Jai

Spiritual Review and Progress

486 posts in this topic

Dec 11

Good day today. Would've liked to study a little more but I had a dentist appointment in the middle of the day that threw me off. Still 4.5 hours study, then drove to see my family which is nice. Had the day off of work which was needed. Nice Christmas break coming up as well and I have a week off.  Overall things are going well but I have to be persistent and patient. It's going to take time to learn computer langauges and really get some good skill to make a nice jump and make some good money so I can save. For now I have to enjoy life and work hard and not live in the future and say things will be better then. Instead live in gratitude and enjoy this phase. It's going to take whatever it's going to take. And there is no shortcut. I still have a lot to learn. I'm working right now which is good and it's an entry level tech job. So I'll have experience and I can just keep improving my skills. Again, point is to live a day at a time, do my best, make progress and just keep investing in God the way I have been.

+ Spiritual practice: Good today. A couple good sessions. Chanting has really turned around and is going well. For awhile I had slacked but now it's really nice.

+ Attitude of service: Decent outward energy. Got to look for more ways to be helpful now that I'm visiting family.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good. Was pretty positive today, didn't fall into self pity or negativity.

+ Life habits: Cold shower is becoming regular. I able to get up exercise a little and just get it over with. My body has adapted and there is still mental resistance but I can do it. Other habits also good.

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Dec 12

/ Spiritual practice: okay but not great. Visiting family so didn't really have a lot of time set aside. Still found some time. Tomorrow going to the temple early so I can get some more time in.

+ Attitude of service: good here. Definitely looking to be helpful.

+ Mental and emotional states: Was pretty positive and connected. Feel really good overall for the past 8 months. REally on a nice streak and want to keep this up.

/ Life habits: Some good some bad. Didn't eat clean today, but still got up early, studied and took a cold shower.

Overall: Good day and good to spend some time with family.

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Dec 13

+ Spiritual practice: Good chanting and meditation session at the temple this morning. Also found time later for japa.

+ Attitude of service: Really good here today. Found lot's of opportunity for service. Helped shovel snow at the temple. Also at home. Was helpful and engaged all day. Really trying to keep this up.

/ Mental and emotional states: Really good, but I just kind of hit a lull in the late afternoon when I got home. Just not as energized as normal and it has affected me some. Funny how even if I get a little tired or down I'm less confident about my goals. But still pretty good today.

/ Life habits: I'd say good except for diet, ate a little too much for lunch and not the cleanest food. Didn't get a study session in but still had a good week overall.

Overall: good day and really enjoyed time with family. Really looking forward to next weekend also to visit. Kinda sad I have to work and study so much. That was on my mind some this weekend. But I got to work hard to build a nice future for myself. I've had some good time with family over the years when I've had down time. Also just a little tired and ready for bed to get some energy for tomorrwo.

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Dec 14

Good day in action but didn't feel as connected as I would like. The shorter days and cold weather has me a little down. I can't ride my bike and do hikes in the mountains. I'm at the same time maxing out with effort on studying and work. Been for two months hitting a weekly goal of 18 hours of study plus working full time. I don't have a lot of off time to unplug. So I've been a little dull. So today was a good day in all of my actions, but not as energized or connected. Plus my goals seem really far off. With that I should get back to gratitude and day at a time living. That's really the best way forward. I can't say I'll be happy when I reach my goals. I have to work toward my goals and at the same time still be happy now. Just keep going back to gratitude and day at a time living.

+ Spiritual practice: Good effort today. Morning session and lunch session. Good chanting and prayer. Never really got into a true meditation session.

/ Mental and emotional states: Actually countered some negativity at work really well. Just stayed positive and avoided getting upset. But still overall felt a little dull and disconnected.

+ Life habits: Really good. Lots of discipline and everything in place here.

+ Attitude of service: Helped out at the meeting. Good attitude at work.

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Dec 15

Another day where I wasn't connected as normal. Just don't feel the same vitality. Partly because I'm asking so much of myself with work and study. Partly because it's winter and I'm a little down because it's dark early and cold out. Truthfully just been feeling less natural connection, joy, gratitude, etc. Tomorrow want to do a little better job with some things, but overall my effort has been good overall for the past few weeks.

/ Spiritual practice : good but not as robust as it has been lately.

+ attitude of service: good effort at work. Trying to contribute. Maybe stressing a little too much, but I've been still been putting in good effort.

/ Mental and emotional states: Not where I want to be. If I go back to this summer, I was under just as much stress, but I felt connected most of the time. I'm seeing a big part of this was just riding my bike after work and going for long hikes on the weekend. Now I don't have the same outlets and I'm just stuck at home most of the time. So I have to find a way to counter this. I'm doing great with my studying so part of it can be staying excited about my goals. I can also try to find another hobby.

/ Life habits: Not all bad but not where I want to be. I'm letting off the gas a little with pushing mysefl because I feel close to maxed out. yet when I have really good habits I feel the benefit. So it's tough to determine. Today I slept an extra half hour instead of getting up to do bodyweight exercises. I still got up at 4:30, still did cold exposure, but the whole tone of the day was more relaxed. My room needs to be picked up also, I didn't dress nice for work today. So I'm starting to slip with some things.

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Dec 16

Better day today. Felt a little more optimistic about things.  Did take it kind of easy compared to normal routine. Slept an extra 15 minutes, skipped the morning workout and didn't take a cold shower until the afternoon. Anyway I have to find a way to adapt to the new circumstances. I'm excited about my study course but I'm really busy because of it. I also am mainly bummed by the dark days and not being able to ride bike after work. I'm thinking about giving in and going skiing this winter a lot. I want to save money but I also don't want to be down and not excited about life. Skiiing will give me something to look forward to each weekend. So something to think about.

+ Spiritual practice: It's okay I put 30 minutes in today for spiritual sessions. But all shorter sessions. I don't feel like I get quite as much benefit out of these shorter sessions. I feel like I'd like to get back to the longer sessions. So after work is probably the answer.

+ Attitude of service: Really trying my best at work. Trying to contribute. Decent outward energy, but still somewhat dull and a little dragged down.

+ Mental and emotional states: Improved for sure. Want to get back to that really optimistic place. So still have to adapt some and keep up good habits.

/ Life habits: Decent, not bad, but also not the high standard I'm used to. Didn't exercise right away and waited to do a cold shower in the afternoon.

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Dec 17

Really strong day. I felt really connected with good energy. Just felt like I bounced back some. Even though I didn't get up on first alarm I still had good discipline besides that. Waking up on alarm is so important. It sets the tone for the day. What is my first decision going to be? Am I going to make a good decision, get up, overcome the sleepiness, face getting up into the cold out of my bed? Or am I going to be lazy? Same thing goes with cold showers. Last two days I waited until lunch to take a cold shower instead of doing it in the morning. I'm at my best if I exercise right away, then do a cold shower, then do breathwork, then meditation and prayer. Then study 2 hours before work. all possible by getting up at 4am. A lot of times this feels normal, but this past week I hit a little wall. I was feeling a little down, bummed out by the short days and it being dark after work, bummed that I can't go hiking in the mountains, bummed that I can't ride my bike after work. Also a little worn by pushing myself so much. Stressed a little at work. So I got a little lazy with some habits, took it easy a little. And nothing is wrong with that once in awhile, but I was also not living up to God's ideal for me. I was just feeling a little weak. So today I came back strong and if felt good. Excited about tomorrow also.

+ Spiritual practice: 45 minutes total prayer/meditation/chanting time. Felt some really nice connection on lunch. Went for a walk and really felt God's presence.

+ Attitude of service: Good, trying to be helpful at work. During my walk I also felt really nice about some service I did the other day at the temple. Just had this idea that when I go I go to serve, not to take. So got to keep this outward energy.

+ Mental and emotional states: Today was a good example of where i want to be. Connected, optimistic, living in faith, good confidence. Felt good. This summer and most of fall I was consitently here, lately I have stalled out a little. Like I said I'm really missing my bike rides after work and other activities. Dark and cold weather has been challenging me. So I want to counter this and stay strong.

+ Life habits: Really good except for hitting snooze.

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Dec 18

Overall a really strong day. Really good effort. Really good actions. Felt kinda in a funk in the last couple of hours. Maybe just a long week. But still happy with today. Drove up to my sisters to see family.

/ Spiritual practice: okay morning session, but drove to my sisters after work and no evening session.

+ Attitude of service: pretty good. good effort at work, saw some other opportunities to be helpful.

+ Mental and emotional states: actually really good. Really strong and confident and positive today. Really where I want to be except the last couple of hours.

/ Life habits: all pretty good except for a piece of birthday cake so didn't eat clean.

Actually a great day. Just felt a little in a funk after work.

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Dec 19

Okay day, but not really strong in any area. Visiting family so I got out of my routines. Had a short meditation session and didn't have particualry strong habits. Not horrible but not great. Still a nice day with family though.

- Spiritual practice: A little thin and not where I want it to be.

+ Attitude of service: Looking for areas to help. Was good here, trying to be helpful.

+ Mental and emotional states: Pretty good, never fell into the negative side of things.

- Life habits: didn't like lack of discipline with diet. Whenever I come to visit I snack too much and get away from clean eating. Did have good study session though.

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Dec 20

Good day. But didn't get to meditation until now. I was pretty busy this weekend visiting family and studying so I didn't get in my normal meditation sessions. Still feel pretty connected and looking forward to some time off for holidays. Definitely ready to use that time to study, visit family, and continue with a good spiritual practice.

/ spiritual practice: did it, but it wasn't the focus of my day. I didn't really orient my day toward spirit the way I normally try to

+ attitude of service: tryign to be helpful with family. Found some good opportunity to do that.

+ mental and emotional states: actually pretty good. Pretty optimistic, free from lower states

/ life habits: overall pretty good but not as strict on diet as I should be

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Dec 21

Pretty good day of effort. Although feeling a little disconnected and lonely.

+ spiritual practice: did some good whm breathing, had a nice meditation session. but not really robust sessions like over the summer. Putting 2 hours into studying each day has taken from the extra spiritual time I had.

+ attitude of service: Tried to be helpful. Really found a nice opportunity to grab some chairs for someone at a meeting.

/ mental and emotional states: okay, not in the negative, but also not as connected as I'm used to.

/ Life habits: good for the most part

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Dec 22

Tough day today. Felt disconnected and out of it. Watched porn yesterday and today so fell into that bad habit again. It's like I go 2 weeks without watching porn and then watch it for a day or two, then don't watch it for two weeks. It definitely lowers my presence and connection. I liked when I was 15 months no porn. But now I fell back in to occasionally watching it. It's just because I guess I feel lonely, and haven't put effort in to dating. I think I probably just have to get back in to dating again. So after New Years I think I got to try to date a little. At least then i can get a little excited about that and put effort there. Anyway, I want to break this habit of watching porn every so often and get back to not doing that. I'm definitely more connected and have a higher performance when I stay away from porn.

/ Spiritual practice: did it, but didn't have a lot of vitality with this, didn't feel really dialed in with my effort or experience

- attitude of service: kinda stuck in inner turmoil, not good outward energy

- mental and emotional states: bad here. never felt connected. mostly distracted. Never really excited about life and the future. Just dull.

- Life habits: Not good, weak for the most part, strayed away from things that have worked.

Overall I just have recently been making excuses and cutting corners. I'm not really dialed in like I was this summer and early fall. So I need to fire that back up again. Definitley get away from watching porn, but also stay strong with other habits. I've set a really high standard, so most of that is still in place. But i can't compromise on porn. Just something that makes me feel disconnected. It's gonna take some work and getting through distraction and temptation. But it will be worth it, I saw what that was like when I basically never thought about porn. And truthfully i should just put in some effort and meet a girl since that's what i really want. Porn is just the distraction.

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Dec 23

- Spiritual practice: A little on the light side today. Did a little but not what I usually do. Definitely want to improve some here.

/ Attitude of service: okay but not great. Good actions but low outward energy. Not enthusiastic. I want to be more enthusiastic and look to contribute.

/ Mental and emotional states: better than yesterday, had some good moments during the day of getting more optimisitic and positive. But also still feeling a bit dull from time to time.

/ Life habits: some good, some not so good. Didn't exercise. Did take a nice cold shower though.

Overall: heading in the right direction again. Definitely want to stay away from porn. It really drags me down. After Christmas break I want to put some effort into dating. Just put consistent effort in there. If I do that I'll meet someone. I want to move in that direction. Definitely better than watching porn. I focused on work when I started this job, still focusing on work and studying, but it's also important to make progress in dating. That will have a big benefit in my life. So that's the strategy.

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Dec 24

/ Spiritual practice: pretty good. Away from home so don't have my normal environment so that throws me off a bit. Plus staying with family so less easy to get away. But still had decent meditation sesssion.

/ Attitude of service: Pretty good, had some good opportunities for service. Still don't have the outward energy I would like.

/ Mental and emotional states: On the right track, pretty good most of the day but not great. Want to build back up my positivity and presence.

/ Life habits: All good except for diet really. Really good day studying.

Overall: Pretty decent day. Not at my best in all areas but still moved forward.

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Dec 25

/ Spiritual practice: not a really substantive practice but a busy day with Christmas and staying with family. Eventually got to try to get in a groove even though I'm not at home.

+ Attitude of service: actually really good. Had good energy and was trying to be helpful all through the day.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good improvement, getting back into a good groove. Want to keep up good focus.

+ Life habits: Good today, but diet off with Christmas dessert. But good work out, good study sessions, want to make most of this time off.

Overall: Definitely a good day. Felt in a little rut a couple days ago, but now I got some good momentum. Really want finsih 2020 strong and get excited for next year.

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Dec 26

Went skiing all day. Woke up really early and got back and had dinner and showered. Really exhausted. No spiritual practice today other than a short prayer session. Just one of those days where the day was packed and by the time I got home just exhausted and too tired.

So going to bed and tomorrow I'll be back to better habits. Getting up at 4 to study. Also want to make good time for meditation. Will also go to the temple over the time off. Excited about that.

Not much else to say now. Good day overall.

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Dec 27

Tough ending to the day. Had some decent actions all throughout the day. But ended up watching porn again. After 15 months no porn I think it's probably been about 3 months of watching porn every couple of weeks. I always pay a price and feel down after. It's just not optimal living for me. Also been feeling a little isolated and lonely. Also have lost some of the energy and momentum I had from a few months ago. I still live a pretty good and clean life with lots of good things but I haven't been at my best lately.

So need to turn this around and get back to where I should be.

That's really it. Nothing more to say for today. Been a little thrown off recently and got to get back to what works.

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Dec 28

What a better day. Really stayed on top of things. Glad to bounce back.

+ Spiritual practice: Really strong. Since I'm off I went back to my normal morning practice of 40 minutes. Such a benefit. Having ample time to really get into meditation and prayer is so beneficial. Since I started studying 2 hours before work I have been doing a 20 minute session and it's less beneficial. It's hard to get up earlier but I'm seriously thinking about getting up at 3:30am so that I can meditate 40 minutes, plus work out, plus shower, plus study 2 hours, plus eat breakfast all before work. It will be tough to do but it may be worth it at least on weekdays.

+ Mental and emotional states: Back to where I should be. Problem is that if I watch porn it disconnects me like yesterday. It's just like automatic decrease in focus, vitality, connectedness, etc. So I do need to put that habit in the past just like before. So today I really bounced back and I want to keep that strength all this week.

+ Life habits: Really good today. Soemthing about waking up on my alarm, working out and taking a cold shower that sets the tone for the day. Funny thing is that if I set time aside for good life habits, everything else finds a way to get done. If I put studying first, my studying isn't as good, I get frustrated and I'm less effective. So all the habits really count.

+ Attitude of service: good outward energy and found a way to be helpful at the meeting.

Overall: A really solid day. I can't be sacrificing good days and my momentum to watch porn. It's such a distraction and momentum killer. So got to also focus on my dating life more and put some effort in there. Tomorrow I want to be doing more of the same as today. Just another solid day.

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Dec 29

A solid day in action even if I didn't feel super energized. I slept in a little which for me is like 6am. I didn't really feel like exercising and taking a cold shower... which gives me so much benefit. Just wanted to stay warm in my sleeping bag lol. I guess it's okay, it's vacation from work. But I didn't have the same edge today as yesterday. My study session was a little dull and not as focused as I'd like. Studied total of 5.5 hours. Plus I got a little discouraged, it's taking me awhile to learn certain things about this computer language. But it's going to take what it's going to take. I'm doing a prep course and it will take some more time. I thought I was close to finishing but I think I may need a couple more weeks. So I need to focus on learning things well and the enjoyment I get out of making progress and learning, when I put it on a timeline I get discouraged a bit. It will take what it will take. I've really enjoyed what I've learned and I've come a long way already, so there is a lot of satisfaction with that.

+ Spiritual practice: just got in a round of chanting and a round of japa. Set aside 40 minutes also for meditation this morning but was somewhat distracted. just got to keep putting in the time.

+ Mental and emotional states: So so. Never really dipped into negativity. But also not consistently positive and energized like I have been. This is a by product of watching porn a couple days ago. That puts me in a funk and disconnects me. Not a price i want to pay. Need to have strong discipline in that area so it carries over into the rest of my life.

+ Life habits: Good. Just didn't exercise right away. Overall good habits though.

/ Attitude of service: okay but not great. Not exhuberant outward energy. That's what I really want, an energy that shows I want to contribute to life.

Overall: still a good day.

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Dec 30

Really solid day. If I exercise right away when i get up and then take a cold shower it sets the tone for the day. After that go straight into a spiritual practice to orient myself. Then I can face the day totally prepared. Today was a good example of that. Got some stuff done, also came to visit family. Feeling excited about 2021 and all of the progress I can make.

+ Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Significant prayer and meditation. Was in a really nice state of concentration.

+ Mental and emotional states: Heading in the right direction. Was more positive about my studies. It's gonna take what it's gonna take. I want to learn coding really well so some patience has to be involved. I can't just rush through it, act like I know it. I really want to be able to have good functional ability with it. It's a long haul. Whole point is that I don't want to have internal frustration or disturbance over the pace of things. I want to be in a state of staying positive and engaged.

/ Attitude of service: good outward energy but missed an opportunity to help with dishes.

/ Life habits: all good except for excpetions on diet. Always happens when I come to my sisters house.

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