for f*cks sake can someone tell me how to stop caring about what people think!

25 posts in this topic

Try walking around pushing people's buttons or make sure to look like a fool until you realise that eventually everybody is too concerned about themselves not looking like fools or pushing other people's buttons that they won't care too much. 

Try some of these public challenges and while you do, take it all in. The pressure, the shame, all the judgemental looks and sighs and annoyed looks. 

  • Walk very slowly on escalator. 
  • when queuing for a meal don't make a choice until your turn in queue has come then take forever to choose while making sure to "forget" your pin for a minute or two. 
  • Wear silly clothes every now and then
  • Initiate staring contest with random people on public transport
  • Deliberately spill your drink (ideally just water) on public transport and feel the shame and embarasment creeping up your spine. 
  • Ask for instructions then ask to have them repeated. Then ask again. 

“If you find yourself acting to impress others, or avoiding action out of fear of what they might think, you have left the path.” ― Epictetus

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This video helpe me to be more relaxed around people


Also I would ask myself "What do I need from these people"?

You might need validation, protection or acceptance or whatever from them.

If you found it, try to let go of that. See the "sedona method" for more in-depth advice on how to do that.

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Being human means being a social creature and we're hard wired to build societies and function within them. Unless someone has a mental disorder we all do reflect and care (some more, some less) about how we're perceived by others. There are brain regions that get formed within the first years and where the 'cultural imprint' happens. Overall that's not a bad thing and has contributed to where humanity is today.


However it does lead to suffering too one aspect of it being the individuals fear of being judged. That again stems from lower brain regions that can perceive other people as a potential threat, and beside genetic factors it's early child development that plays the key role here. 

If our care givers have done a good job with providing us with enough attention, love, guidance and physical contact were at lower risk of developing social anxiety and other neurotic behaviors. If instead, for whatever reason, a child doesn't get those basic needs met, it most likely will suffer from that for the rest of his life in one way or another unless the person goes through some serious therapy. Trauma being the buzzword for sever cases here. 

We can not entirely outtalk or outthink ourselves of being a crippled people pleaser. On a day to day basis we're run by our emotions. I'd leave the thinking for reflections afterwards and reading in order to get a better understanding of the mechanics that are running you and other people. This is a so called top down approach and part of therapy. Bottom up means involving the body and safe space  group interaction. we're already entering trauma therapy territory here, which needs professional guidance, but I think there's some good insights to be gained from that for the 'functional neurotic' too. 

So, what can be done? Basically: move your ass! The benefits of physical movement on body and mind are countless. Even walking is a great help for a start, but eventually you'd have to move towards increasing flexibility, strength and  your cardiovascular system. 

Strenghen your parasympathetic nervous system with breathing exercises and cold showers and training your voice. 

Join an improv or speech training group in order to play with your 'persona' in a safe environment. 

And lastly: see a therapist if your case is more severe. If your upbringing was a mess, there's surely much that has negatice impact on your social life and needs to be worked through. 


PS I'm not a professional, there's probably better and more profound advice out there than what I was able to give. 

PPS spirituality is great, but aiming for a nondual experience in order to resolve our oh so human problems is quite a BS if you ask me. That's just escaping... And hinders real spiritual growth. 


Hugs, R


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instead of "trying not to think about what people think",

instead do : "being self-less" (you can train this when falling asleep and when your consciousness is drifting, it will make your next day even better).

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On 19/8/2019 at 7:01 AM, Mezanti said:

@pluto dude lets not kid ourselves here, i need to develop stage red, and your telling me i should awaken..

Try primal scream therapy. Basically you scream out your blocked negative energies. This is great for transcending stage red angery. I do it once a month. 

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