165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hola 🌽

 

Forgot to mention that I fapped and watched porn for two days at the beginning of this week. I felt really bad about that.

 

I started practicing Duolingo for 3 days already. I got Duolingo super and I'm excited taking this seriously.

I am switching between reading psycho cybernetics, Duolingo and games of thrones. I find psycho cybernetics a hard read for me. But I learned a lot. I am already reframing my thoughts. I have so many negative ones! I said this before in this journal, several years earlier.

I also worked out 4 times this week. I forced myself hehe. I was shocked to see how I am telling myself I can't learn Spanish after mistaking one word. Wtf?!

 

I'm speaking with more girls and I am asking them for a date. We'll see what happens. I was talking about my cat with a girl and she asked me if I actually own one. What do you mean by that? Apparently other guys got with her on Instagram and they sent her pics with their dicks hahaha. Wtf. I told her I wouldn't do that since I have my mom, friends and sister and I don't want to have those pics sent to them. That's true! After that she acted like I got friend zoned. Telling me that she drank like a big a night before and other stuff lol

 

I have to keep working on my thoughts. The whole model I use is wrong. I keep imaginging the bad thing I don't want to do instead to visualize success. Interesting! For example thinking all day about watching porn and fapping on the day I did that instead of imagining what I want to actually do.

I find psycho cybernetics interesting but there it's a lot of fluff as well. Soooooooooo much talk about god. Off.

 

I contemplated the fact that I enjoy my life now. I'm working on my goals. I feel good about this.

After I got drunk and high this week I kept feeling guilty and thought about all the things I should do and other negative outcomes. I always do that. But now I see that I can think of a positive future. 

I should change my thoughts when I think of exes and other drama.  I learned my lesson there 

[Everyday]

Holla 😁

I have been practicing Duolingo for 14 days! I even started practicing at work or listening to Spanish videos on Yt on loop to learn more words and phrases. I think I can count this as a new hobby. How cool is this? I actually like to learn this language in my spare time. 

Since I started I don't feel so curious to check out tv series recaps like I've been doing for months. I feel stimulated enough by this app. That's fucking awesome!

 

I read more pages and finished the first part of the second games of thrones book. Awesome! I bought some new books as well. I'm excited to read them!

Working out is going well but I took a few days off because of forcing myself too much last Friday. I helped my friend, the guy who helps me with eMag to unload a whole container (10 tones). I ordered just 2 boxes with him. It took 3 months to arrive. I have to pay just 7 dollars for the whole 240 products.

I got inspired to work harder and much, much more. Man, I want to make a living from this side hustle. He is doing that as well!

 

Had a date and walked her to her apartment. She didn't want to go upstairs. It was a nice girl anyways. We spoke a few more days and she seen my messages. No worries.

I refremed more negative thoughts. I have so many! Left and right! I noticed that at work I picked some mistake and amplify it. Is just a mistake, it doesn't define me.

I made a new mistake at work and got upset until I remembered to distance myself from work. It's just some mistake. It doesn't mean I need to feel bad for the rest of the day. I spent the following days learning Spanish, working out, reading and so on. 

 

I feel very bored at work. I have less and less shit to do and even so I make mistake because I don't really check my handful of accounts. That difficult client noticed the mistake I did in his account. The conversions where doubled. Shit. I didn't even care. 

 

I fapped more than once a week but I didn't use porn. I used some reels of hot girls from Instagram. I also deleted Instagram again. I was wasting some time there 

 

I had some funny conversations on tinder. A girl got really upset that I didn't right her back after a few messages. I think that's how I look when I text hot girls. 

I am making a habit to think of happy things and my goals. Like the progress I'm making daily and all the goals I am making progress with each day. Man, my life is going so well!

I making fucking progress, man! I'm excited for the future 🌞

 

 

 

Edited April 4 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🦎

 

Spent my day doing Duolingo, reading and imaginating doing my goals and tasks. 

 

I worked a little for our business. For some reason I still feel bad even if i had such a great day. I think I feel like that because I didn't work even more on this business. Hmm.

 

I'm looking forward to keep working on myself. Im reminding myself a lot that I'm living a really good life now. I'm making so much progress. 

 

I'm excited that I don't have to go to the office this week. I can stay at home and do stuff which are more important for myself. I need to put more time into the side hustle to make it more profitable. I feel some resistance there. But I have the weekend to work on. 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey 🛩️

 

Last week I finished psycho cybernetics. The last pages where about God and it was too much for me. I started reading the red queen. I also finished the first part for the second book from the games of thrones.

I read these books in my garden. It was amazing.

 

Worked out less because of back pain and other stuff I had to do. This week I'm back on track. 

Work was boring so when I didn't pretend to work I was doing Duolingo and listening to Spanish videos from YouTube.

I gained more XP than my friend who's also learning Spanish on the app. His 118 day  strake turns out to mean nothing. I just learned more words in 3 weeks than him in months. I also got the paid subscription. I am actually understanding some texts I'm Spanish and a few hours here and there 

I also cooked for myself smth interesting. 

 

I bought more books I found on vinted and olx with big discounts. Awesome!

I remembered several times that I'm doing very well in different areas of life

 

Had a date with a Japanese girl. She was late but it was fun and interesting. We kissed, held hands etc and walked her to her dormitory building. She didn't invite me upstairs. 

We didn't speak much before the date. So from now on I won't spam these girls with messages. I don't have to talk with them daily. 

I'm making out on girls from my area on tinder. I felt frustrated riding the Subway when some girl would flirt and I wouldn't know how to react.

 

 

I remembered to myself to enjoy life. I'm doing the work every day. I'm so proud of myself. Work is going nowhere, I don't have much to do at the office. I'm spending my free time reading, working out, learning a new language and so on. I'm leaving such am amazing life. I'm excited for the future. Right now, having a relationship with a wrong girls feels stupid. The way I use my free time is exciting.

 

I didn't watch porn but fapped a lot!

Edited April 12 by Everyday

[Everyday]

hello 🤗 🍹

 

Went to sleep at 5 am became I was searching for new products to sell. I also wasted time on social media.

I deleted Instagram once again 😞. It's cancer 

Fapped a lot as well. 

Spent the day doing Duolingo, imagining my goals, searching for new products and I went to the store to buy food too cook for next week.

While I was at the store I kept having negative thoughts stemming from the stupidest things. I felt self conscious of my body language, My achievements and other stupid shit. I calmed myself down.

 

I was invited out by a friend to get high and refused. I want to use my weekends to grow and do stuff that make me a better person. I also didn't ask the girl I was supposed to meet today if she still wants to meet this afternoon. I didn't really want to go on a 5 hours date for nothing once again. I better learn some shit at home. 

 

 

I listened to some dating advice from an interview from soft white underbelly. It opened my eyes 👀....... I need game! I suck at this the most. I'm still resisting to read again a book on dating and how to approach girls. 

I also got some insights from the red queen. The reason these girls don't call me back is because I don't have smth they want. They maybe want a guy with a car, money and his own place. I lack that so some of these girls don't see the advantage of dating me. Now I see it as well. It makes sense. 

 

What else?

I keep reminding myself that I am on the right path. Keep being patient. Even if I still think I'm not doing enough I am actually super productive! Man, I'm doing so much already! Amazing! 

The fact that I'm not watching tv series is really making my life sooooo much better. The free time I have is insane! Also, If I had a relationship I wouldn't have so much time to focus on myself. 

Mom is doing worse even if my grandma doesn't bother her. She's watching tv series all day. Therefore she doesn't have time for anything else. I behaved the same way almost a year and a half ago. I just wanted to watch tv series and be left alone. She is upset on me for trying to help her. I should give up. 

 

I was thinking to get a car as well. It's one of the skills I need and a fear for me. I wan to get that fixed as well.

I'm doing over one hour of Spanish on Duolingo. Apparently that's crazy.

I was thinking to get some courses going as well

Edited April 13 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hola 🐀

 

I was surprised that I got a new client at work. Another easy account. I hope things will be good. 

Working out is going very well. 

I didn't read as much this week because I focused more ok searching for new products. 

Learning Spanish on Duolingo is going well. I'm at section 2, unit 16. Day 28. I have harder lessons now. I find that I don't feel like doing time sometimes.

Since I started using this app I didn't spend time on IMDb, checking movies and recaps online. I might do it but I don't feel like doing it now. 

 

I learned more dating advice from an amazing yt channel. 

I want an amazing girlfriend but what do I have to offer to her? Girls want to date above now down. I should lower my expectations. Why would a girl want me now? I have to offer more to other people. Also, work on your game and on yourself overall.

I'm not sure what I have to offer now. I do know I had even less to offer in the last few years. Now it's much better. 

In my first relationship I offered all my time but now I don't even want to do that. What is the point in seeing a girl daily instead of working on my goals. I have it so fucking good now.

Watching tv series doesn't serve anyone. 

 

I feel a little resistant to work out today. I also missed the meditation session yesterday.

 

I realized I need to not expect so much effort from my siblings with our business. I really want to make it work so I have to put the most work here. My brother keeps throwing a negative energy on this business each time I have an idea. His girlfriend does the same. I get it. They are lazy 🦥. I mean

 

 

I'm doing great overall. The only thing I don't like is that I am fapping daily even if I don't use porn. I thought that I can text M and face sex but it's not a good choice. I fap and calm down. Its ok. 

Man, I have it sooooo good right now. I am using all my time to work on myself. I'm getting better. Now, I understand people who won't even bother much with relationships. What's the point in watching tv series together and having city dates several times a week? I grew more in the last few months and years by being mostly alone. I do know it feels right to work.

 

 

[Everyday]

Hello 😞

I wasn't very productive today. At least not as much as I wanted to be.

I went to buy some clothes and I felt so frustrated that I don't have more dates with awesome and beautiful girls. I left myself get lost in negative thoughts. That I have to wait for so long to get better girls. I need to have more to offer than now. It made me feel insecure.

But once I'm in a relationship I'm thinking that Tim wasting time and I'm more productive and better alone. So?

I arrived home and just spent my time on Instagram, tinder and YouTube shorts. Disgusting. I felt down and I still do. 

 

I got my new glasses and I think they messed up the lenses. I have to get them checked again. 

I did more Spanish units on Duolingo today. 

I read a little bit as well. Not too much this week. 

 

Woke up late and started work even later because I went to bed at 4 once again. 

Edited April 19 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🍄

Yesterday I was invited by a friend to hunt morel mushrooms in the forest. We found just one because it was too late. 

I got upset that our business isn't working and I was thinking to tell them I want to not divide everything in equal parts. I'm doing the most work while they enjoy life. Why would he earn the same. I barely read SMTH this week. I spent my time working finding new products. My brother spent his time with his retarded girlfriend. Man, wtf? I felt very upset but I am waiting to calm down to do more discussion this with them.

 

I spoke with more girls from tinder and the conversation lead nowhere. I'm so frustrated because I have so much to get and gain before I can actually get an awesome girlfriend. I'm really not enough. It's frustrating. I didn't drive in months. I can't move out of my parents house and so on. What is the point in having a side hustle and throwing all my money there? I can use that to grow myself.

It was hard to stop and calm myself down. I'm alright, I'm improving myself a lot. Yesterday I was able to ask my friend's girlfriend about Spanish and some mistakes I was making. She speaks french and Spanish fluently.

She made fun of her by boyfriend for still not learning new languages. Once, again this work I'm doing should pay in a few years. I wonder how they are still together if she's complaining so much about him.

 

Talking about difficult girlfriends - my brother's gf asked me to give her smth a dn i refused. I was surprised to see that she's not used to hear NO. She kept insisting. 

 

 

Overall I'm doing well but I'm not feeling well.