Jai

Spiritual Review and Progress

490 posts in this topic

Mar 23

Wow another really solid day. I'm putting in top effort in keeping discipline and I'm rewarded with more energy and vitality. I'm feeling like last summer when I started my job and was really trying to go all out. Got a bunch of extra studying iin today. Also still had time for 45 minutes of meditation. Gonna go to yoga here in a bit and then go to bed. I really need to keep this up and not make excuses. I've been feeling down from time to time for awhile. Now I really want to improve and upgrade my life. A big part of this is no porn. Really have to take this seriously and leave that behind. I felt so much better when I was no porn for 15 months. So I'm really committing to this and I will direct this energy in better ways. So solid day today all around. It really starts with getting up as soon as my alarm goes off. That first decision of the day is so important. Need to really feel like I can take on the day. It's really only 5 minutes of drowsiness before I wake up. So no excuses with snooze.

+ Spiritual practice: Good sessions here. When i get up early I have time for a proper session. So 30 solid minutes in the morning.

+ Attitude of service: Looking to be helpful. This is good, good outward orientation, good energy, not stuck in my own problems. Looking to contribute.

+ Mental and emotional states: Really strong here. Not in worry or fear. Felt great about the day. Not in regret about leaving my past job. Not worried about the future. Just positive and optimistic focused on getting the most out of today. Also was not distracted, good disicpline with phone and other distractions.

+ Life habits: Lived really clean today. Took a great cold shower and felt energized. Good discipline today.

Definitely moved forward.

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Mar 24

Another great day. I got a nice streak going. It all starts with getting out of bed when my alarm goes off and starting the day strong with exercise, cold shower and meditation. Feel so much better when I face the day like that. Also a big part is no porn. I really need to stick to this and not just go back a couple times a month. Had a good day at work and also got a bunch of studying done. Really strong orientation in the world. Wasn't in negativity or doubt or regret. Just focused on work and making the day as good as possible. Want to keep this nice streak going.

+ Spiritual practice: Got in 50 minutes today. A couple great sessions.

+ Attitude of service: Tried to be helpful. Good outward energy toward contribution. Not stuck in self.

+ Mental and emotional states: Another strong day here. A real nice turn around from this past weekend. This is somehting that is negatively affected when I watch porn. It just disconnects me here and makes me feel weak and distracted. So it's either or and I got to choose feeling connected and strong over watching porn sometimes and losing momentum.

+ Life habits: Really nice today. Went in to work instead of working remotely. Still had enough time to get everything in.

MOved forward today.

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Mar 25

Really high quality day. Not quite as much energy as last too but that's okay. Was really effective today and also lived really clean. So good motivation and discipline. I'm on a really nice streak of days and I want to keep that up. Getting in to yoga also and that is a nice benefit. Want to do this regularly after work and add something else positive to my life. I'm off tomorrow but I'm going to make a point of getting up on an alarm. My days off I sometimes fall in to bad habits. I want a solid day tomorrow also and make a lot of good progress with studying.

+ Spiritual practice: nice morning session. So important to start the day with this.

+ Attitude of service: good outward energy. Felt like I was contributing at work.

+ Mental and emotional states: Also good. Never fell in to negativity or doubt. Just kept in a positive and capable space.

+ Life habits: Really clean day. Important to wake up on alarm. Feel good about no porn. Want to put a lot of effort in to this.

Moved forward today.

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Mar 26

Another solid day. Not quite as energized as previous days but that is common on my days off. Good news is I kept up quality habits. I got up when my alarm went off. This is my new thing. Get up everyday when the alarm goes off. Face the discomfort of being drowsy for like 5 minutes. If I need a nap I can take one later. Had an epic morning session for meditation. 10 minutes wim hof breathing and 50 minutes of meditation and chanting. Great way to start a long weekend. Also had a yoga class and still got a bunch of studying in. I want to keep this up for this weekend and really ride the nice wave I got going.

+ Spiritual practice: really good effort here. Great morning practice.

+ Attitude of service: good outward energy. Not stuck in self, looking to contribute.

+ Mental and emotional states: good but need to be less critical, sometimes I notice I'm critical of others. Really need my first thought to be positive. Also really working on lust and just shutting that down. I want to go celibate for 3 months which is a big challenge. So to do that I really need to be on the look out here and avoid lustful thinking. Overall though solid here. On the side of positivity all day.

+ Life habits: Good also. Getting up when the alarm goes off is so important. Having solid mornings is so important. I can cruise the rest of the day.

Overall: moved forward today

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Mar 27

Really strong day all around. Felt really connected and did a bunch of great stuff. I studied a bunch, sat in reflection/prayer/chanting for 85 minutes over two sessions. It was all natural and not forced. Took a great cold shower. Did some yoga. Studied a bunch. Life felt really connected today. Starting to feel like how I felt last summer. So glad I got this momentum. Key is to not fall off of the good habits on a bad or down day. I know it will happen and I'll be challenged. Big thing is not to fall into bad habits or watch porn. Porn definitely is something that disconnects me, makes me feel distracted, it takes a couple days for me to start to feel normal again. This past week I've been really harnessing this energy which is good. I want to keep this discipline. Also a big change is getting up with an alarm on the weekends. My days go so much better when I wake up from an alarm and start my day with intention. So that's a new habit. Just been cleaning up other habits that I let slip a little, diet is one of them and doing better exercise now that I'm doing yoga now.

+ Spiritual practice: Really strong day with 85 minutes. Weekends are a chance to really have opened ended sessions

+ Attitude of service: good outward energy here. Not stuck in self, felt in a place where I could contribute

+ Mental and emotional states: Definitely where I want to be. Positive and optimistic, not stuck in worry or anxiety, not in fear or regret or doubt. Really felt focused on the day and grateful. Also working on lustful thinking and avoiding that. I want to do a period of retention and it's important that I really avoid the thoughts and emotions. Just keep a lot of mental discipline.

+ Life habits: Really strong here. Definitely how my day should go. Want to keep this up. Waking up on alarm clock is really important. Every day of the week now, no snooze.

Overall: moved forward today

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Mar 28

Another solid day. I'm on a streak now. Last weekend I felt a little down and I resolved to really improve things. This is the result, a nice streak of solid days. A big part of it is doing retention and building sexual energy. If I have discipline there then that benefits so many different areas of my life. The opposite happens if I watch porn. I can have two solid weeks, then I watch some porn and I feel down and defeated. It takes a couple days to get back to feeling normal. That's the experience with me. So with this I really need to keep this area of my life clean. I'm going celibate for 3 months to really push myself in this area and improve. I need to really focus on growing spiritually and harnessing that energy. I want to avoid the distraction that this brings. This will be a huge challenge, I've tried to do 3 months before but the most I've made it is a little over 2 months on two occasions. But I really want to transform and this is a big challenge to do.

+ Spiritual practice: good today. Nice meditation session.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy, looking to be helpful.

+ Mental and emotional states: Also solid. I have a nice streak of days where I've been on the positive end of the spectrum. Feeling like I did last summer. Connected and in faith.

+ Life habits: Also good. Living really clean. More willingness to not get weak here and stay strong with every habit. It all makes a difference.

Overall: moved forward today.

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Mar 29

Solid day all around but felt a little mentally fatigued. Definitely got a lot of studying last week so this week I'm not fully charged. So have to try and recharge during the week. Had a solid day today all around. Tomorrow I want to repeat. Just make good habits non negotiable since I get so much benefit. I can lower the intensity sometimes but I can't compromise on what keeps me connected to God. Also glad I'm really directing my sexual energy. I get a lot of benefit from that. Need to really avoid falling short with that ideal. That really disconnects me and stops progress I'm making. Once I really get momentum there then I can anticipate a lot of good things.

+ Spiritual practice: Solid week day practice

+ Attitude of service: Good contributions at work. Good orientation in general. Not stuck in self or my problems.

+ Mental and emotional states: All around really positive and solid. Only thing is that I was a little fatigued mentally. Going to sleep well tonight and come strong tomorrow.

+ Life habits: Good here. Really nice WHM breathing session in the morning and nice cold shower. This definitely helps and makes me feel energized and focused. Really want to keep the cold shower habit going.

Overall: Moved forward today

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Mar 30

Good day all around. A little lower energy though. Last week I went really all out and now I'm a little tired mentally. I'm definitely on the computer a lot and it can make me feel a little dull and fade in the afternoon some. But all of my habits and my lifestyle was strong today. Also really committed to being celibate for 3 months. The real test will come when my sexual energy peaks in another week or two. Just need to really keep a clean mentality.

+ Spiritual practice: nice sessions

+ Attittude of service: Good here, trying to contribute at work.

+ Mental and emotional states: Generally good, but feeling mentally fatigued. Gonna sleep well tonight and have a strong day tomorrow.

+ Life habits: Good. Newfound strength and discipline.

Moved forward today.

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Mar 31

Good day all around. I'm on one of the strongest streaks yet. I've really cleaned things up. Waking up as soon as my alarm goes off is huge. So semen retention. That discipline has a way of improving other areas of my life. Really need to avoid temptation here. Also just need to keep no porn going since that is something that really makes me feel disconnected. I've got the best momentum going I've had in awhile. I'm getting excited because the good weather is coming also. Really looking forward to summer. Also I want to really give 100% to my studies when I'm studying. To do that I can't fall in a bad habits. I really need mental clarity. Recently I've also had a great boost with my wim hof breathing. Really turned a corner with my breatholds. After 6 rounds I've been holding on exhale for 2.5 minutes which is a lot. A couple weeks ago I was struggling, turns out I was breathing too aggressively and I had to dial it back. Now it's like I found a sweet spot. This puts me in a nice place overall. Something about the breathing and breath retention really allows me to sink deep in to meditation immediately after.

+ Spirutal practice: Good here. Foundation of everything. Really glad I do this every day no matter what.

+ Attitude of service: Good as well. Nice job with trying to contribute at work. Good outward orientation, not stuck in self.

+ Mental and emotional states: Also solid. Not in fear, not stuck in myself. Pretty well oriented to the day. also feeling comfortable at work. I have a nice track record of trying to be helpful and contribute so I don't have to prove anything. Just have to show up and continue to help out. Also pressure is definitely lower so I can focus a lot on my studies. A lot of my emotional investment is now in my studies since work feels more predictable.

+ Life habits: Good here. Cold showers are becoming easier. Doing them after the breathing. Plus the water is getting warmer now that it's April. Getting up when the alarm goes off is huge. Start the day with a victory instead of defeat. It's really only a few minutes of discomfort before I'm awake. That's looking more and more to be a habit I want to continue, even on weekends. Not watching porn is a core habit, so much better without it. I'm on a nice retention streak so I'm really harnessing my sexual energy. I want to be in control of this. Committing to 3 months celibate. Gonna be tough to do but it will force me to really show discipline here.

Moved forward today

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Apr 1

Another solid day. I'm on a nice streak. I've really recommitted to seeking God each day and trying to improve my life. My morning breathing sessions are going really nice. I'm doing really long breathholds which is nice. Sexual discipline is high also which is energizing and good overall. Really committing to freeing my mind of lustful thoughts and distractions. I want to commit to 3 months of being fully celibate to improve my spiritual life. If I can really gain that discipline other things will seem easy. That really is one of the toughest things to get under control. Other than that really happy warm weather is coming. Went for a really nice bike ride after work. So glad I'll be biking more. One of my favorite things to do.

+ Spiritual practice: really good here. Keeping this number one. Connection with God is the foundation.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy, trying to contribute at work. Not stuck in my own problems.

+ Mental and emotional states: Felt connected today, free from fear and doubt. Felt energized and optimistic and focused. Benefits of clean living and committing to God and trying to maintain connection.

+ Life habits: Waking up as soon as the alarm goes off is a huge benefit. So valuable to do this. Even on weekends. If I want extra sleep that's fine, I'll set the alarm later, but I'm getting up on the alarm. This starts the day off right. Other strong habits just end up reinforcing each other.

Moved forward today

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Apr 2

Another good day although a little mentally fatigued at work. Still decent effort all around. Glad it was Friday. Another really solid week. I want to keep this up. The kind of discipline I've had over the past 2 weeks is what I'm aiming for. Real clean living and nice effort in studying. I'm really putting in good effort all around. I'm back to where I should be. Feeling connected and motivated. Just can't fall in to bad habits.

+ Spiritual practice: good morning session. Went in to work today so I didn't have a lunch session. After work went on a bike ride and ran some errands. So no extra sessions but still good.

/ Attitude of service: good overall, but a little spaced out at work. Just felt a little fatigued and distracted which is rare.

+ Mental and emotional states: Feeling motivated and positive. Have had a good orientation. Not in fear or regret. Just focused on making the day as good as possible.

+ Life habits: Still strong here. I get a lot of benefit from living simply and giving things up.

Overall: moved forward today

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Apr 3

Another solid day. Went to a small kirtan today which was nice. Felt good to chant and do something new. Getting into the krishna stuff some which is having a good impact. Don't know a lot about it but it's been nice. Living really clean and life is feeling interesting and exciting. Day in and day out I've been doing my best. I'm making progress and the big thing is to not be in a rush. I have to focus on daily living and gratitude and not be in a huge rush. So solid day and want to keep this progress moving.

+ Spiritual practice: good here. Kirtan was nice with chanting. Felt uplifting and something new. I want to get more involved with this.

+ Attitude of service: Tried to be helpful. good outward energy, not stuck in self. Felt pretty connected.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good here. Nice and positive, felt the connection with God all day pretty much.

+ Life habits: Strong day. Keeping the weekends strong is key. I don't want to fall back on the weekends into laziness and bad habits. More relaxed weekends, but filled with good things.

Moved forward today.

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Apr 4

Good day, went to church with a friend which was kinda fun. So Hare Krishna stuff yesterday and church today. Was one of the newer style churches with a band that plays jesus rock music. Pretty nice experience and good energy. Only got a little bit of studying done. Did hang with a friend which was nice and went on a bike ride. Overall life is going good and I'm on a nice streak of solid days. I also have two weeks of being fully celibate. That is a nice development of discipline. Now is where I really have to be on the look out for temptation. Going three months is my goal and is definitely difficult. I have to get used to high sexual energy and not be distracted.

+ Spiritual practice: Good here today. Nice prayer and meditation sessions.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy. Gave a friend a ride, went and bought a gatorade for another friend.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good here. Not in fear or worry. Just nice and connected.

+ Life habits: All pretty clean and good. Just have an injury to my chest muscle. Really sore so bummed I got to take a break from yoga and from upper body exercises. It's already hurt for a week so it might be awhile before I'm 100%

Moved forward today.

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Apr 5

Good day but felt a little flat. It's okay because my actions and habits were still good. Just not at the same level of energy as over the past two weeks. I've been on a really nice streak and want to keep it up. From time to time there will be days where I'm just not as connected and energetic. A kinda boring meeting at work threw me off a bit. Toward the end of the day felt a little mentally fatigued. Gonna get some good sleep tonight. Other than that want to keep up the high discipline in the area of being fully celibate. I'm just setting all sexual activity aside for 3 months. I'm also really monitoring my thoughts, that's definitely the area to be careful with. If I'm vigilant there then I'll do okay in action. So good day overall.

+ Spiritual practice: pretty good morning session, missed the lunch/afternoon session. Want to make sure to get this in tomorrow.

+ Attitude of service: Trying to help out at work. Trying to collaborate and have a good orientation to contribute. Also trying to keep a good outward orientation and look for opportunities of service.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good here but not at the same level of vitality as other days. Still didn't fall in to fear and worry.

+ Life habits: Good. The discipline is becoming natural. I get up at 4:00am without too much effort. This is my new good habit, get up as soon as the alarm goes off. Other habits are also strong. Being celibate and taking cold showers makes everything else seem easy.

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Apr 6

Another solid day. Felt more connected and energized than yesterday. Feeling pretty good at work. Able to contribute, also writing some sql queries which is keeping me interested. I'm starting to figure out this database and write queries instead of just using the interface which is good. I think if I keep practicing I'll get a really nice understanding of the database. It will be good practice and keep me excited about work. Other habits strong today. I'm dialed in with a few friends that I really stay in close touch with. Staying really accountable to the good habits. Also really just moving forward with being fully celibate. The risk is really when my sexual energy is really high or I have a bad day. So just have to recognize those things and keep focus and strength. So another solid day and feeling good about the direction I'm heading in.

+ Spiritual practice: Good effort, but another day without a second session. I do want to get better about getting in second sessions. Maybe I can get chanting in after this review.

+ Attitude of service: good at work. Trying to be helpful. Got a project done off the list that wasn't even asked of me. Was just proactive and that felt good. Good outward energy and not stuck in self.

+ Mental and emotional states: Really solid and focused. Not distracted by girls or lust. Avoiding checking out girls or thinking about scenarios. Once in awhile I'm tempted but I'm doing good here overall. Also really gaining  a lot of clarity on my vision. I'm also feeling really good about the progress I'm starting to make with coding. This is leading to more confidence and focus.

+ Life habits: living clean. Good discipline all around. WHM breathing and cold showers in the morning is going well.

Moved forward today

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Apr 7

Good day today all around. Good motivation and perspective. I've been on a really strong pace but my habits are holding up strong and I'm able to bounce back from a down day when it happens which isn't often. I'd like to really keep up this comittment. Work has settled down a bit and I can write some sql code into our databse to practice. I'm excited about that. It's interesting for me to write queries like this. It's a new aspect of my job that I'm liking. Probably can also take a course on this through work which will benefit me a bunch. I'm kinda proud of the queries I've written. Today also had pretty good connection overall and a good outward energy. My celibacy streak is going strong also. That is a big part of the progress I'm making. I can't let up here. Each day I can commit to this and build discipline with this area of my life.

+ Spiritual practice: Good here. Gonna do an evening chanting session. Good morning sessions also. When I wake up as soon as my alarm goes off I have enough time for a morning practice

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy, trying to contribute. I want to really mentally remind myself throughout the day that I'm serving God.

+ Mental and emotional states: Really good also. Nice and positive, recognized some gratitude today also. Need to see the good in others. It's too easy to be critical of others. I need to correct myself when I am.

+ Life habits: Good discipline here. I've really turned into a person with great habits. Not forcing them either. I do them because I get a benefit. But I want to really keep up the celibacy and sexual discipline. This is the hardest of all and the last holdout.

Moved forward today.

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Apr 8

Another solid day but feeling mentally fatigued. Just a lot of hours on the computer. 2 hours studying plus 8 work hours daily. Weekend usually put in another 8 studying. So the time really adds up. This weekend might take a full day off from the computer to refresh. We'll see. I still want to hit my goal for study hours. Other than that solid day again. I'm settling in to work which feels nice. I've been used to work really being tense from all that's going on so it's a much more normal pace now. Had a nice walk on lunch, really appreciating the absence of fear and the presence of God and being connected. Life is pretty normal and predictable, not too much is going to change over the next year. But that's good, I need to really dig in and make progress and at the same time get an even strong er relationship with God.

+ Spiritual practie: nice morning session. Daily I make time for this. Only 30 minutes today so looking forward to weekend session.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy, good action here. Sometimes thinking too much about my own goals though.

+ Mental and emotional states: In a good place here. The discipline with being celibate pays off with higher focus and concentration. Just lack of distraction and more clarity. Also just free from fear or real worry. I want to build this more to have more confidence and conviction and dedication to my path and goals.

+ Life habits: Good here also. Living really clean and not making compromises.

Moved forward today.

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Apr 9

Another good day. Was more energized today. Didn't feel burnt out. Felt good energy and focus. Had a good day at work and wrote more queries which I'm happy with. Felt pretty good God connection. Only problem was that I sent a message to someone as a joke and I think they were offended. So I feel bad about that. Weird situation because I kind of don't feel bad about bro humor and if someone takes it the wrong way then they shouldn't be butthurt. But on the same hand I do feel bad. So this was the only down thing today really. It's like I indulged in a joke when the opportunity was there.

+ Spritual practice: pretty good here. Glad I set aside time in the morning. Tomorrow is a day off so gonna have a longer session.

/ Attitude of service: Good effort , overall good orientation toward the world, but also was stuck in self a bit thinking about the future and my plans and not really being present.

+ mental and emotional states: Good here. Pretty optimistic and connected. Felt like I was energized and had a lot of clarity and strength.

+ Life habits: Good with this. Living clean. Lots of discipline, really want to keep up the celibacy streak I'm on. That was really and is really the last hold out on habits. It's the most difficult,  if I can do this I can handle other things easier.

Moved forward today.

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Apr 10

Good day overall. Lots of good things. But felt bad about a hurtful text I sent yesterday. I made an apology but didn't get a reply. I definitely feel bad about this. I haven't had something like this for awhile. It definitely threw me off a bit and I felt remorse and less connection. A total error on my part. I can't change that but definitely want to avoid something like this again. I really need to watch what I want to say and not say things that are hurtful. Other than that a nice day. Good study sessions, a good streak overall continues with retention. My habits are real strong so I want to keep that up. I'm really becoming a person with good disciplien, habits, motivation. Big thing is just staying grateful and being patient. It's gonna take time to build the life I envision. I'm learning computer languages and it's not going to happen overnight. Each day just put in effort and make progress.

+ Spiritual practice: really nice morning session. Hour total between breathwork and meditation. Nice having extra long weekend sessions.

+ Attitude of service: Pretty good. Saw an opportunity to open a door and did. Generally decent outward energy.

/ Mental and emotional states: was thrown off by my bad comment from yesterday so I felt remorse for this, this just disconnected me a bit

+ Life habits: good here. Lots of benefit from having clean habits.

Moved forward today.

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Apr 11

Good day overall. Got some nice studying in and also enjoyed the weekend. Excited I got Friday off this week so I can go in to the week strong. Overall had good habits today and good connection. I'm avoiding the rotation of having a good week with study and then a bad week with study. I've been able to stay consistent and I want to keep this up. A big part is cleaning up my lustful thinking and really having discipline there. I'm 3 weeks going full celibate which is great. I have some good focus and that energy is available overall. I'm avoiding the negative dip that happens when I watch porn. So I have to keep good disciplien here and not mess up. I got a lot of good effort in and I want to keep that up.

+ Spiritual practice: Good effort here. Well rounded practice today and put some extra time in.

+ Attitude of service: picked a friend up, hosted a friend to hang out. Overall good outward energy.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good here. Mostly positive and confident. Felt connected and directed by god.

+ Life habits: Really nice. Setting an alarm on weekends is good. I can get extra sleep but I still get up on an alarm.

Moved forward today

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