I can't clear my conscience

[Artimus]

Hello, my name is Artimus.

I feel like I have done something aweful and single handedly ruined a family...

I was dating this really sweet guy for almost 6 months, and about a year ago, I was at a party with him at his house and everyone got drunk and was being stupid... I was looking for Nathan but I couldn't find him.

I walked into his room and his brother was in there. I asked him if he saw Nathan and he just stared at me, so I just went to leave.. he grabbed me and forced me in the room... He raped me and then just left...

When I got my strength back I just left the house and went straight to the police... They went to the house and arrested him infront of everyone that was still there... When Nathan finally found out what happened he was destroyed... we broke up... But we still talked every once in a while..

About a month ago he called me one night and just started screaming at me.... He said I ruined his family... That if it wasn't for me his brother would still be there, his mom wouldn't be depressed all the time and his dad wouldn't be an alchoholic.... I couldn't understand why he would say that shit to me... I didn't ask for this...

I haven't been able to sleep... I can't get his words out of my head... I feel so guilty... I didn't want to hurt him... But he says I ruined everything.... I feel despicable...

[RichardY]

@Artimus

I remember Leo saying once "The pain of unconsciousness is massive." I think many people are aware of events where a road traffic incident(not accident) occurs and people are seriously injured, but act as though they are conscious, this is no way excuses them from previous detrimental actions and especially the conscious and very specific application of force.

Don't feel guilty. From what you have said imho, appears self evident, to be forced against your will. You are going to be despised, for as long as his relatives and associates, avoid higher consciousness through the use of depressents and do not confront the suffering of yourself and the false relationships they thought they had with one another.

Guilt and innocence are imho often associated with higher consciousness. Perhap try reading Aristotle to work out what a friend really is. Maybe someone could recommend other authors.

[Artimus]

I'm sorry... I don't understand what you are saying...

[RichardY]

@Artimus Too abstract?

Is there anything you feel you could do to not feel guilty? From the last paragraph you're implying you hurt Nathan, when from what you said it was his brother. The criticism wrongly being on you instead of their own actions, how is blaming you making things better? 

 

[Artimus]

I don't know... Nathan said it was my fault... He is really hurting... But I know I didn't ask for this shit... But he said I didn't have to tell the cops... I feel like I did what I was supposed to... But it wasn't supposed to hurt him... And now he hates me... I feel like shit for it... 

[RichardY]

@Artimus If he got away with rape, what's stopping him from doing it again, becoming addicted to brute force violent domination. If you'd said nothing, you would have regret and how much more guilt?

What reason does he give for it being your fault?

Why should you think less of yourself, what values are in Nathan that your self esteem should suffer?

[lmfao]

@Artimus You called the Police on someone who raped you, there should be nothing to feel guilty about. This "sweet guy" wants to blame you for calling the Police on a criminal. Here's my interpretation of things: You've been raped, but Nathan cares so little for you and "cares" much more about his family to the point that he is screaming at you despite the fact that you've maliciously attacked by his Brother. Your emotional attachment to Nathan is toxic and unhealthy. From an outside perspective, I'm telling you, Nathan is a complete prick. 

 The person at fault here for ruining a family is Nathan's brother, not you. 

Edited May 6, 2018 by lmfao

[Artimus]

@RichardY

42 minutes ago, RichardY said:

@Artimus If he got away with rape, what's stopping him from doing it again, becoming addicted to brute force violent domination. If you'd said nothing, you would have regret and how much more guilt?

What reason does he give for it being your fault?

Why should you think less of yourself, what values are in Nathan that your self esteem should suffer?

He said that I could have not told the cops and split up his family.... He said his parents are hurting bad... 

He was a really great person before this... The sweetest guy I knew...

I know it was his brother... But my heart is so broken over hurting him... I can't believe he can hate me so much....

Edited May 6, 2018 by Artimus

[RichardY]

@Artimus What option did you have? By not saying anything you contribute to evil and sickness in the world and for what reason, that is a chain cast to your soul. Denying that maybe worse than accepting it.

You say sweetest, but what do you mean by that?

What exactly can he hate about you, if he hates your honesty, you do not have a relationship.

[Jamie Universe]

31 minutes ago, Artimus said:

The sweetest guy I knew...

appearances are fooling. Would a sweet guy do something so egoic as too yell at you over the phone blaming you for his problems?

Also as far as I understand you think Its your fault for his families problems. Which is absolutely not true, and the whole thing about "who's responsible" is basically the ego trying to spread blame. Because you can blame it on someone, for example you feel guilty because it feels like you somehow contributed to this mess, but notice that he calls you when he's mad, meaning another perhaps more responsible person, would've accepted that his brother was a rapist, and wouldn't even consider blaming it on the victim. 

Your guilt ends when you either realize it wasn't your fault or you make yourself closure. Just think it through, and if that's doesn't help and it continues, talk to someone about it, or see a therapist or something. Honestly though I think it will naturally just go away.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Omg! That’s so sad! I feel for you.

You deserve someone better than this boyfriend of yours, dont you think?! You did the right thing! 

If my brother had raped my gf, I would WANT him to pay for what he did, in the fucking prison! Wtf, he said you “ruined” everything? Give me a break! His brother ruined everything! Not you... 

Hope you are feeling better! 

I think it would be very good if you could talk to a therapist about that! It’s a very serious thing! I am sorry you had to go through that...

[Artimus]

Thank you guys.. I feel so conflicted....

He called me again last night... I think he was drunk... He said a lot of stupid shit... He kept calling me a slut.... And a liar... Then he kept telling me to go over there so that we could fuck..

"c'mon, it's not like you haven't done it yet! What? Do you not think I'll be as good as my brother?" I can't stop hearing him say that....

I feel so sick.... I told him not to call me anymore... I didn't want any of this shit to happen... He was so loving before.... Not he just hates me....

[Nahm]

@Artimus Stop talking with them. Focus on self actualization. You’re wasting your energy on that family. Move on. 

[Artimus]

How..? I won't talk to any of them anymore... But idk what to do...

[Nahm]

@Artimus Why are you still talking & thinking about this? (Posting) It is done. Take the learning & the growth, and wake up, and move on. Have you nothing to do? Nothing you want to achieve? Nothing you want to be? 

[Artimus]

@Nahm I'm sorry for complaining...

I really don't know what I want to do... all I can think of that i'm any good at is drawing... but I don't see me making a career from just that... I don't know...

I'll stop bothering you all though.. I'm sorry...

[RichardY]

The language used in the thread is similar to another recent thread. In the back of my mind, I don't discount the possiblity of trolling, although proceed as if it is not, till now. Mostly out curiosity and potential puzzle solving, intellectual exploration.

Don't feel though that you have to be dependent on someone, if they have something you feel you need... needful things. Wider practical problems  and greater meaning can be covered in other threads. Don't be the person who stays with someone who insults and is violent(verbally and physically), because they have something you want.

[zoey101]

I'm sorry you had to go through something like this.

Just try to let it all go. Like everyone said, it is not your fault. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel any guilt for any part of your situation. You did something that millions of woman do not have the strength to do, you told the Police. Hold on to that. You are stronger than you think!

I would just take some time. You said you are gonna stop talking to Nathan, GOOD! Just take it one step at a time. Trust me, the change won't happen over night. You are still going to face challenges and struggle through, but you will become better for them. 

Where can you go from here? I think only you can answer that. Just think about it.

 

@RichardY

Agreed. 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Artimus @zoey101 @Nahm @RichardY @Gabriel Antonio 

 

[zoey101]

@Sahil Pandit dam.. never saw that movie. Cried my eyes out ?

Beautiful thank you!