How to recognise Ego Backlash?

[Sven]

Distractions?

But I keep forgetting. And then forgetting that I forgot. And then saying there's nobody to forget. Ahh... What a game

[zambize]

I've been writing IA on my hand to remember that throughout the day I want to be contemplating existence and who I am, I don't think you have to get yourself into any loops like this haha, just ask what behaviors you want to have throughout the day and take the necessary steps to make that possible.  You don't want to be as distracted or forgetful (seemingly), so put up reminders, have a schedule, write on yourself, set your intention at the beginning of the day, visualize yourself living the kind of day you want to live, list goes on for you to choose from...  I'm slightly confused though because you titled the thread about recognizing ego backlash, and I think you mean that distractions are a way that you think your ego might be backlashing.  In THAT case, I wouldn't really call that Ego Backlash because that is just always the case haha, your life would be an Ego Backlash.  When I think of Ego Backlash, I think of something that comes and goes, maybe a particularly moody night after I've made good progress recently, or kind of an extreme laziness over habits that I thought were cemented and it seems like it's fighting against those changes I've made

[Nahm]

https://www.simplypsychology.org/defense-mechanisms.html

https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices/self-inquiry

❤️

[Sahil Pandit]

@Sven Ego backlash for me is when my body jolts or my eye flinches to something that i observe. If i have a strong judgement, my eye will flinch. When i notice this, i place my awareness on it and i focus on not identifying. This way, i can create space between myself and the monkey chatter/judgement.

In your case, it sounds like you need more awareness training.

In what ways do you resist doing what you should do? What makes you uncomfortable and how do you cope? I'm talking about on a subtle level...

Identify these and work on overcoming them  

[Hellspeed]

In the physical feeling of ego backlash is shortness of breath, a pressure on the right ear, above the ear and strangulation feeling in the throat. 

[Rilles]

For me... my biggest backlash lately has been a sense of existential fear while meditating, fear of losing my mind. Its not that strong but its lurking in the background.

[Sven]

Alright it took me a while to think this over (which ironically probably, ultimately, should not be necessary, but aside from that)

The following hypothesis came to mind:

A) There is something blocking my memories / experiences from being remembered short-term. Now - this is an honest question of mine (maybe I'll go ask winterknight I guess) - is enlightenment the same as living only on short-term memory? I guess that's bullshit because if that were true, you would not be able to remember what you ate or wore yesterday.

This blocking/repression I am talking about might be a way in which I think I'm making progress. Let me explain. Obviously, I try to let go of all the issues I used to have in the past. This is what growing and learning means- in the sense that you learn that everything is okay as it is- you are not fat- you are not ugly- (well maybe you are) but these should not be problems. They only take up space in your mind and hinder your everyday life so to speak. 

This might be a sign of building awareness and letting go of unnecessary baggage (like, who is popular, what's the news?, what's the weather like these weeks, what's Justin Bieber up to (hey, don't judge)- dropping this stuff is another way of saying that the clouds of thought are no longer veiling true self e.g. consciousness in pure form.

B) Or- the blocking simply means I am stressed and only capable of focusing on short term tasks- which can very well be true since I'm currently kinda stressed about my study. I study psychology, but at the moment it's a course on statistics. Great fun!...  Anyhow, this could indeed simply be a defense mechanism as @Nahm mentioned. In this case stress would cause repression in a certain way I'm not aware of.

So- Yes, @zambize I meant that distractions might be a way of identifying ego backlash. Still I have not figured this out actually. My perspective on this is getting more and more blurred. To clarify: I have no clue what progress entails and what does not. Sure I had an amazing awakening last sunday (posted here on the forum briefly), but as I had expected then, this "feeling" of an understanding of infinity expressed such that, no matter what happens, good or bad, it is perfect the way it is. Awesome! But... Sadly, this is relying on a FEELING. Feelings come and go as we know. It's not grounded in an actual experiential consciousness (or however one wants to phrase enlightenment).

@Hellspeed I was not able to identify these physical sensations in the moment I feared a drop in progress- which as of now- I'm not sure is even possible. But yet, as many including Leo have said, there seem to be stages of enlightenment. Well fine. I never really like to think of it this way, though, since then I have to put myself on a scale. But I'm not even sure how to measure that!

@Rilles (why does the name tag not turn blue!): funny you say that actually... I thought the fear of losing your mind (as I have described above in some detail) is to be considered as an increase in detachment? Either that, or yes, you are going insane... And in that case the ego has fear. Obviously real awareness cannot feel fear. It sees through this. Fear is Fake Evidence Appearing Real

@Sahil Pandit (again not blue : ( ): Yes I do feel resistance to be key... Maybe I hereby answered my above questions in a way?  Ego resists- pure awareness does not... Okay... Sounds about right. Here's my personal standpoint: I used to be very high energy as a kid, jumping around and the like. No wonder I took up Freerunning as a sport later.  As I got older, though, (about 11 years old) I wanted to change this high energy. The reason being that, not only was my high energy manifested in positive emotions, but also in negative ones (go figure). Long story short: took me some years, but I became more dull overall. Was this a mistake? I mean- I resisted my natural being. I resisted my high energy. Now after all these years I have grown to believe that high energy corresponds to ego. And don't get me wrong, high energy here I simply define as being very active. Not necessarily meaning high vibrational energies or anything. Or are children just more active in general? I don't think this is true. You got shy kids.

 

Tl;dr

A) Is resistance the key to understanding ego and ego backlash? If you feel resisting of anything (people, situations, emotions, thoughts): this is ego? Don't resist?

B) Is being very active a sign of ego? Why do I say this you say? Well, look at Eckhart Tolle, Sadhguru, Rupert Spira, Bentinho Massaro, whatever, you name them, they are always very relaxed. Is this a direct correlation, or is it just a role they play because people expect this?

 

thank you

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Sven said:

which ironically probably, ultimately, should not be necessary,

⬆️ That’s the wisdom...

 

⬇️ This is overthinking.

1 hour ago, Sven said:

The following hypothesis came to mind:

A) There is something blocking my memories / experiences from being remembered short-term. Now - this is an honest question of mine (maybe I'll go ask winterknight I guess) - is enlightenment the same as living only on short-term memory? I guess that's bullshit because if that were true, you would not be able to remember what you ate or wore yesterday.

This blocking/repression I am talking about might be a way in which I think I'm making progress. Let me explain. Obviously, I try to let go of all the issues I used to have in the past. This is what growing and learning means- in the sense that you learn that everything is okay as it is- you are not fat- you are not ugly- (well maybe you are) but these should not be problems. They only take up space in your mind and hinder your everyday life so to speak. 

This might be a sign of building awareness and letting go of unnecessary baggage (like, who is popular, what's the news?, what's the weather like these weeks, what's Justin Bieber up to (hey, don't judge)- dropping this stuff is another way of saying that the clouds of thought are no longer veiling true self e.g. consciousness in pure form.

B) Or- the blocking simply means I am stressed and only capable of focusing on short term tasks- which can very well be true since I'm currently kinda stressed about my study. I study psychology, but at the moment it's a course on statistics. Great fun!...  Anyhow, this could indeed simply be a defense mechanism as @Nahm mentioned. In this case stress would cause repression in a certain way I'm not aware of.

So- Yes, @zambize I meant that distractions might be a way of identifying ego backlash. Still I have not figured this out actually. My perspective on this is getting more and more blurred. To clarify: I have no clue what progress entails and what does not. Sure I had an amazing awakening last sunday (posted here on the forum briefly), but as I had expected then, this "feeling" of an understanding of infinity expressed such that, no matter what happens, good or bad, it is perfect the way it is. Awesome! But... Sadly, this is relying on a FEELING. Feelings come and go as we know. It's not grounded in an actual experiential consciousness (or however one wants to phrase enlightenment).

@Hellspeed I was not able to identify these physical sensations in the moment I feared a drop in progress- which as of now- I'm not sure is even possible. But yet, as many including Leo have said, there seem to be stages of enlightenment. Well fine. I never really like to think of it this way, though, since then I have to put myself on a scale. But I'm not even sure how to measure that!

@Rilles (why does the name tag not turn blue!): funny you say that actually... I thought the fear of losing your mind (as I have described above in some detail) is to be considered as an increase in detachment? Either that, or yes, you are going insane... And in that case the ego has fear. Obviously real awareness cannot feel fear. It sees through this. Fear is Fake Evidence Appearing Real

@Sahil Pandit (again not blue : ( ): Yes I do feel resistance to be key... Maybe I hereby answered my above questions in a way?  Ego resists- pure awareness does not... Okay... Sounds about right. Here's my personal standpoint: I used to be very high energy as a kid, jumping around and the like. No wonder I took up Freerunning as a sport later.  As I got older, though, (about 11 years old) I wanted to change this high energy. The reason being that, not only was my high energy manifested in positive emotions, but also in negative ones (go figure). Long story short: took me some years, but I became more dull overall. Was this a mistake? I mean- I resisted my natural being. I resisted my high energy. Now after all these years I have grown to believe that high energy corresponds to ego. And don't get me wrong, high energy here I simply define as being very active. Not necessarily meaning high vibrational energies or anything. Or are children just more active in general? I don't think this is true. You got shy kids.

 

Tl;dr

A) Is resistance the key to understanding ego and ego backlash? If you feel resisting of anything (people, situations, emotions, thoughts): this is ego? Don't resist?

B) Is being very active a sign of ego? Why do I say this you say? Well, look at Eckhart Tolle, Sadhguru, Rupert Spira, Bentinho Massaro, whatever, you name them, they are always very relaxed. Is this a direct correlation, or is it just a role they play because people expect this?

 

thank you

 

You’ve lived all your life under the falsity you are just a person. You had a glimpse of the truth, you are so much more. You want to feel that again, permanently. You can and you will. The truth is, there is no such thing as a thing, a subject and object, identities, separation, etc. There is one infinite being, and you are it. 

Of course your thought patterns from a life time of complete falsity are going to take time to adjust to the truth. That’s good, because that is where the best experience is, in getting to really know the self.   There’s a good chance you’ll be taken for a ride on a narrative or two, thought stories, old habit of false views doing what habits do.    While you’re waiting, people say things like meditation, yoga, therapy, focusing on the breath, loving life, loving nature, loving yourself, loving other people, etc, are helpful. I don’t know though. People say some wild stuff. 

♥️

[Sven]

Thank you @Nahm!

Though why is Leo stressing that certain efforts are very much required?

"There is nothing to do/ nothing you can do. (You are already enlightened.)" - Leo laughs. "No no no... (...) ego trick (...)" etc.

There's a relief in letting go. Letting go should also be prio number 1 as far as I know. But Leo's videos are still quite detailed. Why watch them then?

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Sven I heard Matt Kahn saying in a video I watched yesterday 

"Every outcome in your life is destined to be. What is optional is how little or how much you choose to learn from it."

That's a biggie for me. Of course it's important to be nuanced in what to take away from that statement.

So looking from the human asleep perspective which most of us are in, what else can we do but learn the most from what life gives us. If you have glimpses of truth, you see everything is perfect the way it is. It could be no other way. So this leads to, what you so rightly said, the most important part of the journey: 

Letting go. Trusting in your Self as God. Almaas calls it "basic trust". It's also the intrinsic faith growing and growing the more you see reality for what it is. It's crucial for this whole journey, no effort can give you this, no thinking can give you this.

As an ego, we can just choose to learn from whatever happens. This is no justification to not live healthy. Surrendering and at the same time choosing to live in alignment with what you DID experience to be true (whatever lifestyle and habits that may require) is the way to go. Oh and love of course

[Hellspeed]

The Heart, The Lungs, are the centre source of feeling, touch, the sensations in the body. So is crucial to be first in this  with the attention all the time,  this is the only gate to higher senses. 

[Nahm]

@Sven

5 hours ago, Sven said:

Though why is Leo stressing that certain efforts are very much required?

I was speaking lightly / humorously. Yes, get practicing!  Shed the falsities, get to know yourself, push your limits, everyday.

5 hours ago, Sven said:

"There is nothing to do/ nothing you can do. (You are already enlightened.)" - Leo laughs. "No no no... (...) ego trick (...)" etc

Understandable confusion. Drop “enlightened”, seriously. It’s bastardized in fad. Don’t internalize the implication that someone is, and you are not - taking responsibility for that understanding will help you greatly. There are ordinary people, no ‘special enlightened’ ones. It can be made to appear so,  but you must see through that - this is a learning in itself. Your heart knows this truth, listen.  Look into yourself, know yourself, like a new book, understand every word, every facet within, know the nature of the deepest messages which arise within you. Rupert Spira published a new video yesterday on YT about this (no one can claim enlightenment). Peter Ralston understands it clearly and has some videos on YT also. Check them out, and then watch Leo’s ox video again for a deeper understanding of ego depth / trickery.

6 hours ago, Sven said:

There's a relief in letting go. Letting go should also be prio number 1 as far as I know. But Leo's videos are still quite detailed. Why watch them then?

Blend intuition and counter-intuition. Fill your head with understanding, then empty your mind completely. Learn, understand, then politely return it to the universe.  Soon, it is seen, that the knowledge which arises to ‘fill’, arises from the wisdom which is the emptiness itself - the space the stars can be in, the stillness which allows each thought. To know that emptiness, you must see what it is. 

Also, imo, certain teachers and certain approaches connect with certain people given the relativity of their life experiences. It sure seems like clarity on past / future thinking, and the now  ‘popped’ for you. If you haven’t, give Eckhart Tolle a few listens. That’s really his bread & butter. Then let those teachings go, too.