Anyone else find it difficult to maintain discipline?

[TheEnigma]

Hi, everyone. It's my first ever post on this forum. But I've been following actualized.org on youtube since 2017. I actually came across Leo's youtube channel because my girlfriend dumped me. When I first saw a few of Leo's videos. I would do exactly as the videos instructed and take what Leo says to heart as much as I could (for example the video was How To Master & Control Your Emotions).  I realized I wasn't able to control anything when my girl ended the relationship, so I took his advice to heart and chose to think positive thoughts as the video did say "how we choose to think of any event is what's important, and not the event itself." Also another video I found very useful was "The Power Of Letting Go - How To Overcome Clinginess, Attachment, OCD"

 

But I tend to find after a few weeks or months pass, I lose the ability to maintain the discipline of following these videos great advice no matter how much I try to practice the work. Causing me to re-watch some of them to re energize myself. But the words in the videos seem lose steam and it doesn't have an effect on me like it did when I saw them for the first time. Why is that? Does anyone else experience this? I can't really seem to find the answer. Because Leo was saying that if I did the practice everyday, it would change my life. But the problem is, as days pass, I seem to get exhausted and couldn't always catch myself and I tend to forget as I learn other new things. So I re watch the video to inspire me, but it seems to have less and less effect each time, and as time goes on, I sooner or later don't even concentrate nor get inspired anymore even when I watch the video. It seems like my mind has gotten used to what Leo said to the point where it doesn't work anymore. And in my heart of hearts, he's right, "how we choose to think of the event is what's important." But applying that theory again and again seems to have gotten me exhausted that it doesn't have as much effect on me then when I first saw it no matter how hard I try to keep the inspiration. What's going on?

Edited November 20, 2019 by TheEnigma
Incorrect grammer

[Lento]

@TheEnigma

Perhaps because you don't need that kind of theory anymore. Perhaps you have moved to another level where you need a different kind of inspiration. Perhaps another stage of Spiral Dynamics, or of Maslow's hierarchy. How often do you ask yourself the question: "What do I really want?"?

[Eph75]

Disciplin comes with motivation. What is your motivation? Just letting go for the sake of letting go, or whatever it is you want to do, without deeper understanding for your inner workings might result in disciplin for disciplins sake, but little or no motivation as to why.. 

What is your why? 

[Commodent]

Whenever we use negative motivations we tend to get a relapse once things are "good enough". So what you should do instead is to find a positive vision for cultivating discipline. E.g. by thinking about the calm it will bring to your life to have good routines. Don't think about the problems.

I'm sure there are some good books out there that will help you with seeing all the positive things discipline will bring to your life, which you can use as a source of inspiration. 

[studentofthegame]

I have experienced the same issue over the years. I am well read, and get inspired from books, podcasts and all the rest of it. But i have found good habits difficult to make stick. Even very small, manageable habits.

I'm starting to suspect that human beings are like space rockets which are constantly veering off course from take-off onwards, and only get to where they are going via consistent corrections. 

For us, that probably means fall down 7 times, get up 8 times. Don't get hung up on failure, just learn your lessons, get back on the saddle and be compassionate to yourself.

[crab12]

Quote

I actually came across Leo's youtube channel because my girlfriend dumped me

A few years ago I discovered Leo's videos in similar circumstances. For me, I realized that I was a people pleaser, a needy little bitch, and this was ruining all relationships in my life, with my parents, colleagues, including my relationship with my then long-term girlfriend. And my entire life really.

The first video I discovered was Leo's "How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You". I watched it the first time, and my mind was blown, it was like magic, and I was totally free of approval seeking for a week or so. Then it slowly started coming back, then I watched the video again and again and again. At one point I watched it 2-3x per week but the effect just wasn't sticking anymore. I have watched it at least 50 times.

Quote

So I re watch the video to inspire me, but it seems to have less and less effect each time, and as time goes on, I sooner or later don't even concentrate nor get inspired anymore even when I watch the video. It seems like my mind has gotten used to what Leo said to the point where it doesn't work anymore

I was struggled with this problem over a year, just back and forth with no real progress. Now I know that this was caused by my superficial understanding of my own mind, and the mechanics how people pleasing / neediness works in my mind.

If you keep watching the same video over and over, you will make no progress. I wish I could tell this to my younger self and save years of my life. Start watching Leo's older videos, from 2014 - 2017. The newer videos are not really about self-help / ego development anymore. Leo is already enlightened in these newer videos and has lost touch what it's like for someone just starting out. It's like hearing a quantum physicist talking about special relativity when you barely even know calculus. Follow Leo's own journey from 2014 to present. It took him 5-10 years to get where his at.

Some of the more important fundamental concepts are:

• victim thinking
• avoidance of failure
• how you view emotional effort
• you resist negative emotions
• vision / what you want to do in life
• realistic plan how to get what you want / being strategic
• eliminate "should" statements
• realize you are not your identity
• realize you don't want to be popular or liked by other people
• learn to recognize and eliminate distractions
• assertion / life space / resolve conflicts in a WIN-WIN way'
• The Way
• etc

Leo has covered most of these topics. If you work efficiently you'll get the basics handled in ~half year. Then you'll be able to breakthrough from this plateau.

[Rinne]

On 11/19/2019 at 8:56 PM, TheEnigma said:

Hi, everyone. It's my first ever post on this forum. But I've been following actualized.org on youtube since 2017. I actually came across Leo's youtube channel because my girlfriend dumped me. When I first saw a few of Leo's videos. I would do exactly as the videos instructed and take what Leo says to heart as much as I could (for example the video was How To Master & Control Your Emotions).  I realized I wasn't able to control anything when my girl ended the relationship, so I took his advice to heart and chose to think positive thoughts as the video did say "how we choose to think of any event is what's important, and not the event itself." Also another video I found very useful was "The Power Of Letting Go - How To Overcome Clinginess, Attachment, OCD"

 

But I tend to find after a few weeks or months pass, I lose the ability to maintain the discipline of following these videos great advice no matter how much I try to practice the work. Causing me to re-watch some of them to re energize myself. But the words in the videos seem lose steam and it doesn't have an effect on me like it did when I saw them for the first time. Why is that? Does anyone else experience this? I can't really seem to find the answer. Because Leo was saying that if I did the practice everyday, it would change my life. But the problem is, as days pass, I seem to get exhausted and couldn't always catch myself and I tend to forget as I learn other new things. So I re watch the video to inspire me, but it seems to have less and less effect each time, and as time goes on, I sooner or later don't even concentrate nor get inspired anymore even when I watch the video. It seems like my mind has gotten used to what Leo said to the point where it doesn't work anymore. And in my heart of hearts, he's right, "how we choose to think of the event is what's important." But applying that theory again and again seems to have gotten me exhausted that it doesn't have as much effect on me then when I first saw it no matter how hard I try to keep the inspiration. What's going on?

Thats how it was sort of for me in the beginning. 

What ill say to you tho is keep getting back up. Set back ego backlash are a part of this work eventually theyll decrease overtime. 

I recently also came up with a accountability system which helps with being on track let me know if u want to b a part of it. 

[Matt23]

I can empathize.

Doing small doses at a time has worked for me, especially with self-inquiry.  I think doing this 20 minutes each day has done a lot for me over the past few years for me, even though my meditation habit is all over the place.

Also, asking what you want, in any moment, and seeking that.  

Refresh yourself.  Go explore, be creative, allow yourself to let go of the stoicism for a while and indulge in higher-consciousness and inspiring activities.  Explore new things, open your mind to new ideas, techniques, perspectives, and opportunities.  

I used to try and stick with the same strategy and routines forever, but it was grinding me down.  I've since learned to rattle the boat and mix and change things up when I see that a strategy isn't sustainable.  It's gotta be sustainable over the long run.

Cover your basic needs.  Relationships, belonging, love, food, security (physical and emotional), sex, friendship, etc.  I struggled for a long time focusing only on spirituality.  I would always end up back in the gutter, even worse off than when I started.  I realized I needed a lot of healing and to get my basics in order.  

Two things that really helped me recently...

1.  More Yang, less Yin:  The modern western culture is very masculine, yang, and success/growth oriented.  At a yoga session, the teacher spoke to this in relation to yoga and how if you stretch too much you can actually traumatize yourself further since you'll be so tense.  Whereas, slowing down or decreasing the force of your effort won't be as stressful for you and, thus, you'll be less tense and less prone to hurting yourself.  You'll be more relaxed which will enable you to use your awareness and capacities more effectively. 

2. Control the speed of your growth:  Tom Campbell responded to a guy who said he felt that an energy in him was compelling him to grow and meditate (or something like that), but that it often felt like too much.  Tom Campbell told him to take control of his growth and that going too fast can actually be slower. 

 

Finally, I'd say contemplating alone is a great way for growth.  I'd suggest not needing to get a firm answer in any particular session.  Make it an enjoyable exercise or exploration you do when you feel in the mood (or whatever you feel is right for you).  I used to have a daily schedule of what I'd contemplate and do.  I remember feeling stressed out and like I had to really force it.  I think I suffered from a lot of ego-backlashes from that.  Now, I've reduced this a lot (self-inquiry is that only thing I try to do every day) and have adopted a more relaxed and enjoyable schedule of contemplating when it feels right or when my desire is strong.  This, for me, has been enough to keep my contemplations and practices at frequent levels.

ultimately I'd say...

listen to yourself and needs

see failures as part of the process

make it enjoyable