Just Imagine

[mandyjw]

47 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@mandyjw

(you already know exactly what I’m gonna say lol)

What’s the difference between bravery, and silliness? 

Judgement based on a being a person with a certain perspective.  

Or the presence of fear because of a belief that there's a person with something to lose. 

Edited June 21, 2020 by mandyjw

[Nahm]

@mandyjw

Eight year old daughter wrote in Father’s Day card she made.. Thanks for “being” such a great dad. I jokingly said, you might have the quotations on the wrong word. She said I know, that’s why it’s funny. 

?

[allislove]

@Nahm ?

 

[mandyjw]

57 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@mandyjw

Eight year old daughter wrote in Father’s Day card she made.. Thanks for “being” such a great dad. I jokingly said, you might have the quotations on the wrong word. She said I know, that’s why it’s funny. 

?

I love it. Happy Father's Day!!! 

[mandyjw]

My son just brought me his Mario Maker level he made to play. I went through it and ended up immediately dying when I went through the door. When I asked him why, he said, "That's what non suspicious levels are! You have to die to win!" 

 

[mandyjw]

It's starting to dawn on me how "lucky" I am, within the story and especially without. It's all upside, even my apparent freedom to call it downside. Depression, anger, the lot of it has no meaning without a self concept or a standard to hold anything to. In fact being tired or depressed can be downright enjoyable when there's no one arguing against it. Writing that seems so wrong, but I assure you it is oh so right. I continually strived to have a self concept. Was my body hot or ugly? Was I a hard worker or lazy? Was I intelligent or stupid? Fun or boring? Was I a good person or a bad person? Was I making progress along the spiritual path? It doesn't make sense to try to freeze and seek security in a character in a story. Even if the character was real, which it isn't, it's ever-evolving, on a quest. 

I still get in the way. Feels kinda like being the last kid standing on the losing team of a dodgeball game when that happens. 

[mandyjw]

I just remembered that lately I've had semi conscious (semiconscious, what is that? ?) thoughts at night, in a half asleep, half awake state that come with physical pain. Thought comes then it's like followed by an electric shock like sensation of pain and I know it's coming. Usually constriction in my heart area. Who is thinking those thoughts? 

 

[mandyjw]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. 

It couldn't be a black woman who "made" Eckhart Tolle. And FUCKING OBAMA FOR CHRIST'S SAKES! It had, to be RSD to be "ballin". 

THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FORUM. FUCK LEO. FUCK THE HERO'S JOURNEY. FUCK YOU ALL and you're complete disregard for women while your pretend to want to do right by them. GO LITERALLY FUCK YOURSELVES, THAT'S ALL YOU PREACH AND ALL YOU want to do anyway. 

If you actually knew how to properly disregard women, you'd be doing just fine. 

The "I am the body idea" creates a lot of turmoil. 

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

"Don't let your heart be hardened
Don't let your love grow cold
May it always stay so childlike
May it never grow too old
Don't let your heart be hardened
May you always know the cure
Keep it broken before Jesus
Keep it thankful, meek and pure

May it always feel compassion
May it beat as one with God's
May it never be contrary
May it never be at odds
May it always be forgiving
May it never know conceit
May it always be encouraged
May it never know defeat

May your heart be always open
Never satisfied with right
May your heart be filled with courage
And be strengthened with all might

Let His love rain down upon you  -(dodgeballs, mother fuckers)
Breaking up your fallow ground
Let it loosen all the binding
Till only tenderness is found"

[mandyjw]

M: I am not talking of suppression. Just refuse attention.

Q: Must I not use effort to arrest the movements of the mind?

M: It has nothing to do with effort. Just turn away, look between the thoughts, rather than at the thoughts. When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet — you just find your way between.

Q: If I use my will to control the mind, it only strengthens the ego.

M: Of course. When you fight, you invite a fight. But when you do not resist, you meet with no resistance. When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

 

"Dodgeball is kind of a stupid game, isn't it?"

[mandyjw]

 

Edited June 24, 2020 by mandyjw

[DrewNows]

Would you make a distinction between integration and shadow work? Enjoyed the video, resonated, and your stories are ?

shadow work does seem to have a negative connotation to it, centered around incompleteness. (self perpetuating is huge, most do it unconsciously trapped in the karmic mental thought loops)

did you ever read the hermetic teachings? Did it resonate?

rather than shadow work, what came to mind is “love testing”, recognizing opportunities to extend/expand the ability to love. 

TIA ?

Edited June 25, 2020 by DrewNows

[mandyjw]

8 hours ago, DrewNows said:

Would you make a distinction between integration and shadow work? Enjoyed the video, resonated, and your stories are ?

Yes, "shadow work" is the attempt at seeing what we really are and integration is something like a falling away that can seem a lot like discipline and retraining the mind away from old thought patterns. We think we have to do something about it and often get in the way, but our intent and desire itself is never wasted.The trick is that we want to think that we've done or gained something but there's just letting go of having a self image seeking any sort of validation from anything. 

Enlightenment and spirituality is actually stupidly simple, we suffer and we truly desire to feel better. When it strikes you how simple and utterly vulnerable and human is, it's devastatingly beautiful or else just funny. 

A lot of the times we suffer but our desire to feel better is not 100% real. Something in us wants to perpetuate the suffering. Shadow work is the attempt at seeing the mistaken belief that causes the suffering. The seeing just happens. We sometimes struggle to integrate because we don't always choose feeling better or choosing the mind patterns that we used to think of as our self. 

I've read some hermetic teachings, they do resonate but I haven't studied them much. After the awakening I found that I resonated with and became aware of so much more than ever, that all the choices and suggestions seem overwhelming at times and other times it feels like I live in the most wonderful world of choices and opportunities to learn and see in new ways. 

8 hours ago, DrewNows said:

rather than shadow work, what came to mind is “love testing”, recognizing opportunities to extend/expand the ability to love. 

Yes, when we get out of the way, that's all that seems to be left. 

Edited June 25, 2020 by mandyjw

[DrewNows]

It took me a good while to finish "the kybalion", and it's powerful, so i searched on the forum to see if anyone else speaks on the hermetics, your name popped up

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

that all the choices and suggestions seem overwhelming at times and other times it feels like I live in the most wonderful world of choices and opportunities to learn and see in new ways. 

yes, it's funny like ill go with my gut and dive into something then eventually my mind will say, i can't do this, i mean, like, why are you even doing this to me,  and this is probably a clear sign i've fallen out of attention, getting back into the attachment/contracted style learning  

step away and do something enjoyable 

Anyways appreciate you breaking this stuff down, sometimes i feel like a deliciously baked zen cookie, while other times it's half baked and tastes preetty shitty, either way gotta take responsibility for that cookie and "discipline" has returned with a better flavor to it (thankfully) 

Edited June 25, 2020 by DrewNows

[mandyjw]

 Funny synchronicity, I just came from visiting my aunt and my kids wanted to eat all the rest of the cookies on the plate she brought out so I gave them names so they'd feel guilty about eating them. Didn't work though. 

I started the Kyballion, liked it, but haven't gotten back to it. I do remember that I really liked the quote, too much maybe, "As above so below". When i say it in my head it sounds exactly like the super dramatic low, manly voice of the guy who read the audio recording.

I know exactly what you mean. I think we impose some sort of expectation on ourselves that we should always be engaged with stuff the same way, or always hard working, healthy habits, or whatever other trait we would like to see. But one of the best things of this work is letting go of that and just letting moods and phases ebb and flow. Of course I say this, but still pick at myself for everything. One of the things I read recently in "I Am That" is that it's very difficult to NOT do a whole lot of unnecessary things. That's how most of us seek to structure our lives and use self actualization to optimize. We build up the separate self and then out of utter frustration of not being able to perfect it, end up here, questioning what the self really is, and what and how it "does" things. 

I was at the river recently and tried to catch an eel with my hands. Only instead of trying to catch the eel I tried with my mind to command my hand movements to prove to myself that I was doing it and watched how the reflexes and physical movements and conscious direction from my mind were interlinked. They were entirely disconnected but seemed somewhat connected. To my mind. 

My mind is just an asshole party crasher sometimes. 

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by mandyjw

[DrewNows]

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

"As above so below". When i say it in my head it sounds exactly like the super dramatic low, manly voice of the guy who read the audio recording.

low manly voice  "As within so without" 

i must ask what is your zodiac sign if you don't mind? I am a pisces, naturally flowing, feminine quality, very spiritual, transmutable, and a burning heart truth seeker. Just started studying this today, it's fascinating....

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

My mind is just an asshole party crasher sometimes. 

that mischievous mind! 

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows Libra

[DrewNows]

A grounded air sign, very balanced ?

[mandyjw]

So I'm realizing that all my relationships are imaginary, thoughts about people are imaginary. It's never anyone I like or don't like, it's the thoughts about them that I like or don't like.  Holy motherfucking grail of OBVIOUS revelations. 

  I don't know why Leo teaches with the flavor of "you're the only one the universe so you should be really fucking lonely" but again, it's not Leo but my thoughts about him I don't like.

GODDAMN IT!!!! 

I've started realizing this with my husband, being very careful about the thoughts I thought of him and watching the love and connection arise.  Then something unexpected happened. Like a whack a mole game of negative thinking, I started hating my dog instead. Which in my defense, he is a super high energy breed at a really difficult age. Last night I went with him to Dr.P's platform and realized that all the traits that I think I regret about the dog are things I don't own about myself. Fearful, obsessive, energetic, anxious, determined, intensely loving, crazy. The whole walk was a beautiful indulgence of stories. I understand imagination, the nature of reality and I understand why imagining/uncovering the story of an awake and kindred spirit person who lived so long ago would "break" my reality and reveal the illusion. Someday I want to write a book about it. I deleted the videos I made telling about it at first. They were too "out there". I felt too out there. I'm still "understanding" (telling myself anew) the story. 

As someone who sometimes imagines herself to be a witch, (not really but kinda) it would make sense that she would create her reality in close connection with plants and animals. And the connection that lead me to this dog was too strong to be doubted. "Mistakes" don't pan out when there's no self, no time, no past no duality and not two. So could I have outsourced these qualities into an animal to get me to disown/reclaim LET GO of them myself? 

Can I love both my god AND my husband? I just typoed god when I meant dog. Ah, well. I'll just leave it there. As I said, mistakes don't pan out. 

 

 

Edited June 26, 2020 by mandyjw