Meeting the Soul - 375ug LSD Trip Report

[Consilience]

Intro – This was by far the biggest mindfuck on a psychedelic I’ve ever encountered… Like a serious fucking mindfuck. Which is crazy because they’ve all been a trip. But this one felt so fucking personal and so deep that I’m really at a loss for understanding it. A lot of integration will be needed for this one. Even this report is merely scratching the surface of what happened.

What I write about below describes a very visionary trip. I have 0 clue of the ontological validity of what I write about. I can’t claim that any of this is “true” or “false.” Honestly such distinctions don’t even make sense to me after this one. All I can write about is what I experienced, and I suspect only until physical death will this trip truly be understood. It may sound new agy and not really in line with strict non-dual theory, but whatever.

Phases of the Trip:

Surrendering to God

Becoming an Infant and God

Light and Love 

Meeting the Soul

Clairvoyance

Set – I’ve taken quite a bit of time away from tripping compared to my normal schedule, so leading into this trip my mind felt very grounded to baseline reality. I was particularly various of how to activate the Super Saiyan form not as a state but as a stage of my personal development. Out of all of my trips, that one felt incomplete, like I had tapped into some higher form of myself, but hadn’t gone quite all the way. This was my biggest intention – what is the Super Saiyan, and what was I really here to do with this life? What is my soul here to do?

Setting – My room, LoFi and Psych Rock music, eyeshades for some of the trip.

Surrendering to God

So as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m a type 1 diabetic. Long story short I have to make sure my blood sugar is stable, so I don’t go hypoglycemic and have a seizure. 

I’m sitting there listening to fairly aggressive music with my eye shades and slowly starting to feel the perceptions of my body and mind melt. It felt like they were merging with the entirety of my experience, as though the boundary of body/mind and the other senses were one. This process started accelerating and I realized I should check my blood sugar before I went any deeper. However, when I lifted the eye shades it’s like the trip exponentially intensified. I was now in a totally different realm. I realized I had no fucking clue how to check my blood sugar, my mind kept slipping away at deeper and deeper levels. I was losing the ability to know where I was or who I was as a human. Somehow, I knew that I needed to check my sugar, but I was so disoriented that even the idea of diabetes felt hazy and distant.

A primal fear and panic kept coming all while my mind continued to slip away; imagine what a stage beige being on the SD scale would feel overtaken by fear. I then was struck with a very powerful gut instinct that surrender and faith was what I needed, faith that the intelligence running this show wouldn’t let me die, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Perhaps foolish on my end to be in this situation at all, Im not sure. If I experiment with doses like this again I think Ill need a trip sitter for health reasons. Nevertheless I accepted the possibility of my death in that moment but also acknowledged this faith that I would preserver. It felt like the only way to transform this fear was to accept my situation fully, which was by extension accepting the faith that this was not the end. My body instinctively started going into bilateral symmetry with an anaji mudra moving from my 3rd eye and back to my down to my heart.

Becoming an Infant and God

My mind is melting at this point to degrees I never thought possible. I reached some sort of mental crescendo where nearly all knowledge of reality was gone and all possibility of knowledge was gone. My identity was like an echo, only staying anchored in reality by this intention to understand what my soul was here to do. I kept repeating those words, “What is my soul here to do?” like a mantra as this chaos of total not knowing unfolded. The words became unrecognizable except for the energy those words carried, that I was trying to go to the source. I recall losing touch with all language, but there was an instinctive understanding of what this meant, yet the specific words where no longer understood.

My 3rd eye, throat, and heart chakra then blasted open, my body started moving into all sorts of bilateral symmetrical positions on the floor, and space-time flipped, it was like I time traveled back to my birth, entering into infant consciousness. There was one field that felt like was being spawn out of my spine, nothing made sense, I felt totally lost and alone yet a sense of “I am” persisted and the obsessive intention to find my soul. I didn;t even know what this intention meant anymore other than it was the only part of reality I had left.

As I was this infant, I simultaneously felt the presence of God. God watching over this child, this child being distinct yet identified with God itself. I was in total God mode at this point, yet still in the duality of God and child. It was like duality and non duality were yin and yang, yet one. I felt loved by God, completely vulnerable and at the mercy of my own will, to my self. It was so twisted and I’m still trying to process this paradox. I remember wanting a parent or some sort of guide to help. I felt totally lost, totally in touch with the infinite and it was all I could do to keep my sanity as I looked at the present divinity, emptiness, and total lack of any form of knowing other than God itself. God felt like an infant with total understanding and wisdom through a mechanism of a complete lack of knowledge as we humans refer to it as. 

Light and Love 

As Im in this stage of the trip, I started experiencing reality as light and love. No matter what form perception took on there was only this blinding light of love. Eyes closed? Light and love. Eyes wide open? Light and love. Body all twisted up? Light and love. No matter what form perception took on, it was all the same substance, this light and love. I saw so fucking clearly how no matter what form reality took on, there was nothing but love. Even murder and rape, at this level of consciousness there was no possibility for evil, evil was seen as a simple mind game constructed for the sake of survival. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that evil was not even possible at this state because there was only one thing. I just let myself sink further and further into this love with the only the intention to find the source of what I was here to do. 

Meeting the Soul

As this light and love is shining through and as the very substrate of reality, a vision of an immense being appears. This colossal, infinite being of light appears and is looking at me, but still tethered to this Love, as though a hand of God (one of an infinite number), both God and this Being looking down at me. This being of light felt ancient and primordial, like it had been through an insurmountable amount of... I’m not sure. It seemed to be infinitely wise and loving. As I’m making contact with this thing, an intuitive understanding took over that I was making contact with my soul. I was staring at the identity structure that transcends this lifetime. Mind you, all of this happening within a multidimensional context of identity meaning there was distinction between this triad of ego self, soul, and God yet all were one. I saw that my diabetes was intentional. I saw that there was more to God than merely living in full blown non duality. That there was an immense ineffable intelligence orchestrating everything. That it was all spontaneous, free, yet directed. I was not merely here to be enlightened, but to spread this knowledge to humanity. 

As this vision was filling my being, this soul started pouring into my third eye, down my throat and into my heart. Even today as I write this my throat and chest are sore as if the surrounding musculature has been stretched too far; it hurts to talk and breath air into my chest. As this Being’s light is penetrating my body I was given this memory of being born, choosing this lifetime, choosing these circumstances yet it felt like I was returning to a pact id set with myself, like I knew this LSD trip was going to happen, and was merely waiting to receive this information from myself. It was like my third eye started downloading information from this soul being. I was then sent back to the beginning of my life, of my birth and experienced my life up to this moment at a supra time scale. In a nano second my entire life up to this point made complete and utter sense, everything was perfect. The light continued to pour inside of my body and I experienced a clairvoyance of where I was meant to go and what I was meant to do and how the past was irreducibly linked to this present experience and future.

Clairvoyance

We’ll see how much this plays out over time. But what happened next is that I literally started having visions at lightening fast speeds and solving a string of complex problems in my life. Financial issues, career issues, creative issues, relationship issues, like... everything. Literally with every passing second I was generating not only the right brain oriented visions of purpose and direction with multiple domains, but also the left brain oriented details of the pragmatic steps of what action needed to be taken. This information felt like it was being energetically seared/downloaded into the third eye, down the spine into the lower chakras, and throughout energy channels of the body’s musculature. It was both physically painful but healing. 

I spent the remainder of the trip problem solving at deeper levels as the LSD effects slowly disappeared.

Take away –

It feels like I’m done with my psychedelic work for a bit. This trip put so much of my life into context that it feels like there’s little left to explore with psychedelics for the time being. I have the steps I know I need to take, and all that’s left is to take the steps. To head the call of my intuition and go on the hero’s journey. The vision I had of myself was massive, easily a 15-20 year endeavor… and so really I just have to trust in myself. I have no doubt I’ll do psychedelics again, but damn I just feel… Exhausted from this one. It was so much material, and so fucking deep.

Another thing I’d like to mention for those pursuing psychedelic work: Do the manual practices! Without a shadow of a doubt, my meditation practice is partially responsible for how deeply I was able to go. I’ve also been doing daily hatha yoga which I theorize helps with processing the excess energy of a psychedelic, and allow various emotional releases. If you are interested in the practice of cosmological exploration, the manual practices are a must.

 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Consilience

[Raptorsin7]

@Consilience  Can you open any of the main chakras, like heart, third eye, and crown without psychs at this point?

[OBEler]

@Consilience  waaaaah, nice report! What daily hatha yoga do you do, is there a youtube video you are following?

[Leo Gura]

Great! Now integrate.

[Consilience]

10 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Consilience  Can you open any of the main chakras, like heart, third eye, and crown without psychs at this point?

Im not sure. The opening of chakras seems to be a long process accumulated from meditation, yoga, and psychs for me. It doesnt happen on command exactly and it ebbs and flows. For example, my heart feels more or less open on some days, with the net being an opening over time as I become more conscious. 

[Consilience]

10 hours ago, OBEler said:

@Consilience  waaaaah, nice report! What daily hatha yoga do you do, is there a youtube video you are following?

Thank you! I follow a channel called Boho Beautiful. Its made by a couple, very beautiful videos, very great yoga. Ill sometimes do yin yoga as well. 

 

@Leo Gura Yes tis time. Thanks!

[cle103]

Good stuff mate! How long did the whole trip take (intake to normal)? Sounds like quite a journey. 

[acurefornihilism]

@Leo Gura Is there a process for integrating such insights? Probably contemplation, huh?

[Gneh Onebar]

@Consilience  Awsome! I always enjoy reading your trip reports. For me they are the most interesting ones here in the forum. I really feel inspired to take my psychedelic work to the level you are at.  

Edited June 23, 2020 by Gneh Onebar

[Consilience]

20 hours ago, cle103 said:

Good stuff mate! How long did the whole trip take (intake to normal)? Sounds like quite a journey. 

12 hours, it was loooong haha. I think the higher dose and the fact that I haven't tripped in a bit contributed. 

 

20 hours ago, acurefornihilism said:

@Leo Gura Is there a process for integrating such insights? Probably contemplation, huh?

Contemplation yes but Ive found detailed journalling to be invaluable. It helps contextualize and make sense of the trip in a powerful way. Meditation and yoga seem to help too with driving the behavior changes needed from the trip. Which on that note, Ive found Leo’s concept of “Learning = Behavior Change” to be a huge component of the integration process. These trips always teach me lessons but the if the lessons aren’t actually changing my life in practical, tangible ways, they have less significance and are often slowly forgotten. Integration is about aligning your being with what you’ve experienced on these trips, and a huge component of alignment is behavior. 

2 hours ago, Gneh Onebar said:

@Consilience  Awsome! I Always enjoy reading your trip report. For me they are the most interesting ones here in the Forum. I really feel inspired to take my psychedelic work to the Level you are at.  

Thank you! That really means a lot  Yes the work can be insanely powerful, and focused if used properly! I had a lot of less significant trips when I began but back then I was still learning how to actually utilize psyches to their full potential. Im still learning. Never let a guru tell you this is a shortcut or that it isnt work