How to forgive? How to heal?

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, ivankiss said:

However; I really feel like this one is on me, solely. Between me and myself. Gotta find my own way.

♥️?? Solely indeed. 

5 hours ago, ivankiss said:

To forgive is to suffer

Meh. I’d consider it’s a thought in need of release, and to hold it and focus on it, is actually the suffering. Is there suffering in detachment? Ya. Kind of an outro of suffering though. You are Good, anyway you slice it. You are forgiven and loved, before the situation / catalyst for the apparent causation of forgiveness even occurred, you were already innocent. It is still Good to pretend one is not the inner child. You will again, and I will too. Love you. The Phoenix of conceptual love, is Love. 

[zeroISinfinity]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

♥️?? Solely indeed. 

Meh. I’d consider it’s a thought in need of release, and to hold it and focus on it, is actually the suffering. Is there suffering in detachment? Ya. Kind of an outro of suffering though. You are Good, anyway you slice it. You are forgiven and loved, before the situation / catalyst for the apparent causation of forgiveness even occurred, you were already innocent. It is still Good to pretend one is not the inner child. You will again, and I will too. Love you. The Phoenix of conceptual love, is Love. 

Phoenix never dies Just gets reborn in Truth. ❤️??️

[ivankiss]

@Nahm Pain comes in forms other than thought, too.

Tell the 6 year old child who was abandoned by both of his parents that he's only lost in thought. Tell him he imagined it all - including his pain and loss.

Innocence creates his hell.

"To forgive is to suffer" is a conclusion that ends the cycle of needing to forgive; thinking that forgiveness is the ticket to wholeness. Freedom. 

It's also a kickass track by a band which I love very much, called "Death". Came by as a reminder. 

I will use Oneness as an excuse no more for not dealing with life and all which has been accumulated along the way.

Sometimes you must put things outside of yourself, in order to see them clearly. To invite them back in. To unify. 

Default is no fun. I'm diving back in. I'm diving deep.

 

(got a tattoo of a phoenix, btw. In love with it since harry potter lol)

 

[Nahm]

@ivankiss Godspeed ??♥️

 

[WelcometoReality]

@ivankiss Let the emotions about abandonment, betrayal and distrust come to the surface. 

The forgiveness will come by itself.

[Commodent]

Quote

Real forgiveness is quite distinct from premature forgiveness. It is almost always a byproduct of effective grieving and no amount of thought, intention or belief can bring it into being without a descension into the feeling realms.

[...]

As real forgiveness is primarily a feeling, one which right intention can sometimes gestate it is, like all other feelings, ephemeral ... never complete, never permanent. It is governed by the same dynamic law of emoting that shows human feeling experience to be a frequently changing, unchoosable and unpredictable process of the psyche. No emotional state can be induced to persist as a permanent experience.

- Pete Walker, M.A.

http://pete-walker.com/forgiveness.htm

[ivankiss]

@WelcometoReality Allowing it all as it comes. Holding space for the wounded. But there is a huge ongoing contradiction. Cannot help myself but feel pulled back simultaneously. Unable to pursue my visions. Oscillating between determination hard as a rock and despair. Passion burns like fire, but pain keeps reappearing; beating me down. Drying me out. Taking my breath away. Weighing me down. Madness. 

@Commodent Thank you. Can resonate with the idea of it being a byproduct. Hard while still stuck tho. Does not do the trick really.  

I guess I buried myself deep under. 

Love ya'all. 

 

[ivankiss]

I suppose patience is key.

But there is a part that has been patient for nearly 20 years now.

The dream wants to come alive. Often feels like I'm late, already. Trains are leaving and I'm just sitting here patiently; waiting for my moment. 

Where am I fucking up?

Dreaming or waiting?

Edited June 2, 2019 by ivankiss

[Commodent]

@ivankiss  Stuck? How so? You think forgiveness would fix that?

[Commodent]

I have noticed that when we hold back our emotions and do not allow them to participate in the movement of life, we tend to feel stuck. It leads to rigidity, in both our bodies and our lives.

Holding back and suppressing our impulses is the antithesis of authenticity and spontaneity.

Edited June 2, 2019 by Commodent

[ivankiss]

@Commodent I hear you.

Music was always my way of expressing pain. Or anything, really. But somehow I ended up sacrificing it all for a relationship that ended in disappointment. It stripped me of everything. 

Suppressed tons. My spark, my passion, my stability, my joy, my bliss. All to win a heart that never truly wanted mine.

But that was just a byproduct of deeper wounds. Goes way back.

Now it's all nothing ahead of me.

Unknown. Empty. 

As am I.

Passion still burns. But it has no way to express itself. 

[DrewNows]

Get back on the horse brother! Set your self up to fail, or maybe you will succeed but make a plan. And be conscious all the way through it’s end. It can be plan to meet someone new or simply do something you’re sure you need to do but will inevitably fail at....

edit: baby steps, challenge yourself to appreciate them all! 

Edited June 2, 2019 by DrewNows

[ivankiss]

@DrewNows No desire for a new relationship, really. Just stability, clarity and fucking music 

It's all cool and as it's supposed to be anyway. Just gotta grieve some, express some.

 

[Nahm]

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart”.

 Washington Irving

[WelcometoReality]

5 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I suppose patience is key.

But there is a part that has been patient for nearly 20 years now.

The dream wants to come alive. Often feels like I'm late, already. Trains are leaving and I'm just sitting here patiently; waiting for my moment. 

Where am I fucking up?

Dreaming or waiting?

Waiting patiently for something to occur which might never occur. The perfect way to let the dream continue indefinetly. 

Let go of any expectations my friend.

[ivankiss]

No expectations. Purpose. 

The question is not "if". The question is "how". And knowing exactly how would ruin the fun part. It's all a part of the journey. 

Pain is welcome. No matter how hard to swallow. 

Wouldn't be half the artist I am without suffering. 

Love will always have the final word. And I...I will always dream.

Transformation, baby!

 

[DrewNows]

@ivankiss Your subtle expectation is in holding patience to allow for transformation. That's fine but don't think you can't also have intent!

Your art can come from absolutely any opportunity you pounce on! Suffering is fine and all but Love is expressed infinitely. Stay open and don't ever stop working on yourself! 

[WelcometoReality]

10 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Transformation, baby!

Mm, yes transformation, baby!