Aquarius

Should I be worried?

14 posts in this topic

I went through a maturization process but I vomited out all my subconscious shadow shiz and random music lyrics that could be easily misunderstood all over actualized forum when I had spiritual psychosis that was triggered by enlightenment this Christmas/New Year.

I also had a hard time integrating red and orange, but I succeeded. Not saying this to brag, just a reassurance for people that worried for me.

And now that I'm stable and embraced the shadow side I feel ashamed and misunderstood because everybody saw my dark side. Most people possibly think I'm an immoral person, but I just tried to be myself and to give the best I could. I tried to help, but I realized it wasn't helpful to write nonsensical stuff that could be easily misinterpreted. 

Please give advice on how to forgive myself for all the possible hurt I unintentionally caused with my words while I was in that state of mind. I assume the responsibility, but it hurts to look back at my old broken self that since then has gone through enormous healing. Thanks in advance.

I write this post because I lack understanding from most people around me, even though I adore constructive criticism. And to compensate for your time and effort you put in readings this, here is something actually very motivational and lovely that I highly enjoyed and you might do too. :) It's something I live by nowadays and I'm so glad I found a quote that describes me so well.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

“ The Paradoxical Commandments 

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.” 
― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

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If something makes you feel hurt or negative emotions you can take a journal and imagine the situation, what you feel in it. Then write your perspective and make sense of it. Imagine you are in that situation and imagine the feeling you have and be aware that it is only what you feel and know. Then go into the other person/ thing's perspective and imagine it from their perspective: what it looks like. What they want or need, what they think and how they react because of what they think and feel. Write it down and try to understand the other perspective from their point of view. Then you can go back and forth and do this process a few times and it will lower your hurt. Also you can meditate to raise your awareness and it will help you see stuff clearly and then it will raise the effectiveness of the process. 

Give it a try

 

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@Tal Thank you! Great idea, the journal one. I already meditate while doing cardio. I don't know if you saw my previous posts but I'm a Coral, if that helps you help me. 

Burning some sandalwood incense stick to clear my subconscious negativity right now. It brings up so many traumas, I pray I can release them in healthy ways. Maybe write my thoughts down on a piece of paper then analyze them when the anger is over. I've never been allowed to feel anger and I'm emotionally manipulated into feeling guilt for my healthy anger reactions. 

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1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

I feel ashamed and misunderstood because everybody saw my dark side

Why? Why do you feel ashamed? By 'dark' side are you referring to an unstable part of yourself?

1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

Please give advice on how to forgive myself for all the possible hurt I unintentionally caused with my words while I was in that state of mind. I assume the responsibility, but it hurts to look back at my old broken self that since then has gone through enormous healing. Thanks in advance.

Sit down and be present for a moment. Breath. 

Bring up the feeling of love within you. Truly feel it. Whilst the feeling of love is present apply it to your memories. Suffocate them with them love. 

Aquarius, I'd love to know where these feelings of guilt and shame are truly arising from?

1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

 

 

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Damn dude! Epic quote. Do it anyway.

 

Are you referring to posts on this forum that you are regretting? If so, you can delete them or look at my posts lol. That's nothing to be ashamed about.

Edited by K VIL

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@Charlotte being present in the moment will not always solve his traumas, fears in daily life, and other toxic habits of thinking and emotions that are routed in stimulus. For that what might help is cognitive therapy or shadow work. He can be enlightened but still have shadow issues which he described. 

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@Aquarius hello. i don't think you've hurt anyone but yourself.

you're doing great. keep it up.

nobody is born wise.


unborn Truth

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@Charlotte Never been allowed to feel anger, couldn't allow myself, I had to take care of my family. Never been allowed to think sexual thoughts, religious dogma. I'm a psychological mess. I feel guilty for being attracted to hot men, it's an irrational thought I know but but... I wanted to be a saint ok and I'm crying when typing this.

Edit: I'm a heterosexual girl, for the newbies who didn't see my older posts lmao. 

Edited by Aquarius

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5 hours ago, K VIL said:

Damn dude! Epic quote. Do it anyway.

 

Are you referring to posts on this forum that you are regretting? If so, you can delete them or look at my posts lol. That's nothing to be ashamed about.

Gee thanks dude hugs to you. Yes, I regret those posts sometimes.

3 hours ago, Tal said:

@Charlotte being present in the moment will not always solve his traumas, fears in daily life, and other toxic habits of thinking and emotions that are routed in stimulus. For that what might help is cognitive therapy or shadow work. He can be enlightened but still have shadow issues which he described. 

Did shadow work, worked so well, getting therapy but it makes me depressed because things are being brought up and im having this psychosomatic vomiting reaction when I see something I don't like. I'm a girl btw, not a "he". :D 

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3 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Aquarius hello. i don't think you've hurt anyone but yourself.

you're doing great. keep it up.

nobody is born wise.

Thank you... I.. I really needed that. :/ 

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@Aquarius Aaaaaarw girl. I'm sorry you've been repressed in this way. Why are you a psychological mess? From where I'm stood your getting/got your shit handled very well. Your making active steps towards unraveling what has been done... as we all are.

Do you know how hard that is? Your absolutely amazing woman! Don't you ever forget that. 

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@Aquarius I agree. You are a wonderful and empowered woman :) 

You can tell your mind a new story. The Truth is, is that you are absolutely perfect; and so is everything that you experience right now. You are love. You are a shining star. You are a bright light in a world that is hard sometimes.

Being soft, gentle and caring soul can often leave us vulnerable to the projections of other people. My friends used to say how kind I was, I always complimented people because I liked to, and I started to hide this as I allowed so many silly fears to be my truth. It was all silly, and there was nothing to fear.

The best remedy was to tell myself, to my heart (where the inner child is) how great I was, how my kindness was a blessing, and that the happiness I was searching is me all along. Saying these words took courage, but after a while i started to believe them, and now when I say “I am perfect” I really feel it.

Create this knowing that you are perfect and divine! You deserve to hear those words by everyone around you. You are affirming the truth, and thus it will replace all of those old memories and traumas.  That is forgiveness, having the courage to let go of that which no longer serves with something more loving, and more in harmony with the truth of which you are as a immeasurably beautiful light shining into this human reality, as an all-powerful creator.

Edited by Solace

Feel your hearts embrace of this moment of existence, and your love will awaken in everything you perceive ❤️ 

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