180 Day NeverNut

[Igor82]

Day 2: 8/10

I think today has been the most difficult day so far on my whole nofap journey. If I was not distracting myself, a craving for porn would come up, I have endured at least 4 really compelling (10/10) urges, besides that there has been a constant thought of watching porn in the back of my mind because today went to hell. I woke up tired, dehydrated at 2 pm in the afternoon, with 0 motivation to start my morning routine. During these circumstances, I would binge on either video games, PMO or both.

I didn't play video games

I didn't touch my dick

I didn't watch porn, but still as im writing, the thought of doing it is soaking my mind, like "there is nothing I will lose if I do it". Im even afraid to post this because of im afraid that I will watch porn before I go to sleep.

This day is yesterday x5, but im still hanging in there, and its really hard. I managed to do the Yoga, visualization, and I hope I can do some of the LP course, reading and if I have to, ill rather smoke some week before going to sleep than watching porn.

Im gonna make a good schedule that I can follow tomorrow, so that im not gonna experience this again. But this is the deepest challenge, where I would usually fail time and time again in the past, now im enduring with my teeth. Its hard. Im gonna try to just sit and let go of all these thoughts, then we shall see what happens next, Ill talk to you guys tomorrow.

The reason this is not 10/10 is that I can imagine it being much worse, like being high on viagra in a prison cell, surrounded by hot horny girls and the only optional internet access is to my favorite porn websites... being able to endure a 10/10 would be the decisive thing that would rid the mind of the addiction completely.

[Igor82]

Day 3: 3/10

I didn't watch porn! And I got rewarded, today has been fucking awesome! Sexual energy has moved from the head into my body, making me feel more energetic, and boy I could release that energy in the athletics arena, where today the most cutest girls (I have ever seen!) showed up, but they didn't distract me, nono, after the challenge I suffered yesterday, there were no urges, just their feminine essence empowering my practice. Where there would normally be feelings of shyness or social anxiety, there were none, I could act weird with confidence, I could look into a cute girl's eyes with a smile, it was amazing. Sitting on the bus, many eyes were on me.

I still feel some cravings of porn that I felt yesterday, but now I know how to deal with them. There is a fine line between craving action and the action itself. No matter how compelling the craving is, I won't take action upon it. This way this compelling craving can disappear into oblivion and my threshold guardian is slowly pulverized.

I have never gotten this far into observing the benefits and traps of nofap.

[Igor82]

Day 4: 2/10

Lets talk about the NeverNut news first: I can now handle really strong & compelling cravings and urges, I just know that action is all that matters for them to stay alive, so if I just don't do what they tell me, Im golden... but the brain is a survivor, and Im starting to stumble upon my second threshold guardian, fantasizing. Randomly throughout the day, I would get fantasies of being in bed with hot chicks, having erotic sex etc. Really compelling ones that touch upon my wildest imaginations. They just pop out of the blue, randomly! It is not serious or anything, but at one point my dick got hard. I will have to read that book from Mantak Chia. The only solution for this that I have now is to let it be, see it for what it is and breathe the sexual energy down into my body from the head... Other than that:

Today, my productivity was godlike. I got my batch of Modafinil yesterday evening, and so today at around 10:45 am (I woke up 10:30) I ingested ~50mg of Modafinil. It put me in a state strong motivation to do things to be productive, like the motivation you would have when setting your mind to something with passion and enthusiasm. Take that motivation and subtract the passion and there you go!

Now combine this effect with Kriya Yoga, visualization, excersize, a cold shower, healthy diet and sky-high (integrated) sexual energy... (Boom), productivity, energy and confidence through the roof! Although I was productive, my emotional state didn't go euphoria mode or anything, I was just able to do much more stuff. My work atm is a boring means to an end (The lp course and reading stuff), so my emotional state was not to be considered as "flow". But I can imagine myself doing creative work on this stuff, then oh boy, rocket to the moon!

[Igor82]

Day 5: 2/10

I dealed with some minor cravings today, the same old cravings to watch porn. I also dealed with some random fantasies that came out of the blue, just breathing into them and observing them is enough.

Today I took a break from life, somed a little weed, took it easy, worked at my weekly cleaning job, and here I am.

Im noticing that my energy levels are sky-high compared to when I was not streaking, im really excited for the next atlethics session as it seems that my energy can last me a marathon! I have also observed more motivation to be productive (because of the energy), and a very steady calmness! I can finally sit and be pretty content with myself, I did this today, and just sitting around on my couch was very enjoyable.

[Igor82]

Day 6 - Relapse

The Christmas spirit! I relapsed exactly the same way I did last time, with some more foreplay of experimentation, ending in me trying to ejaculate up my spine (like last time) and it didnt work. I also watched porn for about 30 minutes towards the evening, giving into a craving telling myself that my observations would be worthwhile. Porn was actually really disappointing (compared to what I expected).. I could especially feel my masculine essence of confidence and strenght just melting away before the lust I saw infront of me.

I realise that this journal is gonna be more like a journey, and what I write here will be boiled down to the most valuable!

I contemplated about my problems in my commonplace book, and Ive got some gems to share with you guys:

• Cravings makes reality look bad while they promises you an escape out of that! They key to seing through this is to deep down realize that facing reality for what it is, is always more worth than fulfilling addictions. Love, beauty and fulfillment is on the other side of suffering (cravings), and its always more worth than a perpetual cycle of ”relief”.
• I need to fulfill my needs rather than fulfilling my wants. What I want is displayed as a temporary craving that goes away if faced. What I need is indentified by the constant symptoms of suffering that comes as a biproduct of me not fulfilling my needs. Cravings will never get me what I need! Getting rid of cravings is what I need.
• You need a reason to prioritize doing nothing rather than giving into cravings. Cravings will strip you away of all your motivations, of all pleasure, of all beauty, security and reason. When you have nothing besides the craving, you must know why you would rather do nothing than give into the craving. The reason is that if you resist the cravings, the addiction will eventually fade away, and release all it took away from you, so that the moment can become beautiful, valuable and full of love and freedom.
• Resiting the craving and killing the addiction will reward you with the things that the craving promised you in the first place! (counter intuitive). This applies to all kinds of cravings, even cravings related to exploring stuff you have never experienced before! Cravings are cravings, and beyond all of them lies your truest desires. There is a fine line between what you need and what you want.
• All my surface motivations will never hold in the long run, if I cant fundamentally choose to face reality rather than giving into addictions. Of course, surface motivations are handy for me not to face the whole addiction all at once (e.g doing something elise or only facing a certain kind of craving), and to give me a smoother journey to the end, but if I cant grasp the underlying issue, I can never fully let go of an addiction.

What have I learned?

• I shall only take hot showers while standing up in the future, as a sibstitute for cold showers if im not able to take them but still need to clean myself. I will not do hot showers for comfort anymore.
• I will sit with all craving related to PMO, with the sole intent to completly kill my addiction for the sake of love. Breatinh into all the cravings helps with making the cravings less compelling and magnifying the wonder of reality, strongly helping me with not giving into the cravings.
• I will journal about my faliures and come up with strategies that help me come back even stronger, until this beast it dead!

 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Igor82

[Igor82]

4 hours ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@Igor82

kwkdofoekfkfkfkekrlflqpppfifkwoqodjme! 

[Vitamine Water]

Don't stop till you get enough! 

 

[Igor82]

Day 1: 1/10

Although I had enough cravings that would normally make a 4, after yesterdays realisation, im starting to develop an attitude of offence against my cravings, staring them down to oblivion. I feel pride in how many little demons I have slayed today, and in the days to come, it seems that nothing can stop me. It does not feel good though, the suffering that the addiction is spawning makes me very motivated to eliminate it.

I feel like every relapse is the last, and definently this one, is the last. This is it men, 180 days starting now, ending 2018-06-25.

[Igor82]

Day 2: 1/10

I have destroyed some more cravings and fantasies, and I was very productive today overall. 

I was at the gym at the atlethics house, and I saw some girls with really really nice butts. I glanced a couple of times (not to the point of distraction), but no cravings arose, just the feeling that you get when watching something really beautiful. I could have tried to breathe into the essence and gain power, but that was not in mind. I was focusing alot on actally killing my cravings and fantasies using awareness and seeing trough them, Leo calls this “Flattening the illusion”. Its really effective and when I do this, I get a subtle sense of regaining my masculine essence, like after a cold shower of after completing a challenge. Its like the superior man inside of my is doing a jailbreak 1 craving after another.

[Leonid]

For how long have you been PMOing? I'm on it for 8 years, and this has really became an obnoxious habit. At this time I'm on that point where you realize you'll really fuck up your health in a big way if you continue doing that. It's like you start having difficulty pissing, pain in the dick after ejaculation, also ED obviously and prostatitis.

A man I know who's been PMOing 5-6 times a day, developed severe ED, prostatitis, almost completely ruined his life because this addiction has almost completely taken him. (

I am on this with you here, it's mine third day in a row.

Wish you good luck man, keep it up

[Igor82]

Day 3&4: 6/10

I was tripping on day 3, and on the peak I explored the chicken and released my load. It had to happen, there was nothing I could do at that point, I couldnt even form a clear scentence in my head. It was one of the orgasms that was actually kind of worth it for me, it was an experience like never before!

But today I felt very blue, I wrote a trip report, but I felt weak and unable to be very productive, and I started feeling depressed. I though taking a hot shower would help me, and after the shower I can maybe try to be productive, but as I tried my best to actually keep myself from sitting down in the shower, all my motivations disappeared, and I couldnt seem to be able to summon enough awareness to stop the cravings. I eventually sat down, and slowly succumbed to the cravings and eventually came. I observed a faint voice in my head come up a couple of time during the process that I should stop what im doing and get out of the shower, but I repressed that. My intention was to try to replicate the orgasm I had while tripping, but to make the orgasm worth it I wanted to find a new way to do it, so I actually started to think up all these though of how to masturbate in a new way until I found one, succumbed to it and relapsed. I just couldnt muster up the motivation or reason to get out of the shower..

Now I feel drained, lazy, depressed, its hard. Its hard for me to write this. This was supposed to be a confident challenge of success, but I guess im not stong enough. Im not giving up, its just that I have alot more work to do. Its hard.

[Igor82]

Day 1: 7/10: Relapse

I relapsed 2 times to porn. In the evening I wanted to go to sleep early, but I stayed up watching youtube. In the back of my mind I kind of knew that I was going to give in to a craving, but I didn't want to do that ofc, so these 2 forces clashed subconsciously, at that moment I watched youtube with the subconscious reason to give time for a strong enough craving to arise that I would give into.. I gave in to a craving to watch porn, It was not a huge craving, but I found no reason to actually let go and surrender to it. I felt out of touch with my motivations, what would I do instead that would seem better? The first craving was to just watch 5 seconds of a new porn image of my favorite r34 artist. Then came another craving to keep watching, and before I knew it I was binging on the porn, and thought about this journal arose in my head, but then other thoughts arose that would justify me watching the porn "You have relapsed so many times since you started, the challenge is not so serious" "Just forget about the journal". I knew intuited that this was gonna end in a relapse, and a part of me wanted it more than the part of me that tried to resist it, and so after a long while of watching I started to fap and I relapsed. Then when I recovered I fapped again.

I need a better strategy. I can't sit and face the cravings without a reason to do so. The cravings will strip me away from that very reason! What this journal actually motivated me to do was not to do NeverNut by itself, but to actually enhance my lifestyle. NeverNut hinges on me being able to resonate with my goals and being on track with them, because NeverNut fuels my goals, and if im not on track with my goals there is nothing to fuel, therefore its very easy for me to give in to cravings.

Starting from tomorrow, I won't focus so much on NeverNut, ofc I will always try to sit with my cravings, but if I focus more on being productive and fulfilling my goals, I know that NeverNut will become effortless as now I have a very intimate and strong reason to do it! Previously if I relapsed, I gave up hope on my goals for a while, thinking that I have fucked up and sabotaged myself completely, I hinged my lifestyle on NeverNut rather than hinging NeverNut on my lifestyle. I must intimately realize that the benefits of semen retention are actually fueling my lifestyle, and trough that I will find a strong reason to annihalate my cravings, just as I did in the beginning of this journal.

I will not stop writing in this journal, it benefits me to keep journaling here, and with my new strategy in mind, I will tackle my lifestyle vigorously.

[Shin]

[Vitamine Water]

12 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

What this journal actually motivated me to do was not to do NeverNut by itself, but to actually enhance my lifestyle. NeverNut hinges on me being able to resonate with my goals and being on track with them, because NeverNut fuels my goals, and if im not on track with my goals there is nothing to fuel, therefore its very easy for me to give in to cravings.

This right here. This is your higher self speaking through you. 

Im back on day one too so let's do this together mate! And stay focused! 

[Igor82]

Day 1: 3/10

I feel like im in this grace period where after binging porn it just becomes unattractive for about 5-10 days before the libido comes back. But today was a good day! I read out “The way of the superior man” after like 6 months of slowly reading and digesting it, and the book is very valuable for me to align myself with the superior way, and interract better with my mother and some chicks at the atlethics house (literally the only women I meet on an daily/weekly basis).

David Deida talked about how women can give the gifts of love, energy and vitality in an intimate relationship, and I started thinking if my fapping is actually related to some deficency needs? It was in the past for me. If I would streak I would start craving love, like lying beside some girl in my bed.. But now I dont crave that; I implemented a practise of self-love into my daily visualization, where I would spawn infinite love (from Leo’s love vid) and apply that to myself. Now I am capable of visualizing me just coming forth to myself and giving myself the most loving and intimite hug in the world, love just oozing for myself, and that really really helps with my need for love. I also do the practise that Leo demonstratedin his self-acceptance video where I would apply love to the parts of myself that I was repressing e.g the part of me that wants to relapse, or the part of me that is shy, the part of me that wants to quit, etc. Now Im not able to beat myself up.

If I now ever get a fantasy for something intimate with a girl, I always imagine ravishing her, filling her with love, loving her without needing love back. I guess you gotta be able to love yourself to be able to love others 

[Igor82]

Day 2: 3/10

I love you all   <3 Happy new year!!

I have not many new years resolutions, I already intuit that work will done hard as without any self-imposed promises, and im excited to struggle for the sake of love in 2019!! Many things await, 12 months of Kriya Yoga, my total daily routine will stick and my work ethic will shoot through the roof combined with the NeverNut! I will trip on 5-MeO and LSD, I will also explore more of what Modafinil can offer me. I will become fit and strong within atlethics, my piano improvising skills will refine and I will eat healthy and fuckin enjoy it! I will not leave this journal and I intuit that I will find my life purpose in early 2019, and so finally I can reap some rewards. The work is hard, but by always being aligned, love is oozing! 

Today I did push through some cravings. My attitude has changed, and im now embracing the cravings with awareness with my purpose in mind. And if im not aligned, the cravings will always remind me. I have made something I suppress into something that aids me.

[Igor82]

Day 3: 5/10 Relapse

This day was not that hard, but I wanted to take a break from life, smoke some weed and go biking. Although by adopting the attitude of taking a break, I severely delayed the decisive moment that starts all my days; to get my ass on the meditaton mat. So I sat there, confined in my room, not eating anything as I could do yoga at any moment, and I sat and browsed the internet for 4 hours. It got dark outside so I didnt wanna go outand so the most fun thing I could think of would be a nice masturbation session, and as I was not doing anything anyways, I gived into a subtle craving and tried to ejaculate up my spine (masturbating while literally doing shamanic breathing) but this didnt work and I eventually tipped the edge.

I need a better strategy. My break days are unsistainable, I cant take a break from everything. A healthy day is always started by my daily morning routine. And to take an efficient break, I need to have this intetion.

• Im gonna strive to do my basic morning routine (Kriya yoga, meditation & visualization), every day with superior priority.
• To aid for this becoming true, I will do everything in my might to also wake up early because in the early hours, I have the most motivation to start my day properly.
• And for this to work even trough times where Im backlashing, I will listen closely and intuitively if my body needs a break, and the break will only be started after my basic morning routine.
• Im essentially prioritizing to wake up early and do my basic morning routine every day for the rest of my life 

These commitments removes much doubt and im coming back strong with another lesson in my arsenal.

 

[Igor82]

Day 1: 1/10

I am sticking to waking up 8 am, im gonna do that every day no matter what.

Things are changing. I was doing athletics today, my trainer was busy with other students who pay him, so he could not train me today, and I had the task to do 3x60 meters of hurdles. It did work, after about 2 hours of figuring it out by myself. I Used visualization very extensively, I visualized more than I actually moved, and I was very creative in making it work perfectly.

Now, I was very focused on my purpose with the practice, I now have the mindset that by being on track with my purpose I won't desire PMO. Although, I did notice how much potential has been removed from my life by me jerking off. There was another 10/10 elite blond athlete there, really my type, really hot.  I didn't distract myself too much, but I got this feeling that I needed something from her, or this feeling that I would miss her is she suddenly went away. That I need to do something with her. What does this mean?

Well, what I specifically wanted to do with her is to give her love, but also experience more love in my life, and me wanting to kind of make a relationship with her was to fulfill that need. The catch is though that im working so hard with my purpose in life (which is to find my purpose), and in gradually getting there, but I feel like im lacking that.

I went home very tired after 4 long hours of athletics, but I managed to summon the balls to take a cold shower and surrender into it. And this cold shower really gave me some insights.

As I got in touch with pushing through fear, I felt liberated from being engaged and controlled by suffering in my life. I am suffering "by not experiencing enough love", I am thus also suffering from being shy, etc. Ofc, I could have these fears and needs, any man could have them, but what constitutes the masculine essence is to not be hinged by suffering, If I have fear, I push through! If im uncomfortable, I push through! The masculine essence does not give a shit about hinders in life, all it cares about is somehow fulfilling a purpose. And here is where noFap comes in.

 

PMO kills your masculine essence (especially porn) because it hooks you to it. For you to get hooked to porn and masturbation, you must subconsciously prioritize it, which entail that whatever purpose you have in your life that would be a threat to the addiction now has to be suppressed and forgotten, making PMO your no1 purpose in life, and now if you don't have a strong enough purpose, there is no reason for you to push through suffering, and you will become a wimp, only pursuing the comfort zone. And ofc, spilling your milk comes with alot of other downsides.. Wasting your sexual energy that could have been channeled into your purpose, which would perpetuate the strenght of your masculine essence and living on the edge.

• My purpose would shine strong, and I would be ready to push through any suffering
• I would have much more energy and confidence
• I would be much more happy and loving
• I would have a clear mind free of cravings and thoughts, free of fear, suffering and boredom. 

I want all these stuff^ and the more I fap, the less I would enjoy these. Fapping would not make me hit rock bottom, right now is as worse as it gets (for me), so im just looking up towards a staircase leading to heaven.

[Shin]