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  1. Is willpower an illusion? If there's no free will there can't be such a thing. So, what is there actually happening which we falsely label as willpower and how can we harness that knowledge to make positive improvements on our lives?
  2. The Youtube Premium Show 'Mind Field' is now available for everybody until the end of the year. No Premium needed. It's a fascinating and entertaining show on how the human mind works, with lots of insights to gain from. Cheers
  3. Great post and a good reminder to train ourselves away from the constant reasoning and rationalizing and learn to be okay again with a little uncertainty. ☺️
  4. Why do you keep on asking broad questions and giving vague suggestions? Why not getting more specific if you know better? 😉
  5. Maybe it'll help to do physical mindfulness practices, like Hatha yoga, qi gong, Tai chi, yoga Pranayama and alike in order to stabilize and calm your nervous system. When my mind is going bonkers, trying to do mindfulness meditation feels like a waste of time and it probably is.
  6. I think we want to love unconditionally but we're not capable of it. It's not even imaginable to the regular human mind. We can't help but to dislike/hate/fear some parts of ourselves, parts of humanity, parts of the environment and reality in general. It appears to me that it's part of the duality game and we can't give it up, it anchors us into this reality and we'd be lost without it. According to Leo and other people with enlightening experiences, this need for drama can be transcended. I don't know...
  7. Thanks for sharing, it was very nice to read through your story. Did your experiences and change influence the relationship to your friends and family? If so, how?
  8. I've heard that saying too and it's kind of confusing. Heres why... First of all it's missing definition. when drawing that line one should at least be able to define what basic and advanced self help is, and not leave the reader/listener alone with that phrase. I'd say most people would have a hard time coming up with a definite answer as they use the phrase without having put some serious thought into it. Second: the time frame of 10 years doesn't make sense as people are not the same. We come with different backgrounds and potentials, what one can do in 2 years might take another one 5 and a third one 10 years to accomplish. Third problem to me is the harsh categorizing between basic and advanced, as there is so much in between. Let's take the analogy with gymnastics. There are several movements that have basic and advanced versions, like let's say a wall assisted push up (super beginner level) and a planche push up (very advanced level). Of course you can't do planche push ups if you have trouble doing a wall push up, but it's not like once you 'mastered' wall push ups, your next goal is the planche version. There are so many variations in between one has to tackle and accomplish first before even thinking about the planche version. But the good things about is, that all the variations before will prepare and contribute to get you there. A good coach understands this and guides the trainees, understanding where they are and what the next steps their work should be focused on. He would do that on an individual level and not offer just a basic and advanced training regiment people would blindly have to follow, depending on where he thinks they fit in. Sure, creating subcategories (or baby steps) ist still categorizing a thing that's actually a continuous flow, but it's better to do that fine than coarse grained.
  9. I experience that too, mostly during times when my daytime is filled with anxiety and and stress and/or low energy. That promotes bad habits which negative effects spill over into my night times. It mostly boils down to your nervous system reacting on how you treat it. What does help me is increasing physical activity and lowering calorie intake. Spicy and sugary foods eaten at late evening times are also known to promote nervousness and bad dreams. So does alcohol. Even if you're a generally more anxious person (as I am) and the root causes of this nervousness are lying deep within your system, these first actions can at least be a first, quick help on the road. What daily habits do you have that might affect your sleep negatively?
  10. Wow Tom you're post is awesome and a massive help! Will save and reread it, as it gives much insight and good instructions on how to handle shame issues, which I have to a life crippling extend too. What's really interesting is that shame can have its origins on different layers. One being the childhood neglect/trauma the other being not fitting into social norms. As we're such complex creatures I'd guess that we all have to carry all kinds and intensities of shame stemming from many different experiences throughout our life. It will take quite some time to dig through it... So, a big Thank You from my side. And in case you have further links to articles or book recommendations please feel free to post them here too. Hugs, R
  11. Being human means being a social creature and we're hard wired to build societies and function within them. Unless someone has a mental disorder we all do reflect and care (some more, some less) about how we're perceived by others. There are brain regions that get formed within the first years and where the 'cultural imprint' happens. Overall that's not a bad thing and has contributed to where humanity is today. However it does lead to suffering too one aspect of it being the individuals fear of being judged. That again stems from lower brain regions that can perceive other people as a potential threat, and beside genetic factors it's early child development that plays the key role here. If our care givers have done a good job with providing us with enough attention, love, guidance and physical contact were at lower risk of developing social anxiety and other neurotic behaviors. If instead, for whatever reason, a child doesn't get those basic needs met, it most likely will suffer from that for the rest of his life in one way or another unless the person goes through some serious therapy. Trauma being the buzzword for sever cases here. We can not entirely outtalk or outthink ourselves of being a crippled people pleaser. On a day to day basis we're run by our emotions. I'd leave the thinking for reflections afterwards and reading in order to get a better understanding of the mechanics that are running you and other people. This is a so called top down approach and part of therapy. Bottom up means involving the body and safe space group interaction. we're already entering trauma therapy territory here, which needs professional guidance, but I think there's some good insights to be gained from that for the 'functional neurotic' too. So, what can be done? Basically: move your ass! The benefits of physical movement on body and mind are countless. Even walking is a great help for a start, but eventually you'd have to move towards increasing flexibility, strength and your cardiovascular system. Strenghen your parasympathetic nervous system with breathing exercises and cold showers and training your voice. Join an improv or speech training group in order to play with your 'persona' in a safe environment. And lastly: see a therapist if your case is more severe. If your upbringing was a mess, there's surely much that has negatice impact on your social life and needs to be worked through. PS I'm not a professional, there's probably better and more profound advice out there than what I was able to give. PPS spirituality is great, but aiming for a nondual experience in order to resolve our oh so human problems is quite a BS if you ask me. That's just escaping... And hinders real spiritual growth. Hugs, R
  12. And two more: - we're hard wired to follow groups and authorities and that turns out to be a trap at some point. Develop more self reliance. - spirituality should not be used as an escape for issues that need therapy.
  13. Love this post and hope it'll grow and get pinned. However here are mine: - there is noch such thing as strong or weak, only trained or untrained - free will is an illusion, therefore willpower is an illusion too - when you think you're done and exhausted, there's actually a lot left in the tank, it's your brain that makes you think you can't get any further - a shitty mind produces shitty ideas, don't trust your mind to much when being on a low operating level of mind - stick to the fundamentals, get those right first - addiction to self-help content is keeping you away from real self-help - don't rely on external advice too much, develop trust in yourself that you can figure shit out too - stillness is key. Truth and real growth are to be found here.