I'm ashamed of being fat.

[Swagala]

I was planning to go for a run tomorrow at the park near me to start a daily routine. But then, I suddenly didn't want to do that anymore when I imagined that other people would possibly see me. I then thought: why? I don't really have any problems with other people that look fat. I've had friends who are fat. When I see fat people, I don't instinctively have negative thoughts. So then, why am I so ashamed of myself being fat? If I were to imagine myself, I have always seen myself as a "normal/healthy" weight/shape, even now. I would always buy and wear clothes that make me seem less fat.

I'm trying to understand why I'm having this seemingly paradoxical problem. I want to lose weight so, I want to go running but I don't want to see people see me because I'm fat. I think I'm seeing the problem a little too personally so, I'm finding it difficult to see the solution.

I'm going to keep contemplating on this but I would appreciate if others can provide me some opinions as to what my real problem is and maybe some solutions.

[Charlotte]

I used to go through this. 

I started at the gym and then built confidence to go out. 

But don't do that because your at mercy to your own thoughts and judgements of yourself. 

Your judging yourself and then imagining what others will say based on the judgements you've made of yourself due to low self esteem. Not to worry though, we can sort this as long as you put the work in. 

Also I noticed throughout your thread you say 'fat' so many times. Are you sure you don't judge others for being overweight? What is the link you have made in your mind to this word? I'm not gonna go down the whole non dual route in this occasion because I feel it's would be counterproductive but if I where you I'd look into your relationship with yourself, your relationship to the word fat, lots of self love work, shadow work, your history with your relationship towards food (it usually stems for a trauma in your childhood, even a seemingly small trauma can trigger it).

Know though @Swagala you are infinitely perfect the way you are. I mean that ?

[Swagala]

@Charlotte

Thank you. I was sort of avoiding having to go through working on myself like, self love or no self but I see that it might just be the right way to deal with this.

Thank you for the reminder! ?

[Shin]

One day you will realize you were, are and will be always perfect as you are.

Paradoxically, this is when you'll grow and be a better version of yourself every day.

?

[Charlotte]

@Swagala My absolute pleasure. If you feel avoidance, all the more reason to do it ?

 

[Truth Addict]

Just go do it already.

What is the answer that you're looking for? Whatever you're expecting, you will eventually have to do it, so gather your courage, stop caring for people's opinions, and do it.

Just do it ✔️

[CreamCat]

Mourn for your body fat. Lose weight. Get in shape. Become healthy.

It's good to feel bad about body fat because it is not healthy.

Edited May 4, 2019 by CreamCat

[Nahm]

@Swagala

Are you aware of the body or not?

[Matt8800]

@Swagala As a person that used to be fat many years ago, I just wanted to throw out caution against thinking that exercise alone will affect BMI.

What finally did it for me is counting calories and staying away from sugar and carbs. Its harder to burn calories than it is to reduce caloric intake for creating a caloric deficit. With that said, doing both is ideal but it starts with caloric restriction.

I wish you well with your efforts. Be kind to yourself.

Edited May 4, 2019 by Matt8800

[Swagala]

@Nahm

For most of the day, I am not.

[Nahm]

@Swagala So, sometimes there is no body there at all huh? 

[Swagala]

I did some inside work and found the real problem.

Whenever I picture myself, I'm always "skinny" or just not "fat". So when I imagine going out for a run and notice how I actually am, it made me somewhat uncomfortable.

I practiced imagining myself as "fat" and that it was okay and tried to remove any bad feelings or "not-okayness" that popped up. Definitely need to work on this a lot more. I'm sure this is somewhat like shadow work which I have not done much of in the past or at least did not do right.

Thank you all ♥️