AdamDiC

Complete Emotional Breakdown

6 posts in this topic

A few days after a profound psychedelic experience I broke down in front of my family.  At first I was scared to cry, to let go, but the more I allowed the experience to unfold the more profound it became. It started out as shameful whimpering, then deep grieving, then cathartic moans, and then hysterical euphoric yelps. I realized that all my problems are fucking bullshit. I looked like a madmen it was amazing.

I walk into my house and I'm instantly burdened with the expectations of the world. I created them all. I can choose where to place my power. In the world, or in my heart.

The day before I went to my slave wage job and could barely keep myself together. It's not the job it's me. I've been holding too mcuh in I can't honestly relate to most people. (studying spirituality also doesn't help)

The problem? I am scared to be myself. I am scared to be God. To be honest. I am not in integrity with my highest self and it kills me inside.

The answer? Let go of what does not serve me and take it day by day.

I'll learn eventually. But I realized that most of what I do were given to me by others. I was living a lie. Truthfully there is nothing to do.  At the moment it just feels so hard to squeeze any authentic joy out of life without being burdened by shoulds and survival needs. It's fucking exhausting and my soul feels miserable.

I want to be free. Although I dont i understand the full implications of that.

Peace,love.

 


Take Time, The Feelings Fleeting

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The things you cannot simply “let go” of, is it possible to look at with compassion? Find their reasons and allow for acceptance before letting go.

You have validity for loving the aspects of you that seemingly aren’t you. The aspects that bring out shame, greif and anger. No need to try and reject it all, show yourself some love 💙

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12 hours ago, AdamDiC said:

A few days after a profound psychedelic experience I broke down in front of my family.  At first I was scared to cry, to let go, but the more I allowed the experience to unfold the more profound it became. It started out as shameful whimpering, then deep grieving, then cathartic moans, and then hysterical euphoric yelps. I realized that all my problems are fucking bullshit. I looked like a madmen it was amazing.

I walk into my house and I'm instantly burdened with the expectations of the world. I created them all. I can choose where to place my power. In the world, or in my heart.

The day before I went to my slave wage job and could barely keep myself together. It's not the job it's me. I've been holding too mcuh in I can't honestly relate to most people. (studying spirituality also doesn't help)

The problem? I am scared to be myself. I am scared to be God. To be honest. I am not in integrity with my highest self and it kills me inside.

The answer? Let go of what does not serve me and take it day by day.

I'll learn eventually. But I realized that most of what I do were given to me by others. I was living a lie. Truthfully there is nothing to do.  At the moment it just feels so hard to squeeze any authentic joy out of life without being burdened by shoulds and survival needs. It's fucking exhausting and my soul feels miserable.

I want to be free. Although I dont i understand the full implications of that.

Peace,love.

 

@AdamDiC   Thank you so much for sharing.  Your words really resonated with my heart and it was the exact message that I needed to hear today.  

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Why do I stay inside
I should be living life
Instead of watching through the window
No use in playing safe
Not gonna hesitate
I know the storm is only mental

I'm letting go
Giving up the control
Yeah I'm ready to
Go wherever the wind blows
I wanna see
Where the road's gonna lead
Time is ticking and
The world is not waiting on me

I've been dodging raindrops for far too long
These clouds over my head they won't move on
I've been dodging raindrops
Trying not to get wet
I've been dodging raindrops for far too long

Dodging raindrops
But they're all in my head, all in my head
But they're all in my head, all in my head

Sooner or later it comes
As quick as it comes it'll go
Whatever is blocking the sun
It's only for a moment
Running away from my past
It's pushing me out of my zone
Pulling me under the gun
Into the unknown

I'm letting go
Giving up the control
Yeah I'm ready to
Go wherever the wind blows
I wanna see
Where the road's gonna lead
Time is ticking and
The world is not waiting on me

I've been dodging raindrops for far too long
These clouds over my head they won't move on
I've been dodging raindrops
Trying not to get wet
I've been dodging raindrops for far too long

Dodging raindrops
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
(I've been dodging raindrops)
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
(I've been dodging raindrops)
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head

Ready to go outside
And to be livin' life
Instead of watching out the window

I've been dodging raindrops for far too long
These clouds over my head they won't move on
I've been dodging raindrops
Trying not to get wet
I've been dodging raindrops for far too long

Dodging raindrops
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
(I've been dodging raindrops)
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head
(I've been dodging raindrops)
But they're all in my head, but they're all in my head


The kingdom of heaven is within.

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