tashawoodfall

Jealousy, Monogamy

8 posts in this topic

Last night while talking to a guy I'm sort of dating he mentioned some of his women friends.  One of them happens to be his ex.  The others are also beautiful and successful.  I felt a subtle jealousy feeling.  This left me interested...

I don't feel all that insecure...I'm pretty happy with myself and who I am.  I know I can improve my body (lose 10 lbs, tone up) but overall I feel hot and sexy...

Threatening my self-image.  Perhaps this is where the jealousy is stemming from.   I understand this on an intellectual level but would truly like to rid of any sort of jealousy once and for all.  

Let's say a man I'm dating is looking at another beautiful woman sexually, how do I truly be okay with that?  Why is this seen as so wrong?  Because it's threatening something of value to me?  Because of my ego's pride?  I very much don't like the feeling of jealousy.  I also have a thought or belief of not wanting to feel disrespected in that way.  Is this an alpha quality of "I need to be respected and know I'm the best" type of animalistic thing?  What is the next step to overcome this fully?  Any advice is appreciated.

I had the thought that I don't want a man who is friends with an ex, that it is a better strategy and safer to pursue a different option...What's going on lol

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Ask yourself what's wrong with jealousy, why it is there and how you could understand it better. This is the direction I'd go towards, it can have many underlying reasons even depending on person I'd think, even if there are general directions

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@tashawoodfall

Lack of self-love.

Jealousy comes from a place of feeling threatened by the other person. The fear that they are going to "take" what is "yours".

But why would we assume that would happen? Because deep down, we usually don't think we're good enough. That girl / guy is better than me, so my prize might like them more and leave.

Notice how you pointed out the other girls were beautiful and successful. What difference would that make, unless there was an underlying  insecurity?

Anyway, it's nothing to freak out about. We all experience these kind of triggers. And you at least had enough consciousness to actually take a step back and examine what is going on inside.

Keep bringing awareness when you get triggered like this. Notice that these jealous thoughts are a lie.


 

 

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As a male who has dated many girls with plenty of guy friends (and I have plenty of female friends myself) I first acknowledged that if my SO found somebody better (Better in the sense of them feeling more in love and in tune with said person), then i'd want them to be with that person. My love for someone is my wish for them to be happy, not for me to feel entitled to them as if I own them. Physical attraction to someone is just that. Physical. It excludes all of the deep emotional bonding my SO and I have developed with each other. I can look at other girls and get horny in some sexual fantasy but thats all some surface level pleasure based desires. Once I get off and have sexual tension released, I feel nothing towards them. This also applies to people I've had casual sex with. Yet towards my SO I still feel a great deal of love and comfort and bonding when her and I have sex.

Its these ideas that helped me let go or at least deal with any territorial side of me. I don't compete to be the reason she derives all of her pleasures in life. I strive to reduce her suffering which I am satisfied with whether it includes me or not. Even if somebody moves on it doesn't mean they don't cherish such memories shared.

Edited by Shadowraix

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11 hours ago, tashawoodfall said:

Last night while talking to a guy I'm sort of dating he mentioned some of his women friends.  One of them happens to be his ex.  The others are also beautiful and successful.  I felt a subtle jealousy feeling.  This left me interested...

I don't feel all that insecure...I'm pretty happy with myself and who I am.  I know I can improve my body (lose 10 lbs, tone up) but overall I feel hot and sexy...

Threatening my self-image.  Perhaps this is where the jealousy is stemming from.   I understand this on an intellectual level but would truly like to rid of any sort of jealousy once and for all.  

Let's say a man I'm dating is looking at another beautiful woman sexually, how do I truly be okay with that?  Why is this seen as so wrong?  Because it's threatening something of value to me?  Because of my ego's pride?  I very much don't like the feeling of jealousy.  I also have a thought or belief of not wanting to feel disrespected in that way.  Is this an alpha quality of "I need to be respected and know I'm the best" type of animalistic thing?  What is the next step to overcome this fully?  Any advice is appreciated.

I had the thought that I don't want a man who is friends with an ex, that it is a better strategy and safer to pursue a different option...What's going on lol

Jealousy is super natural. There is no problem with it. It depends on how you see it. Just surrender to it and it will resolve itself. You shouldn't fight against yourself or yourself will backfire at you. if you try to shadow your jealousy(suppress it), it will govern your behavior from behind the scenes. I learned to surrender to my anger, jealousy, frustrations, fear and they resolved. I resisted them and they grew harder and I just withdrew from social life because all the time I experience these emotions, and guess what everyone does and so people try to suppress them by binge eating or indulge in all kind of sexual(masturbation, regular sex), alcohol, drugs, excess sleep, or make shallow friendship that just harm you in the long term from achieving your full potential in life. They are the primal emotions, and positive emotions are not the dominant. If know this truth, you will always respect yourself and love yourself. You will have deep and immense respect for these emotions because they are working to guard your life(fear), jealousy(protect your interest), anger(force you to take action to get your needs and desires met). respect your emotions and love them and they become positive, resist them and they become typical negative. Your emotions is your body talking to you.

Edited by Your place at Heart

"Whatsoever is on it (the earth) will perish. And The Face of your Lord Full of Majesty and Honour will remain forever❤️" Quran: Surat Ar-Rahman (The Merciful)

"We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient"?Quran: Suratal Al-baqarah (The Cow)

 

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11 hours ago, tashawoodfall said:

Last night while talking to a guy I'm sort of dating he mentioned some of his women friends.  One of them happens to be his ex.  The others are also beautiful and successful.  I felt a subtle jealousy feeling.  This left me interested...

I don't feel all that insecure...I'm pretty happy with myself and who I am.  I know I can improve my body (lose 10 lbs, tone up) but overall I feel hot and sexy...

Threatening my self-image.  Perhaps this is where the jealousy is stemming from.   I understand this on an intellectual level but would truly like to rid of any sort of jealousy once and for all.  

Let's say a man I'm dating is looking at another beautiful woman sexually, how do I truly be okay with that?  Why is this seen as so wrong?  Because it's threatening something of value to me?  Because of my ego's pride?  I very much don't like the feeling of jealousy.  I also have a thought or belief of not wanting to feel disrespected in that way.  Is this an alpha quality of "I need to be respected and know I'm the best" type of animalistic thing?  What is the next step to overcome this fully?  Any advice is appreciated.

I had the thought that I don't want a man who is friends with an ex, that it is a better strategy and safer to pursue a different option...What's going on lol

Your best option, is contemplate and visualize what cost will this person will bring to your life. Will this attractive person make you jealous all the time? Will he support you in hardships and times where you are weak and vulnerable? Do you have the strength to be with him and accept his infidelities and the way he is and let go. Will your ego backfire all the time? You can make all kind of questions to help yourself? It's up to you to resolve. If you want him , then accept many of his flaws and  set boundaries that when he does something, you will reciprocate the same thing and he will have to accept it. Nothing is wrong and nothing is right.

Edited by Your place at Heart

"Whatsoever is on it (the earth) will perish. And The Face of your Lord Full of Majesty and Honour will remain forever❤️" Quran: Surat Ar-Rahman (The Merciful)

"We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient"?Quran: Suratal Al-baqarah (The Cow)

 

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@tashawoodfall I’d try sitting with the jealousy and getting to know it. I’ve found my jealousy can have insecure/attachment/controlling energy. Yet, I’ve also experienced a form of jealosy that has an innocent wanting energy. Almost like a child with a pure innocent wanting being jealous. It’s kind of adorable in a way. Like a spinoff of love.

The first type of jealousy I need to personally work through. The second type of jealosy I can be light-hearted and playful with a partner. Poke some fun at her and myself.

One of my flaws in romantic relationships is I can take things so damn seriously. I need to lighten up more and be playful more.  

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Sexy and beautiful doesn't have a chance if an individual is awakened and masters Tantra. I speak by experience. 

In my journey, I can attract almost any female, in a relationship or not. This is dangerous from a dormant state paradigm. 

Don't go into jealousy, find yourself first and after you will be able to mesmerize almost any desired male out there. 


... 7 rabbits will live forever.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

 

 

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