Involuntary Celibacy: Focus in Internal or External?

[MM1988]

What would you do if you just suck with women in the way that you just cant find one that would think of you as more than friend for about a decade and its causing you massive emotional problems and depression in your everyday life.

 

The advice I got from Leos videos on this are contradicting themselves. On one hand you should go inside and work these issues out because you are creating these bad emotions yourself. You also should not need a relationship in the first place. On the other hand the solution thats often recommended is going into PUA, talking to a lot of girls etc. which would seem like chasing an external fix to me. So what should you do if you have this issue?

[MM1988]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

I think that just taking action is going to be your best bet. You can waste a lot of time in your head mulling over it. But it's basically a comfort zone where you can continue to solidify your pessimistic outlook on your dating prospects. So, I recommend going out and meeting some people. Go to a club where you can find women who are looking for something fun or romantic. And then just get some experience, even if it's just a one-night stand. I feel like once you get past that initial hurdle, you'll be able to realize that the thoughts you're thinking are just limiting beliefs with no basis in reality. I'm sure that there's nothing about you inherently that is keeping you held back in this avenue other than your mentality surrounding this issue. 

I went for the "external fix" in clubs and in my social circle for about 7 years with no results, for the last about 2 years where i discovered actualized.org im focus on the internal with dailty meditation and a little bit on the external if an oppurtunity arises. Would be interresting to know if you could overcome these negative emotions and you biological urges completely without needing the external fix because thats the direction I start to prefer.

[MM1988]

@Emerald There is defenitely something about the way im behaving. But its nothing gross, just something subtle that makes me look asexual to girls. Its rather an internal issue I think but I dont know where to look for whats the issue. its just something about my whole behaviour. I dont think even the girls couldnt point at it.

[MM1988]

@Emerald thanks I guess I could try that

[Leo Gura]

Both!

See videos:

• Paradoxes Of Personal Development
• How To Deal With Confusion

[Samra]

Hang out with girls. Learn how we function. Then you will no longer see women as "females" but rather as human beings and friends to hang out with. That takes away your desperation. Makes you cool and comfortable in your own skin around girls. And that is very attractive. 

[MM1988]

@Samra My only concern with that is that I know a lot of guys who have tons of female friends but get no action whatsoever, theyre just the best friends. On the other hand my sexually sucessful friends barely have real friends of the opposite sex and are quite misogynistic.

 

@Feel Good which book?

Edited July 22, 2018 by MM1988

[fireworld]

@MM1988  I do not believe you.

Either you are lying to us or you are doing something extremely offputting.

I know men who have extreme personal setbacks both emotionally and physically but still are able to get women. Either you have no standards on yourself, IE exercise, eat healthy, confidence, humor and so on or even if you don't have these things you are most likely not going out at all.

Most men in wheelchairs can get a woman, if a man like yourself, as you claim in previous posts that you are confident, hard working and generally good looking you must be either lying to us, or not going out and approaching women.

Under the very unlikely circumstance that I am wrong about this, go pay Todd Valentine to help you with your dating, take out a second mortage on your house if you need to get control over this.

Keep in mind that one of the most dangerous ideas of self-improvement especially when you are going for enlightenment is that you are going to get this crap about internal work, but you don't understand that this internal work is 50 times harder than learning about attraction and dating.

You can become an extremely skilled PUA in 6 months, most people who work on enlightenment don't reach it within 20 years.

Don't lie to yourself or us, go out and put standards on yourself and make it a rule that you go out at least 2 times a week and do 20 approaches each night, you will be drowing in the attention of women.

I say this with the hope of getting you pissed off, only because I was where you are now 10 years ago.

 

 

Edited July 22, 2018 by fireworld

[Consept]

@MM1988 To me attracting women is almost skillset that can be learnt, the reason i say that is because with us men we can become oblivious to the 'mating dance' and what women actually want, simply because unless we're incredibly attractive from a young age, we dont get women approaching us. Women, on the other hand will have to deal with men approaching from a very young age and are therefore a lot more experienced in knowing what turns them on or off. I say that because theres no shame in having to learn this as a skill, theres a lot you need to know and practice, confidence, congruency, non-neediness, putting yourself out there, but a lot of this will come if you make a commitment to be congruent to yourself. Im guessing that in interactions your doing what you think the woman wants you to do and possibly being 'the nice guy', point blank that doesnt work because its deceptive at its core, so if you can take this deception out of the equation and show your true self, as well some basics from PUA (non-manipulative) id probably recommend some rsd vids, then if you approach enough women theres no way you couldnt at least get some that are interested in you romantically.

Also the paradox of not needing a relationship or sex is true as well, you have to recognise that in reality it isnt actually that important, its just that we're constantly bombarded with how important it is. Because of this it stays in our mind and then when we actually talk to a female it suddenly becomes a 'high stakes' interaction that could change your life, fact is, its bullshit. Once you realise this and genuinely talk to people for fun or good vibes youll also notice a big change. Its like when youre a kid and you really want to stroke a dog, so you chase it and youre so desperate to touch it that your vibe scares it off and you never really get to stroke it, whereas if you just have a cool vibe and stay in one place, at some point the dog will come and say hello (not comparing women to dogs lol), but its the same thing with male and female interactions. If you have a cool vibe eventually someone will want to experience that vibe for longer. Give to give, dont think of what youre getting from it 

[Samra]

10 hours ago, MM1988 said:

@Samra My only concern with that is that I know a lot of guys who have tons of female friends but get no action whatsoever, theyre just the best friends. On the other hand my sexually sucessful friends barely have real friends of the opposite sex and are quite misogynistic.

 

@Feel Good which book?

Don't be concerned at this stage. If you can't even hang out with girls, how you gonna sleep with them? I don't agree with this whole "friend zone" concept. This is a high school concept. Are you in a high school? No. Adult world function differently. As a woman, if a guy can't even talk to me like a normal human being, I won't let them get any close. Also, I don't like guys sending sexy signals right off the bat. It's creepy. It's way more charming when guys are cool and trustworthy and not desperate. Go learn how to hang out with girls. 

Edited July 23, 2018 by Samra

[Capital]

By going out and talking to a lot of women , you are working on the internal at the same time  ! The internal changes when your external actions changes .. they are not two separate things .. but also you seem to me like a man who just go out without self correcting himself .. every time you go out try to learn something new and self correct yourself the next time .. don't just go out and do the same mistakes over and over again expecting a different results .