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rNOW

Exercises on letting go judgments about people?

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So I have a habit of journalling a lot whenever my ego gets bruised. And eventually I have realized that I end up judging people a lot, especially if they are someone close to me. No matter what they say or do, I end up putting a label on it. Some of these relationships are 'toxic', and as you can see, it is a label I have put to save myself from being dragged into drama. But I still need to be interacting with them and my judgement on them seems to leak out through those interactions. Is there a way to be compassionate towards toxic people? I do not mean in words and actions, I mean in thoughts. Is it possible to see these people in a new perspective without them changing their behaviour? I do try to tell myself that they're giving me practice time for my awareness, however, that doesn't change my judgement of them, or help me stop judging them.

I want to know how you all deal with toxic interactions? Or if you are aware of any specific exercises to be compassionate and judgement free towards them. 

Thanks. 

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I generally avoid toxic people, and if I can't avoid their physical presence then I will avoid engaging with them. Don't force yourself to compassionate towards them. They don't deserve it, and even if they do it doesn't matter. Compassion is a gift. So be compassionate if you'd like, but it is no must. If you're angry at them, be angry. But not necessarily at them. Write in a diary, punch a pillow, give your emotions a voice. And they will dissipate when time is ready. But they don't have to, and that's perfectly fine. Because your emotions are precious and a source of vitality, and they belong to you and nobody else.

So I will ask, if these people inflict you so much turbulence within you, do you really have to interact with them?

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6 hours ago, rNOW said:

Is there a way to be compassionate towards toxic people? I do not mean in words and actions, I mean in thoughts. Is it possible to see these people in a new perspective without them changing their behaviour? I do try to tell myself that they're giving me practice time for my awareness, however, that doesn't change my judgement of them, or help me stop judging them.

I want to know how you all deal with toxic interactions? Or if you are aware of any specific exercises to be compassionate and judgement free towards them. 

If you do the exercise, it is revealed to you just how simple this problem is to rectify.

Just write down what you currently believe is true, the judgment essentially.

Example:   Bill should be more considerate to me.

Ask if it’s really true, that you know what’s best for Bill.

Then flip it around onto yourself...”I should be more considerate to Bill”.

Ask if that’s true, if there’s any truth in that perspective. 

Then flip it again....”Bill should not be more considerate to me”. 

Ask if there’s any truth in that perspective. 

 

Then ask yourself...”What do I need from Bill so that I can be happy with Bill?”

Then ask yourself...”How does it feel to realize I have made my own happiness contingent upon what Bill does?”

And.....”Who would I be without believing Bill should behave the way I want?”

 


  Nonduality & Meditations          Have You Worked On Your Alone?

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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@Commodent Thanks, yes I do that.

Do I really have to interact with them? Yes. I no longer get dragged into their emotional dramas, but I live with them or work with them, and I need to interact with them for trivial chores or work related discussions. I've also noticed that my non-reaction to them has made them less interested in interacting with me, which is a plus, but I still have some difficulty being compassionate towards them internally. But you are right, it is a gift which I can decide whether to give or not. Thanks again. 

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10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Then flip it around onto yourself...”I should be more considerate to Bill”.

Ask if that’s true, if there’s any truth in that perspective.

Thanks. This exercise is to the point and very helpful!

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1 hour ago, rNOW said:

@Commodent Thanks, yes I do that.

Do I really have to interact with them? Yes. I no longer get dragged into their emotional dramas, but I live with them or work with them, and I need to interact with them for trivial chores or work related discussions. I've also noticed that my non-reaction to them has made them less interested in interacting with me, which is a plus, but I still have some difficulty being compassionate towards them internally. But you are right, it is a gift which I can decide whether to give or not. Thanks again. 

I was gonna make this point that youve touched upon here, but what i noticed is that they love drawing you in to whatever emotions theyve got, in fact they live for it. So they may say stuff specifically to rile you and get you emotionally invested, it can even be quite subtle, but i find it helps just to recognise the tricks they do and dont get caught by the bait. Like you said the best way really is non-reaction, if they realise they can never get an emotional reaction from you, they will soon give up and move on to the next person

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@rNOW I had a coach once tell me to just say to myself from time to time "I love other people" and instantly makes me feel more positive towards other people. When you have good emotions towards others, you have good thoughts about them as well. Practice complimenting them as well, but sincere compliments. This makes them see you in a good light, and you see them in a good light. 

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Judgement will always be there. However, most judgement is some form of self-judgement in disguise. You can't truly love others until you love yourself. To loosen judgement, see if you can see that you are guilty of the things you judge people for. As for yourself, be patient. It takes time for change to happen on a deep level. Be kind to others, take care of yourself, and soon judgements start to cease. However, there are toxic people out there, call them out, set boundaries, and/or avoid them. On the other hand, if you view all people as toxic it should be clear where the work really lies.

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