Yannik

Speaking up or letting go?

9 posts in this topic

Hey guys, 

I am on the spiritual path for quite a while now and one thing I am currently dealing with a lot is having trouble to be assertive in situations where I must stand for what I want, don't want, what my opinion on something is and so on and so forth. Negotiations as well. I also avoid setting boundaries because I don't want to give the other person a bad feeling and I think I am more able to handle the resulting situation emotionally than he or she can.

Then, I often avoid confrontations and I give in basically all the time because I fear the other person being ego-triggered and I am not sure how to handle the anger from the other person, also thinking I cannot persuade him or her then anyways. The other reason is that I sometimes believe that I better just let go of my desires or wants I am trying to defend in a certain situation because I tell myself they are coming from my ego anyway and I shouldn't worry about them. Still I am kind of thinking this is just an excuse to not go into a confrontation, especially while communicating with my business partner, girls or with potential clients in a sales call.

At this point, I could imagine that I am just a bit too far on the feminine energy side and I could embody more dominance.

Do you have any advice for me?

Or: Where is my thinking limited? 😊

 

Thank you in advance, I hope you understand the problem. 

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The things you hold in will accumulate and rot inside you. I think you could definitely benefit from speaking your own truth more. You don't have to be a dick about it though, as there are nice ways and not so nice ways to express your inner truth. The tricky thing is though, the more you have held in the more difficult it becomes to express it in a respectful manner. So don't wait until it's "too late".

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@Commodent thank you! Yeah, sounds reasonable since I already have a hard time saying that I am not happy with the situation as it is and I have some resistance towards my business partner

Edited by Yannik

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@Yannik Be an asshole for a month to overcompensate the people-pleasing habit.

After some practice of being assertive and somewhat polarizing, you can tone it down to your preferred politeness level.

 

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@Socrates Thank you! And here's a commitment: You will hear from me today after negotiating about my company shares with my business partner (from 20% to 40%)

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I have this problem too, being a people pleaser sucks. It really doesn't work.

It's great to be nice to people, but if there is something that needs to be said even though it may hurt someone, say it.

The problem is that over time people have known me as a 'nice guy' which to me means non-assertive, non-confrontational,  emotional, and weak. Well not anymore. I've been assertive for a while with some people and I feel great, it clears the air with everyone and makes you look like you have nothing to hide.

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22 hours ago, Yannik said:

Hey guys, 

I am on the spiritual path for quite a while now and one thing I am currently dealing with a lot is having trouble to be assertive in situations where I must stand for what I want, don't want, what my opinion on something is and so on and so forth. Negotiations as well. I also avoid setting boundaries because I don't want to give the other person a bad feeling and I think I am more able to handle the resulting situation emotionally than he or she can.

Then, I often avoid confrontations and I give in basically all the time because I fear the other person being ego-triggered and I am not sure how to handle the anger from the other person, also thinking I cannot persuade him or her then anyways. The other reason is that I sometimes believe that I better just let go of my desires or wants I am trying to defend in a certain situation because I tell myself they are coming from my ego anyway and I shouldn't worry about them. Still I am kind of thinking this is just an excuse to not go into a confrontation, especially while communicating with my business partner, girls or with potential clients in a sales call.

At this point, I could imagine that I am just a bit too far on the feminine energy side and I could embody more dominance.

Do you have any advice for me?

Or: Where is my thinking limited? 😊

 

Thank you in advance, I hope you understand the problem. 

@yannick Speak up and then let go. Never make decision out of fear.

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@Matt8800 @RawJudah Thank you guys!

Just negotiated with my business partner about my shares in the business, burst into teats and eventually raised it up to 40% (from 20%)

I don't know why I was that emotional, I consider it to be Infinite Intelligence running through me to fulfill my heart's desires

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