Do you think having many friends is important for success?

[Ibn Sina]

I am usually a loner. I have only key friends, but I don't have many friends. 

Sometimes I worry, am I at a disadvantage here?

May be it depends on what is being done. If I was a politician sure I would want to have many friends.

But I am studying to become a doctor.  Do you think I need many friends?

[Average Investor]

There is always survival advantages to being around others and being liked. That can come in the form of promotions, more pay, and just more opportunities in general. I notice the more I am around people I usually end up with a network of stuff that benefits my survival. The more people, then the larger that network becomes. I don't try to aim for anything like that in a friendship anymore, but more in the fact if I enjoy the persons company or not. I think a good pleasing attitude and character will get you plenty far in that industry along with some good skills built up.  

[Ibn Sina]

I have usually been a loner as I dislike all the drama that comes with having many people, I notice the deep contrast between me having my chilled  life at home drinking coffee reading medieval history vs me listening to people trying to show themselves how cool they are.  I am generally a pleasing personality so its not that people are repelled by me,  but I myself  avoid people to avoid their baggage. 
I need to strike a balance between, avoiding the drama of people vs having people for good oppurtunities.

 

Edited March 6, 2020 by Ibn Sina

[Elham]

It's about quality here not quantity!

[Average Investor]

You would be surprised at the quality of people you can meet. I made friends with a guy that is over 70 years old and I am 24. We hit it off really well and he is the leader of a club I am in. We have a lot of similar interests in personal development and he is a great speaker. I have went many months without really having many close friends. Especially not any that I could see in person. It just takes the right time and place. Find out where you could meet higher quality people at. 

Also, never assume the issue might not be you as well in the relationships. A lot of being a good friend is being able to tolerate peoples faults. That goes for really any relationship in life. But I am not saying to allow yourself to be in toxic relationships either. 

 

[Ibn Sina]

1 hour ago, Average Investor said:

Also, never assume the issue might not be you as well in the relationships. A lot of being a good friend is being able to tolerate peoples faults. That goes for really any relationship in life. But I am not saying to allow yourself to be in toxic relationships either. 

Tolerance for people's drama and irrationality has always been an undeveloped trait of mine, I admire those people who are able to tolerate such people.
If you could tell me some ways/practices/exercises I could do to be more tolerating of such people, that would be helpful.

Once there was a girl who I used to talk with. 
Then for some unknown reason, she started to get angry at me and talked with me rudely.
I thought "Did I do something wrong?"
I hadn't. It's not just an assumption but something that I really thought deeply about. 
She was acting out of her emotions. Kind of like nagging.
"No, I am not the guy who tolerates 'that' kind of women" I thought and left her.

Edited March 7, 2020 by Ibn Sina

[egoeimai]

28 minutes ago, Ibn Sina said:

Tolerance for people's drama and irrationality has always been an undeveloped trait of mine, 

It is difficult to cope with but you'll really get the benefits of it later. You'll learn a whole lot about yourself. People will test you in different ways. It doesn't matter what they think of you at the end of the day, but what you came to believe about yourself. It really is amazing how you can see things differently through interaction. Of course you can look deep within even without others but without stimulus it'll be a lot slower (the progress) 

It's a game and you never lose. That's how I view it. 

Quote

 

 

[Average Investor]

@Ibn Sina I sometimes will just flat out not respond to someone if they are acting negatively towards me. It all depends on the situation though. A lot of it is just learned really. Try to imagine what things might be like for the other person and their views. I am not sure of the drama that is occuring, but a lot of the time you might be better avoiding it all together. I would suggest just not supporting it or giving it a big reaction really. People start to pick up, when you set a boundary for something and lot of the time they just stop doing it. 

18 hours ago, Ibn Sina said:

Then for some unknown reason, she started to get angry at me and talked with me rudely

If this happens frequently, then I would analyze if you are lacking in one of the list of pleasing personality traits

A Positive Mental Attitude

Flexibility of the Mind

Sincerity of Purpose

Promptness of Decision

Common Courtesy

Tactfulness

Pleasing Tone of Voice

Facial Expression and the Habit of Smiling

Tolerance

Frankness in Manner of Speech

A Keen Sense of Humor

Faith in Infinite Intelligence

A Keen Sense of Justice

Appropriateness of Words

Effective Speech

Control of the Emotions

Alertness of Interest

Versatility

Fondness for People

Control of Temper

Hope and Ambition

Temperance

Patience

Humility of the Heart

Appropriateness of Dress

Effective Showmanship

Clean Sportsmanship

Ability to Shake Hands Properly

Personal Magnetism

I think most of us are not perfect, so I imagine there is stuff for improvement with anyone in the list. I find stuff for myself to work on as well and I seem to have no issues getting a long with others typically. 

[Ibn Sina]

Thanx for the long list of  things that I 'might' be lacking, haha. I can use  it as a checklist.

But here's the thing, there are many many people that like me. The girl is the ONLY girl ever who has behaved to me this way (i.e angrily, but there are other people who have behaved in other unpleasant ways (  not  angry at me, but things  like- trying  to show off, trying to be a center of attention etc which ofcourse I don't like))  ( in university i.e, in schools there were many bullies who where rude for no reason)

If someone else is rude to me, it's not always because there  is something about me that is bad, if you have not done anything wrong and still if some (not all) people treat badly to you, it's not  always because you did something wrong. And this is the problem with your post, you seem to keep pointing out that  people behaving unpleasant to you is  because  of you.

I often type in Google "Why are people rude "

In many ( all)  psychology articles, they  write- "It's often about them, it's not about you".

As I said, I do have  friends ( few key friends, many friends/ aquaintances) I don't have a problem with people getting to like me, I repeat- I don't have a problem with people getting to like me whether it  is guy or a girl.  The problem is people pissing me off and I leaving them. In my life there has never  been a single person who ever ran away from me because I did something wrong to them. I am the type of guy who won't even get angry at people unless they get angry at me for no good reason or try to take advantage of me. I am not a doormat.

I agree with your advice that yes, I should  be more tolerant.

But I disagree with your advice that people are rude to me because there is something  wrong about me. 
There are many pleasant people who like me. I am going to hangout with my friends just after I finish typing this.
There are dramatic  people like the girl who got angry at me ( which itself  doesn't mean that she didn't like me. I just  became a way for her to tease, to vent  out her  anger. Even the next day she came to tease me. That doesn't mean I don't  have  a pleasing personality  which you seem to be pointing out over  and over, or she disliked me. Just because someone is angry at you or teases you doesn't mean they dislike you.).

It's that I don't like girls behaving that way. And it's not my fault or it's not that I should improve my personality in some way, it's that I don't like girls behaving that way, and if she wants me to stay  it is she who has to change her personality, not me, or I will leave her.

. Even if I was Justin Bieber and she was his girlfriend she would still nag him. That doesn't mean she finds JB less atttractive, less magnetic, less lacking in the personality traits that you mentioned.

So no, I refuse to believe that people being unpleasant to me is because I have faults in my personality.
If people were  leaving me, then I would say I have faults, but people do not leave me, people are unpleasant to me.

And I don't  think there are methods to make ALL people behave nice to you. If there are , then you can write them.
But I don't think there are.
There are ways to make people get attracted to you, which for me is not a problem.
But I don't find ways to make people behave the way I want them to behave which itself is something that I don't want.
The only way is to be a fascist leader.

As I mentioned in the above post, my only problem is 'tolerating people'. 
 

Edited March 8, 2020 by Ibn Sina

[Average Investor]

@Ibn Sina Not trying to make a claim at you doing anything as I cannot see your interactions in person, I am limited to what is written here. That list is from Napoleon Hill. I suggest his book think & grow rich heavily. One of those key principles is also tolerance. You are in the most control over your reactions and emotions, but not the other persons. By self reflecting and enhancing your own qualities you will have much less negative interaction overall. Not only that you will also achieve more success as a byproduct. I don't know you or the qualities you have, so I am not here to judge you. But I want to share how I have found it in my best benefit to maximize my personality through studying those and I think everyone could. I am sure I could have done better with the wording though. 

I would suggest giving the book A New Earth a read By Eckhart Tolle. It has some really sound ways of interacting with others and how to see a bit from their point of view. Basically assume that every person is having the worst day of their life. It is so hard to know why someone is really doing the things that they are doing.  If you try to aim more to bring happiness into their lives regardless you may find it is really easy to have good interactions with most people. I practice giving a smile, nod, gesture, or greeting to people passing by, when I go out for a run and after so many I notice that many are quite pleased to interact. You have a couple who may ignore, or seem uninterested, but that is okay. This might be a good practice to try. 

I am not immune to other peoples actions though either. Some things do have a lasting effect of hurt from others, but you are in control on how far it gets. I think the practices in that book would give you much more control over those thoughts and emotions towards it. It has really helped me. 

Edited March 8, 2020 by Average Investor

[Ibn Sina]

@Average InvestorThanx for the book recommendations 

[ZenBlue]

You don't need many friends to be successful. It's about quality over quantity.  You don't need many people who are deep in your inner circle to live a happy and fulfilling life.

But definitely having good basic people skills and developing a large network of acquaintances helps. Networking is a valuable skill and as human beings we are all part of the social network. Acquaintances aren't really friends, but more like people who you have a little positive connection with. Most of our interactions as people are transactional. People really only want to interact with each other in order to get something from others. Judge less, forgive more, and play with the world.

[Nahm]

On 3/6/2020 at 0:30 PM, Ibn Sina said:

Sometimes I worry, am I at a disadvantage here?

Relative to someone without judgement of ‘friend’ not ‘friend’, ya, you are. 

Two ways that can be heard. Up to you. 

[Javfly33]

On 7/3/2020 at 6:34 AM, Ibn Sina said:

She was acting out of her emotions. Kind of like nagging.
 

LOL You´re in for a rude awakening then. That´s exactly how you are supposed to understand women! 

Btw I´m not saying this as a critique to women. Actually I consider myself to have a lot of "feminine energy"- I´m just saying as a neutral fact.