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About Yannik

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  1. Hey guys, I recently had a couple of painful and confusing experiences that really brought chaos into my inner and outer world. If you'd ask me why I am writing this post is probably because I wish deep down in my heart that someone would tell me that it's all going to work out and that I am not irreversibely broken. And I am also asking myself what I can do in this situation because I feel blocked in my heart whenever I am trying to do something powerful or courageous towards changing the situation. Last year, I had a couple of panic attacks and troubles in my heart area where no doctor could say what it actually was. I accepted it and slowly and steadily came out of it but it came back later in the ayahuasca ceremony I am going to tell you about. In the last months, a fear of being hurt and rejected came to the surface and my ex partner really triggered it. It was a toxic relationship in a way that I totally forgot my own truth and took everything she said about me as true. I basically denied all of my own opinions because I trusted her opinion. And she told me this is wrong about me and that and this needed to change and there's this issue. We broke up and I felt a deep pain and a sense of mistrust towards people (especially women) in my chest. I had depressive periods where I didn't feel much joy and I was very cautious around people. It felt overwhelming to be with strangers. With friends, no problem. Then I had an ayahuasca journey where I basically had a panic attack and an even deeper pain in my chest that made no sense to me at that time. I came out of that night, everyone was shining and I was just numbed out and couldn't see any light. A couple weeks later and a couple of different coachings and talks with different people, it feels like there is still this big wall in front my chest and behind it there are feelings of pain and fear and confusion. They cause thoughts like "is this a fear disorder?", "is this a psychosis?", "is my heart broken?", "am I broken?", "will I ever fix this?", "will I ever find a way/solution?". On top of that, I needed to move back to my parents because I have very little money at this point. I am self-employed and my insurance wouldn't pay the therapy so that I could only do about one session until I needed to find a way to earn more money first. Which is challenging with all this inner turmoil that really blocks me from being powerful and making powerful decisions. And at some point of the day I am like "okay we're just going step by step towards making the situation better", at other times I am like "I need professional help" which makes it difficult for me to really identify what is true. I think there is still a lot more to the story but I just wrote down what came out of my heart right now and you kind of get what is going on. Maybe you have a suggestion or maybe a book or someone I could turn to, that you can recommend. Thank you so much for taking the time!
  2. @okulele +1! This one is gold
  3. @Florian Sure, shoot me a private message with your email and I can invite you in!
  4. Hello there I am going to be at an ayahuasca retreat in San Jose, Costa Rica in November and I'll be there one week before the retreat starts. Is there anything special you would recommend me to do to prepare for the retreat? Has anyone of you been to San Jose and knows other centers over there which offer healing modalities/shamanic practices? Or would you avoid overdoing rituals and just relax and set an intention for the retreat? Thanks a lot!
  5. He got it in his recommended book list so I assume he read it thank you anyway for the reminder!
  6. It seems to me like the same thing is happening to you, Leo, as it happened to Martin Ball taking frequent doses of 5 meo. He basically said that he couldn't sleep anymore and with that came a lot of other consequences, right?
  7. Hey guys, I have an issue I am dealing with for quite a while now. I am quite deep into my spiritual journey and I've done a lot of inner work already. Cleaned up addictions, co-dependency behaviors, judgments and developed a high level of self-love. However, there is one thing I seem to never let go of. It's instant gratifications as food. In the past, I was very strict with my diet, I've tracked all my calories, been to the gym 6x a week but now I am not doing that anymore. Whenever I start eating, I just cannot stop. My head just goes wild and I never feel satisfied as a normal human being. Especially when I am around people, there just becomes the point where "normal" people would stop eating and that's where I tend to stop even though I am still exactly as hungry as when I started. Yes, I've tried to just let go of the restriction but then I just eat as long as I cannot move anymore and I am still hungry. Then, the next day I could eat that much again but I eat almost nothing because I now I would be fat in one instant if I did. Did anyone of you overcome such behavior patterns? PS: I had a testosterone deficiency recently and I don't eat away pain because I am very very happy with how my life is going. I also have great friends and I am earning good money with my business which I love. And when I heard Matt Kahn talking about his story, I was thinking if something inside me just wants me to eat more and put on body fat, or if it is just my higher body fat set point that leads to the brain sending out more hunger signals (my family is quite overweight). And Paul Chek talked about the body screaming for food (especially animal or high fat foods because the body needs it) Any advice is highly appreciated!
  8. Thank you guys @ivory @reves @fridjonk @inFlow @acidgoofy @inFlow I don't have anyone to guide me except my Self so I'll go with the 150. I'll share my experience here with you
  9. @ivory I am planning to take 150mcg and the dose I have available is 200mcg. What would you recommend? I found that I usually need a higher dose than others to get the same effect (was the case in the Ayahuasca sessions as well as with the psilocybin)
  10. Thank you guys! I've done the Neti Neti method once already on shrooms and it was a great experience for me too. To listen to Alan Watts sounds amazing as well @Rigel Thanks for the advice with the music. Any experience I had was with music yet because it immediately gets me into the right energy.
  11. Hello there, I am going to take LSD for the first time on Saturday and I would like to ask you if you recommend any practices or exercises that should try? I've been through an Ayahuasca session and I've taken psychocybin a couple of times so I am not a total beginner. Up to now, general meditation (guided and unguided) is on my agenda, listen to music, and I was thinking about watching the Missing Link series by Gregg Bradon on Gaia (https://www.gaia.com/series/missing-links) Any suggestions, important things to remember or tips are highly appreciated :-) All the best from Vienna, Yannik
  12. Hello there, I noticed that I sometimes tend to multitask rather unconsciously instead of doing one thing and being totally aware of only this one thing. I've done quite a lot of meditation and spiritual work already but especially during the day it seems to be more rewarding for me to do more than one thing at a time (maybe for mental stimulation). Some examples: Watching videos and browsing Youtube while eating Listening to audiobooks while cooking, walking, falling asleep or whatever Reading something on my laptop while someone talks to me Listening to music while taking a shower/working My question is, is it worth stopping those behaviors, consuming less and training to be more aware? My motivation to do that is quite low at this point because I've done it for a while already and it didn't give me a more fulfilling experience of life. What are your thoughts on that? Did you experience something similar? Thanks, and have an outstanding day. Much love from Austria
  13. @Matt8800 @RawJudah Thank you guys! Just negotiated with my business partner about my shares in the business, burst into teats and eventually raised it up to 40% (from 20%) I don't know why I was that emotional, I consider it to be Infinite Intelligence running through me to fulfill my heart's desires
  14. @Socrates Thank you! And here's a commitment: You will hear from me today after negotiating about my company shares with my business partner (from 20% to 40%)