deep inception... I mean, you can't listen to hundreds of hours of spiritual mumbo jumbo without some of it penetrating your skull and growing rampant in there like poison ivy, lol! - Anyway, I sure am glad that you enjoyed reading the account of my latest chemically induced escapade, hehehe.

[Marten]

@Bazooka Jesus  I don't know if you agree, and my intuition might be off, but it seems to me it's your heart that's opening up and awakening, not your head. The head just gets out of the way!

On 16/07/2020 at 2:06 AM, Bazooka Jesus said:

It was revealed to me that even the most horrifying monstrosities and, consequently, all pain and suffering are an expression and embodiment of divine Love, even when they seem like the exact opposite to us.

I just love this, very well put. I'm more and more engrossed in this realization, it's completely transforming everything in my life. This is Love and Truth. Super healing, miraculous. So much serenity and peace coming from this. 

Keep it up friend! Love reading your posts!

Edited July 20, 2020 by Marten
spelling

[Bazooka Jesus]

19 minutes ago, Marten said:

@Bazooka Jesus  I don't know if you agree, and my intuition might be off, but it seems to me it's your heart that's opening up and awakening, not your head. The head just gets out of the way!

Yeah, that's definitely also a possibility.

Downplaying blessings as well as achievements is part of my emotional defense mechanism that is always trying its darnest to avoid future disappointment. So take everything that I say here with a grain of salt, mkay?

28 minutes ago, Marten said:

@Bazooka Jesus  I'm more and more engrossed in this realization, it's completely transforming everything in my life. This is Love and Truth. Super healing, miraculous. So much serenity and peace coming from this. 

Keep it up friend! Love reading your posts!

Hehehe, that is amazing! I'm happy for you, brother!

Keep spreading the word too, my friend.

[Marten]

13 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Downplaying blessings as well as achievements is part of my emotional defense mechanism that is always trying its darnest to avoid future disappointment. So take everything that I say here with a grain of salt, mkay?

Oh man, you're in for a shock... Love shock coming your way friend!! IT IS ALL LOVE!! Keep it up and you will see, without a doubt!!

[Nahm]

@Bazooka Jesus

Great ‘work’ man. Damn happy for ya. ?

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Nahm Awww, thanks so much.

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Great ‘work’ man.

Hahaha... yeah, to me, this whole process doesn’t feel like work at all! Granted, my definition of work might be overly crude and pessimistic - but in my mind, "work" has always been defined as a supremely pointless and annoying heap of BS that I grudgingly need to dig through in order to keep the fridge running, lol. THIS, on the other hand, feels like the exact opposite to me, even though the road seems kind of bumpy and hard to navigate at times.

And I have to say that I am super grateful for all of you guys keeping me on track and giving me something to aspire to! I couldn’t imagine doing all of this without your subtle & discreet (or, in the case of Leo, not so subtle & discreet ) guidance; Dog only knows where I would be right now if I hadn’t left the Doghouse and stumbled upon this place.

Gah, to hell with it... as long as I am in this deliciously sappy mood, I might as well go ahead and bring out the big guns:

 

[Nahm]

5 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

And I have to say that I am super grateful for all of you guys keeping me on track and giving me something to aspire to!

I feel this for you as well. Forever grateful. Thank you!

[Bazooka Jesus]

6 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I feel this for you as well. Forever grateful. Thank you!

Are you telling me that I give you something to aspire to? - Congratulations, you just officially blew my mind to smithereens, LOL.

[mandyjw]

@Bazooka Jesus  

I've always loved that song. Lyrics are actually kinda funny backwards though.