Selective anxiety around certain people

[rNOW]

I have noticed I have anxiety around specific people. Not everyone though, irrespective of whether they are people known to me or strangers. There are some people who trigger me into anxiety without reason. Why does this happen? 

An example is an acquaintance who has hired me for their personal project. My heart goes into an overdrive seconds before they call, and so now I can say for sure when they're calling without even looking at my phone.  I'm not sure how this happens. And it feels it is going to burst out every time I have an interaction with them. And I find it difficult to focus on anything for hours even when the phone call was just a cordial 30 second interaction. Initially I thought I wanted to impress them with my work, but that isn't true. The truth maybe that I do not like the way they behave and go about getting work done. Personal differences aside, I have decided, I want nothing in return for whatever work I'm providing them. I'm just sticking to the project, because the entire project depends on me and I do not want to be the one to ruin it by leaving it mid-way. So my question is - how do I manage my anxiety in the meantime? 

Is there a way to know before hand which people would bring out this type of anxiety in me? And why?

(I do not have social anxiety and I really love my work, so neither of this is the case). 

[Average Investor]

If it is really bothering you that much and you get nothing from the project, then you could consider just dropping the project all together. As your well being should be a top priority. On the other hand it could be worthwhile to just face it head on. Experience it and really feel into what is happening with it. Try to focus in on your breathing, when the feeling arises as well. I have found pretty good success with those two things. If you are not already getting enough exercise and eating clean, then I really suggest doing that. Exercise will really help tone down anxiety drastically. 

[Preety_India]

This may not be social anxiety. 

You're dealing with a psychological clash. That is some people just do not get along with you. They trigger you for some reason. 

I suggest you should avoid them as much as possible 

Just like the body is allergic to specific antigens and the presence of these elements triggers a Defence response so in the same way certain people are triggering your nerves, thoughts, mindset, mentality, and your heart Chakra. 

Stay away from people who are incompatible to your mind. 

How to know beforehand? 

Do you know specific behaviors and traits of these people from past experiences? 

Note down their appearance, body language, opinions, traits that make you feel they belong to that category. 

For example you might be getting triggered by argumentative people. The best way to screen such people is communication. The first communication tells you that the person is argumentative then avoid. 

Notice the behavior pattern, in this case an argumentative person is more isolated or standoffish or is repetitive in their questioning or contradictory in their statements. 

You wouldn't exactly know a person without the first interaction. Very hard to figure out just based on body language. But there are always clues. 

One way of managing the anxiety is by letting go or simply ignore or rebuff them in your mind as crazy people. 

Compartmentalize them in your mind. 

React least. Just avoid reacting to them, become a mute statue. 

Distract your mind while they talk. 

Do not think about them. That way you give them power. 

Do not try to reason with them. 

 

 

[rNOW]

@Joshi3 Thanks. I say I do not have social anxiety, because it is not common for me to feel this way with most people. Only some selective people. I have observed often what happens, my heart starts beating very fast and after a while, I have to reason myself out of it. As in the physiological symptoms are more prominent than the psychological ones. Or I'm unable to pinpoint the root of it. 

@Preety_India Thanks a lot. Yes. A psychological clash, particularly of values, wherein I am forced to do something I think isn't right. Though it is not my project, I find it unnecessary to bring in my values to it, but I find this person is wasting so much of his own time and money and energy into things that are not working. I have a belief in me that it is wrong to leave things mid way and to see through the completion of things, this belief maybe causing anxiety? Because I now see that if something is bad for me, I shouldn't be afraid to let go of it. I do notice how the body language and behaviour of certain persons cause me to recoil. They are more like 'in-your-face' or 'my-way or the high-way' people who continuously bash others for disagreeing with them. But I find that my observations only surface after spending some time with them. Thanks though, this makes sense. 

[rNOW]

@Etherial Cat I used to suffer from impostor syndrome and low self esteem a couple of years ago, I believe I have mostly resolved them. I think the reason for this anxiety is mostly value based - wherein the other person and I have different values and goals and I am forced to do things that go against mine. Like example, one person I know just stole some decor stones from a hotel and expected me to keep it a secret. Or getting favours using my name and contacts. I think it is not pertaining to me, but them, because it is not the same with all people. I'm not anxious going on stage in front of strangers, or meeting others or calling others. Only certain selective people. But then people are mirrors. So I'm trying to find out what part of me is triggered by this behaviour and needs healing.

[Nahm]

 

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Is there a way to know before hand which people would bring out this type of anxiety in me?

Yes. 

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And why?

Because ‘reality’ is vibrational, and there is no assertion. 

 

How?

Current paradigm: I call my unconditional loving inner being...   “anxiety”.

New paradigm: Rather than label it, I notice it is my thought which is bogus. I realize the feeling (inner being) was telling me this all along. 

 

How does that reveal to me which people bring out this type of anxiety in me?

It’s the people who are in the current paradigm, while you’re still in the current paradigm. 

In the New paradigm...no one does. Ever. 

“When this person calls, this person who is not listening to their inner being....I feel like I have to not listen to my inner being...I feel like I have to go about work like they do, and it sucks.”

“Oh wait, I don’t have to though.”